Original subtitles

Okay, team, talk to me. Where are we at with the wedding this weekend? Oh, well,

I am feeling really good about it. I mean, Howard's in his mid -70s. Maggie's

got to be up there, too.

Two arena co -workers finding love.

Thank you, Roman. Thank you for checking in emotionally.

I was more interested in the actual plans here at the arena.

See, Howard is kind of a hero of mine. He never settled down. Legend has it he

was once with Shelley Winters and Yvonne DeCarlos simultaneously.

Not a fantastic image now, but you have to harken back.

Wow, you look tired.

Is that young girlfriend of yours taking it out of you? Does she even know how

old she is? Can she count to 22?

You know, we don't spend the bulk of our time counting.

Are you going to be taking her to the wedding? She'll be adorable dancing on

of your shoes.

Listen, oldie Han, why don't you go back to your office and try to remember what

you wore to the last supper?

I don't think you're allowed to do that. You're eight years older than me. I'm

allowed to do it.

You know, I don't know if I'm going to bring her. Inviting somebody to a

is a little tricky. I don't want to send her the wrong message.

What, that there are old people?

Roman, since you've come back into my life, I've enjoyed our time together so

much. The karaoke nights, the racquetball dates, tug of war.

I don't think any of that was me.

Since the two of you are going to the wedding together, I thought this might

the perfect opportunity for the two of us to get together and shop for dresses.

All right.

My two favorite gals going shopping together.

Don't spend all my money.

I'm kidding.

I have nothing.

Okay, I am ready for this wedding.

Whoa.

What happened?

Oh, I got a spray tan at lunch. Don't worry, it goes on strong, but after a

couple of days, I'll just look like that time I got locked out of my hotel room

in Palm Springs.

I never realized how much you look like my cousin, Tamara.

I am so excited to finally be going to a wedding with a real boyfriend.

Thanks. I'm looking forward to it, too, and I am definitely going to be there.

What? It's just a small hitch, not even a hitch. It's just two rival gangs are

finally sitting down to discuss the turf truce, and they've asked me to mediate,

to bring peace to the community.

Well, that blows. I promise you I will be out of there in plenty of time. Baby,

I know that's important.

Everything you do is important.

But you missed that thing with my parents and I had to go canoeing alone.

really want you to be at this wedding with me. I'll be there.

Whether they're shaking hands or popping caps, I will be there. Thanks, sweetie.

You're a good man.

And then he pulled my hair and said never again. That was my night with Jack

Klugman. So your girlfriend and your mom are hanging out, huh?

Yeah. Pretty great, right?

I don't know. It could be dangerous.

Especially with Crystal. You've got to set boundaries. You don't want her

telling Heather all the embarrassing stuff she knows about you.

So, you guys were gone for a while.

Can't imagine what you had to talk about.

You didn't talk about me, did you?

No. girl stuff.

Okay, great.

I'm going to get back to my desk.

You should kiss her, though.

What? She did mention that you two had yet to kiss.

She did?

In my day, if I'd been seeing a boy as long as you've been seeing Heather, we

would have already done all sorts of unspeakable things to each other.

I can't believe what you told my mom.

I love that rap song you wrote about me.

You told her about Yo Heather? I don't know why you don't want the whole world

to hear it.

I'm mad because you told her I haven't kissed you yet.

It's no big deal.

If you're not ready... Why would you tell her that?

I didn't know what to say. She kept grilling me. You know how she is. She's

mom. I don't like that I can't trust you to keep our private stuff private.

Well, you know what I don't like?

I don't like that you're talking to me this way. Yeah, well, maybe I'll stop

talking to you right now.

Fine. If that's the way you're going to be about it, maybe we should go to the

wedding together.

I'm talking again. Maybe we shouldn't. Now, silence.

Hey, have you seen Brooke? She was supposed to come by. Oh, is she missing?

Is there an Amber Alert?

You know, it's hard to take you seriously when you look like the only

Muppet. What are you doing, Ben?

I thought at this stage in your life you'd want more. Don't you think it

be nice to have someone a little more appropriate who shares your common

interests, who knows Michael Keaton was Batman?

I'm Batman. No, you're not. Yes, I am. I'm Batman.

Oh, look. My hot young girlfriend is here.

I'll see you later, Weezy.

Hey. Got you a present. Oh, it's not stickers again, is it?

It must be ironic.

Here, try these on.

They're so cool.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

I don't look like Elton John, do I?

I don't know who that is.

Is he related to Wyclef John?

I don't know who that is.

Let's go to tax again. Okay. Okay.

Mr.

Sunshine Day.

Howard, I want you to meet Brooke.

Nice to meet you, Brooke. Nice to meet you, sir.

Did you two go to college together?

Oh, that's funny, darling.

Why don't we go see if the bartender has any coloring books for you, and I'll be

with you in a minute. Okay, Ben. Try not to die before I get back.

Okay.

Howard, let me ask you a question. You were a bachelor for a long time.

Yeah. Yeah, I told you about Shelly Winters and Yvonne DiCarlo, right? Yes,

did, and I hearken back.

Well, you have to hearken back. Yeah.

Do you ever regret all the casual relationships you had in your life?

No.

No, it was just a great ride.

But then finally I met somebody that I wanted to be with.

I don't sweat it, man.

Even with guys like us, when it happens, it happens.

Yeah, what am I worried about? Look at you two guys.

Congratulations.

Well, you just look beautiful.

Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself.

Where's Alonzo? Oh, he'll be here. He just has to dot the I's and cross the

on a gang truth.

Where's your date? Did she have a tap recital? I will admit, you got in my

a little bit about Brooke.

But something Howard said about marriage really gave me hope.

Oh, and what was that? That I still have another 30 or 40 years left of making

love to strangers.

So handsome.

And so dumb.

Hey, you guys did come together.

Well, I heard Roman walked a date, and rather than let him be humiliated by

going alone, I thought he could take his mommy.

That's sweet.

And creepy and not sweet.

I think we make a lovely couple.

And I'm not sad.

That's the spirit, buddy boy.

Hello, workmate.

Hello, Heather and guy I think I saw on the news last night. This is my date,

Ray. We met at a gas station.

He doesn't work there. He just asked me if I could buy him some food.

Hydration is the key, man.

The key.

You all have a really nice house.

Oh, this isn't, uh... Thank you, Ray.

Ray and I are just casual.

Nothing serious.

Neither is this.

No, no, no.

We got a situation.

Bride's not coming out. What?

Why? What are you talking about?

Man, you ask a lot of questions.

What's the problem?

And now he's angry.

Maggie's got cold feet.

Maggie, what is it? What's going on?

Man, I do ask a lot of questions. I'm not going to marry Howard.

What? Why?

Howard's a great guy.

He is a great guy.

But he's a playboy at heart. I don't think people change.

Listen, I know a lot about guys like Howard.

And I think he changed because he met you.

Yeah?

I don't think so. Listen, Maggie, I've worked with Howard for ten years. I've

never seen him this happy.

Why would he give that up? If he did, he'd just be lost again.

Trust me, I've seen the way he looks at you. He's totally and completely in

love.

That's the look we all want.

Maggie, you didn't fall asleep in there, did you? This is good stuff.

The bathroom door is right.

I'm going out there.

Oh, hi.

Did you mean all that?

Yeah, I guess I did, yeah.

Yeah, I think we need to stop seeing each other.

What? I don't want any of that.

That's like something my dad would say to my mom.

And I mean sex more than twice a day.

I mean, my God, what is the matter with you?

Where's your fellow?

Oh, he'll be here. He's negotiating a gang truce. But he knows that if he

doesn't get here, he's going to disappoint me. And he puts me first. He

first. He's also very, very handsome and looks great in a suit. You'll see us

out there dancing. Just wait.

Dear, these people only have so much time left. Think of how much of it you

used up.

I don't know what she sees in him.

Me either.

We need to show her what she's missing. Let's get out there and show them a

little something about two bodies moving together as one. Come on.

Oh,

this is him. This is him. It's my boyfriend. He's calling me on my

telephone.

Are you on your way? Alice, don't get mad.

Oh, please don't say it. I don't want to hear it. I just can't leave right now.

We're making so much progress. Alonzo, you know how much it means to me to have

you at this wedding. I know, but I can't leave now. I have to do this. You

choose to do this. Baby, come on. I know what you do is more important than

this.

I just don't think I can be in a relationship where I will always come

I'm sorry, honey.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm used to this.

Hey, you know what?

Why don't I be your date?

What? What happened to Brooke?

Oddly enough, she had to mediate a gang truce as well. Isn't that weird?

Come on, I owe you.

In all the time we were sleeping together, I never once took you to

Come on, it'll be fun.

Okay. Okay.

He finally showed up.

I think she oversold him.

How long have you two been together?

Well, actually... Twelve years.

Right, honey?

Oh, yes.

Sometimes I get confused because he stalked me for five. But one day I just

tired of running and now we have six kids.

And one more on the way. She's pregnant, I'm sure you can tell. Not up here, but

down there.

Oh, don't worry about this. Our babies can take a punch.

Where did you two meet?

Oh, astronaut school.

Zero gravity, very difficult to make love.

No, no.

No, I came in for an interview here at the Sunshine Center.

Yeah, and I was really nervous because she was so pretty.

She was wearing a blue dress.

It was a blue dress.

Yeah. And I made a dumb joke.

No, he was funny. And then she smiled, and I liked it so much, I knew I was

going to spend a lot of my time trying to get her to do it again.

Well, you seem very happy together.

You okay, buddy?

You know, I don't think you're going about this the right way. Are you sure

Heather is the person you should be mad at?

No. I don't think it's fair to take it out on Ray.

He's at a party where he doesn't know anyone.

No, Roman.

I'm talking about your mom.

What? Look, I know she's taking an interest in you for the first time in a

time, but you can't allow her to get between you and Heather.

I mean, the song's not Yo, Heather and My Mom.

You know, I was going to kiss Heather for the first time tonight at midnight.

But it doesn't matter.

She hates me, and I wouldn't know how to do that even if I could.

Look, I know Crystal better than anyone. You have to give her clear messages.

You have to tell her that your relationship with Heather is none of her

business. And then tell Heather how you feel. And if she feels the same way, go

for it.

Damn it, you're right.

It's time I step it up.

Oh, that burned all the way down.

Roman, where have you been? You missed the chicken dance. I was out there

feeling like a fool.

It's you I should have gotten upset with, not Heather. Me?

What did I do?

You said you wanted to get to know me, but what you were really doing was

butting into my relationship.

Oh, my God, you're drunk.

Are you on drugs, too?

Tell Mama if you're holding.

I'm just... Mom, I really like Heather a lot.

And I don't think I'm ready for you to be a part of that yet.

I understand.

You do?

I do.

I myself have a mother. You know her. She's your grandmother.

As you might recall, she's awful.

And I certainly don't want you to feel the same way about me.

So I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds.

Thanks, Mom.

Look at you.

It's nice to see you come into your manhood. You're standing up for

You're drinking.

May I cut in?

Why don't you just join us? Get in here.

Ray, can we have a second to talk?

Fine.

I'm going to look at the rest of this house.

Heather, I am so sorry.

I like you so much, and I shouldn't have let my mom get in between us.

Oh, Roman.

Dance with me?

Yeah.

Hey,

potato man.

You intrigued me.

I'm with you now.

Let's go.

Not so fast.

Okay, now.

Let's dance.

Okay.

But I should warn you, I'm really good at this. This is kind of my thing. Yeah,

I know, I know.

Alice? You make me so mad.

What? Don't feel bad. Not everybody can dance like an angel.

I just want to punch you in the face sometimes.

Are we still talking about dancing? Why didn't you fight for me?

What? Never mind.

Six months ago when I told you I was choosing Alonzo over you, you just let

go. You said you wanted Alonzo. You said I wasn't ready. You weren't, but I

heard what you said to Maggie about wanting the look and then never wanting

give that up once you got it. You heard that?

Is there anybody at this wedding who didn't hear that conversation?

Do you have anything you want to say to me right now?

You are such a moron.

Hey, where's Ben?

Where's my best man?

Ah, there he is.

Let's all put our hands together for Ben, huh?

Ah, that's enough.

Still my night.

But I do want to thank Ben for making this night so special.

But mostly...

I want to thank my beautiful bride, Maggie, for marrying me.

Maggie, I have only one regret, and that is that I wasn't brave enough to ask

you to marry me the day we met two years ago.

But what did I know? I was just a stupid kid.

Hey, let's all get drunk!

I did it.

I'm back with Heather.

Two more hours and I'm still going to smooch her tiny little thing.

Sorry, that is the white Russians talking.

Oh, that's great.

You okay?

I think Alice is interested in me again. I think she wants me to fight for her.

But, you know, she's with Alonzo now and she was fairly hammered, so... What do

I do, buddy? What do I do?

Thank you.

Thank you for asking me for advice.

Okay. What do I do?

Well, you told me that I should just tell her how I feel and go for it.

So you should do that, too. Ah, so corny.

Okay. You know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Thanks, buddy.

I'm not going to hug you.

Excuse me. Life -changing event here.

Excuse me.

About to face my biggest fear.

Willing to do it. Excuse me.

Excuse me. You guys can't hear me.

Nothing scary about the aging process.

You're here.

I'm here, and I'm always going to be here, and I'm sorry I put you second,

it's never going to happen again.

Alonzo. Alice, I'm going to go to my office, I'm going to put on my suit, and

I'm going to start proving to you that you come first for the rest of our

Alonzo, you are such a good man.

Even if I see a kid fall in a well on my way, that kid is just going to have to

get used to being in that well.

Alonzo.

I want to be with you.

Oh, Ben.

Oh, Alice.

Oh, Alonzo.

Oh, Alonzo.

Oh, Alonzo.

Well, it's practically midnight.

So romantic.

Yeah.

I kind of wish that wasn't happening.