Original subtitles

Archie? Archie?

Archie! Archie, what the hell are you doing?

I'm fine.

Light bruising, that's all.

You could have broken your neck.

Why are you doing this?

It's a challenge, that's all.

Yeah, well, stick to something sensible, like... Well, like golf.

Look, Willie's been after you for... Oh, please.

I'm not ready to join the plus -four brigade just yet, thank you very much.

What's he... What has got into you?

The last few weeks have been true in the furniture.

Glimbo goes in the black, the estate's running smoothly.

That's just it, isn't it? When the place was falling apart, my job was to keep

it together. But now that's done, well, I don't know, I just want to get my

teeth into something.

Look, your job is to look after your home and your people and your

beautiful wife.

No more suicidal thoughts, OK?

Not that dangerous, honestly.

Oh, but it is.

Because if I catch you up here again, I'll kill you.

Hi, Aunty Liz.

You're late.

You can take all this down to the dump, if the dump will have it.

Whose is it?

It belonged to your great -uncle Angus.

He doesn't need it where he's gone.

What do you mean?

I'm the last of the Mackays. There's probably a few in prison somewhere.

I want you to strip the walls, put on two coats of magnolia, paint the ceiling

white, and white -gloss the woodwork.

What about the hideous build carpet?

Is that to go?

No, that was Mother's.

I've turned off the electricity. You'll not be needing it. I can't have you

watching the television instead of working.

I'm no slacker.

I'm head ranger of Glenbogle.

Oh, Duncan.

Head ranger. I suppose it impresses the girls.

It's a very responsible position, as it happens.

Duncan, you're a gopher.

Descended from a long and ancient line of gophers.

No Mackay ever made anything of himself.

Why'd you marry my uncle, then?

He had this big motorbike.

Oh, there's my taxi.

Here.

Four weeks' cruise in the Med.

For it's a sea and sand and lots of other things starting with H.

Yes. Sunburn, you're so young.

Sharks.

I thought you said you found an old wreck at her auction. I did. Twenty

pounds.

It was lurking under three layers of green paint.

Well, no, expert, but I'd say this is a distinct improvement. It needs some

specialist work, so I thought I'd take it into that new antique dealer in the

village, you know, William... Cox?

Knox.

But I can still make a profit when I sell it on.

Well, I've had enough of wandering around the garden, picking flowers, and

you've been telling me for months that I could do it if I tried.

So if it all goes pear -shaped, I can blame you.

I don't think I have anything to worry about. Go for it, Molly. You'll do

brilliantly.

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in the grooves worn by your family?

No. I haven't much of a family.

I've picked up Kirwilli's gauntlet.

Do you want me to take it back to him?

No. No, I'm playing him a golf.

I wondered if you'd like to carry it for me.

Archie, am I the head ranger of Glenbogle, or am I the gopher

of Glenbogle?

If you're busy, I can ask Ollie.

Good.

So horrendously gothic.

Even the turrets have turrets.

All the homely charm of a lunatic asylum.

Well, that's no coincidence.

Oh, hello.

Archie, you've finally joined the Brotherhood of the Dimple Ball.

I don't have to dress like that, do I?

Well, not if you don't have the briot carry it all.

Oh, I'm sorry. You remember my darling sister, Dorothy? She's not from the big

smoke for a flying visit.

You have a remarkable home.

Oh, do you like it?

I think I could use a few more turrets myself.

I was just wondering, do you think Lexi could look after little sis while I

hammer you on the fairway? Yes, of course. In fact, she's hosting a coffee

morning for the ladies of the Glen.

You don't by any chance have a swimsuit, do you?

Swimsuit?

Lex, this is Dorothy, Kewilly's sister.

Morning, Dorothy.

Get your cat off.

I trust you maintain the finest traditions of McDonald, Archie.

Your father spent so much time in the bunker, I bought him a bucket and spade.

And is psyching out your opponent a Kill Willy tradition?

Mere gamesmanship, dear boy.

Enjoy your advantage while it lasts, Kill Willy.

Now that Glimbogo is solvent, I'll have all day to practice my swing.

It's a good thing the days were so long up here, wasn't it?

Are you sure you won't come in, Dorothy?

The water's lovely.

Thank you, but the hot tub?

It's so long season.

Not for going bogle.

Just had the indoor plumbing.

It's a minute for getting all foggy.

See if Dorothy can help. Did you take a shot of hand, Dorothy?

No. I'll try to keep up with the conversation.

The next item is the post office closet.

What, Glenbogle post office?

Mrs Nairn says she's leaving in six weeks.

No one to replace her.

Where are people going to collect their pensions from?

No child benefit?

Isn't there a post office at Cairn Locker?

Yeah, well, that's 23 miles away.

But it costs money.

Maybe we should encourage people to use it more.

We can maybe see about getting an internet link set up.

Encouraging them to download pornography is hardly going to help matters.

Dorothy! This is serious.

I prefer Lady Dorothy, actually.

Mrs MacDonald regretted post office closure.

Any other business?

I thought you'd restored the family fortunes.

I was wondering if you might fancy a modest investment.

I've had rather a good idea for a Scottish restaurant.

No offence, Kilwillie, but aren't there already rather a lot of them?

Not here, you chump, in New York.

Restaurant capital of the world, yet sadly bereft of the joys of haggis.

Leaps, wild salmon, and haunch of Highland venison, such as those supplied

Kilwillie's Highland Harvest.

Yeah, you're right, it's a splendid idea.

Except for the bit about me investing in it.

Oh, pity.

Well, but let me pick your brains a bit. We'll need a chap to run the place.

Someone young, energetic, fond of good old -fashioned hard work.

Everything you're not, you mean.

Oh, you put me off my shot.

We're gamesmanship, dear boy.

Ah, so.

Can you think of a talented young restaurateur who fancies a bite of the

Apple?

I went to New York once.

I was 22.

Didn't sleep for three whole days.

Noisy, was it? Oh, the energy of the place, the buzz of it.

Even if the restaurant flopped, I'd still be there. I envied them.

Who? Whoever killed Willie Hyatt.

Taking on the toughest Cleontown in the world.

Running a restaurant is not just about the food, Golly. It's an experience, an

entire philosophy.

Sure it is.

You wouldn't need to be there indefinitely, just long enough to get

and running.

Cleon Vogel will still be here when you get back, won't you?

What?

Oh, don't be absurd. I can't go to New York.

You're halfway across the Atlantic already, son.

Yes.

That's an excellent piece.

I could give you a good price for it.

Oh, well, I really wanted it repaired. You see, there's some veneer lifted and

two handles missing.

Well, yes, we can do that for you. About £200.

Oh, marvellous. Right, fine.

Now, if you'll just sign for the work.

Oh.

Can I ask where you got it? Have you left it in a shop? Oh, right.

At an auction in Knockmore.

I'm thinking of selling it on.

Really?

Don't worry, Mr Knox, I hardly count as competition.

Right, OK, well, that's fine, Mrs MacDonald.

I'll give you four minutes ready.

Wonderful.

Thank you. Goodbye. Bye -bye.

Hi, is that the Cairn Locken nursing home?

Yeah, you've sent us a bill for Angus Mackay, my great -uncle?

Yeah, the thing is, he's no longer with us.

Do you mean he's with you?

Oh.

Oh.

No.

No, it's okay, I'll get on to it.

Yeah, bye.

Lexi, I've just closed up. Did you need some? Yeah, yeah.

Actually, no.

No, I don't need anything. Sorry.

No need to apologise, dear. It's just that I heard that business was a bit

Business? Oh, business is fine.

We've had to bring in a single queuing system.

There were some very unseemly scenes.

But you're still leaving.

We have to.

We've been given six weeks to move out of our cottage.

I thought that you lived here above the shop. Oh, no.

It's the size of a shoebox up there. Terribly damp.

And you don't want to see the toilet, believe me.

So, who's your landlord? Is it someone down south? We live up on Drumnagaelish.

That's Kilwillie's estate.

Indeed it is.

It's Lord Kilwillie who wants us out.

Glasgow's finest export pension.

Tea pension.

Why are you evicting the Nairns?

The who?

Mrs Nairn, the postmistress in Glenbogle.

I suppose you send your butler to collect your pension.

I am the faintest, I tell you.

Who? I thought we had guests.

Well, next time, how about the Nairns?

Oh, yes.

A couple that live up at Drimnard on the Gaelic.

Bless you.

Is this your idea?

Well, really, it's a hovel.

It'd be much better off somewhere else. They've lived there for 50 years.

Yes, but it faces north -east.

Terrible feng shui.

They get to have real health problems.

They're going to have real health problems when they're sleeping in the

This has nothing to do with those friends of yours, has it? The ones who

desperate for a highland retreat.

Of course it doesn't, Sharon.

Hold on.

You have given one of your friends someone else's home.

I'm sure we can come to some arrangement.

Perhaps we could find them another place to live.

If they're going to cause this much trouble, perhaps we shouldn't bother.

You can't do this to Willie.

We're perfectly within our rights. No, you're not.

And you won't get away with this.

Sharon, believe you me.

A little strident, isn't she?

For Laird's wife.

Probably doesn't get much attention at home.

Ah, Lex.

I have a proposition for you. Does it involve a hot bath and a massage?

Yeah, no, no.

Why not?

Well, you know they have Turkish baths in New York.

Yeah, well, they have Turkish baths in Turkey. What are you on about?

Kilwilly is opening a restaurant in New York. He needs a manager.

Oh, come on, Lex. I know it's insane, but the more I think about it, the more

excited I get. It is a fantastic challenge.

Come on. What's wrong with the challenges we've got here?

What, like working on my handicap?

And who's going to run the place? Duncan?

Well, it won't be that hard to find someone. And if a real problem comes up,

they can just call us.

Oh, right, OK, so a problem like, um, Kawili's sister wants to have her

now. Yeah, exactly.

What, the old woman who runs the post office?

Oh, she can't be serious.

Well, we need to stop her, Archie. Well, we can't actually stop her. They're not

our tenants.

Right, so it's not our problem, then.

Well, no, I don't mean that, but if they don't want to move out, they should go

to court or something.

Archie, they can't afford to go to court.

Listen, I've got dreams too, you know.

I want Glenbogle to be a place that looks after its people.

The village will suffer if the post office closes.

You just won't intervene because you want this job from Kowali. I won't

intervene because I can't. You are the laird. Yeah, but it's not the 17th

century. I can't send out gallo -glasses to burn Kowali's range rover up,

slaughter his ground staff.

No, you'd just rather run off abroad, Bonnie Prince Archie.

Maybe this isn't a good time to discuss it.

There will never be a good time to discuss it.

the left of it.

Uncle Angus.

Look pretty straightforward.

Duncan? Hi.

You're not Duncan.

No, I'm... I'm your grand -nephew, Michael Duncan.

I used to see you when I visited Auntie Liz. I must have been... What do you

want?

I've come to see you.

You're that stuck for entertainment?

What?

Sorry, nobody told me.

I mean, I thought you were... Dead.

That's what I told Liz to say.

They weren't soppy relatives bringing me grapes.

I hate grapes.

You've still got a lot of stuff at Liz's. Throw it away.

It's just rubbish.

Nobody gives a damn.

I do.

I won't play with your yo -yo. I want to sleep.

I came a long way to see you.

Oh, the sooner you leave, the sooner you'll be home.

This way, Mrs MacDonald.

It was quite the undertaking, but we managed it.

Yes, the veneer splintered when we tried to glue it down. It's quite inferior

wood. But this smells like model aircraft glue.

Yes, usually that's quite effective.

Are these handles reproduction?

No, no, no.

Yes, they are. You can see the line of the mouldings.

Oh, well, antique handles aren't easy to find.

Well, I might just as... Thank you for your efforts, Mr Knox.

Here, um, there was rather more work to it than I thought.

£500.

But that's almost the value of the piece.

Yes, well, I'm afraid I can't let it go to the invoice's settle. You did sign

the form.

Do you need your glasses? Glasses? I need an electron microscope for this.

Mr. Knox, I can't possibly afford to pay this much.

Well, I'm afraid I'll have to dispose of the piece to cover my costs.

This work is quite simply shoddy.

Well, I was going to let you have it for 450, but you're going to take that

attitude.

The slimy, devious, swindling little creep.

The mess he's made of my table.

Modelling glue.

I've felt bad things about nooks.

Hopeless. Why I thought I could survive in this business, I don't know.

Molly, it's hardly your fault.

You mustn't let yourself be discouraged by one bad experience.

You'll get your table back.

Oh, forget it, golly.

I've only lost 25 pounds in a week's work.

I'm going to wander around the garden and pick flowers.

I'd hate to see herself confident to take such a bash.

I think you and me should pay Knox so he wears it.

Well, I think in this case, physical confrontation could prove

counterproductive. If he wants to keep that piece, he's going to have to pay

it. Oh, absolutely.

But there's more than one way of extracting payment from a chap like

How's the antique business going?

Well, it seems it's not a business after all, only a hobby.

Well, this flower bed's big enough for the both of us.

Where's Archie? Oh, he's all learning to speak American.

He wants to open a restaurant in New York.

See if you can talk some sense into more.

But that is marvellous.

It's not.

It's not marvellous.

You look so big and anonymous and far away and scary.

I couldn't leave you here.

Oh, Lexi.

I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, though I might not give that

impression.

Doesn't the lute have some sort of duty or something?

Duty? Hutch has done his duty.

Dear Hector stood there like King Canute demanding that the tide turn back.

But Hutch has worked his socks off and he saved Glenn Bogle.

If he wants to try his hand at something new, I'm not going to stand in his way.

All right, Dad.

Tell me, what do you think of this caliph game for a restaurant?

That's a bit cold.

I'd go for red and yellow.

Red and yellow?

Sounds like a good restaurant, doesn't it?

McDonald's use it.

They're huge.

Never mind.

Here.

Ever seen one of these before?

It's a George Cross. Where did you get this?

Blogged to my great -uncle.

He told me to throw it away.

I wouldn't do that if I were you. One of these went up for auction a month ago.

Fetched 12 grand.

12 grand?

You can sell it privately.

Do you think they should sell it?

It's entirely up to you, Don.

Turns out it's worth more to you.

An old medal or 12 grand?

Believe me, you don't want to burn yourself with a lot of antique coot. Of

course, you've always dreamed of being a museum curator.

You start owning all this heritage, it ends up owning you.

That's a nice piece of wood.

750 pounds.

I'm not buying.

I'm selling.

Hmm.

Mid -Victorian.

Quite pretty, I suppose.

What's its provenance?

What? Where's it from?

It was a present.

From my mother.

Hmm.

Yes, Hughes.

It's not very well known.

Could you leave it with me?

Sorry, forget it.

No, no, just so I can research it, I'd hate to offer you too little.

Mr...? McClintock.

Aloysius McClintock.

Let me look into it this evening. I'll give you a figure tomorrow.

OK.

This has great sentimental value, if anything were to happen to it.

I think it's very sentimental indeed.

Come on, Andy. You always wanted to run your own kitchen.

Yeah, I need to scout a chef. You've got your green card.

OK, think about it.

All right, speak to you soon.

Bye.

Are you taking reservations yet?

I'm just exploring the options.

Look, it might all come to nothing. That's why I've not mentioned it.

Archie, I'm not your problem.

Oh, she's being so stubborn.

As soon as I asked her, she just dismissed it out of hand.

Did you ask her or did you tell her?

Well, I might have been a little overenthusiastic.

Lex is scared.

Glenbogle is the nearest thing she has ever had to a home.

And she's done almost as much as you have to save it.

Perhaps you should go without her.

What? I'd never do that.

Archie, I know that.

But maybe you ought to tell her.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

Can I help

at all?

I was passing through.

Do you have any original pieces? They all repro.

What's this?

Lovely George and Lil' Boy, just in.

Yes, any paintings, etchings, watercolours?

What you see.

What about that?

Can I have a look at that?

There we

go.

Oh, dear.

Pretty frame.

Fifty pounds?

For the frame?

The whole thing.

You realise this is an ER Hughes?

Yes, so it is.

Well, you can't blame a chap for trying.

A thousand pounds?

I can't let it go for less than ten.

Dear, oh, dear. And I thought this was a cultural backwater.

9 ,000.

You can have a check now or I can give you cash tomorrow.

Yeah, cash will do nicely.

But it's some question of its provenance. Oh, I don't want to know

from, Mr... Knox.

My name's Jenkins.

Jenkins.

Well, if you'll keep it under the counter for me, I'll return tomorrow

Excellent, I'll do that.

Thanks very much.

See you then.

Do you know, I didn't think I had any family.

I just think Cousin they'd meet one day and swap stories with.

Turns out I've got you.

What stories could you tell?

You're barely out of short trousers.

You know when you woke up and you called me Duncan?

Was it him you meant?

His name Duncan?

That's your grandfather.

The man you were named for.

My wee brother.

And that's you beside him.

You won us in the war, didn't you?

Duncan and I trained in bomb disposal.

It was my idea.

He used to love making fireworks.

We never surfed together.

He said it wouldn't be a good idea.

The Germans bombed his barracks.

He carried three men out of the fire and went back for the colours.

Then the loud one went off.

He died for a flag.

It's not just a flag.

It's what it represents.

He gave me his medal.

Portionously.

You're his grandson.

It belongs to you.

What am I meant to do with it?

It's not the same to me.

Flog it.

Buy something useful.

You don't have such a thing as chewing them about your person.

They never let me have any in here.

Oh, yeah?

But is it a good idea?

It just gives you the bloody George Cross.

It's no much a thwop, is it?

How long would we be away for?

It'd take time to build up a clientele.

How much time?

Six months?

More like two years.

I'm not going without you.

Would you believe a grown man could spend so much time drying flowers?

Do you take sugar?

No, no, thanks.

I didn't mean you to go to all this trouble.

No trouble at all. I've organised a biscuit.

No, really, I... OK, just the one.

I've organised a petition in the village and I've got people writing to Kowali.

I don't want people getting into bother on our account. Oh, they won't.

Look, you have got right.

You can't just go evicting people on a whim.

But Lord Kilwillie's letter said... Don't take his word for it.

Talk to a lawyer.

Lawyers are so dear.

No, no, no, not if you win your case. And you will.

Look, I'll find you someone. Thanks, Lexie.

I'm sorry about the post office. I know it's not fair, but we're too old for all

this fuss and fighting.

Do you need more milk?

A thousand pounds.

Cash? All right.

Okay, I'll take it.

In fact, a collector came in yesterday.

He was very keen.

Aye.

That's lucky, right enough.

It is, isn't it?

An amazing coincidence, if you ask me.

Go on.

This young man a friend of yours, Mr McClintock?

McClintock? What's going on?

painting? From a mutual acquaintance, okay? Did that come from Claybrook?

us.

He just nicked it.

How could you do that?

I know he's got loads of pictures, but it doesn't mean he can just help

yourself. Hello, Andrew. Duncan, Knox is a rip -off merchant, okay?

That is rich coming from you.

He swindled Molly out of an antique dresser. We are here to wreak revenge.

By selling him an old painting.

It's not an old painting, Duncan. It's a very new painting.

Oh, no.

It doesn't matter, son. He was on to us anyway.

Well, all may not be lost quite yet. You may even have done us a favour.

You said what? I told the Nairns we'd find them a cottage on the estate.

But there isn't a cottage on the estate, unless you want me to evict somebody

else. They're our neighbours.

You're just making an issue out of this because you don't want to talk about New

York. And you're trying to avoid the issue because you've already decided

going to New York.

Look, Lex, I know you're scared.

I said I was scared.

Oh, right, OK, we'll just take her side then.

Lexi, I... She didn't take my side. She just said that I couldn't leave without

asking your permission.

I didn't say that. Molly, if you want the place to yourself, just say the

Lexi, will you just tell me what it is that I'm doing with my life? You just

shut up.

What you two really need is a good spanking. But since you're too big for

I suggest you discuss it as man and wife and leave me out of it.

Ah,

Mr McClintock.

Where's your young friend?

Ah, he thought I was somebody else.

But I disabused him of that notion.

I don't believe you got this painting from your mother.

Oh, she was somebody's mother, just not mine.

Won't you miss it?

I've had it for over a year. She hasn't missed it yet. Look, it's worth 10 ,000.

I'll take one.

500.

500.

500.

I'll take the sideboard.

Plus 100 cash for my expenses.

Archie! What's the matter?

Well, I was wondering if your wife was with you. Last time I saw her, she was

rather on the warpath.

Yes, I'm sorry about that.

That's partly the reason that I'm here.

Oh?

I've made some telephone calls about the restaurant. I think I might have found

you a chef.

Oh, Archie, you've excelled yourself. I thought you were just looking for a

manager.

Well, the thing is, I rather fancy that post for myself.

For yourself.

Please don't tell me the job's gone. I will look like a total idiot.

Oh, of course it hasn't gone.

Delighted to have you aboard, dear fella. Thank you.

Hey, there is one condition.

It's about the Nairn.

I'm not going to tell you how to run your estate here, Willie, but unless the

Nairns are sorted out, then Lexie won't go. And if Lexie doesn't go, then I

can't go.

I see.

I know it's not my position to tell you this. No, on the contrary.

I'm embarrassed that it took another gentleman to remind me of my

The matter of the Nairns will be settled happily, I promise. Thank you.

And you'll get Lexi to call off the dogs. Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course.

So, you're off to see the world.

Well, New York, anyway.

Oh,

to be young again and fit for the fray.

Oh, come on, you're hardly in your dotage.

Well, I can't go gallivanting off round the globe.

Why not?

Well, for one thing, it's also...

Lauren. Nice to meet you.

Knox Antiques. Mr. Knox?

Simon Jenkins.

Ah, hello.

Have you still got my painting?

Yeah, well, it's not your painting, yeah.

No, no, no, of course not.

I'm just about to collect your money.

I just wanted to ask you one thing about the signature.

You are a Hughes, aren't I?

It's just that I rather think that Hughes would have signed his paintings

oil, don't you?

Magic marker?

Something wrong?

Aye! You two!

You conniving pig!

That's no way to speak to your customers.

Oh, Patrick!

Is anything... Honestly, next

time you hire a cook, try to find one that knows the term cholesterol.

Don't you dare.

And don't call me Sharon.

Took me two days to knock off that painting.

You've done this sort of thing before, haven't you?

I've met characters like Knox before. That's what you mean. No, no.

No, it isn't.

The way you ran this whole thing, you did all the work. And extremely well, if

may say.

What an amateur.

I have a... I have a colourful past involving forged paintings.

I like to think of them as homage.

Is that why you moved up here?

One homage too many.

I moved up here to retire.

Left all that behind.

Do we have to talk about this, Golly?

To anyone?

Look here, old thing.

I can't send the nans away.

That fellow's always been so mellow and good -natured. He's never said a word

out of turn.

You'll be heading home soon, but dash it all, I have to live here.

I can't.

I can't go back.

I can't face Bunty again.

Bunty? He was the love of my life.

I just wanted to make him happy.

But his wife made such a fuss about it.

Bear -shaped little trollop.

Oh, Johnny.

Not again.

I thought at least I could come home.

I thought my own brother would understand.

Poor old thing.

Why didn't you tell me?

None of your damn business.

Of course this is your home. You can stay here as long as you like.

And if you want to make changes, we can discuss them.

Thank you.

How to cheer up as a girl.

You're making that pretty little nose all red.

It's very vulgar to comment on a lady's appearance.

So the lords have set the matter like gentlemen.

Lex, I've done what I can. Well, let's get out of here before anything else

wrong.

I'm glad that being the lair's wife means so much to you. Really, I am.

But I don't expect my tenants to give up their lives for me, and they don't

expect me to give up mine.

Could you give us a hand with Uncle Duff?

What do you do with the medal, then?

I'm giving it to the Glasgow War Museum.

You're giving it to them?

Yeah.

They're going to be making a big display all about my grandad. And you're giving

it to them?

Yeah.

Well, they are paying me 2 ,000 quid for it.

And I've got a fair idea what I'm doing with the money.

Yeah, I know. You could hire somebody to help you lug this upstairs.

It's only three floors.

We're not leaving it here.

Too right we're not. Head to the cellar. There's plenty of room down there.

What?

One, two, three.

From now on, all work's going to be done in -house. I've learnt my lesson.

I think Mr. Knox has too.

What? You don't mean that you... It was purely poetic justice, Molly, I assure

you. Oh, thank you both so much.

It is wonderful to have friends to protect me from crooks and gunmen.

Anyway, don't put it in.

I could do a little wash.

The colours.

My grandad died to save this flat.

What did he do in the war, Great Uncle Angus?

Bone disposal.

So is that what I think it is?

They would have taken all the explosives out, wouldn't they?

Maybe we should check.

Okay,

don't panic.

You get on the phone and call somebody.

Telephone. Not the police, is it?

Hello? Hello, Uncle Angus. It's Duncan.

Now, you know that trunk you had?

No. Do you, dude? The big blue metal one?

No. The one with the flag in?

Oh, that one?

Aye.

Och, no.

Och, yes.

It was only a souvenir.

So it's not dangerous?

Of course not.

I mean, I think it's defused.

He doesn't know if it's defused or not.

Neither does me.

Mr Mackay, how do we tell if it's still live?

Is it ticking?

When

he

says ticking, does he mean ticking like a clock?

Well, it wasn't, but... Hello?

Who is this?

Mr Mackay, this is Archie MacDonald.

We're stuck in the cellar on the Glenbogle with this thing and it is

thought that you said it was defused.

It was supposed to be defused.

Someone's idea of a joke.

Look, I've got to hang up and call the bomb squad.

No!

They take hours to get to Glenbogle.

Well, how much time have we got?

About seven minutes.

Seven minutes?

Look, if you can't get out, you'll have to try and defuse it yourself.

Have you got any tools?

Yes,

but... There's no time for buts.

You can wait for it to go off or you can try to stop it. It's up to you.

Just tell me what to do.

Get a large screwdriver.

Find the detonation cylinder. It'll be at the front.

Okay, tell him I've got it.

Right, he's got it.

Unscrew it. Very, very gently.

Unscrew it. Very gently.

Right, he's done it.

Lift out the detonator.

Don't let it touch the sights.

There should be three wires between the detonator and the bomb.

Cut the, uh...

The red one.

I guess you've got to cut the red wire.

I can't see which one is the red one. There's not enough light.

Whatever you do, don't... What?

Hello, Uncle... Oh, my God! Duncan?

Duncan? Hello!

Hello, Uncle Angus.

You daft wee maggot. You nearly gave me a heart attack.

I said don't cut anything else.

Duncan, pass it to me, will you?

I still can't see which one is the red one. It must have faded with age or

something. Scrape some of the sheathing away.

Don't touch the copper.

Scrape the sheathing away, but don't touch the copper.

Red. This one's red.

OK.

I can't get the pliers. He says he can't get to the pliers.

What? Look.

Stand back.

What for?

This is insane.

I know.

I've got a much better pair of pliers just upstairs.

Tell Archie to put the detonator back in very carefully.

You'll be all right.

As long as there's no secondary timer.

He says we'll be fine, is it? What do you mean secondary timer?

It's ticking again.

You've still got some time.

You just need a mole wrench.

What the hell of a mole wrench?

An adjustable spanner, anything.

Oh, look, we've got a screwdriver and some sticky tape. That's it. Can you

the bomb?

Or freeze it.

What about with the sandbags and stuff around it? What would that do?

Oh, Duncan.

It won't make a blind bit of difference.

I'm sorry.

No.

Don't be sorry.

It's okay.

I wish... I wish I'd spent that two grand.

Hello?

Archie? Mother!

Mother!

What was that?

All right, you get her out of here. I'll get the rest of the house.

There's a bomb!

In the cellar! A bomb?

What sort of a bomb?

The exploding sort, apparently. It was in a trunk with my granddad's blood.

the flight okay let's leave let's

we're leaving now this is your idea of discussion isn't it look i'll talk about

new york how do you remember taking orders and i'll give out it on the way

you're so unbelievably for once would you just shut up and do what you're told

there's a bomb in the cellar a great big second world war german bomb would you

like me to take you down there and show it to you

He said something about a flag.

Oh, no.

What flag?

This is Grandfather's regimental colours.

How long has he got?

Not long.

Duncan!

Sorry about the damage.

I'll pay for it. I'll sell the metal or something. No, no, no, that's your

history.

Archie? It might still be time to flood the cellar. No, Archie, no!

This is our home, Lex. No, look, we can live anywhere.

We can live in New York.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Oh, sorry, my watch is a bit far.

Is that it?

Unbelievable, it's still standing.

Hardly a tire -lighted place.

Take more than one nasty bomb to see off Glenbogle.

Made a hell of a mess.

We're going to need a structural survey to assess the damage.

I have some rooms made ready at once.

Oh, no, it wasn't a hint.

My dear boy, my home is yours.

No, we should be all right.

As long as nobody slams any doors.

It's going to be quite a job overseeing repairs from New York.

I'm sorry, Kewilly, I can't.

Of course you can't, old man.

Never fear, I'll find another manager.

There's only one Laird of Glenbogle.

In fact, since you are staying on to go after your place, I was wondering if

you'd keep an eye on mine.

Dorothy means well, but she can be afflicted with radical ideas, and I

think she'd listen to you.

Well, where are you going to be?

Anywhere and everywhere, Archie.

You've quite inspired me.

The American West, the... Australian outback, the mysterious Orient. The

is my oyster and I'm going to gulp it down while it's still in season.

Well, good for you.

Have you, uh... Have you told Mother that you're going away?

Uh, no.

No, I, um... I thought you might do that for me.

You probably know I've got something of a soft spot for Molly.

Yes, I probably do.

In fact, there was a time when...

Maybe I should step aside for a while.

Hmm, give someone else a chance.

Certainly not!

I was rather hoping that absence might make the heart grow fonder.

Well, I'll miss you, Kilwillie.

I've just done it.

No, I will.

I mean it, aren't you?

Look how well I've given you the flea hold. Thanks to you, Lexie.

I'm just glad you're not moving out.

Not for six months anyway.

Plenty of time to find a new postmistress before we move back to

Canada? That's where I'm from.

William came over in 1950 to see his cousins.

Swept me off my feet.

Oh, he could charm the birds from the trees, that man.

Home is where your heart is, Lexie.

For years now I've wanted to go back.

And now we can, thanks to you.

I'll make some more tea.

That is tobacco you're smoking.

I don't know what came over me, Lex.

I do.

Should have seen it earlier.

You're just a wee boy who created danger.

It wasn't until I thought I might lose this place that I realised how much I'm

part of it.

Not so much you'd never leave.

Thank you.

I'd actually like to stay here.

The home of where your heart is.

Home is also where the towel is.

Did you forget to bring the towel? I think you forgot to bring the towel.

Well, I'm just going to have to make it up for him.

Okay.

You ready?

One.