Original subtitles

Ricky, time to get up.

Oh, come on now, honey. You said you had an appointment at 11, and it's after

10.

It's any day now.

They're going to tell me whenever they're ready.

You know, I've been thinking about shows like Burns and Allen.

George Burns uses his wife on the show. Why don't you?

I'd love to.

You think she would leave George?

Well, I know one thing. You'll never be a success on television.

And what do you mean by that, Braytell?

you have to have a pretty girl in your act to demonstrate the sponsor's

Really? Sure. She eats it or drinks it or waxes the floor with it or cuts

potatoes with it or drives off in it or smokes it.

So? So how would you like to have your sponsor's product demonstrated by a

gorgeous redhead?

I'd love it.

Oh, you would? You know where I can find one? Oh.

want my wife in show business.

Why not?

Oh, Lucy, we've been over this 10 ,000 times.

I want a wife who's just a wife.

Now, all you have to do is clean the house for me, bring me my slippers when

come home at night, cook for me, and be the mama for my children.

You never wear your slippers.

It doesn't matter. I just do the others.

You're missing a good bet.

Huh? I say you're missing a good bet.

Imagination. I'll bet if Ziegfeld or Earl Carroll had seen me, they'd sign me

like that.

As what?

As a beautiful showgirl.

I don't want Lucy to hear. Oh, oh. Well, the network big shots are coming down

to the club tonight to audition your show for TV.

How do you know?

Well, read this telegram.

I opened it by mistake.

Well, here's the mail for you.

Dear Mr. Ricardo, we're coming down to the Tropicana to catch your show

Oh, Fred, that's wonderful.

For goodness sakes, don't tell Lucy, will you?

If she knows the audition is tonight, she'll be pestering the life out of me

trying to get into the act.

How am I going to get rid of her for the day?

Well, you could lock her in the bathroom.

If she stays in there as long as Ethel does, she'd never even know the door's

locked.

No, Fred, I can't do that. Let's see what we got in here. What is this?

What is all that stuff?

Oh, it's our wills.

The attorney wants us to sign them.

Wills? Well, that's a happy thought.

Listen, if my show is not a success, then I am going to need them. Well, I

I could help you.

I wish you could figure a way to get rid of Lucy. Hey, I know.

I'll have her take this thing down to the attorney.

His office is way downtown.

Well, that ought to do it. Now, listen.

Can I come and hear the rehearsal tonight? Sure.

Remember now, tonight's the night.

Knock them dead.

No. Oh, Ricky.

Don't you want to know who was at the door?

Who was it? Your agent? Does he know when the TV audition is? What did he

What did he say?

No, he wasn't my agent. He was the mailman. He brought some papers for us

sign, and we've got to take them down to the attorneys.

It's my will.

Well, I'll get your breakfast.

Your will?

Yes. What's the matter, Ricky?

Nothing is the matter. There is two. You're keeping something from me.

business. The lawyer says I should have a will. Then everything is legally taken

care of if anything happens.

I won't discuss it.

Look, honey, you have to know how things are arranged so you know what to do

when I, uh, when I go.

Oh, all right, Ricky.

That's better.

I haven't gone yet.

Don't go, Ricky. Don't go.

Honey, I'm perfectly well. I feel fine.

But let's face it, we all have to go sometime.

We do?

We do unless you know something the rest of us don't.

No, I don't.

I'll get your breakfast.

All right, honey.

He brought your wheel along.

It's the lawyers.

We got to get him signed, and you got to take him down to the attorneys today.

Impossible. I have an appointment to have my hair dyed.

Washed.

They got to go today. Now, come on. Oh, Ricky, the attorney's way downtown.

It'll take me all day.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, can't they wait?

Absolutely not.

Well, why not?

Well,

well, suppose you didn't take him down till tomorrow.

Yes. And we both got killed today.

Yes. How could you take him down tomorrow?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Ole, ole, ole, ole.

Ole, ole, ole, ole.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. All right, all right, fellas.

That's pretty bad, you know. If you're going to sing, don't go ah, ah, ah, ah.

Let's go ah, ah, ah, ah.

Let's put some pep into this thing. What's the use of having a rehearsal if

we're not going to do it right?

All right, give me the clown music. All

right,

wait, wait, wait a minute.

Listen, aren't you going to do the cello bit first? No, I'm going to do the

handstand on the handlebars.

Oh, okay.

Clown music.

The great club.

Oh, my goodness. Sit down here.

Are you all right?

I don't know.

You ought to lie down for a little while.

I'd better go home. Yeah, I'll go with him. Where do you live? Staten Island.

Look, you don't have to take him all the way home.

Whether you take him home or your apartment, Fred, there's nobody there.

right, come on, Bob. All right, come on. I'd better get the bicycle. I want to

see if it's all right. Never mind the bicycle. I'll mind that. You take care

yourself.

Don't worry about tonight. I'll be okay.

All right. Give me seventh in the book. Let's try it, huh?

Everyone in the downbeat. Here we go.

and Ricky said I could come over here and lie down for a while. Oh, what

rehearsal?

Are they getting ready for that TV audition?

Sure, the show's tonight.

Tonight? Why, that big bum.

So that's why he sent me on a wild goose chase, just to get rid of me.

Well, are you all right, Buffle? Will you be able to do the show tonight?

Well, I guess I can if the bicycle works.

The brake's locked.

Oh. I'll take a look at it.

Oh, you got it here? Yeah.

How is it? Seems all right.

Well, let's try it, huh?

Here.

Buffalo, are you badly hurt?

Oh, you better tell Ricky to get somebody else.

But who?

I don't care.

Why don't you take my place? Me?

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Sponsors are here. What am I going to do?

They don't look too happy. Are you kidding?

For them, that's hilarious.

I'll just have to wrap up the show. That's all I can do.

Ladies and gentlemen, we thank you very much for being such a wonderful

audience. But we'll have to conclude the show.

Did you see the film named Risky, Risky Dough?

I will confirm that.

I'm looking for a fella named... Who are you looking for?

I'm looking for a fella named Risky Risker Doe. Well, I'm Ricky Ricardo.

Oh, well, pleased to meet you.

Pleased to meet you.

You know where I find Risky Risker Doe?

Look, Clem, we're doing a show here, you know. Oh, I know, I know, yeah.

Well, what do you want? I want to be in a band.

Oh, you're a musician.

I am?

with a band just like that?

Just like that?

What do you think this is?

First of all, I'll have to see your credentials.

Listen,

tell me something, Professor.

Have you had any experience?

How's that?

I say, do you play that thing?

What thing?

Never mind making fun of my English.

That's English.

We'll listen to you. Play something for us.

como lo quiere.

Gracias.

All right.

All right, we go with the professor.

On the downbeat, professor, we'll go with you.

Anytime you're ready, professor, we'll go with you.

It's very cellist.

No.

I'll tell you what, though. We have a brand new instrument.

Oh. And I've been looking for someone who can play it.

Oh. And if you can play it, you got yourself a job. Oh.

Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Oh.

You want to try it?

Well, what is it?

It's the sax of Ivar Tromboponović.

Oh, it's the sax of Ivar Tromboponović.

That's right.

You think you can play it? Oh, sure, sure. Well, wonderful. Bring it out

The professor can play it. We found someone who can play it.

Bring it out here, professor.

We'll take care of the telephone for you.

We'll take care of the professor's telephone. Here's the text of Iberdro on

phone. Here's the text of Iberdro on the phone.

Here's the text of Iberdro on the phone.

Here's the text of Iberdro on the phone.

is give us a tune, and you got yourself a job. Right.

All right? Right. Go to it. Right.

Now, sit right there, Professor. Go ahead. Go ahead. Give us a tune.

Let's say you pulled that out of your pocket.

Well, Ricky, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

I have a surprise for you.

You do?

Yes.

Something that should make you very happy.

Lucy.