Original subtitles

Oh, hey, Sass.

How's it going with Joan?

Awesome.

She had to go back to L.A. for a bit, but we had a great week.

Yeah. Smelled some nice dinners...

Oh, my God, did you two do it or not?

Hey, first of all, I respect women.

That's a big no.

Pinkus is here. He just pulled up.

I'm sorry, who or what is a Pinkus?

He's my old Lehman bro.

The junior associate I heroically gave my pants to

before I died. Hi.

Welcome to Woodstone.

I also gave him my boxers.

Mm. A decision that haunts us to this very day.

You must be Mr. Pinkus.

Oh, please, call me Adam. This is my daughter, Abby.

Hi.

Mazel, Pinkus.

I thought it might've been a young wife,

which also would've earned a mazel,

but daughter's even better.

Dad, you okay?

It's, uh, emotional to be here.

Aw, my boy's verklempt.

That means getting choked up.

25 years ago, a good friend of mine

passed away on this property. Trevor Lefkowitz.

Of course. We had his memorial here a couple years ago.

After they fished his skull out of the lake.

I know. I was away on business,

so I couldn't make it,

but I wanted to come up and pay my respects.

Sam, tell him Tara Reid was at my memorial.

In case you were wondering

if anyone famous was at the memorial...

Smooth.

...Tara Reid was there.

Wow. Tara Reid came?

Who's Tara Reid?

Pinkus, seriously, what kind of parenting is this?

She's an actress. She was in American Pie.

It's a '90s comedy about a group of friends

who try and lose their virginity.

Incredible movie. Sounds dumb.

Eh? Hit a little too close to home? Hmm?

Hmm? Hmm?

What's going on here?

Sam had her phone make a slideshow

of her and Jay's entire relationship.

She's forcing everyone to watch,

and now, it's Jay's turn to pretend he's interested.

Aw, that time you bought me jeans?

Remember, after that, we got chicken.

It's a precious memory.

Ah, and there's the chicken. And another angle of it.

And another.

Edit your photos, Sam.

It's too bad ghosts can't look back

on their relationships like this.

I wish I had a montage of all my time with Donna.

I mean, before I found out she was a murderer.

Oh, right,

your Caribbean girlfriend. I forgot about Donna.

How did it go when you finally ended things with her?

Um, well, we, uh,

haven't actually completed the break-up process.

You're still seeing her?

No, no, I mean, I just-- You know, we never officially

had any kind of talk, but it's been a while now.

I think she gets it.

Oh, Peter, you coward.

You left a guy at the altar.

Yeah. To his face.

Pete, I know that she's a murderer,

but you owe it to her to break up with her in person.

Pete's ghosting his girlfriend, Donna.

The one who offed her husband with a pitchfork.

Oh, come on, Pete. That's bad form, my guy.

I know she gutted her hubs, but she's still a person.

Okay, fine. If Jay thinks I should talk to her in person,

that's what I'll do, because he knows

what he's talking about, and he's my best friend.

And yet, you're the only ghost he hasn't met.

Hey, I was inside of him.

Why are we still seeing pictures of chicken?

And then Trevor

literally gave me the pants off his legs

so I wouldn't have to run back to the city without any.

Hero move for the ages.

What an amazing story that I'm only hearing just now

for the first time. Well, I didn't know it then,

but those pants were about to change my life.

Dad, I don't think they want to hear

our whole entire life story.

No, we would love to hear about it.

Let him tell it, Abby. Yes, respect your elders

and their dead former coworkers.

In the pocket of those pants was a phone number.

That's right. Laurie Goldstein.

We dated for a couple weeks. It went well, but then I died.

Wow, you literally ghosted her.

And then after a few days, when nobody had seen Trevor,

my dad called the number to see if they had information.

And this incredible woman answered.

Her name was Laurie Goldstein.

She looked like Yasmine Bleeth.

Anyway, we got to talking, and one thing led to another and...

They started dating,

and then they got married, and then they had me.

Unbelievable.

The pants just keep on giving.

I can still remember the night we met.

She looked like Yasmine Bleeth.

Who's Yasmine Bleeth?

Seriously? Pinkus, teach this girl.

You're breaking up with me?

It's not you, it's me.

I'm also slightly irked by the fact that you...

...killed your husband Gerald in a grisly pitchfork murder.

Oh, gosh, you heard about that?

There's a whole TV special about you.

They call you the Slaying Mantis,

which, as a pun aficionado, I appreciated,

but as your boyfriend, I did not.

Pete, I swear to you,

I am innocent.

Donna, he was killed with a pitchfork,

and in the documentary, they have a picture of you

posing with that pitchfork.

It was for Halloween.

Gerald and I went as that old farmer couple

from the American Gothic painting.

If you're innocent, why did you run off to the Caribbean?

All the evidence pointed to me.

The police weren't even looking at other suspects.

I didn't know what to do.

And my miles were about to expire,

you know what that's like.

Well, if you didn't do it, who did?

I don't know, I wasn't there.

Wait a minute. I have an idea.

Gerald was murdered at our house.

Maybe he's a ghost.

Or there's another ghost who saw it happen.

You could go and investigate, like Columbo.

That's a great idea.

Donna, I'm gonna clear your name.

Oh, and, uh... just one more thing.

Yeah? No, I was doing Columbo's catchphrase.

That was pretty good.

Now, I got to get out of here

before my wiener starts to disappear.

That's kind of my catchphrase.

And we talk a lot about the pants,

but little known fact, Trevor also gave me his underwear.

Oh. So "your boys

wouldn't rub up against his new suit."

My beautiful words.

This is the part where I dip out.

That's fair.

Good night, sweetie.

Dad, let's go on a hike in the morning.

Sam said there's a really nice creek.

Oh, yeah, it's... Here we go.

...magical.

Buy a thesaurus, woman.

I'll text you directions, Abby.

Sam, ask if the mom ever still talks about me.

Because that's not aggressively weird.

Just steer the conversation in that direction.

So, Adam, uh, what's your wife up to this weekend?

Laurie actually passed away

a couple years ago.

Oh, no. We're sorry, Adam. That's awful.

Quick, Samantha, ask him if his grandmother will be joining us.

Or maybe a childhood pet?

Yeah, it's been really hard.

That's actually one of the reasons

I brought Abby up here this weekend.

Uh... This is gonna sound crazy.

On her deathbed,

Laurie told me something, something that I didn't know,

and which I've been

trying to work up the courage to share with Abby.

I am not Abby's biological father.

Why is he telling us this?

Her real father

was Trevor Lefkowitz.

What?

Oh, my God. No pants?

Is what the guy who is the biological father

was wearing the night he died,

it seems like?

Oh, wow. So, I guess...

my boys can swim.

That's your first reaction? I'm in shock.

Here you go. Pastrami on rye

with Russian dressing.

Thank you so much. No way.

I love pastrami on rye. She must get that from me.

You think there's a pastrami gene

that you passed down to her?

Yes, I do. It's called being Jewish.

Well, let me know if you need anything else.

Wait. Could you...

ask her some questions?

Please, Sam, help me get to know my daughter.

I actually have a sec if you want to do a little

girl talk gab sesh.

Oof, that was a tough start.

Um, sure.

Uh... W-Where did she go to school?

W-Who was her first crush?

Has she seen The Cutting Edge?

All the big questions. So, uh,

where did you go to school?

University of Pennsylvania.

Yes. Penn.

Following in my footsteps.

Nice. What did you study?

I majored in history with a minor in French poetry.

Okay, sounds like she gonna be living with Pinkus for a while.

So... are you dating anyone?

You ask a lot of questions.

It's just, uh, here at Woodstone,

we like to take the time to get to know our guests.

It's sort of what sets us apart.

In a good way?

All right. Who's ready for that hike?

Yes. I'm just gonna get my jacket,

which I got at REI

with a gift card a friend gave me for my birthday.

Just in case you were wondering.

Ooh, she burned you. I like her. Hey, Adam.

Are you gonna have the talk with her about Trevor on this hike?

Yeah, actually, I don't know if I'm gonna do it this weekend.

Come on, Pinkus.

We're just having such a good trip. I, uh...

I'll-I'll tell her another time.

Uh, S-Sam, you got to talk some sense into him.

Of course. I'm sure you know what's best.

Sam, you got to talk to Pinkus.

Convince him to tell her. Abby has a right to know the truth.

I don't think it's my place

to tell Pinkus how to parent his daughter.

Well, she's my daughter, too.

And it would mean the world to me

to be able to see her learn that I'm her dad.

Sam, please.

I missed out on every major life moment. Give me this.

Sorry, Trevor. I can't.

Unbelievable.

So, fair warning, I'm gonna sniff

this pastrami sandwich pretty seriously.

You can watch or you can go.

Hello? Anyone here a ghost?

I'm a ghost.

Whoa,

did you just cross a property line?

Yeah. I'm a non-geographically-bound ghost.

It's very rare and amazing.

But you have a Walkman. That is cool.

It would be if I didn't have to listen

to the same album for all of eternity.

Even Purple Rain gets old after the millionth listen.

"Let's Go Crazy"? It's too late.

Okay. Well, anyways, I'm here investigating a murder

that took place next door in 1982.

Oh... you're talking about Gerald.

Yeah, that was a shame.

You were here?

My girlfriend Donna was blamed for it,

and I'm trying to prove her innocence.

Did you see anything?

Actually, I saw the whole thing from my second-floor window.

I was already a ghost, though,

so I couldn't do anything or call anyone.

But you saw who did it? Th-This is amazing.

Well, I have some bad news for you.

It was Donna.

She stabbed him with a pitchfork, over and over.

It was pretty gruesome.

I think she was shouting something, too. What was it?

It was, uh... Oh, yeah, "Die, cheater, die!"

Anyway, she always seemed great other than that.

How long you guys been dating?

Uh, about a year.

What are you doing?

Since Sam refuses to talk some sense into Pinkus

over there, I'm doing it for her.

What do you mean? I'm texting him from her phone.

"Sam" is gonna tell Pinkus

that Abby deserves to know who her real father is.

Trevor, I don't know about this.

But while you're in there, do you see the Papa John's app?

Send.

Did he get it?

He doesn't seem to be reacting

to an overreaching text from an annoying acquaintance.

It went through. It says "delivered."

Oh, no.

What is it?

I thought I sent it to Adam Pinkus,

but I sent it to Abby Pinkus.

Why did you do that? I don't know.

Their names are so close.

Okay. Quick. Throw in some cinnamon breadsticks

before Sam changes the passcode again.

Hey, guys.

You seem suspiciously clumped.

Trevor texted Abby that he's her real father.

What?

Then he was gonna order cinnamon breadsticks,

which you can complete if you want,

as an apology to the Pinkuses.

Trevor, why?

It was an accident. I meant to text Pinkus.

I'll hit "unsend." Maybe she hasn't read it yet.

There's an unsend? What are we even sweating here?

Oh! You just "haha'd" it?

Oh, why did you "haha" it? I hit the wrong thing.

She's not good under pressure!

What the hell, Sam?

Doesn't seem like Abby thought that was funny,

despite the "haha."

I think you meant to text this to my dad.

I can explain.

But can you? What's going on?

Sam just sent me this text,

which I think was meant for you,

saying that she wants you to tell me

Trevor Lefkowitz is my real dad,

and then she psychotically "haha'd" it.

What is wrong with you?

I told you that in confidence.

Oh. Wait.

It was a mistake.

I'm sorry.

Wait, w--

Is it true?

I didn't want you to find out like this.

I didn't, either.

I just could never find the right time to tell you.

I can't... I can't believe this. No.

Abby, wait.

Wait.

Ah... I mean, I want to go upstairs

and watch that fight,

but then I also want to stay down here

and watch Sam yell at Trevor.

This is a toughie.

Please, honey, open the door.

I just want to make sure you're okay.

I don't want to talk to you right now.

Oh, I really screwed this one up.

What's happening? Did they make up?

No.

Trevor's Folly, as we're calling the errant text,

seems to have broken this family irreparably.

Sam, I'm sorry.

I know I made you look like a total idiot.

Thank you, Trevor.

And fair warning, I changed my passcode.

Is it Jay's birthday? Not even close.

Jay's birthday backwards? Damn it.

The worst part is, I hurt my daughter

and the man who did such an amazing job raising her.

Well, maybe she just needs a reminder of that.

What are you saying?

Remember that super lame photo montage

Sam did of her and Jay?

Ugh, yes, so cloying.

So much poultry.

Okay. I'm saying,

maybe we do one of those montages for Abby and Pinkus.

So she can remember all their great moments.

And there's only one ghost I know who has the power

to physically touch a phone and make that happen.

You talking about Magic Fingers McGee?

No.

That nickname makes one long for the days of T-Money.

It's full circle. This thing started with a hero move

back when I gave him my pants,

and I'm gonna end it with another hero move right now.

Is it a hero move if you're just cleaning up the mess you made?

It's a hero move.

So, this Richard ghost, he said that

Donna did do it? That's what Pete's saying.

I feel like such a fool. I really believed Donna.

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.

Of course you're gonna believe anything she says.

She was way, way out of your league.

Thank you.

Well, I guess that it's good a ghost witnessed the crime.

At least now you know the truth

and you can have some closure.

It's too bad that guy's ghost power

wasn't stopping someone from being murdered with a pitchfork.

I know, right?

I actually didn't catch what his ghost power was.

He did have something cool, though.

Richard died with a Walkman, and it still works.

Jay, something for your ghost notes.

Uh, the ghost that Pete met,

who saw Donna kill her husband, he had a Walkman.

Cool.

Although, one album for all of eternity,

whew, hope it was something solid.

It was a classic. Prince. Purple Rain.

It was Purple Rain. Ooh, good one.

Hold up. What year did you say the murder was?

Uh, 1982.

Purple Rain didn't come out till '84, which means...

Richard wasn't a ghost in 1982.

...Richard wasn't a ghost when Donna's husband was murdered.

He was lying.

Oh, really?

Once again, your collective failure

to recognize something as gasp-worthy

truly boggles the mind.

Hurry up and send it.

It worked.

♪ Another turning point ♪

♪ A fork stuck in the road ♪

♪ Time grabs you by the wrist ♪

♪ Directs you where to go ♪

♪ So make the best of this test... ♪ This is really moving.

That's right. I pulled out the big guns.

Green Day.

♪ It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time ♪

♪ It's something unpredictable... ♪

I wish I could've been there for those moments,

but Pinkus did a really good job.

Ew. Those braces. What are those, military grade?

That was an awkward phase.

Hey. What?

She turned out lovely.

We can laugh about it now.

Hey, Dad.

Can we talk?

Of course.

I've had some time to think about it, and, um,

I understand that you were in a hard position.

It was just really difficult for me to process,

but I love you.

Liar!

Excuse me?

You weren't a ghost when Gerald got murdered.

You couldn't have been. You're listening

to an album that came out in 1984,

two years after the crime occurred.

What? No, I'm pretty sure Prince released Purple Rain in 1980.

No way, Jose. Prince released Dirty Mind in 1980.

I know because my wife attended the tour with my best friend.

They bought matching T-shirts.

That feels fishy.

I see that now.

But what's even fishier is that you lied about Gerald's murder.

Donna wasn't the murderer, was she?

Why did you lie, Richard?

Huh? Why?

Why? No-- Because my wife was the murderer.

She hated Gerald, okay?

He was always parking his car in front of our house.

It drove Linda crazy.

Why? You don't own the curb outside your house.

It's an unwritten rule, Pete.

One night, she got home

after a long day, and there it was,

Gerald's K-car parked right in front

of Linda's begonias. She lost it.

She marched right into his yard and stabbed him in the chest.

With Donna's pitchfork?

No. We planted that on the body.

Everyone always suspects the spouse,

and people had seen Donna with the pitchfork on Halloween.

She was a perfect fall guy.

What was the real murder weapon?

One of Linda's garden tools.

We buried it under the fountain.

I'm sorry I lied.

It's nothing personal against Donna,

but I didn't want my wife to go to prison.

I loved her.

I still do.

The old lady? That's Linda?

She's the murderer.

Hey, Abby.

I just wanted to apologize again.

I was trying to be helpful, but it wasn't my place.

Yeah, it was pretty weird.

But it actually led to a conversation

that I needed to have with my dad.

They made up. It was beautiful.

I'm happy to hear that.

I wish I could find out more about Trevor.

My dad just has that one

pants story.

They didn't really know each other for too long,

and there's not a ton about Trevor online.

Just something about them finding his skull.

But look at that bone structure. You're welcome.

You know, I was at the memorial.

Definitely learned a lot about Trevor,

if there's anything you wanted to know.

I mean, oh, my God, yeah.

S-So much. Um...

What was he into when he was my age?

I loved jam bands,

designer drugs, and my dog Bucky.

He loved jam bands and his dog Bucky.

Bucky.

Okay.

I don't think that this came up, but...

did he want kids?

More than anything. I always wanted a family.

But, like, after I sowed a lot of wild oats.

He always wanted a family.

Ask her, has she ever seen The Cutting Edge?

Uh... What else?

I... remember someone said

his favorite movie was The Cutting Edge. What?

I love that movie. Yes! Oh, my baby girl.

Okay, back to jam bands. Does she like the Disco Biscuits?

I once smoked pot with Brownie, their bassist.

Try to work that in.

NEWSCASTER This cold case heated up

after an anonymous tip from a Hudson Valley local,

and now the octogenarian

murderer-slash-gardening enthusiast

will find herself planted behind bars.

Well, it all worked out.

I cleared my girlfriend's good name,

and a dangerous old woman is off the streets.

Hey, Sam, this whole thing got me thinking.

What if you and I were out there,

visiting crime scenes and trying to solve murders?

Ooh. It's true, Samantha,

you have a traveling ghost investigator at your disposal,

and yet here you are, running a middling B and B.

Eh, I'm kind of a homebody. I like to be cozy.

Cozy?

You could solve all sorts of cold cases,

bringing comfort to thousands.

I mean, how could you be so selfish?

I guess I could do what you're saying.

Although, then I'd have less time to be here making pizzas

for you guys to smell

or authoring your vampire biographies.

You know what? Never mind. Let's just drop the whole thing.

Sam is busy. Mm.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org