Original subtitles

Oh, my God, I can't believe this.

Why was the stripper parachuting in?

It was the "It's Raining Men" package.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Chris.

Extra sad for us young hotties.

Taken in our prime.

Eh, that's how it goes. Life's a footy ball.

You never know what way it's gonna bounce.

Man, I got to say, his physique is great,

but his attitude's even better.

Oh, this is not gonna be good for business.

And poor Chris. It is tragic, but...

he seems to be handling it well.

Wait, Chris is now a ghost?

So there's just some hot, invisible Australian guy

hanging around now?

I mean, he's okay.

You're all right yourself, love.

Are you blushing?

No. As if.

I cannot believe this.

The dinosaur-loving stripper of my dreams

just expired on our property.

Here he comes. Time to dazzle him

with the old Higgintoot charm. Mm.

Hey, name's Chris.

You two are ghosts, right?

Yep. I'm Flower.

And what's your name, mate?

I...

Ice...

Your name is Ice?

Isaac.

Some people call me Ice.

Right on, Ice.

See you guys around.

Oof, that was tough to watch.

And I once watched a bear eat my corpse.

The cubs were cute, though, when they joined in.

Who's the guy dressed like Frasier?

That's Jay's cousin Sunil.

He just got dumped by his girlfriend,

and he's here to bro out with Jay.

Yeah, so, unfortunately you won't see the restaurant

up and running this weekend.

Because of the stripper that crashed through the roof?

Yeah, it's tragic, but it kind of puts things in perspective.

Maybe makes you feel not so bad

about Courtney breaking up with you at Benihana?

She thought I wasn't gonna make a scene

in front of a seven-year-old's birthday party.

She was wrong.

Oh, God, I miss making a scene. Everyone watching you, scared,

saying, "Alberta, put the gun down."

It's a great way to get attention.

Sunil, I love Courtney,

but the truth is, she sucks and you can do better.

Hey, Sunil.

Oh, hey. So glad you could make it.

And happy St. Patrick's Day.

Sam did one of those ancestry websites.

It turns out I'm ten percent Irish.

And more Neanderthal than you'd expect,

but they didn't have a T-shirt for that.

Oh, uh, Mark wants to see us in the barn.

He has an estimate for the roof repair.

He said he could email it, but he wanted to see

the look on our faces. Do not like the sound of that.

Hey, Sunil, um, you want to come?

The police tape's still up.

Maybe I could take a picture of you in the chalk outline.

It's really nice of you, Jay, but...

I think I'm just gonna stay here and finish my breakfast.

This poor cousin.

I was going to make a joke about how bad things are

when a 500-year-old virgin is feeling sorry for you,

but then I restrained myself.

Thank you, Alberta, that's very thoughtful.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Today my people celebrate by getting very drunk,

instead of just the normal amount.

I can make those jokes now.

Yeah, you were really holding back before.

Wow, everyone really seems to be

in the St. Paddy's Day spirit around here.

Were you... talking to me?

Well, I mean, there's no one else in here.

Oh, my God. He can see her? What is happening?

Are you a guest? No.

I am not a ghost.

He said "guest."

Oh, yes. I am a guest. Not a ghost.

I-I'm... I'm Sunil.

My name is Henrietta.

But they call me Hetty.

Oh, uh, could I offer you some coffee or...?

This is so freaking weird. No, thank you.

Uh, it-it-it-it goes right through me.

Anyway, bye.

Uh, yeah. Bye.

Okay, my initial overture with Chris

left something to be desired, but it is a new day.

And I have crafted the perfect opening line...

"Hello, Chris. My name is Isaac.

And we are soulmates." All right, bud.

You're gonna have to take it down a notch.

Remember, as far as this guy knows,

you guys just met.

Imagine if someone that you just met

told you they broke off their engagement for you.

Hmm. Perhaps it is a bit forward.

Yeah, you just got to play it cool.

People don't like desperate.

That's why Neil Young always went home alone.

"Play it cool." Perhaps I play it cool...

...as "Ice."

Which is what he thinks my name is.

Sup, Chris? How is it hanging? Want to talk pterodactyl?

Yeah, I wouldn't bring up dinosaurs right away, either.

Yeah, but we both love dinosaurs.

Again, it's creepy that you know that.

Let him tell you that he loves dinosaurs,

and then you can nerd out over some dino facts or whatever.

I'm gonna tell him that the Spinosaurus is

the fastest swimmer.

But first I'm gonna let him come to me

because that's how the Iceman does things.

I wouldn't call yourself the Iceman either.

The Iceman hears you.

This is incredible! You can be seen by the living?

Wait, can you touch stuff?

No, I'm sadly unable to interact with the physical world,

which I discovered moments ago

after attempting to access Samantha's pill cabinet.

But why?

Why can she be seen now after all these years?

What if it's because

it's St. Patrick's Day, and you're Irish?

Interesting.

But then, why has this never happened before?

Maybe because you never saw the Irish as people before.

But now that you do, you can also be seen?

I wonder if this is permanent

or if this is just, like, for the day?

That will go a long way to determining

which tier ghost power this is. What's this?

There are tiers to ghost powers?

Seemed insensitive to mention before we knew you had one,

but, yes, there's-there's Tier One: the godlike powers.

That's me and Trevor.

Uh, excuse me, uh, my dream thing is also Tier One.

Adjacent. Then there's Tier Two,

that's Flower and Thor,

sort of neat but not really that useful.

And then there's Tier Three, which...

is very useful in some highly specific situations.

Hetty, hello.

Sunil. Hello.

I just wanted to tell you that your gown is stunning.

I feel like nobody dresses up anymore,

and I think it's a real shame.

Excuse me, is it totally on?

Well, you look rather dapper yourself.

She used the "D" word. It is on.

Um, I was going out for a walk. Would you care to join me?

Ooh...

Uh, you're not planning on leaving the property, are you?

I don't think so.

Then absolutely. I would love to.

If ghosts can go through walls,

why don't we just fall through the floor?

We believe that the spectral plane

on which we exist consists of two core elements.

Vertical material, or what we call "wall,"

is permeable to ghosts,

whereas horizontal material,

or floor, supports our weight.

There's also "well," which you should avoid.

Hey. Hey there.

Ice, right? How you going?

I'm cool. As my name would suggest.

The Iceman.

Pete, let's get back to the ghost rules.

Yeah, why don't we? Um...

Okay, let's talk ghost boundary.

That mysterious force that keeps ghosts

from leaving the property.

Yeah, rules don't really apply to me.

Oh, so you can leave the property?

Nah.

But I don't have a bedtime.

Okay.

Iceman is having a meltdown.

Damn it. Why didn't I think of that?

Nice one, Flower.

Sam!

You're not gonna believe what just happened.

You're not gonna believe what just happened. See?

I just went on a walk with the most fascinating creature.

A woman of true refined elegance and perfect posture.

A true throwback,

aside from some wildly progressive views

on recreational drug use.

Who are you talking about?

Your guest! Sunil, we don't have a guest.

Of course you do. Her name is Hetty.

Hello.

Come on, that was good, right?

Oh, my God.

Good afternoon. Hi.

Oh, right. That guest.

How is this happening?

We think it has something to do with it being St. Patrick's Day

and Hetty's recent realization that she's Irish

having unlocked her ghost power.

It's all very interesting, I would love to discuss it more,

but Sunil and I are supposed to be having lunch shortly.

Sure, I can't eat,

but I can drink in his beautiful eyes.

Why do the ghosts always want to date my family?

I'm not sure lunch is such a great idea, Hetty.

Yes. It's a terrible idea.

Sunil's in a very fragile state.

And it's not gonna go anywhere

because you've been dead for 150 years.

Oh, Jay. Never talk about how long a lady's been dead.

Come on, it's just lunch, Jay. Let her live a little.

The ghosts are saying you should let me live a little.

Ooh, that's fun. I feel like Samantha.

I'm sorry, I'm with Jay. What good could come from this?

What good?

You forget that I have never been on a proper date before.

I was part of a land deal because I was

the only non-mustachioed sister.

Also, you're worried about Sunil being fragile.

Don't you think it would hurt his feelings

if Hetty just didn't show up to the lunch?

Yeah. This guy's only recently back out there.

That would be devastating.

Listen to the virgin.

He is an expert on pain and rejection.

I was backing you up.

Wait, who's a virgin? Sasappis.

You mean like when he was alive?

We don't have to talk about this!

It doesn't matter. Jay, maybe the ghosts are right.

It seems like it's really important to Hetty.

Please, Jay. It's just one lunch,

and it would mean the world to me.

Man, it's harder to say no to them

when you can see them and hear them.

This is what I've been telling you.

Which is why, if you want to suck the hard candy,

you have to do so directly from Carol's fingers.

So, that about wraps up orientation. Any questions?

Yes, mate. How do we watch the telly

if we can't actually press the buttons?

I'm not much of a TV man, myself.

I prefer books. Long ones.

No pictures.

So, the rumors are true,

we have a new ghost on the property. Welcome.

I'm Lieutenant Colonel Nigel Chessum.

Name's Chris. Good to meet you.

Your tattoo.

That wouldn't be the skull

of a Pachycephalosaurus,

- would it? - Whoa!

Good eye. Look who knows their dinos.

Just breathe, man. Stay cool.

What about you, Nige? You got a favorite dinosaur?

Oh, I would have to say Spinosaurus.

He is, after all, the fastest swimmer...

I like Spinosaurus!

Okay, are-are you a dino-man as well?

I'm the dino-man.

Nigel's only into dinosaurs because I was into dinosaurs.

Isaac, don't.

No, you know what? To hell with it.

Enough games, Chris.

You know that empty chair you were dancing for?

That was me.

We exchanged a series

of sensual and erotic Dilophosaurus clicks.

And not only that.

Our connection opened my eyes.

Sorry. Our connection?

Yes! We both love dinosaurs and hate Alexander Hamilton.

And my ghost power is a fart smell.

And you lack the ability to smell.

My point is, we are soulmates!

And fortune has shined upon us

in the form of your untimely death! Okay.

I need some air. Hmm?

Yeah. Okay. But we're soulmates.

Soulmates!

Oof, that was tough to watch.

And I once watched a bear eat my corpse.

The cubs were cute, though, when they joined in.

You know, I never asked.

Where do you live?

Nearby.

Quite nearby.

Oh! Excuse me.

You know, you haven't taken your phone out once.

You are so present.

Yeah, my ex was always on hers,

taking selfies and photos of her smoothies.

Hmm. Exes.

Mine was always bedding the maid

and monopolizing the local rail system.

Sounds like an old-timey robber baron.

Yeah, but he wasn't.

That puts that to bed. Good save, Hetty.

This is so nice.

I love that we met organically.

Yeah, no texting or swiping.

Truthfully, I detest the modern dating scene.

Yeah, maybe I was born in the wrong century.

I know exactly what you mean.

Aw, they're bonding.

I am rooting for these two.

Are your lamb chops okay? You haven't touched them.

Oh, I ate one.

You did? Mm-hmm.

When you were on your phone.

Where's the bone?

I consumed it.

Waste not, want not.

You truly are one of a kind, Hetty.

And he bought it.

I don't know what the endgame is,

but God love you, you are pulling it off.

Isaac, I've come to apologize.

I feel as though I may have played a part in your...

Implosion?

It's a word I've heard bandied about.

Look.

Later on, Chris and I got to chat further,

and we got to know each other a little bit,

and dare I say, we hit it off.

What do you mean, "hit it off"?

Well, to make a long story very short,

we smooched.

It wasn't quite a snog,

but it was certainly more than a peck.

I didn't want you to hear it from someone else.

Hmm. A smooch, huh?

You must be quite elated.

I don't need to tell you

these last few months have been difficult,

but maybe this is the light

at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.

And it's just nice to have a little bit of hope again.

That was a thing that was

in very short supply of late for me.

Well, I'm glad you're happy.

And those pecs, my God.

He can make them dance at will.

And when you press on his chest,

your hands don't go in.

They stop against it, like marble.

I think this conversation has run its course.

I mean, I watched The Gilded Age,

but you truly know a lot about that era. Mm.

I had no idea Mamie Fish had such loose morals.

Oh, she was a two-bit ankle whore.

There wasn't a gentleman in Newport

who hadn't seen those sock puppies.

Okay, and you know this how?

I read that on the Internet,

which is something that a lot of people

who are currently alive do.

Hetty, I really have had such a great time

getting to know you.

I don't want it to end.

Where is this going?

This is crazy,

but what if we met up again next weekend?

We could go to Newport, tour the mansions.

I, of course, am flattered...

I just don't think we should rush into things.

But doesn't it feel good to rush in?

All that ankle talk got him all hot and bothered.

The man truly is a throwback.

Let others play games while we seize the moment.

What's wrong? I just...

I can't do this.

Oh, Hetty...

What the...?

Yeah, he's gonna think that's weird.

Excuse me.

And... that's not helping.

I really have enjoyed our time together.

I'm sorry.

Samantha, something terrible happened with Sunil.

Oh, no, Hetty said something terrible happened with Sunil.

I can hear her. This is so confusing.

He tried to kiss me and I walked through a door.

Tale as old as time.

I told you this was a bad idea.

Poor Sunil.

He's just trying to get back out there,

and the dating world is weird enough as it is, and now this?

Jay, you're not gonna-- Aah!

Oh... you okay, bud?

Sunil... Stop.

What are you?

I'm Hetty Woodstone.

I built this mansion

and died here in 1895 on this very property.

What are you saying?

I'm a ghost.

Oh, my God.

A ghost?!

That's a lot to process because as a normal person,

I don't believe in ghosts.

We just thought you were a paying guest.

What a bummer. And scary.

Sunil, I know I should have told you sooner,

but I, too, didn't want our time to end.

And I-I just want to thank you.

For the first time in a long time,

maybe ever, I feel seen.

Aw. I mean, there was this...

casual thing with another ghost,

but that was mostly physical

and sort of a rebound, actually, from a washing machine...

You got to get this thing back on track, Hetty. The point is,

I will cherish our time together.

I know you feel out of step with the modern world,

but please remember that a wonderful man

never goes out of style.

Those are wise words, Sunil.

Don't be so scared that you forget those wise words.

You will find someone worthy

who appreciates you.

And is alive and can touch stuff.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Sunil.

Oh! Oh, my God! The wall!

Ghosts are real!

Awesome work, guys. Way to sell it.

Oi, mate!

Hey, Ice.

How you going?

Where did you come from?

You won't believe what happened.

What the hell was that?

Well, I was mucking about with my chute,

trying to figure out why it didn't open,

and then, poof!

Off I went.

Reckon it's my ghost power.

I'm sorry, flying is your ghost power?

Yeah, and it seems like I can go anywhere I want.

Sort of a Mary Poppins situation.

Oh, and that ghost boundary Pete was on about,

it doesn't seem to apply when I'm airborne.

Of course it doesn't.

So I guess I'll be going, then. Wait, what do you mean?

You're leaving?

Yeah, yeah, big footy match in Melbourne this weekend.

I'm gonna watch it from the pitch.

But what about Nigel?

Who? The British fellow

with whom you've grown close.

He's gonna feel so...

rejected. Again.

Ah! Right. Nigel.

Good, good bloke. But, you know,

I got the whole wide world out there, so...

Look, give him my regards.

Well, yes, but... Well, that is me gone.

Hang in there, Ice.

One minute till midnight.

Well, here we are.

These may very well be my final few moments on this plane.

We're gonna miss you, Hetty.

I can't believe you're turning into a leprechaun.

It's so sad.

I want to thank you, Hetty,

even though I can't believe another one of my family members

fell in love with a ghost. Hmm.

I think you gave Sunil the confidence to not settle.

And at the very least, it is good to know that--

oh, how do you say it-- I've still got it.

Ten seconds.

Goodbye, Jay.

See you later, Hetty.

Till next St. Patrick's Day.

Perhaps. If that's how this works.

And... it's midnight.

Well, what's happening?

Am I gone?

I can still see you.

It can't be. It wasn't just for one day?

I am visible?

To everybody?

I am the most powerful ghost

in the whole world.

Tier One! Tier One...

And she's gone.

Oh, that's right, this clock was a bit off.

Damn it.

Higgintoot, have you seen Chris?

We had plans to walk around the pond.

I've looked all around, but...

I can't seem to find him.

Nigel, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Chris left.

What do you mean, he left? Yes.

I was right there when it happened.

He...

He what?

He got sucked off, Nigel.

Really? Yep.

The white light. The going up. The whole shebang.

But he just got here. What? How did it happen?

Well, actually, um, he was talking about you

and how you two connected.

And up he went.

Meeting you must have been exactly what he needed.

I see. I won't lie, I shall miss him.

But my time with Chris has given me hope.

Good things can happen.

Like a wonderful man falling to his death

right out of the clear blue sky.

Indeed.

Hey, maybe Sam can bring him back next Halloween.

With one of those seances.

I can't think of a reason why not.

Well, see you around.

Eh, that's next year's problem.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org