Original subtitles

And here are your tickets to Acapulco.

You guys are gonna have one heck of a honeymoon.

We can't wait.

And these are nonsmoking? Yeah.

A full two rows behind the smoking section,

so you should be all good.

Oh, the resort is incredible, too.

Uh, make sure you bring lots of coins for the pay phone

in case you want to...

phone home.

Have you seen it? You got to see it.

I wept.

Hey, Vinnie, I'm just helping out

these two lovebirds. I'll be right with you.

Just swinging by to grab those traveler's checks, Pete.

Totally. Got 'em right here.

Hey, you guys have so much fun, okay?

And send me a postcard. Now...

♪ Beat it, ooh! ♪

Have you listened? You got to listen.

Talented artist, better man.

And now you add your cup of Dr. Pepper.

Pete says to add the Dr. Pepper now, Jay.

It feels wrong, but it smells so right.

What going on? Jay's making Pete's

legendary arrabbiata sauce.

Fun fact: "arrabbiata" actually comes from the Italian word

for "angry," which is what people would get

when we ran out of this at Sunday night dinner.

Partly because they loved my sauce so much

and partly because they were all tanked on Riunite. Okay,

that's amazing. I wish I could put this on the menu.

Well, why can't you?

What about some sort of

Italian/Indian fusion thing?

Yeah, like a garlic naan with an arrabbiata dipping sauce.

Ooh! I could do different dishes to honor each ghost.

Like, um, samosa knish for Trevor or

collard greens paneer for Alberta.

Uh-huh.

What? What is it? Thor's pitching

ram's testicle masala.

Is obvious and winning combination.

Okay. Well, that's an idea. Sam,

I don't know about putting my sauce on the menu.

Pete's not sure about you using his sauce on the menu.

Aw, man. It's just that

it's actually an old family recipe of Carol's.

When we got married, she made me promise

never to share it with anyone.

And did she keep all her wedding day promises?

Fair point. Objection withdrawn.

Pete says now he's cool with you using the sauce

because of Carol sleeping with Jerry.

Okay, feel like I missed some context,

but I'll take the W. Thanks, Pete.

Carol also lay with Thor,

but that more of a hero move on Thor's part.

You're welcome.

Trevor, I think we should discuss next steps

for our new power friends alliance.

Right. The thing where we team up

to manipulate the others for our mutual benefit.

I had a thought about what our first project could be:

getting Flower to move out of my room.

And then on day two, the Grateful Dead played.

They were late to come onstage because their sound guy--

whose nickname, ironically, was Bear--

wanted to make sure everything was good with the electrical

'cause of all the rains, which you never even hear about.

I do.

I hear it quite a bit.

I get not wanting to room with Flower,

but that seems more like a "you" thing than a "we" thing.

And what are you two talking about?

Uh, pedestrianism. The ladies of Tri Delt.

What? Nothing.

We're just... catching up.

More importantly, how are you two?

Enjoying the 21st century?

Lately, you two seem to be lurking in a lot of corners

and having some very hushed conversations.

And we don't want to jump to any conclusions, but

are you two romantically entangled again?

What? No. We're just friends. Normal friends.

And what concern is it of yours? We just

remember what it was like-- the sneaking around,

the breaking up, the getting back together,

the big public blow-ups.

And then we'd get dragged into all the exhausting fallout.

Trev would come whining to me whenever

you'd do something thoughtless.

It was a lot. And I like drama.

Me, too. But not all this drama.

Well, there's nothing going on.

I pray you're telling the truth,

because you two getting back together

would be a disaster on the scale of the Sugar Act,

which was very bad.

Aw, did they make you pay tax on sugar?

And molasses, which we used in many products.

It was a grave injustice. Yes, the 18th century

was very difficult for white, male landowners.

Thank you.

Peter, this arrabbiata

fusion dish is a smash. I'm just glad

I could help Sam and Jay. I know how important

this restaurant is to them.

Speaking of people doing nice things for friends,

here come Carol.

Pete, we need to talk.

Did you really give Jay my family's sauce recipe?

Yes, Carol, I posthumously shared a sauce recipe.

Big whoop.

Excuse me, garçon. I'd like to speak with the chef.

Yes, sir.

Oh, God. Why does that guy look so familiar?

Pete,

that's my cousin Anthony.

Little Anthony?

I haven't seen him since he was ten.

Hi, I'm Chef Jay. Welcome to Mahesh.

This arrabbiata--

it's very good.

It's also very familiar.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, it's supposed to be like home cooking.

That's what we're going for.

I don't think you're following me.

I'm saying you stole my sauce.

Excuse me?

My name is Anthony Randuzzo.

I'm the proprietor of Anthony's Trattoria.

Look, sir, I've never been to your restaurant.

Jay, just apologize, go back in the kitchen.

You do not want to cross this man.

What? He was always such a sweetie pie.

Easily bribable with a lollipop,

although that info may be dated.

I'm gonna make this simple.

You're gonna take this sauce off the menu, or else.

Or else what?

Or else I'm not gonna be very happy.

Okay, well, you know what? That's what Yelp's for.

Although I will warn you.

My sister personally responds to all negative reviews.

And she studied creative writing at Penn.

State. Altoona campus.

Did not graduate.

Come on, Angie. We're leaving.

That's his goomar Angie.

What is going on?

Pete, get with it.

Anthony's in the Mafia.

You don't really think

he's gonna write a bad review, do you?

That's the kind of thing

that could kneecap a new business.

That's not the kind of kneecapping

you should be worried about.

So, you know how that sauce recipe you got from Pete

was actually an old family recipe of Carol's?

No.

Well, it is, and the problem with that

is it got so popular and so distinct

that word got back to Carol's cousin Anthony.

The guy who Jay told to get lost? And Anthony,

in addition to being a restauranteur,

is apparently high up in the local Mafia.

How high? He's head of it.

And if Jay doesn't get that sauce off the menu,

he's gonna be sleeping with the fishes.

He's the head guy, Jay.

Seriously?! I'm gonna have to go into witness protection.

All I did was make a sauce.

Just take the dish off the menu.

Man, nothing ever goes right with this ghost stuff.

Sound like someone rethinking

not going with ram's testicles masala.

Not too late.

I just don't understand.

How did Anthony get mixed up with the mob?

You really don't know any of this?

He was born into it.

He's head of the Randuzzo crime family.

What do you mean? Randuzzo's your family.

And they weren't in the mob.

They ran a travel agency. I worked there.

The travel agency was a front, Pete.

It's where they cleaned the money.

What? No.

I'm in a little bit of a hurry here, Pete. Yeah, no problem.

Uh, how much you looking to do this week in traveler's checks?

30 large. All right.

Vinnie, we all good with that thing?

Yeah. The thing is good.

What thing?

Oh, wait a minute.

Are you guys planning a surprise party for me?

Can't get nothing by you, Pete.

Ouch.

I'll take it in the back to count.

You know I'm happy to help you bring stuff back there, Carmine.

You don't go in the back, Petey. Capisce?

All right. All right, I'm the front man.

But I booked trips for people.

Was none of that real?

It was a functioning travel agency.

But you were the only one doing any travel agent work.

So, you're telling me that Vinnie and Carmine

and Fat Sal and Little Sal-- those guys were in the Mafia?

I mean, yeah, those names scream travel agent.

I am sorry, Pete.

I just assumed you'd figured it out

and never wanted to talk about it.

So I was just the useful idiot.

Oh, all good operations need one.

It's a vital position!

Day three of the festival opened

with Canned Heat.

Interestingly, their lead singer was nicknamed "The Bear."

Not to be confused with the Grateful Dead's sound guy

or the animal that devoured my corpse in return for hugging it.

You know, Flower, I've been thinking.

Right on. I do that, too, sometimes.

I want to preface this by saying

I adore having you as a roommate.

Aw.

But I'm starting to fear I'm being selfish.

What do you mean?

You're in a wonderful relationship with Thor,

but it's being stunted by the fact that you're living with me,

when you should be moving in with your beloved.

Thor has actually mentioned that he wants that.

But I don't know. Moving in together?

It's a big step.

Flower, a relationship is like a shark.

It must move forward, or it dies.

That's from Annie Hall, which is a Jewish movie

that Trevor once showed me.

I mean, I don't want our relationship to die.

I died once.

It wasn't great.

Then give it a shot, and I will

bravely carry on here alone.

Oh, and maybe don't mention to anyone that this is my idea.

It'll seem more special if it came from you.

It's already forgotten. I believe you.

So, how did it go?

I went to Anthony's Trattoria, I talked to Anthony.

I profusely apologized.

I told him we were gonna take the dish off the menu.

And I think we're good now?

This whole situation is so scary.

Oh, don't worry. If they really wanted to whack him,

he'd be dead already.

That's comforting, right?

I just feel terrible. I mean, the last thing I want is

for Jay to be whacked off by a bunch of mobsters.

Hi, Jay.

How are you doing?

This is Paulie. Yo.

And Joey. Nice place.

They're back. This is not a good sign.

The good news is, typically, the wives are off-limits.

Uh, hey, gentlemen. Um, what can I help you with?

Well, there was something I just couldn't get

my head wrapped around,

and that was how it is exactly

you came up with the arrabbiata.

Oh, I... just came up with it.

Because there's this interesting coincidence, see?

My cousin Carol... May she rest in peace.

...died here

on your property not too long ago.

And, uh, I was thinking, is it possible

that someone went through her purse,

found her recipe book?

Anthony, sir, we would never.

We knew Carol.

We were very sad about the doughnut-hole-related tragedy.

Yeah.

Look, guys, I just came up with the same sauce, okay?

People come up with the same great idea all the time.

Armageddon and Deep Impact.

A Bug's Life

and Antz. It happens.

Well, actually,

Antz was a rip-off of A Bug's Life.

DreamWorks rushed it into production

after they caught wind of what Pixar was doing.

That actually makes a lot of sense. Antz felt rushed.

Be that as it may, I didn't steal the sauce.

You sure about that?

Sam, it's gonna be okay.

You're young. You'll find somebody else.

Uh...

We're just messing with you.

No, no, we're good, we're good.

Yeah, totally. Let's, uh,

let's find a table. I'm starving.

Is it just the three of you? Well, actually,

we're expecting some friends.

We need a table for ten.

Oh, uh, well...

We can definitely accommodate you.

It's just, it's gonna be a little bit of a wait.

I don't understand.

Does this man want to wear concrete shoes?

We don't do waits. Okay?

We'd like to sit down now.

How about that table over there?

Oh, well, they just sat down.

It's her 40th birthday party.

And?

And we'll move them.

Oh. See, that's great. She gets it. I like this one.

All right, let's do it.

This is funny.

Perfect timing. They're just about

to decide which house they're gonna buy.

The fixer in the good school district

or the turnkey across from the drug-ridden park.

Oh, you got to go drug-ridden park.

I mean, that's just added convenience.

Speaking of big real estate moves, Thor have news.

Flower moving in to our room.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't just move Flower in here.

Well, for one, we don't have room for three people.

Are you kidding? In the summer of '66,

I lived in a Volkswagen with five other roommates.

And not the Bus-- the Bug.

So it's decided.

We shall now fornicate in celebration!

No, no, no, you can't just make this decision on your own.

That's a fair point. Let's take a vote.

Yes, voting is best.

Vikings have early form of democracy,

which we call "the thing," or "folkmoot."

But we also like pillaging.

Vikings very well-rounded.

All those in favor of me moving in?

Why now? Why is this happening all of a sudden?

I actually can't tell you whose idea it was

because I promised Hetty I wouldn't say.

Flower very discreet.

Hetty.

This is a disaster.

They've gone through, like, 12 bottles of wine already.

One of the goomars said

she wanted ten racks of lamb to go.

Apparently, they're hosting a fundraiser

at Anthony Junior's school, which,

you know, is kind of sweet, as far as extortion goes.

And they keep saying, "Put it on my tab."

Sam, I don't think they're gonna pay their tab.

He doesn't think the mobsters are gonna pay their tab.

Bright kid.

They ate Joanna Feinberg's 40th

birthday cake.

And I believe she brought that from home.

Anthony blew out the candles,

which, frankly, just seemed mean.

Well, they finally left.

They did grab some art off the wall,

told the waiter to put it on their tab.

Okay, well, at least they're gone,

and we made it through the night.

Yeah, about that. I heard them talking.

They're planning on coming back tomorrow and the next night.

I was afraid of this. This is just the beginning.

This is how they do it.

This is how they do what, Carol?

They're gonna bleed you dry until you need a loan.

They'll give it to you, and you'll have to take it.

Eventually, they'll own the place,

and after they squeezed every dollar out of it

and there's nothing left to steal,

they'll burn the place down

for the insurance money.

Hmm. If only Peter hadn't shared that recipe.

I was just trying to help.

Oh, God. This isn't good.

What isn't good, Sam?

This is the beginning

of the end.

Kiss your restaurant goodbye.

Oh, no.

Sam?

Carol, isn't there any way out of this mess?

You know these people. Please.

I don't want to burn down my restaurant for insurance money,

no matter how many times I said I love Goodfellas.

It was a little violent for my taste.

PAW Patrol violent for your taste.

I don't like how they glorify the police,

but I do love puppies, and they keep that town safe.

Carol, please, can't you help us?

Well, there is one thing that might help you

get out of this mess, but I can't do it.

Sorry, Jay.

Carol says she won't help.

You never go against the family.

Enough. I'm your family, too, Carol.

And you lied to me for my entire adult life about our marriage

and, apparently, my joke of a job.

No, it wasn't a joke, but... Let me finish, okay?

Because while we're on the subject,

Sam and Jay are my family.

And I got them into this mess

and I need to get them out of it.

But I need your help, Carol.

So, please, for once, just be there for me.

I guess we could go on the run.

One of the cooks makes fake IDs for high school kids.

You're right, Pete.

This won't make up for everything I've done,

but I owe this to you.

Now Carol says she will help.

I kept the books for all the family businesses,

and just like the travel agency,

they were basically fronts for laundering money.

Carol was a mob accountant.

She kept evidence in a storage facility

in case things ever went south.

Like Charles Grodin in Midnight Run.

Totally. I was thinking the same thing.

How have you not seen that movie, Sam?

It's a classic. I've been busy, Jay.

You've watched White Chicks three times in the past week.

Sam, I'm gonna give you the address

and the combination to the lock.

Thank you, Carol.

But promise me, you will not look in the box

that is labeled... "Tasteful Nudes."

You have my word.

Hetty, did you tell Flower

to move in with me and Thor?

All I said was that she and Thor deserved to be together.

Okay, well, if you're so invested in their relationship,

why don't you let them move in with you?

What?!

My room has but one bed.

How would three people possibly share one bed?

Well, in the cult... Nope.

Okay, then, in the commune... Not relevant.

When I was dating Fleetwood Mac? It's not happening.

I am not sharing a bed with a couple.

Well, I'm not sharing my room with Flower and Thor,

and I'm not letting you get your own room

as a result of all this meshuggaas,

so here's what's gonna happen.

I'm moving in with you.

What? I suppose that is the most

fair solution, given the current dilemma.

Uh-uh. If you two start sharing a room together, it's only

a matter of time before you're back together.

Alberta, we are more than capable

of avoiding that particular pitfall.

There shall be no hanky

nor panky. See, now,

that's exactly what they say in a romantic comedy

right before they do get back together.

Well, it's happening,

unless anyone else has a better idea.

It's moments like this that a hero must emerge,

and I shall be that hero.

For the sake of house harmony, I surrender my private quarters

to Thor and Flower.

And I shall...

move in with Alberta.

I don't love the idea of not getting my own room,

but anything's better than these two shacking up.

Can't get dragged

into all this drama again.

So we're getting Isaac's room?

Thor can live with that.

Will miss performing in front of audience,

but is small sacrifice to pay for house harmony.

What is this?

You-you interrupted my meal.

We just want to talk with you for one second, Anthony.

Ooh, that is a nice pot.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna take that.

Put that on my tab. Actually,

I don't think we'll be putting anything on your tab anymore.

Ooh, great line, Jay.

Anthony doesn't know it yet, but he'll see.

What is that supposed to mean?

You'll see.

We have something else that we thought

might be of interest to you.

These are the books for the Randuzzo

family businesses, detailing

decades' worth of money laundering.

Enough to put you away for a long, long time.

Where'd you get these?

We will be asking the questions.

We don't have any at this time,

but when we do, we'll be asking them.

Not so tough now, are you, big guy?

He can't hear you, Pete.

That's why I feel comfortable yelling at him.

We can ruin you with these books,

or you can leave us alone, starting now.

And we have photocopies of everything, FYI,

and if anything happens to us, the police will be notified.

Well, I don't know where you got them from,

and I'm not admitting to anything.

But you got a deal.

So you'll leave us alone?

Yeah, we'll get out of your hair.

But, seriously, though,

where did you get the pot?

Because Angie's birthday is coming up,

and all I got her so far is that art off your wall.

It's from Williams Sonoma, and I'll send you a link.

Now scram!

All right. Sheesh.

Nice, yes.

Oh, thank God it's over.

Well, I'm glad it all worked out.

And I'm glad your business will survive,

even if my life's work was a joke.

About that.

We actually found something else

while we were in the storage facility.

What's this? Jay?

"Dear Pete, greetings from Morocco.

"This was such a great trip.

"You were right about that little tagine place

"around the corner from the hotel.

Thank you for going above and beyond."

These are postcards

from your many, many satisfied and real clients.

There are hundreds of them.

The travel agency may have been a front, but

you brought actual joy to people's lives.

You were a great travel agent.

Thank you, Sam.

Oh, God, we got a nude!

Oh, it's a nude!

Oh, that is tasteful.

Beautiful bearskin rug.

Oh, it's incredible having my own room.

I can stay up all night watching reruns of MTV Spring Break.

Man, to die in Daytona, that's the dream.

I haven't heard a single Grateful Dead story in days.

I am in heaven.

Power friends.

What was that?

Nothing.

It's strange.

It's almost like you guys are up to something.

Oh, no. The wheels are slow and wobbly, but they are turning.

Just stay very still.

She can't put it together without our help.

Oh, my God.

I know what happened.

You two orchestrated this whole roommate reshuffle

so you'd end up with your own rooms.

That's absurd. How would that even work?

Well, what I'm thinking is,

Hetty convinced me to move in with Thor

to initiate a fake fight with Trevor

that led to the threat that you two would move in together,

thereby filling the house

with your unbearable romantic toxicity,

which you knew Isaac and Alberta would do anything

to avoid, up to and including moving in together

to free up a spare room for Thor and Flower, aka me,

thereby leaving each of you with your own rooms.

A perfect plan executed seamlessly.

And you almost you got away with it, except...

Wait. What were we talking about?

Woodstock?

Oh, right on. Yeah.

Jefferson Airplane had this dog

that was so shaggy, they called him "The Bear."

Now keep in mind, this is

completely unrelated to the sound guy

for the Grateful Dead or the lead singer of Canned Heat

or the beast that mauled me to death.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org