Original subtitles

from the front of your neck to the back.

Now a leaping, flying body press, and that is going to be illegal

because he got him with an elbow,

but they're not gonna call anything.

This referee might as well be home watching T.V.

That'll replace your Adam's apple

Harry Smilac looking on, pounding in disgust,

now he's trying to get to his feet. Now, here's Rick, staggering around.

Oh, look at this!

It's an overhead body slam!

od

♪ Body, body body, body ♪

♪ body, body body, body ♪

♪ I shouldn't be here touching you ♪

♪ and I shouldn't love the way you feel ♪

♪ I know you've got somebody waiting at home ♪

♪ I tried so hard to tell you no ♪

♪ but when you touch me like you do ♪

♪ my best intentions keep falling apart

Joh, lord ♪

♪ and just when I find the strength to leave ♪

♪ you put your magic spell onmeJ

♪ and baby, I can't hold on ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps changing my heart, keeps changing ♪

♪ I lose control ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps making me break down, baby ♪

♪ can't say no ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps changing my heart, keeps changing ♪

♪ I lose control ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps making me break down in my heart ♪

♪ you control me when you're around me ♪

♪ I'm on fire

♪ take me higher

♪ I feel just like a fool ♪

♪ I can't get over you ♪

♪ you know the way I feel ♪

♪ I never felt before ♪

♪ your love is so unreal ♪

♪ keeps me knockin' at your door ♪

♪ you know the way I feel ♪

♪ I never felt before ♪

♪ your love is so unreal ♪

♪ keeps me knockin' at your door ♪

♪ body, body body, body ♪

♪ body, body body, body ♪

♪ body, body body, body ♪

♪ body, body ♪

I'll take it, pal.

Yeah, right. And, uh, listen,

uh, don't park it near anyone, buddy.

I, uh, I don't need any dings on the doors, do you know what I mean, uh?

Message for you, Mr. Smilac.

Ah! Great.

Hey! Hey, you!

Brooks, get me my lawyer, ok?

Get me Sheldon Brockmeister on the phone.

Did you forget to sent him a check last week?

So what?

By now that baby'll be bouncin' all over his office.

Well, that'll just give him a very good reason to see me, won't it, huh?

Oh... will you just call Sheldon's secretary?

Oh, and, uh, tell her I'm... I'm racing right over.

Your dime.

2,3,4,5,6,7,8. Yeah.

Back, 2, 3, 4.

Bigger circles. Come on.

Right. Forward, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,and 8.

Take a break.

Whoo!

See that?

Gimme 3 weeks, I'm gonna look just like that.

Well, I can hardly wait.

Uh, Shelly, what... what employment agency do you use?

Talk, Harry. I know it's serious, or you wouldn't be here.

Especially after that check you sent me.

Oh, that was just a bookkeeping error.

All I do is put the check through again.

But look, I need your, uh, expert legal advice

on a few minor matters here.

Before you go on, you should know

I'm charging $400 an hour to listen to this.

$4007?

Uh, right.

Ok, number 1: My car has been repossessed. Again?

Shapiro's gonna evict me

if I don't get the rent by Friday.

I was handed a subpoena.

Harry, you know, I just don't understand you.

You're a smart guy.

For a while, you had the midas touch.

I mean, your acts were winning grammys, people really liked you.

But lately, excuse my French,

everything you handle turns to caca.

Shelly, I've just been a little down on my luck lately. That's all.

No, you do it to yourself, Harry.

You're always looking for the easy way out,

the shortcut, the quick fix.

It's just like that loan you took out from that Korean savings and loan.

Who does things like that? How was I supposed to know it was for 30 days?

The loan documents were in Japanese. Korean, Harry.

You're just lucky I beat it on a technicality.

You always have some excuse. Well, I don't have an excuse this time.

All right, Shelly, you gotta help me, please? Give me a hand.

Just take a look. I'm in a real jam. I'll see what you got.

There, you see? Yeah, I see.

Yeah

phew! There's a lot of stuff here. I know that, Shelly.

Oh, boy.

You know, maybe we can help each other out.

Yeah? Yeah.

I could handle the credit card subpoena. Yeah?

Take care of Shapiro.

If all goes well, I can take a crack at getting your car back.

I'll tell you what.

I'll even advance you a couple of thousand as sort of a loan.

Great. And, uh, what do I have to do for you?

Do you remember, uh, bitsy Vandervagen?

No, I... I, uh...

Vandervagen, department stores,

one of my biggest clients. Oh, right, right.

Well, bitsy's been appointed chairperson of

the finance committee for Norton Wilshire's campaign for governor

I was appointed co-chairman,

and I am now appointing you entertainment chairman.

Norton Wilshire?

I can't believe this, Shel.

I mean, you've always had impeccable taste.

Norton Wilshire, I mean, he's a pompous, phony windbag.

He's... he's... he's dickless.

Harry, cool it, all right?

I'm not asking you to vote for the man. All right, go ahead.

I just want you to do what you do best, just arrange the acts.

You know, this could be just what you need to get back on your feet.

"Back on my feet." I start calling in favors

for a Norton Wilshire fund raiser,

I'll be history in the music business.

Harry, I'm giving you a chance here... no, no, no, no. I can't do it.

I am sorry. I just cannot do it.

You know, I have a few principles left. Yeah. Well-hidden.

Ha, ha.

Harry.

You don't take my deal, what are you gonna do?

What I always do. Manage.

You seem bigger onscreen, Mr. Eastwood.

I know, thanks for the lift, huh.

Don't do anything to it, just give her a bill.

She'll never know the difference. Hey, Scotty, how ya doin'?

No, no, whatever it is, the answer is absolutely not!

Hey, what? Every time you come in here it costs me money.

Oh, what are you talkin' about?

I... listen, $1700 for the Ferrari.

What, you didn't get the check? No! Check? Come on.

There's $4,000 the insurance company

had to pay for the loaner car that you wrecked.

And then, there is the little matter

of my waiting in a restaurant for hours and hours and hours

for some Hollywood starlet who was supposed to show up

and spend the night with me!

This is unbelievable. You know, I tell you,

I come here to do you a favor, and you jump all over me

with all those ancient history.

You're gonna do me a favor? That's right.

I just happen to have 4 tickets and 2 dates

to a Bruce Springsteen concert tonight.

I immediately thought of my good friend Scotty, you know.

Thought maybe we could double up and, uh, you know, have some laughs.

But, no, no, no, I don't want to cause you any problems. So forget it.

Wa-wa-wa-wait.

Springsteen?

Himself.

Uh, what does, uh,

what does my, uh, date look like?

Scotty, Vegas showgirls. Beautiful!

You can have your pick.

Well, ok.

It's a deal. All right.

Got it. Thanks, Scotty. Really.

I gotta pick 'em up at the airport, comin' in in 30 minutes.

Ok? All right. All right.

Oh, god!

God, I got the Ferrari, it's only got 2 seats.

Ah. Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that my landlord Byron Shapiro's car?

Yeah.

Well, what's wrong with it?

Oh, there's nothing wrong with it. It's ready to go back.

Wait, no, I got it. Oh, no.

No, no, look. I'll do you a favor.

Let me use the car to pick the girls up,

and then I can return the car to Shapiro himself tomorrow morning.

Oh, gosh, I don't know.

Oh, come on, Scotty. It'll be our little secret.

Shapiro never has to know. Huh?

I don't know, Harry. Great! Great!

Scotty, your wife's on line 1.

Scotty, Angeline is on line 2.

What? Harry.

Yeah. Uh, just for old time's sake, uh, I'll hold the tickets.

Oh, Scotty, when are you gonna learn to trust me?

Scotty, Angeline is on line 2 please.

Son of a bitch.

Well, that's the truth.

You're kidding. Uh-uh.

You never told me you were the one

who told Madonna to wear trashy lingerie.

Oh, sure. Helped her pick it out, too.

Really.

Tell you what, why don't I go turn on the jacuzzi?

- You're on. - Ok.

Oh, listen, if I got a great white wine...

Mr. Smirac.

I am Mr. Kim from the Pusang savings and loan.

Vice president, corrections.

Corrections?

I correct money from deadbeats like you.

You owe us considerable sum.

Ah, uh, honey, why don't you go on ahead in?

I'll be there in just a minute.

Ok. Yeah.

Look, Mr. Kim,

you guys, you remember, you took me to court. You lost.

You have a good lawyer, Mr. Smirac.

I know. But in my country, we have a saying...

I understand, but what can I do?

I mean, uh, the judge made his decision.

It's legal, even in Japan.

Korea, Mr. Smirac. Not Japan.

Korea. Oh, whatever.

Different eyes, different language.

Mr. Kim, what do you want from me?

$67,811.19,

to be very specific.

Tell you what I'll do.

How about records for you and the missus?

How about this, Mr. Smirac?

Ah, well, no problem.

Records for them, too.

Ah, no, ok, ok.

Well, uh, maybe some concert tickets, how about that?

No? All right, uh, uh, t-shirts for the kids?

Ah, you... you guys have any kids?

No? All right.

You know, this isn't funny.

$67,811.19!

You know, I have powerful friends in very high places!

Mine powerful, too, and closer.

Ah, hey! No!

I got to push this back in the city.

This is an exotic car I got here...

Oh, Christ! That's just...

Do you know whose car this is?

I was probably a little hasty, calling him dickless.

I'm sure he's quite well...

Shelly, I give you my word,

I will go down to the convention center this afternoon

and arrange everything. Really.

The... the lighting, the stage, the sound system, everything.

Smilac! Smilac!

Smilac, are you in there?

I'll get you, Smilac!

Uh, listen, Shelly, I, uh, have a feeling

that Shapiro's trying to reach me and...

I'll get you! You bastard!

...my car.

Hi. Harry Smilac to see Tom McMillan.

You missed your appointment.

You were supposed to be here an hour ago.

I love the color of that blouse, it...

Mr. McMillan has somebody with him right now.

Why don't you just have a seat right over there?

Right.

So, uh, what's his name?

Who wants to know?

Well, my name is Harry.

And whom might I have the pleasure of speaking to?

Nobody.

My uncle Ricky says old men who talk to little kids are perverts.

Roberts, what's your problem?

There's something here that is not right.

I don't understand.

I got 20 guys that'll sign this thing in a minute.

Well, then you get them to sign the contract!

Oh, come on, let's not get difficult here.

I'm not being difficult!

Make up your mind. We're gonna do this with you or without you.

Hi, I'm Harry Smilac.

I need to talk to you about the Norton Wilshire fund raiser.

What is this? A country club.

What do I look like, I'm on my coffee break?

I am tied up right now.

I understand. No, no, no, no. I will get to you when I'm ready.

All I need is 5 minutes. Out!

Out! All right, all right.

Did you... out!

Ok, ok.

All right, Roberts, what's it gonna be?

I don't understand this.

You're paying me the exact same money as you paid me in Frisco,

only the gate's twice as much.

I told you, your manager made the deal.

My manager... I forgot to mention Sheldon Brockmeister,

my lawyer, he's a close personal friend of senator Norton Wilshire...

Terrific, terrific. Give 'em both my regards on your way out.

Wait... wait a minute. I just... out!

If I could...

Very simple, Roberts.

Either sign the paper, or follow that jerk out the door.

Damn it, I've been drawing good crowds here!

The fans here, they like me, man!

How many people are we talkin' about here? 10 to 15,000.

And you're the featured act? What is this?

Now, now, now, wait a minute.

With that kind of a draw, we'd have to have a guarantee. W-w-w-w-wait...

Now, now, now, you just wait a minute.

My man gets his own dressing room. You like that?

Oh, and a piece of the concessions. Because you see...

You! You're outta here!

Just hold on there.

Who is this guy?

I like the way you talk. Go ahead.

Surely. Right.

So, tell me, does my man have a t-shirt or a shoe deal?

Oh, my god.

Hey, mister. Yeah.

I'd like to thank you, that was a nice thing you did in there.

My pleasure. My name's Rick. Rick Roberts.

This is niece, Missy.

What'd you say your name was? Oh, uh, Harry Smilac.

Funny. I never heard of you.

You never heard of M. Harry Smilac?

Personal management?

No, no, sorry.

But the way you handled McMillan back there...

You know, that guy has been playing hardball for a long time.

Ah. You did great.

You gotta know how to handle guys like that.

Believe me, I've been negotiating deals for a long time.

That guy McMillan, strictly minor league.

You know what I mean?

You know, I've been looking for a manager to care about me.

Me first.

You would be interested in something like that, maybe?

Well, uh, you have to understand,

I usually only handle really big acts.

No offense.

But, you know, major stars.

See, I give my people real personal attention.

That's why I get 15%.

That sounds ok.

Well, that's against an advance of, uh, $500 a week.

Deal. Ah.

Hey, what kind of stuff you doing these days?

Straight rock 'n roll, heavy metal?

You're not new wave, are you? No.

- Oh, well, great. - Roberts!

Sugarplum, you go to the car.

I wanna know what's going on.

McMillan tells me some baby freak creep showed up,

made a deal for you. That's right.

What? That's right.

You think you're leaving me?

Captain Lou Morano, the man who made you?

I took you out of nowhere!

Hey, don't touch the Captain.

Now, you listen to me.

No, you listen. We got a deal.

We ain't got no deal on nothing.

I got somebody else doing my talking for me.

You tell me who. And I'll tear his head off!

Who you sign with? David Wolf?

Jimmy the weasel?

Smilac.

Smilac! Smilac! What is that?

A stomach disorder or a disease?

It's my...

Harry.

Really it's M. Harry Smilac, personal management.

At your service.

You're kidding.

You... you're a manager?

Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, uh, well, uh,

hey, I'm smokin' this here! Wh...

What I do is, uh... What I do is...

Ok, ok.

Ugh.

You'll regret this, Roberts! Come on, Harry.

Hey, you got my shoes wet.

Harry, come on. Yeah, right, I'm coming.

I must be missing something here.

This isn't the way we usually do things in the music business.

You'll be back, Roberts!

You'll come crawlin' to the Captain!

And that weak manager won't last a week in professional wrestling!

Professional wrest...

Norton's a fabulous man, I've known him for many years.

Harry, where the hell have you been? I told you 3 o'clock.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, Shel, I had to, uh, bang a few heads together

at the convention center and I...

Now, look, they're all waiting.

Now, please, Harry. What?

These people are really important to the campaign, and to me personally.

Ok. I'm counting on you to make a good impression.

I know that I will sleep a lot better at night

with Norton servicing me...

As governor.

Well, but enough about that. I see that Sheldon's here with his friend.

And I'm sure that they have a lot to tell us about the big fund raiser. Sheldon.

Thank you. Thank you, Bitsy.

Thank you. I am happy to introduce you to my friend.

He's been at the convention center all day

making the arrangements for the big event.

So, Harry, why don't you step right up here and tell us all about

"a night for Norton."

Harry Smilac.

No, no, no, please, please, please.

Well,

Norton Wilshire.

A special man who deserves a very special night.

Let me just tell you

some of the entertainers I have lined up for this.

Oh, on second thought, let it be a surprise, huh?

That's all very lovely, Mr., uh... Smilac.

Yes, but... but what plans have you actually made?

Well, we're not just talking plans here.

We're talking concepts.

Videos trying to reach that all important meat market...

Uh, youth market.

I'm sure we can leave it to the pro here to handle all the details, huh?

We want some details, Harry.

Bitsy, darling, uh, Ross has set up

all the artwork in the solarium.

Why don't we all adjourn there and take a look, ok?

Ladies, shall we?

Have you lost your mind, Sheldon?

This guy's a real bozo.

What happened to the circus theme

that we were talking about,

where we're all elegantly dressed for contrast? Don't worry. I'll handle it.

Hi. Hi.

May 1? Sure.

Uh, forgive me,

but, uh, have you ever considered a career in modeling?

Because I handle many of the top faces

and I think you have real potential.

As opposed to what?

Unreal potential?

No, no, no.

I mean, you have such marvelous cheekbones.

A-a-a-allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Harry Smilac, personal management.

As I stand here gazing at you,

I can't help but remember the first time I spotted Christie.

Christie who? Brinkley.

Oh, Christie Brinkley. Yeah, one of my many finds. Yeah.

It was long before Billy Joel. Still had braces on her teeth.

Of course, we had to find a way to work around that, and...

You see, so much of what shapes a career

is in the management, and that's what I do.

You mean like this, um, this little event

you're putting on for Norton Wilshire?

Yeah, oh, it's just a little favor

I'm doing for Bitsy and the swingers.

My mother and her friends.

Oh. You mean, Bitsy...

Mrs. Vandervagen to you.

Ah. Right.

I'm telling you, this guy is great.

I saw more green last night

than I ever saw with the Captain in my entire career.

If you need management, you need this guy. He's got all the moves.

Oh, well, Rick, we all have moves.

I mean, yours are in the ring,

mine just happen to be at the bargaining table.

Oh, but enough about me.

Tell me something about yourself, Tom. I mean...

Tonga Tom.

Tonga Tom, right.

I need someone who takes no crap.

Tough.

Tough, right.

Well, that's me.

Personal management at its toughest.

Yeah, take your time.

But, uh, are you sure it's all right to sign this guy?

I mean, Captain Lou, he...

I'm tellin' you, Harry, it's ok, it's ok.

All right, well... nice card.

Oh, thanks. Glad you liked it.

So, let's, uh, let's talk about financial arrangements.

You see, Tonga, we have something in the, uh, management business

that we call an advance retainer.

Never heard of it. Of course you haven't.

But what it is, you see, is you give me $500.

And what I do...

Ok, thank you.

Hey, sugarplum. Come on.

I need some help. I need a 170 pounds on me. No more, now.

You got it? Yep.

Ok, let's do it.

You've got a problem, Roberts.

What might that be?

I hear you left the Captain.

So what? The Captain's mad.

That's his problem. It's not my problem.

It's gonna be yours.

Because the Captain doesn't like when his wrestlers leave.

And we don't like it when the Captain doesn't like it.

And if we don't like it,

you won't like it.

I got a new manager now.

I got somebody else doin' the talking for me.

And you know the best part about it is?

I don't have to be around wonderful human beings like yourself.

Axe, can you believe it?

3 sentences in a row.

The man can actually speak.

And all the while, I thought he was brain-damaged.

No.

A check will be fine.

As a matter of fact, I'll pick the check up in person, and...

Oh, no, Tonga, you don't have to thank me.

It's just another Smilac service.

It's a deal, Harry. Right.

I'll be seeing you later, brother. Ok.

Be cool. Fantastic.

Boy, this is...

Oh, hi, guys. Uh, you lookin' for,

for, uh, management?

Is your name simlac?

Well, no, actually it's Smilac

at your service.

We got something for you.

What's that? Pain!

And lots of it.

Yo!

I hear something about pain?

It's the brain-damaged kid!

We'll see you later.

Idiots.

Uh, wait a minute. What was that all about?

Ah, nothin'.

But friend, you don't wanna be messin' with them guys.

Mess... they are bad news.

Me, mess with them? What are you, nuts?

I mean, who are those guys, anyway?

Axe and hammer.

The world tag team champs.

Huh. Better known as The Cannibals.

Captain Lou's pride and joy.

Wait a minute.

- How much is that? - 510 pounds.

Let me ask you. What did me mean by, uh,

"we'll see you later"?

Great, great.

I should have stayed in the music business.

Harry.

Your lawyer assures me he's sending over a check

to cover all the back payments.

Oh, good. Good. And it better happen, too.

Or else he's back on the job.

Count. 1, 2...

All right.

Hold on to him.

Get him over here and tag.

Grab him! Grab him! No! Slam! Slam!

1, 2, 3!

Ladies and gentlemen!

The winners of tonight's main event,

and america's newest tag team,

together for the first time ever,

Quick Rick Roberts and Tonga Tom!

All right.

Fantastic, guys, fantastic!

Great teamwork, just great!

There's just a couple of little things that we need to work on.

Nothing major, nothing we can't fix, but, uh,

wait a minute. You're not hurt, are you?

Never felt better in my life, Harry. Great.

Now, look, Rick, you gotta, you gotta tighten up on the, uh...

Arm bar. Right.

Oh, and listen, we have to... Have to talk about outfits.

You know, I mean, my wrestlers have gotta have style.

I mean, after all...

Oh, wait... wait a minute here.

Maybe I can talk to Nike about a tie-in.

Vic Carson.

Vic Carson? Who's that, another wrestler?

Because you know, I'm... Vic Carson, Harry.

Has another talk show on T.V.

T.V.? Right.

Oh, you mean Johnny Carson?

No, Vic Carson. Host of ring talk.

You don't realize, Harry. What?

You're a new manager. You've created a stir second to none.

They want you down there this Wednesday.

Well, you know, I'd have to check on my calendar.

I mean, I'm... I'm booked pretty tight here, you know.

Well, I understand if you're not interested.

It's the #1 talk show on television.

Right.

Uh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute here.

What... what night was that?

Wednesday night. Oh, Wednesday night, I'm free on Wednesday.

Tonight, from Hollywood, California,

it's ring talk, america's favorite wrestling program,

with your host, Vic Carson.

Now, here's Vic!

od

Oh, thank youl!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome, wrestling fans, thank you.

Well, we have a wonderful crowd tonight.

Thank you!

Ladies and gentlemen,

tonight, we're gonna begin our show with a special segment.

That's right. Devoted to wrestling managers.

And we have right here in this ring the finest in the business.

I've got an old pro, I've got a specialist,

and I've got a newcomer,

and we're gonna learn just what their approaches are.

Let we welcome my first guest, ladies and gentlemen.

This man has done more for the rubber industry

than goodyear.

Ladies and gentlemen, the fantastic Captain Lou Morano!

Lou, you are undoubtedly

the most outstanding and successful manager

in the wrestling game.

May I say, I am so honored to have you on the show. Ah, it's your pleasure.

Thank you. And my next guest is a giant in his own right.

Ladies and gentlemen, the magnificent Tim Mcclusky!

Hey! Here!

Welcome to the show, Tim.

Now, Tim handles the smaller wrestlers in the business.

And I know, Tim, that my viewers are very anxious to hear

the long and the short of it.

No more midget jokes, geekface, or I'll deck youl!

Tim, you are a card.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, my last guest.

Wrestling's newest manager, direct from the music business.

Let's have a big warm welcome for Mr. Harry Smilac!

Ladies and gentleman, Harry Smilac.

Such a pleasure being on your show, Vic.

I can't tell you... Thank you, Harry.

Welcome to the show. May I say that this is stunning.

Ah, thank you. I...

But, gentleman, we only have an hour,

so let's everybody just take a stool.

od

So, Vic...

Get up from there! What you... what you doin' there?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

You short little midget, you!

That was my seat!

Well, I suppose that the natural place to start

would be with our newcomer here.

Harry, what made you forsake the music industry for professional wrestling?

Oh, well, uh, let me correct you there, Vic, baby, if I may.

See, I still manage many, many, many famous music groups,

I just sort of, oh,

branched out into uh, the wrestling world.

Because there's such a desperate need

for good, really good managers.

So it is your opinion, Harry, that there is a shortage

of mangers in the wrestling profession?

Uh, well, not necessarily a sh...

Ah, don't!

I mean, wrestling needs someone with new ideas,

someone with new approaches,

someone who isn't all tied up in the old way of doing things.

Well, you certainly don't mean any of the old pros

that are on our show here tonight, do you, Harry?

Well, if the shoe fits.

If you're talkin' about me, butt face,

I'll break your neck. Do you mind?

Captain, what is your response to all of this?

I don't give a rat's ass about anything this moron has to say!

This pencil-neck's been in the business 2 minutes,

and he thinks he knows everything.

He's an idiot! He's a... faggot.

Yeah, everybody knows these musical sorts

are into all sorts of strange stuff! Really?

They don't belong in a red-blooded,

all-American sport like wrestling!

We don't need wimps in funny-looking clothes

telling us how to run our business!

We don't need... faggots.

Yeah, Tim.

We want this beanie-bag out of wrestling!

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

I gotta admit, Vic, I'm new to the sport.

Let me tell you what I've learned.

Wrestlers need a new deal.

Yes, sir. Because they're the talent, they deserve the bucks.

By the way, uh, wrestlers out there,

my number is 213-555-1334. So...

Wait a minute! H-H-Hold it, wrestling fans!

Now, those are mighty strong words to the old vicar here,

and I'm sure the Captain has some mighty strong words in response.

But before we hear from the Captain, let's have this message.

You know damn well I'm the Captain.

Why, I'm the best manager of all time.

Man, you ain't done! Who you talkin' to?

What the hell?

3,2,1.

We're back, wrestling fans.

As Harry was say...

Where's Harry?

Oh, Vic.

Let me assure you, ladies, everything is under control.

I have been in touch with so many stars

that they are coming out of... uh, Harry. The names, please.

All right. Big names. They're big.

Uh, that would be good, yeah.

We're talking, uh, Frank,

Neil, uh, Barbara, Julio,

uh, I could go on.

Oh, this is gonna be the most fabulous show!

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, what else!

Nice rear end.

I beg your pardon?

Well, uh, they don't, uh,

they don't make 'em like this anymore, huh?

Oh. Hmm. Great body, huh?

Mmm-hmm. Solid.

Yeah, it's my mother's. I'm using it while mine's in the shop.

What...

Oh, no, this is nothing.

I... I'll be all right. Can I give you a hand?

May 1?

Yeah.

Are you always such a gentleman?

Well, your beauty brings out the best in me.

God, you sound like a soap opera.

Oh, you questioning my sincerity?

And your integrity.

And maybe your decency and certainly your ability

to get the entertainment for the fund raiser.

Hmm. Well, I'm working under some very difficult circumstances here.

Tell me. What could be so difficult about getting a little entertainment?

I could get entertainers to appear at a P.L.O. fund raiser

before they'd help out Norton Wilshire, you know.

Why won't you trust me, huh?

I'm really a very nice person.

Hmm?

Opening a gate and picking up a few packages

does not necessarily qualify you as a nice person.

Hmm. How about dinner?

Oh, no. No, I don't think so.

Uh, lunch?

I don't eat lunch. In-between-meal snack?

My dentist wouldn't approve.

Well, bring him along.

Huh? Strictly business.

We can go over the lighting and sound system for the Wilshire event.

Look, we'll go to a very noisy, unromantic spot.

You can even drive.

od

Well, thank you.

Well, you're really on your best behavior.

Of course. What did you expect?

I won't tell you.

Well, I admit, the first time I met you,

I, uh, I might have come on a little strong.

A little strong?

Does that "I'm gonna make you a star" routine really work?

Nah.

You know, I was just...

Seeing someone as beautiful as you,

my mouth went on automatic pilot.

Well, I think your sincere approach is a lot nicer.

Really.

Approach?

Wait a minute. You think I'm coming on to you now?

Probably.

Stiffed on car payments by some creepo?

Call the folks at reliable repo!

Oh! Oh!

Are... are you all right? Oh, I don't...

Does that really hurt? Oh, yeah.

It gets worse at night, too.

I mean, sometimes the pain is so intense...

I wonder, could you drop me at my place?

I'm afraid to drive.

If I had an attack behind the wheel, I...

What... what are you gonna do about your car?

I don't know. I'll just have to get it later. I think...

The best thing right now is just,

to get, you know, into bed.

I sure appreciate this. Ow!

Harry!

Oh, my... my... ow!

Harry!

A spasm or something!

Oh, my god, are you ok?

Oh, oh!

Oh, you know... are you ok?

I think instead of bed,

what we... I should do is take a jacuzzi.

Do you suppose you could...

Sure, sure.

Oh, smirac.

Mr. Smirac, we meet again.

Did you screw over someone else, too?

Look, Mr. Kim, don't you guys have anything better to do

than hassle me over some small consumer loan?

$67,811.19 is not a small consumer loan.

Excuse me. How about you fellas taking this up in the morning?

You know, during business hours? Yes.

In Korea, females do not interfere in such matters.

I beg your pardon, but it...

Oh, that... that's all right, Candace, I'll handle this.

Handle this? You're in no condition to handle anything.

I know, but... Mr. Smirac, I'm losing my Patience.

You pay or no pay?

Watch my lips...

Watch my friends.

Oh, my god! Harry!

That's my mother's car!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my... look, Candace, it's not so bad.

l... I think you can write this kind of thing off. Really.

If not, I know a good body man.

I don't care what you say, Sheldon,

I want him off this committee.

I never want to see him again. And you stay away from him, too.

Mother, I think you're overreacting.

It was not Harry's fault.

It most certainly was his fault.

I think he deserves another chance.

Look, Bitsy, if we fire Harry now, who will we get to replace him?

It's too late to find anybody else.

That's your problem.

All right. Tell you what.

Suppose I supervise him personally?

Believe me, I'll watch every move the man makes like a hawk.

Ok. Fine.

You got it. Nice puppy.

Cute.

od

♪ Live on the brink, shout it out loud ♪

♪ it's the American way ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

Nice car.

Nice ass.

♪ It's the American way ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

Hello, Harry.

How ya doin', Chris? Hey, that is a chartbuster!

Definitely top 40, maybe gold.

Maybe platinum!

Harry, we know our stuff is great.

What we need is management help.

Yeah, like somebody who will pay us,

instead of the other way around.

Guys, you wound me!

What do you think is the number one thing on M. Harry Smilac's mind?

M. Harry Smilac.

No, no, no, no, no. The future of Kicks!

That's what. You know, I never stop thinking,

day and night, night and day,

thinking of ways to make you guys famous.

Harry, bottom line.

Do we have a gig, or don't we?

Well, uh, you might as well start thanking me now

because I am working on a major, but major gig.

Oh, but enough of this success talk, huh?

Come on, let me hear some of the new numbers. What do you say?

I want to hear a little more about the gig.

Oh, Todd, baby, come on. Trust me.

The last time we trusted you we played a dairy queen opening.

True, but, uh...

Come on, we gotta practice anyway.

Listen, this is really gonna put Kicks on the map!

Thanks again for bringing me. Mom, this is so exciting.

Seeing all these stars on one stage!

Well, darling, that's the only reason your father coughed up $500

for a putz like Wilshire.

Uh, Harry.

Well, you, uh, you pulled it off, right?

Did you ever doubt it? Huh?

Yes. Especially the way you've been avoiding me the last couple of days.

Shelly, Shelly, you know me better than that.

What, are you kidding?

Look, uh, my job is done, ok? So...

They're all backstage, right? I mean,

Frank, Barbara, Julio...

Don't worry, Shel, it's gonna be a super show.

Yeah, but I just want to, you know, straighten out...

Isn't this our dear little friend Larry?

Harry, mother.

Yes, dear. I hope he's better at stars than he is at Rolls-Royces.

Have you met our senator? Norton Wilshire.

I want to thank you for your assistance

and dedication to our campaign.

It's the workers like you and Sheldon here who make it possible...

Oh, that's enough. That's enough.

For men like me to serve in high public office... Don't go away.

I've been, uh, thinking about our relationship.

What relationship?

Uh, well, the one we should be having.

Yes, in fact, I was thinking

that we should get out of here right now

and start working on it.

And miss "a night with Norton?"

Yeah, well, I'm more interested in a night with Candace.

I gotta hand it to you, Harry, you just don't quit.

Hmm. The secret to my success.

No more Koreans? I promise.

Well, then, let's go.

Harry, Harry, where are you going? Harry!

Wow, what a night, huh?

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, I know that you can't wait to hear

from our favorite senator, Norton Wilshire, right?

Uh, well, then, I guess we better, uh, get right on

to our fabulous entertainment first.

Who do you think will be first? Frank or Barbara?

Julio.

Hmm.

od

Oh, my god!

Oh!

Oh!

Sheldon!

Hello, this is M. Harry Smilac.

I'll be in Rio de Janeiro for the next year or so,

but if you want, at the tone, leave a message.

Harry, you better make an appointment

with a plastic surgeon,

because if anyone sees your face, you're a dead man.

Harry, it's Candace.

Wherever you're hiding, stay there,

because mother's ready to kill.

Yo, lady!

The powder room's down the hall.

Right. Look, Missy,

if Bitsy Vandervagen or Sheldon Brockmeister call,

I'm not here, all right?

Sounds like Harry. Don't look like Harry.

Now, look, guys,

there's a very good explanation why I'm dressed like this.

Sure. Sure there is and I'd love to tell ya,

but we've got a wrestling match in 5 minutes,

so come on, let's go, huh?

What, you wanna take a picture, you two? Come on.

Harry, do you want your messages?

No.

Yeah, who called?

Well, your lawyer called.

He was really mad. He said they had to give back all the money from last night.

Yeah? Who else?

The band "Kicks" called.

They weren't too happy either. Also...

Wait a minute. You mean, there's more?

Yeah. Who?

Senator Norton Wilshire called...

Oh, no! Don't tell me, don't tell me. I...

Uh, Roberts, Tonga, you're on. Uh...

You, uh,

you want me to get a seat for the lady?

No, thank you.

From Evanston, lllinois, america's heartland,

Quick Rick Roberts!

And his partner,

from that magical south seas kingdom of Tonga,

Tonga Tom!

Hello, everybody, I'm Chick Hearn,

along with Jay Johnstone, ready for tonight's big match.

I don't know about you, but I'm really looking forward to this

because since they merged as a tag team,

Quick Rick and Tonga have been very, very impressive.

In fact, I think they could go all the way.

Well, they shouldn't have any trouble

with their opponents tonight, the invaders.

We've had a substitution on the card.

In place of the invaders, we have 2 new opponents.

We have,

a combined weight of 580 pounds...

Axe and Hammer, The Cannibals!

Wait a minute!

They can't do that!

All right, Roberts! You're gonna pay tonight!

Hold it! Hold it! Stop!

Excuse me! Hey!

Come on, let's get in! Here we go! Come on!

We're ready, now get in here!

I wanna tell you, Jay, it looks like there's real trouble brewing here.

And when the Captain's doing the brewing,

you know it's gonna be a bad cup of coffee.

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

What's going on here? We didn't agree to this!

We're not goin' through with it! Ok? Harry!

Or should I call you Harriet?

This is for you!

You're out of wrestling tonight, Smilac!

And so are your 2 bums!

Anybody milked you lately, huh? Come on, idiot.

ow!

Oh, there goes the referee! And they come over with their chains!

I got a canary with a bigger brain than yours!

You cannot control animals like this,

particularly when they're armed

with lethal weapons such as chains.

Tongal

Ugh!

You son of a...

Aren't you supposed to be in there? Come on!

Tongal

You can run, sweetie, but you can't hide!

Well, that's really nice, Captain Lou,

come over while he's half-unconscious and kick him in the head.

Meanwhile, in the ring, they're beating ferociously upon the body of Quick Rick!

I don't know if the kid can take this or not!

Certainly, no human is supposed to take beatings like this,

not in the ring, not anywhere in the world!

Ladies and gentlemen, they've got him half unconscious now!

Oh, they catch him with a necktie with that chain! Can you believe this?

Come on! Let's go! Ok! Give me a little hand!

Here you go! Over the top!

Oh, fans, this goes back to the neanderthal days!

I don't believe this! They've gotta stop it,

somebody's just gotta stop this match!

Tonga's trying to get ready to come back. He'll just get hurt some more!

He dives! He misses his man!

Look at the blood on that kid's chest!

Look at the kid's face! He's in excruciating pain!

Now they lift him up onto the top rope, face down,

dangle his feet there,

The Hammer supports him from the cuff,

coming off the top buckle, here comes Axe!

This is gonna be big trouble, fans!

It's illegal! Oh, god, that's a paralyzing blow!

Look out, here comes, oh, the double elbow! A double elbow!

Even this capacity crowd wants this thing stopped!

They paid their money, that's true,

but they don't want to see these animals in action anymore!

Somebody's gotta stop this! Where's the police?

Somebody, anybody! You're absolutely right!

The gendarmes have gotta step in here!

This is setting wrestling back a thousand years!

There you go!

Oh! Did you see that?

This could be the demise of Quick Rick and Tonga Tom!

All right, all right, all right, right now!

Ladies and gentlemen,

you don't like it, Harry?

This is illegal! Wait! Wait! Wait! No, wait!

Oh, they're gonna send him on a trip!

Just a sec... no! No! Please!

Be right back, ok? Sit tight.

Uh-huh.

Hey, Smilac!

Oh, no! No, wait!

Wait, pl...

Oh! Oh, oh, oh...

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't... I didn't see... oh, oh, oh.

Oh, my goodness.

Are you... you all right?

Fine.

Ok. Well, get well soon, huh?

Uh-oh.

Oh...

Oh...

No!

Oh, poor guy!

Well, at least he's close to the hospital.

"No, you don't!

"We will stop you no matter what!

"You will never stop me, Captain chaos,

because I have the secret formula!"

Oh, no!

I bet they'll get it back.

Hey, Harry.

Hi, Harry. Hi, Harry.

Hi, guys. Missy.

How'd you like the fight?

Ah, well, you know...

I'll tell you, guys, I...

I feel real bad.

You look pretty bad, too.

Oh, no, no, I mean, I...

I let you down. I blew it.

Aw, Harry, go on!

It wasn't your fault. We just got our butts kicked.

I mean, you guys have been wrestling a lot of years,

nothing like this ever happened before.

This whole thing happened because the Captain outsmarted me.

We just got off to a bad start.

You didn't finish too well, either.

Don't worry, Harry. We'll get 'em next time.

There won't be a next time. Not for me.

Why not?

Well,

'cause it, uh, doesn't feel too good having people I like get hurt on my account.

So, uh,

well, I never thought I'd hear myself say this,

you guys...

You need another manager.

Here's your contracts.

Harry, wait a second!

I thought we were doing great! Come back here!

Hi, Harry, how you doin'?

Hi, har.

M. Harry Smilac, personal manager, I do believe.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just looking for my manager.

I thought I told you to get somebody else.

Harry, you're my man.

I don't want nobody else, you're the best.

Well,

I used to believe that.

Not anymore.

You know, Harry, you stood up to the Captain.

If you get out of wrestling,

do you know that anybody that makes it in wrestling from now on

is gonna be one of the Captain's men?

Rick, you're wastin' your time, all right?

You know, there's only 2 things in my life that matters, Harry.

That's wrestling, and my little Princess,

little missy.

And I'll tell you what made that all possible. It's wrestling, Harry.

Wrestling made that possible. And I'll tell you somethin',

if you're gonna quit on me and I've gotta go back

to lickin' the Captain's boots,

well, mister, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna be just like you, I'm gonna quit, too.

Rick, even if I wanted to, which I don't,

but even if I wanted to,

I couldn't book us a match in a major arena anywhere.

No one's gonna sign with us if it means bucking the Captain.

You mean to tell me there's not one single arena in the country

that doesn't kiss up to the Captain?

Not a major arena.

I mean, maybe some 2-bit place

like my bands used to play when I was just starting out.

You know, road tours...

That is really dumb.

Dumb? Come on! This could...

This could... this could be very good for you.

Major publicity!

Yeah, like the Wilshire fund raiser, right, Harry?

My parents, to this day, won't speak to me.

They think I'm a communist agent.

Look, I think this could be very good for you.

Now, what do you say we give it a try, huh?

See, I can promote concerts for you guys, book matches for my wrestlers.

Come on, come on. Look, give me a couple of weeks to put it together,

then if you're not happy,

you can find yourselves another manager. Hmm?

Hey, Harry, are you ok? You seem sincere.

I mean every word of it.

I'll be right back.

You know, guys, I think he really means it this time.

We've heard this story time and time again.

Maybe he's on the level, maybe he's not.

I'll even provide first-class transportation!

"First-class transportation."

Meals, too.

od

♪ The sun comes up ♪

♪ but it don't look no lighter ♪

♪ it's hard to be alive every day ♪

♪ then you get up ♪

♪ and dig a little deeper ♪

♪ oh, I'll be back that's the way ♪

♪ runnin' down, hittin' bottom ♪

♪ doesn't mean that's where you've gotta stay ♪

♪ then you get up ♪

♪ and dig a little deeper ♪

♪ go out and be a fighter every day ♪

♪ Push! Push! ♪

♪ Oh, you can do it, baby

♪ I said, push! Push! ♪

♪ I know you can do it, baby ♪

Elmo, you can't do this to me.

I've got posters up all over town,

advertising 2 different shows on 2 different nights.

Look, I'd... I'd like to help you,

but we're booked up solid. You got the 15th, 4-h has got the 16th.

Well, look, how about right after the 4-h, huh?

I mean, farmers go to bed early, right?

No, that's the hog auction.

That's a wild one. They don't finish up till about 9:00.

Then we gotta pick up all the droppings and then air the place out.

Elmo! Elmo, pal,

look, I'd be real grateful

if you could find a way to move the pig act.

I mean, I'm sure the pigs won't mind, right?

Well, we could call it a clerical error.

Well, you might call it that,

but, you see, my partner wouldn't.

Oh, Elmo, Elmo, Elmo.

Come on, I've posted $1000 guarantee. I've got musicians to pay.

What am I gonna do with only one night?

Well, you know, my daddy used to say,

if you only got $10 and you're goin' down to the cathouse,

you better get the most bang for the buck.

You get it? Bang for the buck?

That's a good one!

I'm gonna have to run down and tell Floyd and the boys at the barbershop!

Bang for the buck!

Bang for the buck.

Wait a minute.

Bang, buck.

Now, uh, remember, rock and wrestling all in the same night.

Yeah, rock and wrestling. Let's go!

Yeah!

od

♪ Push! Push! ♪

♪ I know you can do it, baby ♪

♪ I said, push! Push! ♪

♪ I know you can do it, baby ♪

♪ I said push! Push!

♪ I know you can do it, baby ♪

♪ I said, push! Push! ♪

♪ I know you can do it, baby ♪

♪ I said push! ♪

Whoa, whoa!

Thank you!

We got a real Hummer for you tonight at the rock concert,

and we've gonna have now, the wrestling match!

od

Now, tomorrow night, don't forget,

we got the big hog auction.

And then the next night we got the...

Now, that's terrific, EImo.

But we gotta keep things going here, folks.

That's right 'cause it's showtime!

Introducing, uh,

Quick Rick Roberts

and Tonga Tom!

Now, this is a very, very special exhibition match!

Now that means $1,000,

that's right, 1,000 good old American dollars

to any 2 local boys

who think they can pin either Tonga Tom

or Quick Rick Roberts.

So, what do you say? Who do we got here, huh? Don't be shy.

Number 1 on the list is pee wee Hutchins.

Where are you, pee wee?

Here I am, EImo!

Come on down, pee wee.

Harry, I can't do this.

You wanna lose $1000? No.

And joining pee wee is his brother

little will Hutchins!

All right! Let's get to it!

Woo-hoo!

All right! Let's get to it!

All right, little will, you gonna get 'em!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Ain't we supposed to shake first?

Whoa!

od

Come on, Rick, get up! Come on, baby, get up! Get up, will you?

Come on, Rick, let's go! Get up!

Harry! What?

Do something!

I'll be right back. I'll go out to the bus and get the papers.

Papers?

Yeah, we'll sign this guy!

Get serious!

Right, ok, ok, we won't sign him.

Come on, Rick, get up!

Stay right there.

All right, listen. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Listen!

That organ is killing us!

We need some sounds of our own. What do you want us to play?

What do I want you... I don't care, anything, something.

Just give me some decibels, ok?

Ok.

od

od

Turn him around!

Turn him around and back him up!

od

Harry, do something!

Go!

Now, you listen to me.

You don't wanna be messin' with me.

I'm tellin' ya, I will send you home to your mama.

Ugh!

You're all right, buddy!

What a show! I've never seen this town so excited!

How about a repeat on the 24th?

Well, you know, we're real...

Available.

It's been a pleasure doin' business with ya, Elmo, we'll be in touch.

Great!

Appreciate it. See ya later, Elmo.

All right!

Hey, uh, hold it!

It can't be the 24th!

That's artificial insemination night!

How about the 25th?

od

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I need a man who always takes care of business ♪

♪ I need a man who can take care of my dreams ♪

♪ just give me someone ♪

♪ that's extremely armed and dangerous ♪

♪ my love is dangerous ♪

♪ and you know what that means ♪

♪ I'll fight for you if it comes to that ♪

♪ no one else can have you ♪

♪ and that's a love fact, yeah ♪

♪ body slam ♪

♪ take me to the limit if you can ♪

♪ don't want a boy, I'm lookin' for a man ♪

♪ I understand the job he's gotto do ♪

♪ body slam ♪

♪ I think you could fit in my plans ♪

♪ you shake my love with just a tempting glance ♪

♪ you throw me for a body slam ♪

♪ body slam ♪

♪ take me to the limit if you can ♪

♪ don't want a boy, I'm lookin' for a man ♪

♪ I understand the job he's gotta do &'J

H, excuse me, miss, I, uh...

Hi, I'd like a chivas and soda.

Could you make that 2?

Mr. Smilac? Yes.

I'm herb brown. I'm a writer. Oh.

I'm interested in this rock 'n roll wrestling business of yours.

Well, who isn't?

Looks like a big success.

Well, I'd use the word "enormous."

If you don't mind, I'd like to take just a few minutes of your time

and maybe that of your wrestlers and your band Kicks.

Actually, that's "Kick," no "s".

What happened to the "s?"

Well, you know, when you're in the big time, you need a big-time name.

I mean, whoever heard of the Kisses, or the Whos?

How about the Beatles?

Yeah, right. Look, I'm real busy now, so...

This won't take long.

Uh, what we'd like to do is run a piece

in next week's issue of Rolling Stone.

Oh.

Rolling Stone. Yeah.

Yeah, well, you see, it, uh, it, uh, really all began

when I realized a crying need in this country, herb,

for, uh, you know, good, old-fashioned family entertainment.

I just reached right out there and took the public's pulse.

Uh-huh, ok. Now sign it,

"your favorite personal manager, Harry."

No, no, no, wait,

make that "love",

your favorite personal..." Etcetera, etcetera.

Why don't you just call Candace instead of sending her postcards?

I tried, missy,

but I keep getting the housekeeper or her mother,

and they just hang up. Will you just mail the, uh...

Good.

Hey!

Would you look at this?

Would you look at this?

Yeah?

Harry, I knew you could do it!

You have brought us to the top, man!

Well,

almost.

Almost? Would you...

Page 72, look at this right here. There it is. Look, it says,

"they have created

"the entertainment event of the year.

"Have changed the face of wrestling,

and possibly music."

What more do you want?

The championship, Rick.

That's right, world tag team title.

Now, the question is,

can the two of you take The Cannibals?

I give you my personal guarantee.

But what good's that gonna do?

Those guys have had the belts for 5 long years.

The Captain ain't gonna give us a shot at it.

Especially if he knows we're prepared.

Aw, hey, guys...

"Trust me."

And now, here's Vic!

Hello, wrestling fans.

Good evening.

Pull up your stools

because we have a great show for you tonight.

I'm sure you all remember a couple of months ago

when Captain Lou, here, and Harry Smilac were on the show

and they had a slight disagreement.

Well, they are back again tonight,

so who knows what's gonna happen?

In the last couple of months,

this is wonderful, you have truly changed

the entire face of wrestling.

That's right.

Well, the real credit lies with wrestling fans everywhere.

Yeah, all I did was, uh,

give 'em a chance to see a great sport

in a way that's refreshing, inspirational, provocative, entertaining...

No, no, no! You know, you took a chance,

combining rock and wrestling.

I-I-1t's wrestling for wimps!

You don't need music to wrestle,

you need balls!

Big ones!

Thank you, Tim.

Captain, do you have any thoughts on this?

Uh, these rock 'n wrestling concerts, they're like junk foods.

They're all wrapped up in a pretty little package,

but too much of it makes you sick.

Just like this guy, Smilac, makes me sick!

Well, Harry, it looks like your colleagues, here, Harry,

are not exactly your biggest fans.

But gentlemen, you cannot argue with the numbers.

That's right. And Smilac's shows are drawing.

Harry, do you have any thoughts

about bringing it to the big city?

Well, I'm glad you asked...

Hey, man, nobody would come out and see it.

Oh, hey, wait, I take that back.

Maybe, uh, some of Smilac's old boyfriends would.

You know the type I mean, the ones with earrings.

Faggots.

Earrings, huh? Like the one

you're wearing in the old, uh...

You know everyone's fed up with your act.

It's old style,

boring, passe, baby. Even the wrestlers are fed up with you.

You're bad-mouthing the Captain! Why, you...

You're a dinosaur, your days are numbered! Settle down. I think that...

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

Sounds like we have a slight disagreement brewing here.

You're a dead man, Smilac!

You and your boys, I am gonna put you out of wrestling!

All right, that's fine, I'll tell you what, I'll give you the chance.

One match, winner take all. Have you got the guts for that?

Whoa! Sounds like we are talking grudge match here on ring talk!

Let's get this straight. If my guys win, you leave the wrestling business.

That's it? Fantastic! Isn't he smart?

Any time, pencil-neck!

Great, ok. How about 2 weeks from Saturday?

And the tag team belt goes along with it. Whoa!

I didn't say nothin' about the championship belt!

See that? Blimpo finally showed his true colors. Uh-huh.

Right here on your show, Vic. In front of millions of people.

He can't fool the public.

Hey, I'm not tryin' to fool anybody! I never back off a fight!

Oh. But let's make sure there's no way to weasel out.

Especially from a welsher like you, Smilac! Whoa!

So we put the belts on the line

and our wrestlers' contracts, winner take all!

You've got it! And you heard it here, folks, on ring talk!

4 of the greatest wrestlers, 2 top managers!

I don't know about you, but I can't wait for this one!

Tim, what do you think about this, huh? Tim?

Faggot!

If you don't find that dog, Debbie,

start looking for a new job.

Yes, what is it?

Buenos dias. Candace Vandervagen, por favor.

Oh, please. Candace, this is for you.

Ok. Got something for me?

Uh, yes, an apology.

The voice sounds familiar, but I just can't place the face.

What, you don't like pussy willows?

Look, I'm takin' a terrible chance coming here.

But I wanted to see you. I've been thinking about us.

Thinking about us? For 20 cents you could have called me.

I did call! Honest!

From every 2-bit town between here and Phoenix.

But y-your housekeeper wouldn't put me through.

Must have had training from the Sandinistas. But I did write.

You call those crummy postcards written in crayon "writing?"

You didn't like those?

Candace!

Quick! Quick!

Harry! An elevator?

Drop the flowers!

I can't reach the...

You know, I'm...

I'm so happy that you came out with me here today.

Why?

Well...

Mmm...

I, uh,

I have a little something here for you.

Funny, it doesn't look like a diamond.

No, actually, it's, uh,

it's for your mother and her friend, Norton Wilshire.

Really? Yeah.

It's, uh, it's my end of the purse,

if Rick and Tonga win.

I mean, there are enough bucks there to more than make up

for the little problem we had at the Norton Wilshire fund raiser.

What if they don't win?

Well, I'll, uh, I'll think of something.

Hmm.

Ladies and gentlemen, what a night we have for you here this evening.

It's like the super bowl, the world series,

and the academy awards all rolled into one, right here.

I mean, it's incredible, the stars are here, the beautiful people...

Get out of my way!

Ah...

Mr. Kim!

Well, well, well, well,

now, what could possibly bring you out here tonight?

What you think, smirac? Some business.

How about if I call you Harry?

Oh, I don't know, I've kind of gotten used to smirac.

Ok. No more Mr. Nice guy!

I know you're making big bucks tonight.

You pay up, or else.

At stake this evening,

the world wrestling tag team championship

and the survival of 1 of 2 top managers in wrestling.

Speaking of which, we have Captain Lou Morano.

Let's got get a word with him right now. Come on this way.

Captain Lou, can I get your...

Outta my way, kid! Outta my way! Just one. Please?

Hey, sign this, Lou!

Captain Lou, any predictions about tonight's big match?

Smilac's dead!

Uh, have you ever seen a tremendous crowd as we have this evening?

Smilac's a dead man!

Any special instructions for your wrestlers this evening, uh...

Smilac's dead!

Well, that was, uh, certainly a meaningful conversation, wasn't it?

We had... I don't believe this, what a surprise.

We have one of California's gubernatorial candidates here.

Good to see you.

Senator Norton Wilshire. How are you?

What do you think about this evening?

Well, it's not really...

No, as a matter of fact,

these are my kind of people.

The grassroots of America.

I'm proud to be here on this special occasion.

Listen, Kim,

you know, you... you're becoming a real pain in the ass, you know,

so, here's the way it's gonna be.

You're gonna get off my back

and stay away from my cars.

Now, this beauty here cost me $85,000.

Now, one little nick on that baby,

and you'll be back in Japan before you can say "egg foo Yung."

Egg foo Yung is Chinese, Mr. Smirac!

Korean different!

Excuse me.

3,2,1...

Well, wrestling fans, now we get down to that moment of truth.

4 men in the square circle,

fighting for their professional lives

and the right to wear a championship belt.

And just look at that great crowd down there tonight.

Virtually a who's who in wrestling history.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the N.W.A. World champion, Ric Flair.

Next, the one and only "Classy" Freddie Blassie.

Always a gentleman.

I can see true legends at ringside.

Don't tell me. You're reason for birth control.

And there's wrestling's evil genius, Sheik Adnan El Kassey.

Professional wrestling's living legend,

15-year world champion Bruno San Martino.

Oh, and by the way, I myself will be doing the blow-by-blow and,

oh, and here joining me for some color commentary is a man you all love.

You've seen him many times on my show ring talk.

Let's welcome Tim Mcclusky.

Oh, thank you very much, uh, Vic.

And ladies and gentlemen...

Tim, you know these 4 men, you've watched these 4 men,

how do you see this match, Tim?

Well, all 4 wrestlers are great athletes, uh-huh.

And the difference in this match is...

That's very interesting, Tim, but let's go to ringside now

and catch them with that great music by that wonderful group Kick.

Hey, bozo, you cut me off one more time and I'll deck you!

od

♪ Another hard-working kid ♪

♪ listen, show us what you got ♪

♪ and it's just what I do ♪

♪ ain't saying that it'd be easy ♪

♪ no one said that it'd be free ♪

♪ I earn my living inthe U.S.A. ♪

♪ There's no place that I'd rather be ♪

♪ can't you feel it in your bones? ♪

♪ Runnin' through your veins ♪

♪ it's the American way ♪

♪ and it's never gonna change ♪

♪ you get up early and go home proud ♪

♪ lemme at 'em, lemme at 'em ♪

♪ land of the free, shout it out loud ♪

♪ it's the American way ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ it's the American way ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ it's the American way ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ all right ♪

♪ runnin' at the work site ♪

♪ I've gotajobtodo ♪

♪ flex a little muscle ♪

♪ until the job is through ♪

♪ but you know within our work ♪

♪ now I truly have to say ♪

Well, guys, uh,

this is it.

Harry, we know what we gotta do.

There's no 2nd chance for us.

You lose our contracts to the Captain,

we're out of wrestling.

We're gonna do it, too, Harry.

♪ Lemme at 'em, lemme at 'em ♪

♪ land of the free, shout it out loud ♪

♪ it's the American way ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ it's the American way ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ it's the American way ♪

Get these freaks outta here!

This is supposed to be a wrestling match!

I like it that way, fat man.

I don't give a rat's ass about this program.

Your guitars need tuning.

Oh, my god.

This is ridiculous!

This is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life!

What? It's great. Look at those cannibals.

Why don't they let the kids play?

Well, they're wrestlers. They're not...

Get out of the ring, Lou!

They're better than the kids!

Will you shut up, for god's sake?

I'm gonna go down and talk to the kids myself.

Hey, hey, you! Hey!

Hey, hey!

Hey, Smilac, you better get out there. Your band's in trouble.

What do you mean my band's in...

Captain Lou and... and The Cannibals are... oh, great

ladies and gentlemen, uh, Vic Carson can't be with us right now.

He has a slight headache.

But joining me is one of the great sports announcers

to help me with the blow-by-blow,

Chick Hearn!

Well, thank you very much, Tim.

Ladies, and gentlemen, it took me a little while

to get up from ring side. But here we are.

The fight has just gotten underway.

About 4 and a half months ago they retained their world championship

by using every dirty trick in the wrestling game, including chains.

And tonight they're coming out without their chains,

but they're starting to apply every kind of unfashionable hold

that the wrestling world has ever seen.

And so far, despite that punch by Tonga,

it has been pretty much The Cannibals.

There's an arm sling, and out of the ring goes Rick!

Rick is on the cement, outside of the ring!

Ahhh!

Ugh.

Harry!

Harry!

A close line. Ooh, a vicious close line to Tonga.

Look out for this one.

And down goes Tonga!

Tonga may not be able to get up for a while.

They go outside of the ring and they floor Rick!

There's all kinds of trouble here.

The world champion tag team looks like they're gonna successfully defend

without too much of an effort.

But here comes Rick into the ring.

But look at this, an overhead body slam!

Ooh, that hurts all the way up here!

That's a body slam by Tonga.

Beautiful move by Tonga.

Is he gonna get the count? Nope, he hasn't got a one-count.

But that shows them that they might be back in this fight.

The world championship is on the line.

Oh, The Hammer delivers a vicious 2-handed blow to the head of Tonga.

Off of the top strand of the rope, he's gonna try a body press!

But he missed it, Tonga moved just in time.

He's gotta give the hand to Rick.

He's gotta touch Rick because Rick's got to get in the fight.

And he does get to him!

Is this some kind of a match? We hope you're enjoying it.

Oh, there's Tonga, and he pulls a 2-man pass with it.

And Tonga right now is a little bit angry himself.

They're gonna try a double bulldog!

I don't believe it. A double bulldog!

Ooh, that'll put your wallet in place.

How about that?

Now, both men are on the floor, so are The Cannibals.

Why don't they finish 'em?

Because the want to meat out the same kind of punishment

that put them in the hospital 4 and a half months ago.

Whoo! Tonga flew through the air like a b-747.

A chance for the pin. 2, 3!

We did it! We did it!

You guys were beautiful!

od

♪ I shouldn't be here touching you ♪

♪ and I shouldn't love the way you feel ♪

♪ I know you've got somebody waiting at home ♪

♪ I tried so hard to tell you no ♪

♪ but when you touch me like you do ♪

♪ my best intentions keep falling apart

Joh, lord ♪

♪ and just when I find the strength to leave ♪

♪ you put your magic spell onmeJ

♪ and baby, I can't hold on ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps changing my heart, keeps changing ♪

♪ I lose control ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps making me break down, baby ♪

♪ can't say no ♪

♪ you know it hurts so deep in me ♪

♪ watching you run to him again ♪

♪ sometimes I think it's just not worth the pain ♪

♪ then you go back you're teasing me ♪

♪ and loving me like nobody can ♪

♪ you get me falling all over again ♪

♪ and just when I am sure I can walk away ♪

♪ you touch me once that's all it takes ♪

♪ baby I can't hold on ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps changing my heart, keeps changing ♪

♪ I lose control ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps making me break down, baby ♪

♪ can't say no ♪

♪ do you control me? ♪

♪ When you hold me I'm on fire ♪

♪ take me higher

♪ I feel just like a fool ♪

♪ I can't get over you ♪

♪ you know the way I feel ♪

♪ I never felt before ♪

♪ your love is so unreal ♪

♪ keeps me knocking at you door ♪

♪ you know the way I feel ♪

♪ I never felt before ♪

♪ your love is so unreal ♪

♪ keeps me knocking at you door ♪

♪ body, body, body, body ♪

♪ body, body, body, body ♪

♪ body, body, body, body ♪

♪ body, body ♪

♪ My body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps changing my heart, keeps changing ♪

♪ I lose control ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps making me break down, baby ♪

♪ can't say no ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps changing my heart, keeps changing ♪

♪ I lose control ♪

♪ my body keeps changing my mind ♪

♪ keeps making me break down, baby ♪

♪ can't say no ♪