Original subtitles

Oh, Froggy went to court and she did go.

Froggy went to court and she did go.

Froggy went to court and she did go to the late night show at the coconut

Froggy went to court and she did go.

Take a bow -wow, Maxie.

Studio clear.

Let's strike the set, boys. Come on, let's go. Let's go. Move it.

You okay, man?

Any better than I'd be in a pine box.

It's this bunch of losers I'm worried about.

Who we got here tonight, Smiley?

Lobel, Elvis?

Fowl? Oh, that's the chicken farmer, huh?

Uh, I, Claudia?

She reads her diary out loud.

It's real downer.

Well, at least we got the Blue Angel at midnight, right?

Smiley, I need to talk to Max for a second.

Elmer, take that hat off.

I will not.

Look, I'm sick and tired of all this patriotic bullpucky.

Fifty years ago, you loved America, too.

World's smallest violin.

Are you really letting the Blue Angel back on the air tonight?

Listen, who runs this station, you or me?

Well, you want kids watching that filth? The FCC allows adult fare after

midnight. Now, any kid who's not in bed, that's his problem.

Those phones only ring for the Blue Angel.

That's what pays the bills around here. The bottom line is, you've got to give

the people... You've got to give the people... You're smoking again, haven't

you? No, no, I swear to God.

Max has been working here since the early days of television.

Back then, television was full of promise.

And so was Max.

He obviously needs an angel.

He's already had three.

You?

And you?

And you?

We'll be here if you need us, baby, but it's your turn now.

The way things are going.

Your last chance.

When

you

walk down the road, heavy burden,

heavy load.

I will rise and I will walk with you.

I'll walk with you till the sun don't even shine.

Walk with you every time I tell you I'll walk

with you.

Believe me, I'll walk with you.

On February 11th, 1963, my favorite poet Sylvia Plath stuck her head in a gas

oven. I would too, but my mom has electric.

So instead I keep this diary to tell the world what it's like to suffer, as I,

Claudia, have suffered.

Max. Monday, I was depressed.

Tuesday, I was freaked out.

Wednesday, I was really bummed. Max.

Max. Elmo, what do you want?

How are you feeling?

Can you breathe any better?

Just keep more tissue in frame, will you? And mind your own beeswax.

Thursday was a day from hell.

Friday, I realized life was totally meaningless.

And Saturday, I stayed in bed with the covers over my head.

Sunday was okay.

Wait.

No, it stinked too.

Hello.

Excuse me. Hi.

Do you have anything positive you could share?

Positive?

I can't bear my soul if I'm going to be harassed.

What's going on here? We're on the air.

Smiley, get in the booth.

Honey, honey, you're on the air, sweetheart.

You're live.

Live.

I don't feel alive.

That's the whole point.

We are experiencing technical difficulties.

Please stand by.

Listen, Miss Weisenheimer. You got an opinion to express?

You sign up for your own show like the rest of these bums. But I'm here to see

you, Max. I'm Gloria.

I'm a health aide with life support.

I brought you something to help you breathe easier.

I didn't order that. Beat it. I did.

But before you blow your stack, just remember what the doctor said.

Emphysema is a life -threatening... You're fired.

And you've got five minutes to get off the lot.

All right, who's on that?

Elvis? Okay, that's fine. Hurry up. Get him on. Get him on.

That's all yours, Mac.

No, he's just trying to help.

Oh, don't worry about it, Elmer.

I'd fire him every day.

You know, Elmer's like glue.

Once he sticks with you, you can't get rid of him.

You really shouldn't be smoking in your condition.

Listen, Mac.

I was only doing this for your own.

Is that a cigarette?

So what if it is?

Don't you get it, Elmer?

I don't give a rat's whisker if I live or die.

And I don't need any help from you or... Gloria.

Whatever.

Just leave me alone.

Go on, get back to your camera.

Smiley, come on, put somebody on the air, will ya?

You're watching Public Access Channel 9 for Indiana.

I know it's hard to believe, but he wasn't always like this.

He used to be a mensch.

Mensch? It means great guy, and that's what Max used to be.

But that was a long time ago.

Back in 1948.

Okay, kid.

My name's Max.

Now, when I hold up this sign, you show me what you do.

Really?

Hey, Max.

Oh, hey, this here's my pal Elmer. We were in the war together.

Yeah, we still are.

Max. Oh, boy.

Max.

Max. Oh, I never find what's going on around here. Listen.

Where is he? Where is the story lady? Where is the story lady? Here.

Oh.

Who are you supposed to be?

I'm Betsy Ross.

You little monster, you do that again and I'll cut... Pardon me, that's no way

to talk to a child. And you really shouldn't be drinking in front of the

children. You're such a dull face.

I can replace you with any broad in this church. I beg your pardon.

Excuse me, sir. I believe the sponsor said he wanted to have a word with you.

You certainly seem to enjoy your job.

Oh, I'm just the applause sign guy.

But a guy's got to start somewhere.

Where are you going?

Me? I'm going to be a director. Of course, not like that guy.

I just got this feeling that we're sitting here at the beginning of

really big.

Television. Yep.

It's going to change the world.

It's going to help the world watch itself change.

See, that's great.

I've got to write that down. Listen, I keep a list of topics for a show I'm

going to have someday about America.

It's a list I've been keeping since I was 14 years old.

When I was at the New York World's Fair back in 39.

Oh, hey, look at this.

This is to certify that Max Blandish has been televised at the RCA exhibit

building. It was incredible.

I was standing outside the pavilion in front of this camera, and my dad and mom

were inside actually watching me wave my arms on this little electric screen.

Boy, that was when I realized.

Television is going to bring people closer together.

Well, not everybody.

All right, now I want folks to feel that if Betsy Ross were alive today, she

would buy a Frostilator from Refrigerator Land, okay? So let's make

a good shot of Betsy with the penguins.

Betsy with the penguins. I got it.

We have another director right here.

I think this is what they call your big break.

Refrigeratorland presents The Kitty Corner.

Today's show, Betsy Ross. Hello, children.

Today I'm going to tell you a story about Betsy Ross on the first American

flight.

Looking good.

Looking really good.

Cigarette? No, thanks. I don't smoke.

Okay, Elmer.

Stay wide on those kids.

Beautiful.

Now then, who would like to help me with my story?

How about you?

Whoa, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's that kid doing there? Cut the commercial. Now.

We're about to lose our audience.

What are you talking about? They're eating this stuff up. Elmer, hold your

position. Camera two, push in on that kid's face.

Now, can you tell me what the 13 stripes represent?

The carnies.

Very good.

What are you doing?

We just did that. Nobody wants to see a happy Japanese kid on TV in front of the

American flag.

Camera two, stay tight on that kid's beautiful face.

One day you're going to realize you're just plain wrong.

Yeah?

Well, one day you'll realize that the sponsor is always right. And until then,

you're fired.

I'm proud of you, buddy.

You did the right thing.

Yeah, look where it got me.

Mike, don't give up on that look.

Unfortunately, Mac didn't listen to me.

I can't believe that was the same Mac.

Well, a lot can happen in 50 years. Gloria, hurry up. Get the respirator.

There's no time to call 911.

Don't let him die, dear Lord. Don't let him die.

Hold on, buddy. Hold on.

Max, can you hear us?

He's coming out of it.

Let go of my hand.

Max. Let me take you to the hospital.

Get out of here. I'm fine.

What are you all gawking at?

Come on, let's get this show on the road.

Get back to your camera.

Come on, Albert.

Whatever your name is.

Come on, shake a leg.

Elvis is among us. And I have the proof.

Right here.

Now, it happened on I -40 near Little Rock. There was a banana truck that

skidded off the road right near a peanut butter factory.

And it left an oil slick. And that's where the face of Elvis appeared.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, the king loved peanut butter and nanner

I mean, it's a sign that he's still alive.

And he's hungry.

How can you put this on TV?

Now, this unretouched photograph could be yours for just $10.

That's right, friends, just $10. Just call this number right here.

Operators are standing by.

I hear those phones are ringing now.

They only ring for the Blue Angel.

You almost died tonight, and you're still smoking?

Please. You're worse than Elmer.

Elmer cares about you.

You know, he said you used to be a real mensch.

Elmer's a blabbermouth.

I suppose he also rattled down about my list, too, huh?

What happened to that list, Max?

Life.

Instead of me changing television, television changed me.

Max,

I have the worst cold.

Oh, you poor darling.

Oh.

Oh, and now don't you worry. You're a trooper, sweetheart. Yes.

Gloria, this is Tiffany, the Blue Angel.

Hello. That's what I get for dancing night after night in this drafty old

studio. Yes, yes. Well, now we're going to go get some tea with honey, honey.

Huh?

God bless you.

Blue Angel.

Huh?

Think how she got that cold.

Chet, why do people say God bless you when they sneeze?

I work from an old superstition when people used to believe that you could

your soul when you sneezed. But the truth is, you can lose your soul a whole

of ways.

And Max came awfully close back in 1954.

Five, six, seven, eight, hit.

Up.

One, two, three, four, five.

And you're... Very nice, ladies. Very nice.

Okay, let's take it back to the beginning.

How you doing, Mr. DeMille?

DeMille may have potted the Red Sea, but he didn't have to do it live.

And he didn't have to deal with a sponsor like Mount Rushmore Cigarettes.

come on. You've been waiting for years for a chance like this.

Ah, it's still just a local show. With a national feed. Those network boys in

New York, they're going to be knocking on your door tomorrow.

You think so? Because this list is burning a hole in my pocket, boy. Hey,

happen, Mac.

You'll get your chance.

Yeah, when? When they put a man on the moon?

Sooner. Hey, a man on the moon.

Imagine that on TV.

All right, people. Heads up!

Hey, hey. Eddie!

What's this?

It's for the opening number.

A sponsor put it in. No, no, no. I ordered mountains.

Matt, don't do this to your blood pressure, son. Calm down. Have a

Matt Rushmore cigarette with a cool methylated pill.

I don't smoke. And listen, I've been having trouble with that singer you

How is she come along, son? Well, I hired the best coach in the business.

But you can't make a silk purse out of a sausage.

We are not cutting that number. God bless America is my mother's favorite

But she sounds like a horse. Son, you are the director. You find a way to work

it out. That's what you do.

Are you going to work with your face or your voice?

Okay, let's try it again and try to feel it.

You cannot build a phrase with a mouthful of chewing gum.

What do you mean, build a phrase?

I'll show you. Listen.

From the mountains to the

prairies to the ocean white

with bone Then you build it.

My home Sweet

home See?

Oh, thank you.

words, this is your lucky day. The way Tess sings, you're going to be in like

Flynn. Who should I work for next?

Sid Caesar or Milton Berle's show?

What is going on here?

Where is my singer?

Your singer can't sing. Tess can.

Trust me, your mother's going to flip. Oh, I guarantee she'll flip, son. My

mother is from Georgia, and believe me when I tell you that no one from down

south wants to hear that woman sing God Bless America.

Why not?

You know damn well why not, so don't you make me say it. Son, I've been in this

business a lot of years, and if you want to get ahead, you better wise up.

I write the checks around here.

No dough, no show. That's the bottom line.

So what's it going to be?

You want to direct or stand on that soapbox?

that light down a little bit. Are those dancers out of makeup yet? Let's go,

people. Let's go.

I hope you understand.

I'm a good guy.

Honest, I am.

Right now, there's nothing I can do.

I'm sorry.

Don't you understand, Max? This is not just about a variety show.

This is a decision that could affect you for the rest of your life.

It's about the kind of human being you choose to be.

Wasted, everybody.

Hey, Eddie, clean the stage.

That means you, Tess.

Max, how can you do this?

It's not my decision.

Yes, it is. You're the director. What you say goes.

You want me to lose my shot?

What is happening to you?

Look, Elmer, I'm going to do the right thing one day, aren't I? When?

When they put a man on the moon?

Yeah.

Until that day.

Back off!

Mount Rushmore Cigarettes presents Happy Birthday, America!

You applaud?

So did he become a big -time director?

No, Max's heart wasn't in his work anymore.

He sold out that night and became what they call a hack.

What am I gonna do?

Huh? What am I gonna do?

Oh, Max, you really have to stop.

Tiffany's sick.

The Blue Angel starts in a half an hour, and I've just lost my Blue Angel.

Then why don't you just cancel?

Cancel?

Don't you get it?

I got bills to pay. I can't afford to lose one viewer, not even for a single

night.

Oh, just make it worse.

I need an angel.

Well, I'm an angel.

Or I could be an angel.

What would I have to do?

Oh, well, just relax and follow my directions.

Oh, okay. Well, that shouldn't be a problem.

Good.

I've never been on TV before.

Oh, then this is going to be some debut. I'll go check your costume.

Well, if it isn't the Blue Angel. I have a costume and everything.

Do you have any idea what you'll be doing with that costume?

Well, I'll be wearing it, won't I?

Yes, until the music plays.

And then you'll start taking it off.

I can't do that. You got that right.

But I was just trying to help Max.

Well, you better think of another way, and quick, because you go on right after

those chickens.

I want to talk about a subject that's very controversial.

A lot of farmers have asked me about.

How to pick up chicks.

You got to pick up chicks very careful.

Okay, Ted.

I admit it. I'm in over my head.

What do I do?

Oh, please tell me what to do. Gloria?

Elmer.

It's okay.

I talk to myself all the time.

I got Smiley to cover for me. I'm allergic to farm animals.

I tried to get him to cover for me after midnight, but he wouldn't do it.

You mean the Blue Angel show?

Makes me mad just thinking about it.

Me too.

Frankly, I'm not too happy with Max right now.

Yeah, well, for me, there's only one way to deal with him.

That's to remember the guy I met 50 years ago during the war.

The guy that saved my life.

Max?

You're trying to tell me he was a hero?

No, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for him.

I caught a bullet wading into Omaha Beach, and I went under.

He got me out and carried me ashore.

A week later, in the hospital, I opened my eyes, and there he was, sitting by my

bed, making his list.

List? He had this crazy idea that one day we'd make a TV show called

We the People.

Oh, Max was a dreamer.

And you bought into his dream. For years, he said he'd do the right thing

day.

Yeah, like when they put a man on the moon.

Listen, don't tell Max.

I'm going to talk to him.

I was a good friend.

You've been through a lot with Max.

We all have.

Actually, I was with Max the day they did put a man on the moon.

More than 30 years ago.

What you are seeing now on your screen is a simulation of the procedure the

astronauts will be following when they exit the lunar module.

Turn that thing off.

Neil Armstrong is about to walk on the moon. And you're about to get fired. Now

get back in that studio. We got a show to do.

Max, today's the day.

You always said you'd do the right thing when they put a man on... Hey!

I'm getting enough grief from that Andrew guy. I don't need it from you.

Where is he?

Come on out of that crater.

Come on, come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Now listen, you. No more arguments.

Time is short.

Here's your ray gun.

All you gotta do is introduce the feature.

Space Vixens from Venus.

And when the saucer flies by, you vaporize it with your death ray.

No, Max, no.

I'm sorry. I do not believe in killing any living creature, not even from

You know what this is?

World's smallest violin.

Do you know what this is?

This is the amount of time you have left before something drastic happens.

What are you talking about?

Your life, Max.

Doing the right thing before it's too late.

Who is this guy?

Max, look!

It's happening!

The pictures are a little dark because of the angle of the module camera.

Oh boy, this is really something.

There it is. Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon. On this, the 20th of

July, 1969.

Elmer? Oh, my God. Oh, my God, what happened?

Call an ambulance.

He had a heart attack.

All right.

Hello, operator?

Yeah, I need to get St. Mark's Hospital.

It's an emergency.

Elmer stayed by Max's side for ten days, and then Max pulled through.

How can he still be smoking?

Well, he quit for a while, and then he started again.

He just doesn't care anymore.

Gloria, will you come out of here, please?

Gloria! Wanna come out here, dear?

Here's your costume.

There's your coat.

And here's your boots.

Is this all I'm wearing?

Oh, of course not.

There you go.

What's going on?

Max?

Gloria? Max wants me to be the Blue Angel.

Oh, no, no, no, you can't.

Well, I told him I would, and where I come from, that's as good as a promise.

You tell her she doesn't have to. Elmer, calm down.

I'm not going to let you do it. Not to a nice girl like this.

Hey, look, who's running this studio, you or me?

You are.

All right, then.

Are you going back to your camera, or you're fired? Well, that's okay by me.

What? You heard me.

You know, we've been buddies for 50 years through thick and thin, but this

I've had enough.

I was wrong about you.

You'll never do the right thing.

I'm sorry I ever believed in you.

He'll be back.

He always comes back.

I don't think Elmer's coming back.

So I suppose you're going to walk out on me, too.

No, Max, I wouldn't do that.

So get dressed.

Break a leg.

I believe that's what they say in show business.

And with these heels, that seems very possible.

You want me to follow Max's direction and take my clothes off?

Of course not, Gloria. You're not the Blue Angel. You're God's angel.

Just remember that, and you'll never make a false move.

Even in these.

Smiley, Elmer's gone. You take over camera.

No can do, Max.

I got kids.

I don't like this Blue Angel thing any more than Elmer does.

You want to fire me, fire me.

All right, you're through.

I'll run the camera myself.

Gloria, it's almost midnight.

Oh, look at you.

Frankly, I'd rather not.

Okay. Now, in 30 seconds, get ready to sparkle.

Sparkle? Yeah, you know...

Let your love light shine.

Now you just stay within range of that camera and have a ball, okay?

Gloria?

Pick up that phone and make your dreams come true.

What are you doing?

Praying for direction.

I told you what to do.

Sparkle.

Give a little bit of the old razzmatazz.

Come on, Harry.

Hi. My name is...

Gloria.

Gloria. Gloria.

Gloria.

Just waiting on some direction here.

Phone. Get the phone. Answer the phone.

Hello? Oh, I see.

Okay, thank you.

Hello?

Really?

Well, thank you.

Goodbye.

Hello?

Thank you for your input.

Goodbye.

I don't think they're real happy with the new format.

We're losing them.

Take something off.

Show them what you got.

Okay.

You're good.

What's going on here?

Must be something wrong with the circuit board.

No, Mac.

I'm an angel.

A real angel.

Oh, brother.

I need a cigarette.

You're reaching for the wrong thing.

You have been for a long time.

Skip the commentary, will you? I need a stripper, not a shrink.

What you need is to remember.

Remember when you loved your life, Mac?

When you were full of dreams, when you made that list?

Leave me alone.

For years, you said you were going to do the right thing.

Well, maybe I will one day.

What's wrong with today?

What's going on here?

I forgot my baseball cap.

Gloria?

You're glowing.

Are you okay?

Yes, Elmer, I am.

But this is nuts.

Are we still on the air, are we? What?

Don't ask me. I don't work here anymore.

I better go.

No, Elmer, please.

Stay.

And Max, I'd like to bring on a few guests.

Let's just call it a blast from the past.

I remember you.

You're the story lady.

And you're the singer.

And you're the Martian.

I must be losing my mind.

No, Max.

We're the angels that God has sent to be with you all through your life.

Because he loves you.

But you didn't want to listen to us.

Or you wouldn't.

I'm just a hack.

What does God want?

God does not make hacks.

He makes beautiful people with unlimited potential.

And he's waiting to help you reach yours.

What potential?

Max, God still has great plans for your life.

Something you lost a long time ago.

God wants you to have it back.

My list.

You had a dream, Max, that you could use television to bring people together, to

open their minds and heal their hearts.

You can still do that.

You can start right now.

The camera is on and there are people out there who really need to hear what

have to say.

Tell them about your dreams.

Teach them what you have learned.

If you can let God give your life meaning now,

Then it was never ever waited Go

ahead back.

It's the right thing you can do it

One day, a long time ago, I got scared.

And I made a wrong choice.

And then another and another.

I did whatever it took to get you out there to watch my shows.

And now that I see that the last 40 years of my life have been nothing but a

series of wrong choices.

I lost my dreams.

I lost my best friend.

And I don't deserve it.

But it looks like God wants to give them both back to me.

I don't know how much time I have.

But from now on, I'm going to put on the best program I can.

And if the phones don't ring, it's okay.

As long as the right message is getting out to you out there.

Don't be afraid to stand up for the things you believe in. Oh, and there's

something else I should have done too. These things.

I didn't have the courage then.

I hope it's not too late now.

Teth, do you mind? Welcome back, Mag.

God bless America.

Land that I...

Stand beside her and guide

her through the night

with your light from above.

From the mountains to the prairie.

To the oceans wide and full,

God bless America,

my home sweet home.

Bless America, it's my home sweet home.