Original subtitles

Hey, Frank?

Yeah?

I've been thinking.

I don't think we got a fair shake here.

Now, what made you think about that?

Well, here we are crowded together in this little cell.

Eli's got one all to himself.

Oh, yeah, but Eli, well, he's a big man here in River City.

Oh, that so?

Isn't that right, Eli?

Yeah, big man.

Well, maybe they'll build him a statue someday. The only thing they're going to

build for the three of you is a...

A scaffold over in Jethro's corner.

Did you hear that, Eli?

Yeah, chum.

Kind of makes you want to shiver now, don't it?

Yeah. Say, Sheriff, how about me going out for a nice ride in the warm sun?

I'm shivering all over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too, Sheriff. I mean, we promise we'll be right back.

don't we, Frank? Oh, yeah.

Look, if you don't believe us, you just ask Eli.

Eli, are we men of our words?

Absolutely right.

But if he don't trust you, I'll be glad to go along.

Just to see that you come back.

Well, how about that, Sheriff?

Oh, you're all going for a ride.

Soon as that bounty hunter comes to pick you up.

Your last ride.

Bounty hunter?

You put nothing with bad company like that.

And, Sheriff, we ain't never going to forgive you for that.

Ain't that right, anybody?

A bounty hunter.

Absolutely right.

Thank you.

Well, let's go for that ride.

Hey, what you got there, a souvenir?

Something to remember River City by after we leave.

Uh -uh.

We're not leaving River City.

What do you mean?

Well, now, somebody's got to run this town now that he's no longer with us.

Who are you talking about?

Us. You, Chum, me.

With that mess out there, there ain't nobody around here going to give us any

trouble.

Well, now, you always wanted to be big men, didn't you?

Yeah. Well.

A town is ours.

Well, let's have a look -see.

Well, suppose someone makes trouble, Eli.

And you just do your duty.

Sheriff.

That's what this town needs, a sheriff like me.

Yeah. Well, what about me? Your first official act.

Deputize him.

Yeah, deputy.

Something troubling you?

Why should he be sheriff?

Because I said so.

Okay.

Hey, what about you, Eli?

Well, I'm the advisor.

Now, let's look this town over.

Get us a drink to celebrate the new administration.

You Phineas Porter?

Yes.

You liar, huh?

That's right.

Why, looky here.

Uh, we don't want any lawyers in this town, you hear?

Well, just who are you?

You're talking to the new sheriff, mister.

His deputy.

The new town advisor.

What? Come here.

I need more lawyers.

You understand?

Do you understand?

Yes, yes.

A twister rips through town, wrecks my saloon, smashes my whiskey, and you just

stand there doing nothing.

I get paid for entertaining.

Well, you're not entertaining me.

Well, sue me.

Oh, no, you don't. Please, Leonard, just one. No, sir. No work, no whiskey.

Get on with it.

Go on.

Howdy.

River City sure a mess, ain't it?

Where you from, Sheriff?

River City.

Oh, Sam Kendall's our sheriff. Not anymore.

I just appointed him.

I'm the deputy.

And who are you? The governor?

Nothing that fancy.

I'm just the advisor, honey.

The name's Lucy.

A particular who calls me honey.

I don't mind.

I like a picky woman.

Well, suppose she doesn't like you.

I'd change that.

You're sure of yourself.

Why not?

Got a sheriff?

Got a deputy?

Got a ticky woman.

You'd be nice.

I said, would you be nice?

All right.

Well, now, that's better.

Now, as the new advisor, I'm advising that we all have a drink to that old

tornado that just gave this town a new administration.

Me, too?

Yeah, you, too. Now, where's the whiskey?

Oh, all we got left is the dollar whiskey.

Sheriff, arrest this man.

Raising prices like he done is just plain highway robbery.

Can't arrest a man without giving him a try.

Well, you're absolutely right, honey.

You. Huh?

You're the new judge in this town.

Me? Yeah.

Judge has got to have a court.

Absolutely right.

Sheriff, bring your prisoner before the bar of justice.

The judge better stay right behind the bar.

Well, hurry it up. Justice is supposed to be swift.

Yes, sir.

Well, court is now in session.

Go ahead, try him.

You've got to have a charge.

Highway robber.

Guilty or not guilty?

Oh, he's absolutely a highway robber.

Guilty. Well, go ahead, sentence him.

30 days.

Only 30 days for highway robbery?

60 days?

Sheriff, take your prisoner.

Deputy, do your duty.

Aye, you lie.

He's the sheriff.

You're the deputy.

Absolutely. All right, your honor, set him up.

Well, what about me?

Duty first, deputy.

Whoops. Why don't you watch where you're going?

I'm sorry.

You know you ought to be a little more careful when you come through doors. You

understand?

Yeah, I guess so.

What kind of a sidearm is that? Why?

Well, it's kind of big, isn't it? Yeah, well, I'm a little bitty fellow. I need

a big gun.

Look, don't get cute with the mirror. Frank!

Let him alone.

You're a mess.

Pour him a drink.

Are you around when the Twister hit?

No, I was on my way riding into town.

Sort of changed things around here.

Yeah. Yeah, a lot of changes.

Is that right, Lucy?

That's right.

You ever see a Twister before?

Yeah, someone once in Kansas.

Almost enough to make a man stop drinking.

Almost.

Passing through?

Uh -huh.

Pour him another drink.

That's enough for me.

You said you were just passing through.

I had a little business here.

Oh? What kind?

Law.

Sheriff Kendall.

That so?

Yeah, I was supposed to pick up three men for bounty.

What's your name?

Randall.

Well, Randall, Sheriff Kendall is dead.

Twister got him.

And them three fellas, why, they just took up and flew the coop when I twist

their head.

This is the new sheriff.

Can you speak for himself?

Sure.

Go ahead, Sheriff.

Speak for yourself.

Yeah. They just flew the coop.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Randall, you know who I am?

Yeah, afraid so.

Why didn't you make your play?

Three men. I didn't know where the oven was.

What do you do now?

Put that thing right here.

Easy.

Easy.

Yeah.

We got a nice town here, Randall. We don't want to lose it.

Let's have another trial.

Your Honor.

Court's in session.

Face the judge, pal.

Keep your hands off me, Sonny.

What's the charge?

Disturbing us peace officers.

And he's guilty.

90 days.

Court's adjourned.

Take him away, deputy.

He told you to lay off, chum.

Absolutely.

You'd be a scattergun friend.

Absolutely.

Mr. Randall.

Hey, Mr. Randall.

You've got to do something.

What do you suggest?

Well, it sure is a crazy -looking gun.

This thing as good as a rifle?

It's good for working in clothes.

You know, Randall, I hear that you gunned down George, making him wake up.

Is that right?

Why?

Because I just don't believe he can be that fast in one of these.

Oh, sure he can. Look, let me have it here. I'll show you what I mean.

Well, that's funny.

Very funny.

Very funny.

Yeah. You're just what I promised my honey.

Mr. Eli.

It's all right, Mr. Eli?

Yeah.

You better get two of them.

You got a lot of judging to do.

Eli!

Yeah?

He's been practicing law.

No. Somebody merely asked me a question and I answered him. After all, I am a

lawyer.

All right, lawyer man.

Defend yourself.

Try him.

Here.

Well, why not? You got your judging coat on, ain't you?

What's the charge?

Can't think of one just now.

Sentence him.

For practice in law, 60 days.

Why, you... Take him to jail, Sheriff.

For what?

I guess I better get another coat.

I'm hungry. We're hungry, too, and we demand our rights. Now, shut up, lawyer,

man. The bounty hunter been giving you any trouble?

You take care of your own. Don't take care of mine.

I just had a wonderful meal.

Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, a little butter over that, sweet corn.

Pickled tomatoes.

Hot muffins.

A little strawberry jam.

Apple pie.

A little cream over that.

Coffee. What do you want me to do, Sonny? Pat you on the back as your big

Well, look who's here.

Lucy!

I came to visit your jail, Sheriff.

Well, it's not much, but we call it home.

Making him nice and comfortable?

Should have heard about the meal I just told him about.

Lucy, will you please talk reason to this man and to his friends?

It's Miss Lucy to you, Mr. Porter.

Very well.

Miss Lucy, you could help.

Why should I?

Well, after all, this is your town.

Uh -uh.

My part of River City was restricted to the saloons.

Oh, I was good enough for you and some of the others to drink with, but not

enough for just a friendly hello on the street.

But it's different now.

All I have to do is snap my fingers, and I can fill this jail with your wife and

her lady friends who lift their noses every time they saw me.

Spoken like a lady, Lucy.

Thank you.

And what do you think, Mr. Randall?

Oh, I don't think it makes much difference to me when we're the other

I consider that an insult, Sheriff.

Absolutely. Open the daughter's cell, please.

What for?

He should have his face slapped.

Yeah.

You can't insult a lady and get away with it.

Lucy, it's on the house.

He'll remember that for a while.

Don't make me kill you, boy.

You two, stay relaxed.

Jane's behind your neck.

Lucy, you better be out of town when I get out. You shut your mouth or I'll

it for you.

I don't know why you did it, ma 'am. I sure do appreciate it.

I did it for myself.

I wanted to give this town something to really remember me by.

What about us?

Think I'll leave it to the lady here, huh?

Yes, Your Honor.

I'm sure going to hate to see you and your friends leave.

Oh, now, Your Honor, we ain't fixing to leave.

Well, let me find ourselves a new home here.

If I start shooting, it's going to be shooting to kill.

Stand up.

I'm useful.

Now drop your gun, Vince.

Easy, Locke.

You should come.

Now, I'll do the talking, of course.

Miss Lucy, I speak for the entire community when I say that we are all in

debt. You don't owe me anything.

Oh, yes, we do.

Had it not been for you and Mr. Randall, those men could have ravaged this town.

We were wrong about you, Miss Lucy.

We misjudged you, all of us, and none of us more than your obedient servant who

asks your pardon.

Pardoning's easy, Mr. Porter.

You've got it.

Mrs. Porter asked me to extend an invitation to dinner.

Now, I hope you will change your mind.

Remain here and do us the honor to accept.

I said pardoning's easy.

Forgetting isn't.

I'm the same woman today Mrs. Porter wouldn't talk to yesterday.

You're a lawyer, Mr. Porter. You ought to know you can't go back and change

what's done.

Josh Randall, you be quiet.

Yes.