Original subtitles

My name's Ben Hanlon.

I'm a magician.

On this show, I go undercover and completely mess with people's heads.

Whether I'm catching members of the public off guard... Give me my phone or

going to smash it.

What is that? Oh my God, are you kidding?

Give me my money bag.

Or pushing celebrities to their limits.

You're being filmed.

I don't care, you... Oh!

Oh, in the dark! No!

The cameras are hidden.

I'm in disguise.

So all the reactions are 100 % genuine.

These are issues.

Whoa! These people have been well and truly tricked.

Pop into a techie gadget shop and you're hoping to get some good advice from

someone who knows their apples from their lemons.

I'm going undercover as a geek.

And the only advice I can give... Stay there with me whilst I'm serving.

We're doing an offer on Iron Man 3.

You can see the poster down there.

If you want, I can do that for £3.

DVD £3? Iron Man 3 DVD.

£3, yeah? Yeah, I'll take that. Yeah? Go for it. Lovely. Alright.

Iron Man 3.

Have a good night.

£7, please.

Bargain.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

See you again.

You know, were they Paul's first one or was it our first one?

You know.

Oh, it would be Marvel Iron Man 3.

What? Okay.

That. Yeah, is this the 3B you get?

Iron Man 3. Yeah? Yeah.

I was thinking that you meant that one, but I'm there.

Right. No, no, this is Iron Man for three quid. Do you want it? No, I don't.

Okay. But you bought it now. We don't really do refunds. You don't do refunds?

No.

But... I don't know. This is fine, though, because Iron Man 3, this is

than the film because you learn about... Have you seen... Can you iron? Yeah.

Right. How advanced is your ironing? Great. I don't need to know how to iron,

though. Yeah? What about starching? Do you know about starching? No. It's all

the DVD.

I don't want to know that.

Are you delicate? Iron you delicate?

No, I don't need to know that.

It's a good iron delicate that... And also, starring Tony Stark... No, I don't

even know who he is. Tony Stark.

He's the Iron King.

Can I have a refund, please?

What about one of these? Do you want an old DVD?

No.

So you just want Iron Man 3, the film? No, no, no, I don't want it. I won't

that. I thought it was a little deal and I forgot that, but I'll leave it. I'll

have my frame of hand back and I'll leave that. I don't want you walking out

here all grumpy -faced. I'm not going to be grumpy.

I'll just go buy a different DVD elsewhere.

It's cold.

I don't want you going elsewhere.

If you want Iron Man 3, the film, I'll do it for you.

Are you joking?

Ah, there you go. Oh my god, I'm so confused.

You wanted a... Oh my goodness, what just happened there?

You're joking me, right?

Before I tricked

my next customer, I popped out and stopped two groups of friends.

Howdy, guys. Have any of you got your phones or some headphones on you?

Headphones?

Yeah? Can I... You've got... Has anyone else got any?

You've got some... Yeah, can I have them? Is that all right?

Yeah, take yours off and untangle them.

Should I take it off my phone?

Yeah, I don't want your phone. You can keep that.

Great.

All right, that's yours.

Thank you. All right.

Now, headphones.

The thing is with headphones, they're really antisocial.

Like you sit on the bus, not talking to anyone.

So we can fix that.

You take yours.

You take yours.

Just hold it nice and tight there for me.

Like that. Just hold it tight there.

Just don't move. Don't move.

Oh my God.

Cheers.

There you go, more sociable now, isn't it? That's really good.

Time for some more

undercover crickery in my swanky tech store.

How you doing, you all right?

What's the latest iPad?

We've got the iPad Air.

That's the newest one.

That's the newest one, but we've got different sizes.

What are you thinking of using it for?

I want to buy it as a gift for my mum. Gift for your mum, good.

Good gift, eh?

Do you have any other devices in the house?

I've just got an iPhone 5.

What does she have? Does she have... She's got an iPhone 5 as well. She's got

phone like this? Yeah.

Okay, well, that's good. So if she buys one of these, she can sync it up with

photos, calendars, contact, that kind of thing.

Before we get into that, your battery's a bit low, so I'll give you a charge.

Yeah, that's fine.

So like I said, these are really good.

Sorry about that. Sorry, sorry.

Oh, bloody hell. What happened?

Have you got it insured?

Oh, sorry about that. It really hurt, that did.

What happened?

I put it in the charger and it blew up. Is it faulty?

Sorry about that.

Sorry about that. I mean, it's still... You've cracked my screen.

Yeah, but I had to let go. I had to make a decision. It was either get burnt or

electrocuted or let go. It was a reflex.

What would you have done?

Um, but... Oh, my God.

What are you going to do?

Well, if you pay for it, I can replace it.

Pay for what?

If you pay for the screen, I can fix it.

No. Okay, all right, okay, all right. Don't make a scene.

Don't tell my manager.

No, I'm going to tell your manager.

Don't tell my manager.

Are you joking? No, why would I joke? You've almost just hurt me.

If you really want it fixed, all right.

There you go.

What?

Because it's fixed, isn't it?

That's not funny. That's proper not funny.

There you go. You gave me a heart attack.

You need to look after that. You need to look after that. You just dropped it.

You still want me to sell you some other goods?

I've asked you lot on Twitter for a funny dare you'd like me to pull off

meet up with a celebrity.

This time, it's Breakfast Kelly babe, Susanna Reid.

Let's see what you tweeted.

At Johnny Yules.

I'm not going to do that or that.

No, it's a no.

Oh, this is a good one. At Jessica Muller says, do a trick without even

to them.

That's quite an answer. I like that. I could maybe do some mime, maybe a bit of

drawing. OK, all right, Jessica, I will do a trick without even talking to them.

Hello, Ben.

How are you?

Oh, this is like a kind of teller thing, is it? Pen and teller.

You know...

You've lost your voice.

Are you ill?

Is it part of the trip?

Okay. I will narrate.

You're going to show me some photographs.

You've just been on holiday.

They're things you don't want other people to see.

Okay.

Are we allowed to show these? Whoa!

That's weird.

Should we just have that on the phone?

Okay,

that's freaky.

Yep.

is look down and remember one card.

Got that?

Look down and remember one card, yeah. All right, I'll throw it on the table.

Okay. I won't look.

No.

Have you got one?

Yeah.

Okay, I've got one. Talk about it over and over again. Yeah. In your head.

Thank you.

The four of hearts.

No. Not the four of hearts. No.

Oh, okay. Well, what was it? Say it.

King of diamonds. Oh, really?

Yeah.

See, the strange thing is, in that deck of cards, your card is no longer there.

Oh, it was there.

There. It was there. It was definitely there.

It's gone.

That's weird.

Oh, no.

Don't. Please don't. No, no, no, no. That's just weird.

Oh, that's even weirder.

Okay. Is that the reason you couldn't speak?

And what's it going to be?

That is just freakish.

You're a genius, Ben.

Thanks very much.

I wasn't part of the deal.

Okay.

Later, Amy Willerton causes a crash.

I get hammered and cause a nasty splash.

And... David Haye sees me get proper math.

Fuck off.

Cricked is all about putting celebrities on the spot and seeing how they react

under pressure.

Top model Amy Willerton spent some time in the jungle, so she's no stranger to

pressure. But how is she going to cope when she meets me and the whole world

comes crashing down around her?

Amy thinks she's the VIP guest for a youth arts project.

She's been told a group of underprivileged kids have made a piece

being judged today.

And I'm playing the part of the project leader.

So this is it all.

Now, how much have you been told?

Not a lot.

Okay, it's Haringey Community Support Group. I'm one of the voluntary

as is Sophie.

And our group was submitted into an art competition.

And we're in the final. And we're being judged today. Hence why you're here for

the presentation and help with that.

And what we were told to do was to create a piece of art that represented

they all lived. So they all come from poverty -stricken backgrounds.

And the winner of the competition wins a new playground for the estate.

So it's quite a big competition. I mean, they're going to give us about $250

,000 to spend. So they've worked really hard on it. We've had this space for

about three weeks.

And at the end of it, we've made this.

This is Haringey Tower.

By the way, by the way, can we come off the carpet? Is that right? Sorry.

You really don't want to knock that? No, no. When we were building it, it kept

falling down. And obviously because it's being judged today, it's got to be

finished.

And the idea of the tower, you're only as strong as your weakest block.

Like a community. So it's trying to get everyone to pull together to make this

tower. And then at the top of the tower, we have our people that they want to be

like. So we want you to be at the top.

Oh, that's so great. So are you able to sign a block at the top?

Is that alright?

Okay, alright. You can come over here.

I've got the block.

Here you go.

What should you do now? I'm just going to check.

Are you okay?

You'll be fine. Don't worry about it.

Great, so yeah, and then lay it flat with the other Look at me put your hand

away and look at me What

do you do You

knocked it Okay,

well is it

No, it's okay. No, no, accidents happen. Accidents happen.

Let's fix it, okay?

Right, okay, hold on.

Start with the base.

Start with the base.

Right, so start topping it in a honeycomb shape.

So do you remember how it was on that side, yeah?

Start again.

Okay, right.

Okay, come on.

Can you help, please?

I don't know. I don't remember what it was. No, it's not going to work.

Okay, look, look. We can't do it today. It's not going to happen.

Stand up. Let's shut the curtain. I'll just have to cancel it. I'll cancel it.

And I'll call the judge.

I'll tell them that the kids are ill. They can't do it today.

If we get a day to do it, we'll be able to do it tomorrow. So I'll go get the

kid. I don't even know. I don't even have my hands on it.

Yeah, let's try it.

Oh.

Hey, kids, you all right?

Come on up, come on up. Yeah, yeah, great. Is that Sophie?

Okay, Sophie, yeah.

Okay, yeah.

Is the judge here, Sophie?

Okay, right, hey. Say hello to Amy, kids.

Can I just have a quick word for a second?

I'll help her out.

We'll do the presentation.

I'll sort it out.

Yep, sit up.

Okay, welcome to the presentation. Thank you for coming.

I know you've got two others to judge.

We're lucky today to have Amy Willerton, who, if you don't know her, was Miss

Universe Great Britain 2013 and has also been in the jungle.

Can we give a round of applause? And Amy, please say something. Well,

I'm so honored.

to be invited here today, because obviously I've heard all about the

the fact that you're all working so hard to create an amazing playground for

your community, which I think is such a beautiful idea.

One of the things that I've learned is always, you know, just never to give up.

Because, obviously, you know, Facebook, well, I think we should say what

happened today.

No, let's give it a round of applause.

So, thank you very much. So, we have some coffee and cake downstairs. If

all like to go and get some refreshment, that would be great.

We cannot see it now.

Pardon? We cannot see it now.

Basically, what happened was the camera was actually built. It's like a gen,

again, gen.

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Kid, I didn't do anything, okay? I know how hard this has been for you the last

few weeks.

So, it's been Amy that...

Probably better if I just show you.

No, look, Amy, Amy, you've done enough, thank you.

No, no, it's fine, it's fine. Can you stop here, please, please, please?

Probably better I don't spoil their dream, and I'll just show them. This is

Amy did.

Haringey Tower.

Thank you.

Any questions?

Any questions?

I've actually got something to tell you. What is it?

This isn't really an art competition.

No? What is it then?

My name's Ben Hamlin.

I'm a magician.

Oh my God!

And you've just been tricked.

Sorry, sorry.

Oh, my God. I thought he was going to cry.

I thought he was going to cry. Oh, my God.

I knocked it down, and I felt awful.

My heart was just in my stomach. I'm thinking, I'm going to lose these kids

their money. They can't build their playground.

And I thought he was going to cry.

I have been completely tripped.

Absolutely no idea that any of this was going to happen. It's a very unexpected

experience and, yeah, I'm just glad I didn't break any kids' hearts.

When you're starving and you're out and about, you've got to get yourself a

quick snack.

It'll be a kebab, bacon sarnie, maybe even a good old -fashioned burger.

But if you're hungry for grub, you don't want to meet me because I'll serve you

a lot more than you hoped for. It'll be more like a magical adult dinner.

As these girls will soon find out.

Girls, nice to meet you. I'm Ben. What's your name? Amy.

Hello, Amy. You all right? Hi, I'm Jules. Hello, Jules.

Girls, these kind of places are nice. Here's a little tip for you.

If you ever want to get yourself a free meal, grab a pot of sauce.

Can you hold your left hand out for me?

And then when they're not looking, take the lid off, stick a hair in it.

Or maybe even like a cube or something.

Oh, don't act like you've never done that, girl. Get yourself a free burger.

Come on, you've all been students once. Have you done it?

No.

You're lying, you're lying. But if you want free food for life, you need to be

more severe than just one cube.

You need to up the ante.

Oh, my God.

That's disgusting.

Oh, my God.

That's so great, man.

That's disgusting.

Here you go.

Put them in your burger. You'll have free food for life.

Girls. Oh, you've got one in your hair.

I'm so sorry.

Here you go. They're yours now.

Selfie.

I've rigged the late night grub gap with cameras.

Ready to dish up some magical post -pub munchies.

hey guys yeah yeah

hawaiian hawaiian

yeah yeah

We do our pizza slightly differently. When we make them, we make them into

shapes and stuff.

So for your Hawaiian, heart shape.

Thank you.

That's alright, isn't it?

There you go.

So what?

It's your birthday.

I won't charge you for that one then. No, it's your birthday, lovely.

You can have it. And for you, mate, I've done you a knife.

Cock.

There you go.

You're going to enjoy that, aren't you?

Yep.

Every month. I can see you're salivating.

Hey, we'll just wait until you're paid.

But that's for this one, mate. That's 5 .75.

You don't mind the mayor, no?

Cheers,

mate. Thank you.

It's all right.

25, change.

There you go.

Actually, I'll tell you what, mate. I feel a bit bad.

Would you rather just a normal shaped pizza?

Are you sure?

Yeah, it's alright.

No, no, it's not alright.

It's not.

There you go.

There you go. Enjoy that, mate.

There you go. Have that.

Have a good night.

Thank you. See ya.

How are you doing? What kind of chicken do you have? All sorts.

Pieces, boxes.

Fried or grilled?

Fried. Are you thinking about eating together? Like a sharing box?

I don't mind.

Yeah, I could do you a sharing box if you want.

Yeah, so I could do you about three or four pieces for about four quid.

Is that alright?

Four pounds, please.

So it's gone right out the window.

How long is that going to be? I'll just go get it. Oh, okay.

You ran out of five legs, so I just got your claws and head. Is that alright?

Is that alright?

Is that okay?

Is that alright?

You are joking. No. You're completely joking. No, these are 100 % organic

chicken.

No? I mean, if you're not... These are the best bits. Literally, the head. It's

definitely not... It's really flavorful.

Oh, my God.

It's really flavorful.

There you go.

If you've not had this before, it's really good.

These are the best bits.

I don't see what the problem is, really. I can't even take you seriously.

Why not?

Can we get, like, some proper chicken?

Would you rather, like, legs and thighs or something? Yeah.

All right.

You know what you said, normal customers, like... Oh my

God!

There you go.

Man, look.

Later.

Clumsy me builds wine at a wedding.

And even clumsier me gets chopped in a wood chip.

Fuck off.

Getting married is supposed to be the biggest day of your life.

Would it really be fair to potentially muck up someone's wedding just for a

laugh? Ooh, let me think. Yeah. Yeah, it would.

Watch this.

I'm meeting up with Martin and Louise, an engaged couple who want to set up

their friends and family for an epic wedding fail.

Martin, Louise, so you're engaged.

Your guests don't know that I'm going to trick your entire wedding party.

So first of all, why?

Why not?

Good point, good point, yeah, good answer.

If I was to do something fairly major, how do you think your guests are going

react? Well, I tell you, now the mother -in -law will not be happy.

I would not be happy.

You said you sounded like there's been some history there. That's fine.

Anyone I need to be aware of? Could be handy with their fist or anything?

Well, Dad used to be a boxer.

Yeah. Didn't tell me that, so thanks for that.

So what I'm thinking, I'm going to be your friend from work. Not many of your

work colleagues are here, so that should work as a cover.

I'm going to be fairly low -key, and you've got a few things you're going to

have to do. You're going to have to pretend that everything's normal, and

at one major point in the day... I'm going to disrupt the whole thing that

brings your wedding to a halt.

Should be fun.

So the big day has arrived and my TV crew are undercover as the wedding

videographers.

Everyone's getting ready, including me.

Who invited Austin Powers?

Martin and Louise tie the knot and pose for photos.

Ah, lovely.

Now for the best bit, the reception.

Let's get pissed.

Mr and Mrs Martin Newton!

All the guests are having a lovely time and Martin and Louise

are doing a great job at not letting on what's in store.

Good that, wasn't it? I'm blending in as that random guest that no one knows.

But by the end of the speeches, they'll all know who I am.

I've started knocking back the drinks so I can get this show on the road.

Good. That was nice, wasn't it? That was proper.

That was... Well done, guys.

Well done. You did great.

Hold on.

Can I do a quick one? Can I do a quick one? Is that all right? Quick one. Quick

one. On behalf of everyone, haven't they put on a proper day?

Yeah? Great.

Sorry. Great.

You're looking wicked.

Diamond, isn't she? She's looking... Oh, sorry.

Get on here. Take your shoes off. Take everyone at the back.

Take your... Go on, do this.

Let's see how beautiful she is. I know you can't see at the back.

Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Dad. But just, you put on such a wicked... Go on, get on

here. Go on, go on, go on.

You've all done a wicked day.

Wicked day.

Raise a glass.

Raise a glass.

Look.

When you say... When you go in a lake district, you never said you were going

a lake motorboating.

No, no, no. All jokes aside, just raise a glass. Both of you are looking

beautiful, especially you.

Sorry,

sorry, sorry. I can fix that.

I can fix that.

No, you need tonic water. You need tonic water.

Don't rub it in.

No, I can fix it, Mum. I can fix it. Just don't watch it, really. It's going

be... Mum, it's going to be... Don't rub it in.

Don't rub it in.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've got something to tell you. I'm not really a guest.

I don't even know them. They've invited me here today because my name's Ben

Hanley and I'm a magician.

And all of you have just been tricked.

Cheers, Mum. Thank you very much.

Cheers, guys.

I wondered what was going on. I thought, well, who's this?

I've never known a ring goat so quiet.

I just saw Louise's face and that was her, like, pride and joy, that dress

Oh, my God.

It was just, my stomach just hit the floor.

She got up and she was fuming.

I saw my mother reacting and I, you know, I was trying to stop her because I

thought she might kill him.

I've seen him on TV and yet it didn't register.

Totally tricked. Totally.

Earlier, I was challenged to perform a trick without talking.

Let's have another dare from Twitter.

That I can do.

It's nice to take money off people, especially celebrities. They've got

it. So yeah, I will steal some money off a celeb.

I've come to a VIP party to try and pry some cash out of Dancing on Ice pal,

Hayley Tammerdon and Ray Quinn.

Haley, Ray, how you doing guys? You alright? Yeah, fine, yeah. Good, having

good night?

Yeah, fantastic.

Right, let me show you something.

Okay.

With the money.

Okay. Five pounds.

Okay. Alright.

That is five quid. You're going to make it into 50 for me? Oh, you've seen this

one. No, I'm not going to. But I tell you what, let's use some of your money.

Okay, right, listen. Alright, what have you got?

I've got a tenner on me. That'll do.

Tenner? Yeah. Ten pounds? Yeah, yeah.

Try it.

If I take the tenner.

Yes. I'm going to fold it.

Fold it again. Yes.

Fold it again, right?

Now, this time, I want you to hold your right hand open.

Just take it, and if we just stick it there, close your fingers around it like

that, right?

Now, what?

I've got the barber in my hand.

Oh, my God. Are you messing?

Are you messing?

That's amazing.

Can you make that into two sevens?

That's amazing.

There you go. That's yours. You can have that. Open it up. It's yours.

And I get your tenner, so thanks very much, mate. No way.

Cheers, bud.

Oh, mate, listen.

Cheers. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Cheers.

The local store, it's open pretty much all the time and sells virtually

everything, making it convenient.

It's even more convenient for me as I get to go undercover and deliver some

horrendously bad customer service.

The hidden cameras are getting set up in my shop, but I popped out onto the high

street.

Cheely, I want you to go in that shop with this pound.

And grab a can of drink.

It can be any can of drink, but bring me back a can of drink, all right?

Here we go, right.

You can keep the change.

What did you go for?

Leukazade. Leukazade, energy, all right. Have you got any, like, small objects,

a lighter, some keys, something like that?

Yeah, I've got a key.

Key? All right, keep hold of that.

See, I wanted the can, I don't need the drink.

Trouble, you okay?

You okay in this tent?

Oh my God.

Oh my God, that hurts me.

Oh my God.

That is so good.

Oh my God.

Take it, take it.

Alright,

he's good.

Yeah,

I'm good, I'm good.

I haven't had my break yet, but...

Did you see, like, big bags of Haribo? You saw them, yeah, you didn't want

No, that's big, mate, that's too big.

Cool.

What?

How's the weather doing, man? Good weather?

Yeah.

It's just that I haven't got my break, so... It's alright, innit?

Can I have a couple more for my break? Is that alright, man?

Can I take a few more out? Is that alright?

Can I just take a few more for my break?

Yeah, but do I have to get another one?

No, because you paid for them, because it beeped, didn't it?

Huh? Well, it beeped, you paid for it.

I've had a couple out, just to keep me going. Yeah, but you never asked me,

though.

Well, it's kind of implied, isn't it?

Why is it implied?

Well, it's a sharing box, isn't it?

Yeah, but you share it with friends.

We're friends, aren't we? Can I not have a couple?

Is that alright?

I've already made a dent really. You seem a bit annoyed now, mate.

I've hardly had many. Look, they're pretty much full.

Pretty much full, aren't they?

I'll put that back on for you.

Is this a dream?

There you go.

Go on.

What are you up to, mate?

Yeah, no problem.

There you go, mate. 20 coughing nails.

You should think about quitting, really, shouldn't you?

Yeah,

I could tell you were smoking when you walked over. You were all like... How

many do you smoke a day?

All right, all right.

20 coffee nails for you.

I'm sending you to an early grieve.

£8 .20, please, mate.

Thank you.

I've got a thing against smoking, as you can probably tell.

Basically, if you're smoking, you look like a bit of a prick.

That's what I'm saying.

And you're not a prick, are you?

I am, actually. You are a prick.

Well, in that case, these suit you, then.

I mean, it pretty much says that you're that on the... I mean, it says smoking

kills, but we could... All I'm saying is... Well, look, what?

Don't be a... prick.

But you are, so it's all right.

£8 bunny, please.

Coming up, David Hay witnesses a woodchipper horror show.

Fuck off!

Former world champion heavyweight boxer David Hay is known for being rock hard.

He's no stranger to bruises and blood. But I want to see how hard he really is

when he spends a day with me at a bloody store.

guys in a bit i've got david hay coming here for what he thinks is a photo shoot

but before he comes i wanted to do something with some of the tools and

that align around this shed and we'll try this with you my man what's your

jake jake here's the game jake loads of tools items bits and bobs all around

here in a moment i want you to step forward i want you to mentally pick one

thing don't pick it up don't touch it don't point to it just get it in your

cool Great. You seem very focused.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is good. All right, when you're ready, step forward

in your head, pick one item.

Now I've got it.

Focused. You got it? Yep.

All right, good. Come back, come back.

You got one item, yeah? One item, yeah.

Okay, look at me. I'm going to try and get the item in your head, but you're

going to tell me. You're going to do a complete Lady Gaga poker face. I got it,

I got it. All right? Yeah.

Okay, so we'll start with, don't say anything.

This little badger here. This, don't look at me, look at me.

Okay, all right, all right. Let's go for screwdriver, classic.

Okay.

I mean, you could have gone for some screws, mate. You could have done, yes.

Or you could have gone for this hammer thing.

You're not flinching, man. You're not giving me anything.

Okay.

Okay, all right.

Not that.

Go for, could be this, classic, bit of tape.

Maybe that's your thing.

Maybe, maybe it is. I don't know.

I think I know the item you're thinking.

Go on.

Well, what is it? Tell me, what is it? What was it?

I told you? Yeah, yeah. It's a chain.

A chain?

Yeah. I knew, that's what I thought you were thinking, a chain.

It's good, isn't it? Yeah.

You don't look that impressed.

I knew you were thinking a chain.

That is pretty clear.

Look.

Oh my god.

That was

a good

warm -up now I'm getting ready for the main event I'm going undercover as a

journalist and my opponent is none other than the haymaker

He's turned up to a bogus countryside fashion shoot where he can uncover his

war side by sitting on some logs Can't believe you guys got me in Wellington

boots. I haven't been in these since I was jumping puddles

Messing

with a pitchfork I'm pretending

to be a lumberjack people actually get paid for it

Okay. It's as if you are.

All right, all right. Do you know what I mean? A tree -thurgeon type of thing.

Exactly.

So what are you about to do?

I don't know, climb a tree and pretend to be cutting off the branches. I'll

it. Put a twist on it. Yep. But all it is, it's just... But there,

this is the best part, yeah?

And stop taking your way.

Cutting into my nuts.

I knew that would happen.

Just squashing the jewels, the crown jewels.

Some people actually do like this type of asphyxiation around the genital

region.

Have you ever tried anything like that? I've heard, no, not my cup of tea,

personally. Why would someone want pain around them regions?

What's it like getting a low blow in boxing?

Literally, no matter how tough you are,

you're on the floor and there's nothing you can do about it.

While I'm pretending to enjoy my chat with Dave, I've secretly signalled the

others to clear off so I can get on with the magic.

I don't get the whole, I don't get it really. Are you a country boy? No, I'm a

country boy.

I did that I'm a celebrity thing where I lived in the jungle for a little while.

It was okay, but... I'm going to get him to turn that down or off or something.

We'll do that again. All right.

Just turn the ignition off. All right.

Excuse me, mate.

Excuse me, mate.

Did you see him? Did he go down there?

Huh? Did he go down there?

Who? The guy.

No.

Fuck off.

Fuck.

Fucking hell, man.

Come here.

Fucking hell.

I've got something to tell you. You're not really here for a photo shoot.

My name is Ben Hanlon. I'm a magician.

You've just been tricked.

I just don't know how the fuck is it fucking you in.

Glad you're alive.

Glad you're alive.

That was some quick moving.

I don't know what I could have done.

I don't know what I was going to do.

You're on the floor in bits.

What were you thinking when you were running up?

I don't know. I was thinking, how are you getting stuffed into it? And these

guys all set you up.

The manager and everyone.

Ah, nice, nice, nice.

As far as I was concerned, he ran over here.

He looked around and he screamed.

I saw, I could see his face.

And he then goes into something, gets mint, and then pops up somewhere else.

As far as I'm concerned, that's a pretty good trick. He had me fooled anyway.

I'm just glad you didn't punch me. No, no, no.

I'm glad you're alive.

Good.

What a little cameraman got sucked into a woodchopper there. Yeah, yeah.

You always think, if you wind up, David, hopefully it'll be nice.

But that was good. That was good. Because my heart was going for a bit at

end when you were running up. I thought, oh, gosh, I'm about to get a haymaker.

But, no, cheers, man. Thank you very much.

Thanks a lot, man.

I'm serious. I'm glad you're alive.

Genuinely. Yeah, so am I.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta is next over on ITVB tonight.

Fedra and Apollo are kicking off by the look of things.

Benidorm is next over on ITV4. It's 80s night and you never know, Bananarama

might even find a third member for the band.

And next here on ITV2, Keith joined by X Factor supremo Mr. Louis Walsh for

Celeb Juice.