Original subtitles

So, bachelor number one is 35, he's never been married, he's a doctor, he

kids and he's straight.

You really like Johnny's pizza?

Why? Why?

Stop looking at the girls, man.

Your new neighbor.

The ringer.

Where'd you move from?

Chiefsville? If you can do that again, bring it on, baby.

You know, you can't judge a man by the size of his beach dick. I can't subject

man to my personal chaos right now.

The kids just got here. It's all new to me.

It's not exactly what I would have picked for you, but since the kids have

here, you haven't done anything. You've got to get back on that horse.

Who knows? He could turn out to be a thoroughbred.

I got it.

Then I got it.

I hate people like that.

I so hate people like that.

The thing I still can't believe is she wrote it when she was 16.

She? Wait, you mean the guy who wrote The Outsiders as a girl?

Hello?

Man, that ruins my whole image of the book.

I mean, he...

She, you know, so gets them all, you know, like Ponyboy and Johnny.

And, I see Hinton's really a girl.

That's it.

No, I just don't think any woman should understand a guy that way.

So, uh, you hear they're having a big party at the pier for Founders Day?

You know, music, fireworks, ton of food.

Yeah, I heard my aunt in Louisiana talking about it.

I think lame ass was the quote.

Oh? Yeah.

Oh.

Well, my dad said...

Oh, I don't know. I thought maybe I'd check it out.

I guess you don't have any interest?

I don't know. I... Oh.

Um... No, actually, that'd be great.

Really. Great.

All she can say is, have I told you about my son, the doctor?

Sounds like your mother's very proud.

I pretty much have things covered here, so if you want to go down to the beach

and relax with Johnny... Until dinner, then.

Until dinner.

Where are you hiding the beer at? I know you don't expect us to drink this

stuff. We should have got here quicker.

Boy, I should have bought more beer. Try the Fuzzy Nape. It's doctor

-recommended.

How about we split that one? How about we don't? What, you don't think I've

earned it, considering I led our team to victory?

You led our team to victory?

Yeah.

You sound like Johnny. Thanks.

You really know how to hurt a guy.

What's the matter? You having a hard time killing that thing?

Uh, no.

You just prepping him for a diving competition?

Just getting ready to do a triple pike?

It's just that Derek named him.

How am I supposed to kill Lucy?

Lucy? Or Linus. I can't tell them apart.

Well, I can go grab the doctor and he can check for you. You're very funny.

don't you kill it? No, thanks.

Don't tell me you're chicken.

Let's just say an incident occurred when I was a kid and we'll leave it at that.

I'll do it. No, no, no. I can help you. I can do it.

No, I can do it. Seriously, I don't like doing it. I can do it. I got it. Kyle,

I can do it.

Dad.

Yeah. We're back. You ready to go?

Yeah. How was camp?

Excellent.

How was volleyball?

It was good.

When I

Exactly. Kyle, you cheated, volleyball.

You're just a sore loser. Hey, can you pass me the mustard? The point is, my

life is too complicated right now. I shouldn't be dating anyone.

I don't get it.

I set you up with Mr. Right, and you choose him.

It doesn't matter anyway.

I'm not going to go out with him. He's Nicky's friend's dad.

So?

Nicky's finally got a friend. What happens when Ava breaks his poor

heart? Well, she's not marrying him. She's just going to date him.

Your funeral.

Just do yourself a favor.

Don't tell Nikki.

Oh, she should lie?

You really think the kids want to know about Ava's love life? Hello?

I'm right here. See, you're all missing the point. The problem isn't Nikki. The

problem is this guy.

His divorce has been final how long? A month?

Two. Which makes him available.

Technically.

But either he's licking his wounds and using her to escape how hurt he is, or

he's looking to play around after years of marital prison.

Prison? Men can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and when they

come home, the only way they communicate is when they ask for the remote or a

beer. Did I kick prison?

Out loud. Yeah. May I remind you how ready you were to move on after you and

Beth split? Yeah, but I'm evolved.

A monkey's evolved.

Look, we got a whole new reality here.

Who are we going to be meeting and dating?

The kids' counselors, their teachers, parents of their friends.

It's a whole new peer group.

Susanna's right. I'm not going to marry the guy. I think we might have a lot in

common. Kid.

Volleyball. He makes furniture.

I sit on furniture.

I make clothes, and he... Where's clothes you want to tear off? There you

I'm going to go out with him. I am.

Nicky, Derek!

Hey, man. You did a good deal.

Hey, I'm going to go take a picture.

Hey.

Another Sam Banker out there.

You're awesome.

Working too hard.

Had to get you out of here and back on the board.

Can't you hear the waves calling?

Well, unfortunately, I hear the rent calling, and it is loud, baby.

When do you finish shaping this?

Hi.

How about you let me take it out?

Um, price tags on it.

Erica.

Anthony?

Yeah, you working?

Yeah.

You know, Crocodile Dundee.

Hey.

I saw you last week at Mavericks. You look great.

Oh.

Sweats were ripping, and I was, like, dropping off a two -story building

You're all over it. Hanging a one -handed grabber, pretty cool.

Thanks. Well, you know, if you need help with your one -handed, I could, uh...

I'd like that.

How about Sunday? Yeah, I'll hit the brakes before it comes to that, and then

you can stay.

That's the bonfire and the fireworks.

Just make sure your board's waxed and ready.

Sit and keep up.

You're dead.

I told you not to touch my stuff. You couldn't use a newspaper or something? I

couldn't find one, and I didn't want the paint to spill.

Well, it did.

off limits now get out and would you please keep world war iii down a minute

what's going on you out but braden

if braden touches the hair on your head i will rip his ears off oh okay cool

he's such a pest well nine -year -old boys are pests it's what they do

Your top looks great on you.

I look ridiculous.

Ridiculous? Have you seen some of these women in the magazine? Here, come here.

They're freaks.

I know.

Not the hair and the makeup and the airbrushing.

Believe me, you're way prettier than they are.

You want to tell me what's going on?

Do you promise not to tell?

I swear.

You got a hot date?

I wish I knew.

So you're trying to figure out if he asked you out as friends or something

Well, kind of.

Exactly.

So you blew off Ian Straub in front of his entire company.

I know. It was stupid.

That's not stupid.

That's what I call a defining moment.

The definition being unemployed failure.

You know what I think?

I think you have no idea how amazingly successful you're going to be.

What?

Just when you say it like that, I actually believe you.

That comes from experience.

I mean, that's from the guy who told the managing partner of Miller, Pearl, and

Morrow exactly what the rest of the firm thought about.

In front of the whole executive board.

Ouch. Yeah.

Gave my wife a corn, Erin. That was the day I woke up, though.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Unfortunately, Rachel was never in love with who I was.

That's what I was trying to become.

It's a problem with getting married so young.

Who really knows who they are?

I think that's why I left Kansas the minute I could.

It was so oppressive and there was so much expectation.

I didn't think I'd ever figure out what I really wanted.

Well, you just said it wasn't there.

Exactly. Come on, let's go.

You, um, you do this a lot? Yeah, all the time.

Really?

Yeah.

you ready to push?

Let's do it.

Man, I can't wait to hit that.

Yeah, I hate chicks who surf, but... Yeah,

I let her ride my wave, you know? Up and down.

Hey, look at this guy.

Hey, whoa, yo, bro!

You don't actually think you're gonna surf here.

Yeah, yeah, I am.

Son of a private beach.

Really? That's funny. I thought the state owned it.

You know, that guy's got a lawyer.

Let me help you out, okay? Um, I think... Chance, that way.

That way? Yeah.

Funny, right?

Hey, now. You be like that.

Politely inviting you to leave.

Next time, I'm not gonna be so polite.

I was shooting for a little better than knives.

Oh, my God, it's 2 o 'clock.

Does it feel like it? No, but...

Hey, what are you doing for Fonda's day?

Yeah, I've never really gotten into third -tier holidays. Ah, third -tier

fun. Yeah.

I was thinking you, me, a picnic at Spanish Coal's. Oh, Spanish Coal.

You are romantic.

I'll call you in a few hours.

Hey, how about lunch tomorrow?

And dinner?

I'll call you later.

Nikki, what are you doing up?

I couldn't sleep, and I was just... Are you just getting home?

What do you mean?

Didn't you have a date?

A date?

With the doctor?

Oh, yeah, a date.

With the doctor.

It was great.

Um, yeah, but we had to end it a little early because I ran into an old friend,

and then we were...

Wow, it's so late. Shouldn't you go back to bed? I mean, you have camp in the

morning.

Did you need to talk to me about something?

No, um... I was just heading up to bed.

But I'm glad your date went good.

with you today.

Something?

You know how to do a cutback.

Mind and body. If you're not riding the wave, the wave rides you.

Look, Eric, that guy Tanner.

What about him?

What?

Don't go out with him.

Excuse me?

I heard him talking trash about you and what he was going to do.

I heard him talking.

Can I tell you something?

Don't take this the wrong way, but it's really not cool to tell girls what guys

say.

I just don't want you to get hurt.

I can take care of myself.

You need more fluid?

Uh, yeah.

Thanks.

I was thinking about Founders Day.

The word on the street is you're right. It's going to be lame.

It's okay.

We don't have to go.

Good.

But I was thinking we could watch the fireworks from my house.

My dad's not going to be home.

If he was better, we'd be alone.

Alone?

Yeah, sure.

When's the date?

Red peppers?

Check. Lemon wedges?

Check. Very good, Iron Chef.

Here, why don't you put this on the table and go have a seat.

Great. I'm dark.

Hi, Susanna. Hi, honey.

Wow, did Martha Stewart stop by? Family dinner.

Hey, how did it go with the money people? Well, they got a lot of money,

they're not sure if we are fashion forward.

So I had a finesse little charm. We'll see what happens.

What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were going with Kyle.

Oh, it took longer with Derek and his rocket at the hobby store.

And then when I got back here, everybody looked really hungry.

Really hungry.

You blew them off.

I did not blow him off. I called him.

I have a lot of work to catch up on. I'm busy.

Ava, it's me, your oldest and best friend in the world.

What? You like this guy?

Yes. You think he's charming? You think he's funny? Yes, but... Look, we've been

here before.

I don't know what you're talking about. Every time you think you might have

found the right guy, you start to back off. Thank you, Dr. Phil.

Look, you don't want to end up like your parents. You don't think it's a perfect

romance like your sister has. It's not that.

I should have never gone out with him in the first place.

I knew it. I did it anyway.

And now I've lied to Nikki.

I really hate that.

What about Founders Day?

Savannah, what part of this are you not understanding?

Now is not a good time.

I know we said we wouldn't do anything for Founders Day, but I thought we

get into the spirit and really do something fun.

There's that festival at the pier. What, that lame -ass thing we blow off every

year?

There's going to be a marching band, and I hear they have some great bluegrass.

Bluegrass as in banjo? I'm going to launch my rocket.

Well, we could still do that.

I just thought it would be nice for us to do something different as a family.

Together. Well, you got another way to be a family?

Is there a problem?

No. No problem.

I just don't think I want to go.

Come on, you're new to Playa Linda. Let's get into the spirit.

Actually, I got invited out to that festival thing by some girl at a camp

some of her friends.

That's great. Who?

Carol Nathanson.

Okay, well, why don't I call Carol's mother and see if I can drive one way or

something?

Actually, I think her mother's out of town.

So who would you be going with then?

As in an adult?

I'm not sure.

Really?

Well, I'll get Carol's number and I'll call over. You think I'm some sort of a

baby? Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not what she's saying.

I'm not going to have you calling Carol's house like I'm a three -year

I'll look like an idiot.

Nikki, I need to know what you're doing and who you're doing it with or you're

not going anywhere.

I can't believe this. I cannot believe you're actually doing this.

The thing that really upsets me is when I hated my parents, I really hated my

parents. I thought they were mean and unreasonable.

And now that's you.

Oh, somebody shoot me now.

Oh, come on. She's 13.

You busted her for lying. She makes it your fault.

And you're worried about that?

What?

Maybe this is a good time for me to mention that I had a little chat with

the other day.

We were talking about dating.

She wanted to know if she had a date.

And I'm guessing maybe she did.

Well, hey, thanks for sharing that.

Now? Well, she made me swear. You know, when a 13 -year -old makes you swear not

to tell, that's when you know there's something to tell.

I thought maybe they're going clamming or something.

Clamming? I'm new to the parenting thing.

We all are.

But she's 13.

And you saw the movie.

Okay, she's not that 13.

You know, I do think it's kind of cool that we're sitting around the hot tub

talking about parenting.

Has anyone had the, uh...

What do you mean? Birds and the bees?

What would I say exactly?

You don't want me to explain it to you?

Why don't you explain it to Nikki?

Me? No. No way. Ain't doing it. Not going to do it. No.

One of us has to do it. Why does it have to be Ava?

Yeah. I say we draw the straws.

You're missing the key thing here.

She's a girl and you two are girls.

We draw.

We draw.

Now we've launched your rocket. Do you understand what you've done to my board?

Good idea, Jerry.

He didn't drop.

He's good. He didn't drop.

Typical. You know what? You don't want to do it?

I'll do it.

Really?

Really. It's not that hard.

Okay.

You're Nikki.

When you and a guy start perving on each other, you're like dark biscuits in the

dating world. And all a guy wants to do is pull out the old filler and get in

the nutty.

Which may not be your ball of rice.

You may want to pash and snog. You're just doing that on purpose.

I'm Australian.

Men are pathetic cowards.

Okay. Rock, paper, scissors.

All right.

Maybe she'll learn about it in school like the rest of us.

Maybe next time you'll think before you touch my stuff.

John, get off me. You don't know.

All right. Heard what happened. Let go of me. I don't know who you think you

are. Who do you think you are?

He's always in my stuff, and this time it was my board. He's a nine -year -old

boy, all right, breaking his stuff. You think that's mature?

You know how important this thing is to him.

Look, buddy, I don't know what's up with you, but it's time to let it go.

You want to talk about it?

Fine, but whatever your problem is...

I strongly suggest you deal with it instead of taking it out on your little

brother. We are not done. I am.

No, we're not.

You're going to help your brother fix this, and you ain't going anywhere for

rest of the weekend. You are not my father.

No, but I am grounding you.

They're dead.

What? The lobsters.

I killed them myself. I figured, screw childhood trauma.

Kyle, what are you doing here?

Well, you haven't returned my calls.

I know. I've been busy. I have a lot of work to catch up on. You don't have a

night like we did. It just... I like you.

Well, it's your friends, right?

Johnny, because I know he doesn't like me. No, I have nothing to do with

Kyle... Nikki and Cameron are friends.

I feel like it's wrong to be sneaking around with you.

Well, we're not sneaking around.

We're adults.

All right? We have lives.

And yet, there are some things that our kids need to know. And if this becomes

one of them, then we'll tell them.

Put yourself back at 13.

I don't normally go around knocking on people's doors that blow me off.

But if I were to let you run because of our kids, what kind of idiot would I be?

Now, it's... Founders Day, okay? And third -tier holiday or not, I'm taking

to Spanish Co. for fireworks and lobsters.

Nice speech.

Don't be a schmuck. Johnny and I have the kids. Go.

Hover for him.

Listen to me.

Okay, so tell me the truth.

You didn't really kill them, did you?

Truth?

I thought about having them steamed over at Freddy's, but I figured that might

ruin the gesture.

So men slay dragons?

Hey, Jimmy, you got a bottle opener?

No, actually, I don't need one.

Okay,

so there's this Australian, there's this Englishman, and there's an American,

and they... What, man?

Come on.

Tell the story.

She's an Australian, American, and an Englishman.

What's up, Jay?

So

you

want a drink or something?

We've got cream soda.

Celery tonic, birch beer.

My dad doesn't buy anything from a multinational.

Oh, um, birch beer's good.

Sure.

Well, if I were supposed to stay for a while, I guess.

Tell it's really dark. Yeah, you're probably right.

Go.

So, uh, what do you want to do?

Hey,

I promised I wasn't going to show you a one -handed grab, remember?

over here, buddy.

Are you sure you know what you're doing? Why, it's a toy.

I'm sure you don't want me to do it.

I got it, I got it.

I got it.

All right, so what's your record we're shooting for here, huh?

Chris says he's from 100 feet.

So we're going for 150.

No way.

Way. All right, this thing's ready to launch.

Should we go get them, the lyre and the saboteur? They'll come down when they're

ready. I hope I wasn't too hard on them.

Are you kidding? If you pulled a stunt like that, your mother would have tanned

your hiney.

Grounding them? That's nothing.

True. Okay, boss.

Let's do it, baby. Give me that flashlight. Grab the detonator. Here you

Back her up. Watch the fire, man. Watch the fire, buddy.

Here we go. Come on, now.

Alpha Charlie Bravo.

Counting. Five, four, three, two, one.

Houston, we have a problem.

You are in trouble.

Holy.

Well, on the bright side, I think the kitchen's more than 100 feet.

Let's get out of here.

What is it? Get off!

Get off!

Brayden! I made a big mistake. Not a mistake.

Is this your puppy?

It's so beautiful out there.

Bring them over the ocean.

Different than in Kansas?

Yeah.

I like it here.

This is nice.

Yeah, okay, I'm cool too.

You've got to teach the smut manners.

Get him down!

Oh!

Terrible plan!

Come on, Terry, dude!

Hey!

Why don't you pick on someone you're an age?

Let him up.

I don't need your help. Shut up, Brayden.

So who do you think you are, huh?

Walking tall?

It's fine.

Get out of here, Brady.

I'm not going anywhere. This isn't a game.

Get out of here.

Now!

Let's go.

Nikki, we are going to talk about this. I don't want to talk to you. Well,

you're going to have to.

You disobeyed me.

You snuck out. You lied to me. You said that you were dating a doctor or

something. You were drinking beer, Nikki.

And what were you doing under that blanket?

It was root beer, and I wasn't the one taking my clothes off.

Oh, if you thought you were grounded before.

You lied to my fate.

Do you know what you made me look like?

What you looked like?

You are 13 years old, Nikki.

What you and I do are two entirely different things.

I didn't even kiss him, okay?

And after what you did, I'll never get the chance.

It's kind of early, isn't it? Bring me breakfast in bed, huh? You are not my

protector.

Braden. I can take care of myself.

You made me look like an idiot last night. And I don't need a father. Or an

older brother.

Or... Braden.

I didn't go there to save you.

I didn't even know you were going to be there.

Wait a second.

You want to find me? Bring it on.

Seems to me you want to find everybody.

Me. Your brother, Johnny Tanner?

Give it a rest.

I don't blame you.

If I lost what you lost... That's not it. That's not it.

Isn't it?

Look, whatever it is, you can't bottle it up inside.

Believe me, I know that feeling.

When I was your age, I was an angry little man. I was picking fights left,

and center.

So now I'm going to hear your sob story, huh?

No, you're not.

I haven't been through half of what you have.

But it doesn't mean I don't get it.

That I don't want to help.

Are you done?

I get the anger.

I just wish I could tell you to bring back your parents.

Or Candy.

We need to talk.

Yeah, I'm going to apologize about last night, I suppose.

That would be a start, yes.

Nikki, you said some terrible things to me.

You were angry and hurt, and I understand that, but it doesn't make

said or what you did okay.

What about what you did?

You're right.

I lied to you.

And you don't know how sorry I am for that.

I tried to pretend that it wasn't any of your business.

That it was my life.

But you're a part of that life now.

And my lie put you in a horrible situation last night.

Look, Nikki.

This is all new to me.

Trying to figure out how to take care of you guys and still be me.

I'm going to make many more mistakes.

Me too.

Well, I guess if we start by being honest with each other, we might not get

so much trouble.

I don't think I'd do anything bad with Cameron.

But I'm not a little girl anymore.

I see that.

I mean that I'm old enough to deal with you dating whoever you want to date.

Cam's dad is really cool.

Hey. I'm sorry. I should have come by last night to make at least talk, but...

Yeah, things got pretty ugly at my house, too. Well, I can only imagine

must have looked like to them.

Camera kind of spelt things out.

Nikki had some pretty unprintable words for me, too.

But you were right.

When they needed to know, they'd know.

And now they do.

I think Nikki's actually going to be okay.

She thinks you're cool.

Hello?

I swear, Ava, I'm so ready for this.

I wasn't lying. I mean, this has nothing to do with my divorce. I really want

this, but... Cameron doesn't.

I didn't want this to be an issue, you know, but this is a whole new world for

me.

About my son.

He just needs more time.

Hey. I thought you were grounded.

I am.

You're turning into a regular delinquent.

How many weeks?

Two. I got three.

Sorry. Well, at least there'll still be some summer laughs after I get to bed.

Well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I bolted last night like I was some stupid... Stupid?

No, you were freaked.

I was freaked.

It was... It was freaky.

Yeah, I knew it was freaky.

Probably years of therapy. Both of them.

Yeah. Well, I just wanted to say... I better get going.

I get surgery, too.

I'm tired of being alone.

So hurry up and get it.

I'm so tired of being alone.

So hurry up and get it.

I could have met you in a sandbox.

I could have passed you on the sidewalk.

Could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away?

Oh, no way.

I could have met you in a sandbox.

I could have passed on a sidewalk.

Could I have missed my chance? Why'd you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone.

So hurry up and go.

I'm so tired of being alone.

So hurry up and get still again.

I'm tired of being alone. I'm sorry I pushed you.

I'm not.