Original subtitles

Hi, I'm David Faustino, Bud Bundy, Merriwood Children.

This is what happens when I drink. My money's gone, my mother's a midget, and

wife left me for my neighbor, Julio. This is my best friend, Corin Nemec,

star of TV's Parker Lewis Can't Lose. He did lose. My manager's been with me

since I was in diapers. Now he's in diapers.

When I'm not trying to kill myself, I run a porn shop left to me by a crazed

fan. Oh, and I'm also freakishly short. Thanks, God.

Dave,

man, you need some therapy. Where's Sergeant Rosenbaum?

He's in Iraq.

Again, you believe it? He left me here.

I mean, it could die.

that insurance in over ten years, okay?

Oh, I know someone.

Come on, Dave, my old gang counselor from my youth.

There's a lot you don't know about me, bro.

Where have you been, anyway?

I was taking it in the Alps.

Taking it in the what?

Chinese guy, right? The motherfucking Chinese guy looked up the black

right? He said, oh, I thought we don't serve nigga here.

You know what I'm saying? There's killer folks in the hood.

You know, it's Thanksgiving, bitch. And up in the car, you up in the car.

You know, I'm going to bust it up into my crib and shit and just, like, beat my

mom down with a bat. And then they gang rape my sister.

That nigga know I got two crates, man.

I can't get that nigga like that.

My grandmama, nigga.

Go ahead, little homie.

It's your turn, Dave.

That'll come from your heart.

Well, I was on a show, a TV show for 11 years, and I

didn't get any residual.

What the fuck is a residual?

Y 'all motherfuckers know who this is, right? That's Green!

No, motherfuckers, no!

That's motherfucking Grandmaster B, Bob Bundy, motherfuckers!

Hey,

wait up here, man. Hold me right here.

Oh, okay. You hear me?

He said, since you the motherfucking comedian, then you must motherfucking

jokes. You start.

It's joke time!

What the black dude get on his SAT tag?

Barbecue sauce.

Nigga.

What? What?

Nigga.

Nigga.

Nigga.

Nigga. Hey, hey, hey.

Nigga.

Nigga.

What the fuck you just said?

You about to get your ass whooped.

Let's go whoop his hunky butt.