Original subtitles

MAYA: (ON PHONE) Hello? ANNA: (ON PHONE) Maya?

MAYA: Na. ANNA: Guess what?

MAYA: What? ANNA: This is freakin' crazy but,

guess who the hell's sleeping over at your house for two school nights?

MAYA: Wait, what? You are? ANNA: Yeah.

MAYA: No. ANNA: Yeah.

MAYA: Wait, is this real?

ANNA: It's so real. MAYA: Oh, my God. Wait.

My mom knows? Yeah, she okay-ed it.

My parents are going on, like, a couple's retreat or something.

MAYA: What's that? I don't know. Summer camp for grown-ups.

They leave tomorrow.

MAYA: Oh, my freaking Jesus. I know.

Fluff your freaking pillows for me, so we can be real comfy.

MAYA: Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, and bring your clothes that match mine

so we can be twins. ANNA: I'm never, ever gonna wanna leave.

Like, I love you. MAYA: I love you.

ANNA: I love you more. MAYA: I love you the most.

ANNA: F you! MAYA: (LAUGHS) F you, bitch!

Love you. Bye. ANNA: Bye.

(BLOWING AIR)

Ew, what is that?

It's sage. It's supposed to help with negative energy.

I want the house to be really clean when we come home.

Jesus, Kathy. This is so freakin' heavy.

What do you have in here? God! No, no, no. Don't. No.

Why in the hell are we taking rocks to the retreat?

They are crystals, all right? Yeah...

And we need them for the meditations.

CURTIS: Says who? What is this retreat for?

Well, it's because your dad and I haven't been getting along.

Well, you probably weren't aware of that.

Yeah, she... She knows, Kathy,

because we're fighting right now.

KATHY: No, we're not fighting.

Is this thing for you guys to get along better?

Yeah, that's the plan.

Okay. Well, I really gonna miss when you get back

and Dad doesn't sleep on the couch anymore.

CURTIS: (CACKLING) Yeah.

Hopefully, that'll be happening a lot less from now on.

Right?

Huh? Yeah.

Okay. Vámonos.

♪ I'm getting a sister

♪ I'm gonna get a sister

♪ I'm gonna get a sister Sister...♪

Shut the fuck up.

YUKI: Maya! Shuji, language.

YUKI: Maya... MAYA: What?

Just because Anna is coming, it doesn't mean slumber party.

Mom, you can't be too strict. You can't...

No, it's still school week. You two... Mom, I know.

Both have to behave. Mom, stop.

You can't be too strict with her.

We talked about this. (REPLYING IN JAPANESE)

MAYA: No... YUKI: (IN ENGLISH) No, I'm just gonna treat her

just like I treat you. MAYA: No, Mom.

(IN JAPANESE) It's the same. Don't. Mom!

Stop whining, dummy.

Don't call me that.

What, don't call you "dummy"?

Dad, are you serious right now?

Maya, stop whining.

Shuji, enough of the dummy thing, huh? (MAYA WHINING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

That's them, that's them, that's them!

Sister, sister, sister.

(MAYA EXCLAIMING)

Hi... Hello.

ANNA: Oh, my God. My sister.

Thank you so much for letting Anna stay here.

I hope she's not gonna be an inconvenience.

Hun, I am staying over on a school night.

♪ You're staying on a school night

We should say goodbye. Yeah.

♪ You're gonna be my sister, sister Anna.

CURTIS: Anna, we have to go. YUKI: Maya.

ANNA: I love you. Hey, come here.

Bye. Bye, sweetie.

Be good, okay? Have fun at the retreat.

Bye. Love ya.

Okay. MAYA: Bye-bye.

Goodbye, Maya.

Hmm.

Thank you. Anna...

Mmm-hmm. Please take your shoes off.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Your shoes.

Bye.

Please take them off. Oh, sorry.

I always forget. She doesn't have to, Mom.

Yes, she does. Stop!

Sorry. She does. Okay.

MAYA: She doesn't have to.

Ooh, so muddy.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(RETCHING)

No running.

(IMITATING HORSE CHARIOT)

BOTH: We are sisters.

(INAUDIBLE)

BOTH: Shuji, Shuji, Shuji, Shuji...

Get out. MAYA: No.

(ROARS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Smells bad.

Hey, girls, don't stretch that T-shirt.

♪ Oh, my dreams

♪ It's never quite as it seems

♪ Never quite as it seems

♪ I know I felt like this before

(SCREAMING)

♪ Because it came from you♪

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) Thanks.

(CHUCKLING) Anna.

What song is this?

(HUMMING)

Go help your mom. Go help your... ♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy

Go help your mother. ♪ Daddy, daddy, daddy

♪ I wanna play with daddy, daddy, daddy... ♪

YUKI: Maya, stop it! That...

That... That's fine. YUKI: Daddy doesn't like it.

Don't. Come on.

Yes. Stop showing off.

I'm not, idiot.

Anna, let's go play Sylvanian.

Um, I wanna help do the dishes.

Oh, thank you, Anna.

Mom, you never thank me for doing the dishes.

Well, you never help me.

Are you serious? Yes, I do.

(DISHES CLANKING) When?

Anna...

Let's play.

We will.

I love the food.

What is that lemony thing? It's so good.

Yuzu. You like that?

It's a... It's like a Japanese citrus fruit.

You like yuzu? I love yuzu...

I guess. YUKI: It's really great.

And I love you-zu.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Anna, let's go play.

Let's go.

(MAYA IMITATING MUSICAL INSTRUMENT AND SINGING)

♪ Goin' to the chapel And we're gonna get married to the man

Let's get a hamburger.

Hamburger, go away...

I want...

What's your brother up to?

I don't know. Who cares?

Maybe we should go annoy him.

I thought we're gonna play Sylvanian.

Well, who's to say how long we do Sylvanian for?

And I just feel like guest's choice.

So... Actually, it's the host's choice.

'Cause it's my house, like that's... Technically we are...

Technically, it's our house.

'Cause I am your sister for these two nights, so...

Guess I get to choose.

Okay, host gets pick.

You get to pick. What do you wanna do?

You wanna do Sylvanian, or you wanna do Shuji?

Hey, knock, you soy bomb.

What's a soy bomb?

It's like a really gnarly fart.

Maya has the smelliest farts of anybody

that I freakin' know. Yeah, I know.

'Cause that's why he calls me soy bomb.

No, Anna is a soy bomb too.

No, I am not. Anna.

ANNA: What are you doing? (FARTS)

Are you okay?

(SHRIEKS) Ew! Ouch.

That is disgusting.

That's so loud, Anna. You want another one?

I got this shit like I'm automatic. No, I don't.

Put it in my face.

Give it to me next.

(SHUJI FARTS) Stop.

I like farts. No!

Yeah, I bet you drop crazy soy bombs, huh?

ANNA: I don't even know what you are talking about.

I don't poop.

SHUJI: Ugh.

I mean, like, you can't poop and you can't fart,

like, what's on your butt?

Is there no hole in your butt? I have a big hole in my butt

and I poop a lot out of it.

Okay.

You guys just don't realize it.

I am the smelliest shit there ever was.

ANNA: Can I wear your chain?

SHUJI: Leave.

(MAYA CHUCKLING)

(ANNA SPEAKING) Hello. (MAYA MOUTHING)

My name is Mayana.

Hello, Mother. Hello, brother.

(MAYA AND ANNA LAUGHING)

Morning. Did you see that?

YUKI: Morning. MAYA: That's 'cause we are twins.

(LAUGHS)

This looks amazing.

(IN JAPANESE) Thanks for the meal!

(SLURPING)

(SLURPING HEAVILY)

Oh, my God.

You like it? Really... Wow.

I love it. Oh.

(IN JAPANESE) Share it her little more.

I, like, barely had a bite. I am not done.

Anna... Just a little bit.

I wasn't done.

I, like, didn't even have any. Okay.

Seriously? Yes.

Mmm.

Thanks a lot.

It's okay, sis, we'll share. YUKI: Enjoy.

Thank you.

Do you want some? Oop, sorry.

Aah, that's my napkin.

(MAYA WHINING) Yeah, Anna, stop being a dummy.

ANNA: You are so funny, Shuji.

But for a dumb person.

(ANNA CHOMPING FOOD)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

OSEI-KUFFOUR: Hello.

I am your substitute teacher, Ms. Osei-Kuffour.

Now, Mr. O told me to teach y'all some history on Mark Twain.

But guess what rhymes with Twain?

Harriet Tub-main.

We're gonna be learning about her,

and all the rest of my heroes today.

Now, I want everyone to write an essay... ANNA: Maya.

Um, are we still on to practice our dance after school or...

Yeah.

OSEI-KUFFOUR: Fifty pages.

Okay. Of course.

Okay. That's the plan.

Okay.

MAYA: All right. Five, six, seven, eight...

Okay, sorry, you keep doing that. It's actually like this.

That's exactly what I did.

Okay, no. You were doing...

It's like this, and you were doing like this.

And it's like this.

I wasn't. I was doing this.

But okay, whatever.

Whatever, actually, I don't really want to do it anymore.

Let's just not practice.

I am gonna talk to my boyfriend.

Can I have some privacy?

Please. Who's that?

What?

Who's your boyfriend?

It's Flymiamibro.

Like, have talked about him constantly.

No, I know.

I didn't know it was official. It's official now?

Haven't been able to talk to him since however many days you have been here,

'cause there hasn't been time, but... All right, fine, whatever.

Okay. Whatever.

(KNIFE CHOPPING) (ANNA LAUGHING)

To be honest, my mom usually uses canned tomatoes,

so I have not really done this. YUKI: Oh.

ANNA: Like this?

Or like... YUKI: Like that.

Yeah, yeah...

Very good, Anna. You're natural.

Is that thin enough? Yes, yes, yes.

Thanks. Good.

What are you guys doing?

YUKI: Slice them a little bit thinner. ANNA: Yeah.

MAYA: I can help.

Here, I'll do this tomato. Be careful.

Shh... Ouch. Ow.

That's actually different than your mom wants it to be cut.

I know how my mom wants her tomatoes cut, Anna.

Th... that's... That works.

Not really. It looks... Ugh.

(CONTINUES CUTTING TOMATOES)

If you can't use that, then you can't really use... Maya.

...anything. I don't really understand.

Shh... Sorry, she's so silly.

She's...

ANNA: Okay.

What do I do with the end slice?

YUKI: Oh, eat it.

Eat it.

It's okay.

Mmm. Yum?

Mmm-hmm. (BOTH LAUGHING)

ANNA: ...she kinda puts it to her nose...

(ALL LAUGHING) ...and smells it and goes,

"A female raccoon has been living in my helmet."

So...

It's like...

What are you talking about?

I was like, "What?"

She'd know that.

It's not that funny, you guys.

It's hilarious, no, come on.

So, does your dad sing?

ANNA: He does. He's a very good singer.

And my mom can't hold a... Can't hold a note,

very tone-deaf.

Well, you are really a great singer. YUKI: Hmm.

ANNA: Thank you.

I sing too, Dad.

Yeah, I know, I know, honey.

But, um, you're interested in scatting, too, right?

I like it but I don't know if I am...

(SCATTING)

(HIGH PITCHED)

(SCATTING)

(SCATTING WEIRDLY)

♪ I am flying now

♪ I have a little cape 'Cause I fly real high ♪

I think you are just hurting our ears.

Um, can I use your phone?

'Cause I just remembered I need to call my parents to check in.

YUKI: Mmm-hmm. Oh, we are not allowed to use the phone

during dinner.

Oh, okay. Sorry. MAYA: Yeah. No, it's okay.

Anna is a guest, so it's okay.

So, go ahead, call your parents. FRED: It's fine.

Thanks. Uh-huh.

Never in the 13 years that I have been living

have you ever let me use the phone during dinner.

She's a guest, it's okay.

Bullshit.

What?

What did you say?

Nothing.

I just... What I said is I said bullshay.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

Fuck you.

Maya, go to your room.

No. FRED: Go to your room.

Now!

Mmm.

One...

Two...

I'm not afraid of you.

Three.

Okay, I am going, I am going. (CRYING) I hate you.

(SLAMS DOOR)

Um, Yuki is teaching me to cook.

KATHY: Mmm-hmm.

But, um,

like with Maya, I think I might be bothering her. KATHY: Mmm-hmm.

Can you hold on? Curtis?

Anna, I can't do two things at once, okay?

I'm gonna call you back, okay?

Mmm-hmm. Bye.

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

(PHONE CLICKING)

(MAYA PUNCHES PILLOW)

(GRUNTS) (KNOCK ON DOOR)

What?

You okay?

I feel like my parents are being annoying, so...

I could tell they were bothering you.

You wanna talk about it?

(SIGHS) No, I kinda wanna go to bed.

Mmm.

Do you mind if I sleep alone on the bed tonight,

'cause I just haven't been sleeping that well?

Sure.

Can I at least have a pillow?

Yeah, of course.

Can I? I can't really get it. Okay.

Thanks.

I was fluffing it. Yeah.

I fluffed it a lot before you got here, so...

It should be fluffy enough.

(SLURPING)

Good morning. YUKI: Morning, Anna.

How did you sleep last night?

My back hurts a little, but I am fine.

Okay.

(BOWL CLANKING)

(SLURPING)

(MAYA SLURPING)

(MUNCHING)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

I need my eraser.

Hey, that's mine.

No, it's not.

This? Yeah.

No.

No, I... I bought this.

You don't have any cool erasers, this is mine.

Are you kidding? I bought that at Sanrio.

Yeah, I am kidding, ha ha ha.

No, I am serious. You... Anna...

I bought it, and I let you borrow it.

(TEACHER SHUSHING)

Silent work time.

Can you give it back?

Seriously, ask someone else for one.

Ask your mom for one, to buy one for you.

Anna, give it to me. It's mine. Sto...

I am... I am... Stop. I need to use it.

I am literally erasing one word.

(SOFTLY) Go ask someone else for one, like, literally, I need it right now.

This minute?

You're so annoying. You're being a bitch.

What?

That's enough!

Clearly, I need to separate you two.

Anna Kone, sit right here.

(ANNA GASPING)

Oh, my God. (HISSING IN PAIN)

This is why you kids are not allowed to play with anything on my desk.

(SNIFFS) I am, like, bleeding.

KATHY: (OVER PHONE) What's wrong? How is it?

ANNA: Mmm-hmm, it's really fun.

KATHY: Good. Aren't you gonna ask me how am I dong?

Ask me, about me.

I know.

I was about to ask. How are you?

I am talking to our daughter, is that okay? Mom.

Curt, is that okay? So controlling...

Can you pay attention? I'm trying to talk to you.

I am paying attention, but please... What?

I am seriously not. I'm just... All right.

Curtis... Okay, look, you know what... Who do you...

I can't, I can't talk to both of you at the same time.

I am getting so distracted. You know, there's too much...

Can you just be ready to go when we get there?

Okay. I love you so much, Anna. Okay, I'll see you soon.

Curtis, why... Thanks for listening. Bye.

I mean...

Thanks.

(INAUDIBLE)

I didn't get the memo about the hair brushing.

Oh, I'll brush yours next. Okay?

Fine.

Can I at least have an Oreo?

Oh, sorry, that was the last one.

(MUFFLED) Oh, sorry.

What's going on here?

This... This is getting, like, really weird.

Like, you have your own family. Can you go back to your own family?

Don't be so rude, Maya.

No. I am sick of her being here at my house.

Like, you are stretching out my PJs, Anna.

Maya, stop acting like a baby.

You are not a little girl anymore.

What?

(CAR HONKS)

Oh, my God, I guess that's my parents.

YUKI: Okay. I am sorry, Anna.

No, I get it.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Bye.

(ANNA SNIFFLES)

Thanks for having me.

It's all right.

(MAYA CRYING)

(MAYA SOBBING) (SLAMS DOOR)

Hi. Hey.

How was it?

Good. Good.

How was it with Maya?

Good.

Good. Okay.

(SNIFFLING)

Oh, no.

No...

No, stop.

Maya, come here.

You can never talk to someone like that,

especially to your friend.

Yeah, but she was...

No.

(MAYA SNIFFS)

Anna is going through a tough time right now,

so we gotta be there for her.

Mom, I am going through a tough time right now,

and you haven't been there for me.

But I am always here for you.

Always.

When you said that I am not...

Your little girl anymore,

did you mean that?

(MAYA CRYING)

You're always my little girl.

Mmm. Oh...

(IN JAPANESE) What are you saying?

(SINGING LULLABY IN JAPANESE)

Anna. Yeah.

Can we come in for a minute?

Yeah.

Um...

What's up?

Go ahead.

KATHY: Your dad and I have something to tell you.

I don't know how to say this.

Things with me and your dad haven't been working...

For a long time.

Right, Curtis?

That's right.

KATHY: So, I hate...

To tell you this...

But we're...

Getting a divorce.

Okay.

KATHY: The retreat...

Helped us realize...

That it's, uh...

The right thing to do.

(RINGING)

(RINGING)

(RINGING CONTINUES)

YUKI OVER VOICEMAIL: You have reached the Ishii-Peters.

Please leave your name and phone number,

and we'll get back...

(PAPERS RUSTLING)

(PHONE RINGING)

HEATHER: Hello?

ANNA: Hi, is Heather there, please?

This is Heather.

(CRYING)

(SPOTLIGHT SWITCHES ON)

♪ I'm not a girl

♪ I am just a woman

♪ And I don't want the world to know

♪ Everyone's gonna go

♪ Away from me

♪ 'Cause I am a little baby

(VOICE BREAKING) ♪ But not really,

♪ 'Cause I am a woman

♪ I am gonna be a star

♪ 'Cause I don't have anymore mommy♪

♪ In my life

♪ I am just gonna be a baby

(VOICE CRACKING) ♪ For life♪

(SPOTLIGHT SWITCHES OFF)