Original subtitles

[tense music playing]

[growling]

[Fennelope] I, Fennelope, shall smite you down for in-game currency!

My strength is fueled by my greed!

[metal clangs]

[rock cracking]

[Fennelope grunts]

[music intensifying]

Make it rain.

[metal clinks]

-[coins clinking] -[Haida laughing]

[theme death metal music playing]

Check me out one-shotting bosses, and I don't even go here.

RAGE

AGGRETSUKO

AGGRETSUKO

[music ends]

[heroic music playing]

ONCE AGAIN, I'VE MONETIZED A WORTHLESS OBJECT

YOU'RE SO STRONG, FENNELOPE!

NICE!

OH NO, IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU TWO!

READY…

REALITY SUCKS!

Just give 'em some in-game shinies,

and these two were eating out of the palm of my hand.

[busy office music playing]

So that one's Haida?

With so many people playing, how did you track him down?

I kinda sorta hacked into his account beforehand

to find out his username and what server he's on.

You are such a beast!

[Fenneko] The same email address and sappy password from before.

Poor bastard's accounts are ripe for the plundering.

-Write that down, yeah? -On it.

So, uh, did you find out where he is in real life?

Smart money says he's in Ogikubo, but I don't have the deets yet.

I gotta be careful, or I'll spook him, and then he'll go on the lam.

Then what should we do?

Just have to set the trap with the right bait.

[music ends]

[virtual crickets chirping]

LOOK, A BUTTERFLY

SO PEACEFUL

HUNTING FOR MATS? NOW?

I'M GOING TO TOKYO FOR WORK SOON

YOU GUYS WANNA HAVE A MEETUP? ROFL

THAT WAS RANDOM

A meetup?

Uh-huh. At the diner out in front of Ogikubo Station.

And is that Shikabane person gonna be there?

Yeah. Theoretically.

[busy office music continues]

[Retsuko] They're pretty big. Are they a guy?

That's what his profile says, at least.

[Retsuko] What if it's a girl in disguise?!

I'm the girl in disguise.

[Retsuko] Remember what Gori and Washimi were saying?

They're both so convinced Haida moved in with some woman!

Calm down, okay?

What if they're together this very minute?!

There's absolutely no chance of that.

Says who?!

You can't know for sure!

[music ends]

[Fenneko] Bless your dumb little red panda heart.

Huh?

[Fenneko] I was Haida's wingman through five years of crushing on you.

No offense, but when it comes to stuff like this,

I know that dope way better than you do.

Have faith in him, yeah?

He's a big dumb boy,

but that big dumb boy would never purposely break your heart.

Really?

Let's go get you some proof of that.

[hyperventilating]

Best gossip ever!

[tense conspiratorial music playing]

The betrayal.

Oh, yeah.

Wait! We don't know what we're looking at yet!

Let's get some more intel.

[Kabae] Um, hello, nice man!

We would like to place an order if you work here!

Keep it down, Kabae! You're gonna blow our cover!

Shh! We're on recon!

[Fenneko] What are you doing at the diner, Kabae?

Oh! Heya, Fenneko!

I was hiding in my work locker, so--

No more talking from you!

Explain, Anai.

Well, Kabae told me what's up, and I got stressed out.

Haida reached out a few weeks back to ask if he could crash with me,

but I told him it wasn't on the table.

I thought maybe this was connected to that, you know?

[sighs]

After Haida calls it a night here, I'm thinking of tailing him for a while.

I need you guys to be chill, okay?

Cold as ice.

[stammers]

What the…

[death metal music playing]

[both] Retsuko, no!

If you hit him with the Death Voice, we're sunk!

Could you swallow your rage pretty please?!

[bodies thud]

-I don't wanna muzzle you, but I will. -[snarling]

[Kabae humming]

Hold on.

Where are you sneaking off to?!

I can't really hear what they are saying right now,

so I was going to plant a listening device.

[Anai] You're wearing magenta! They're gonna see you!

[Kabae] It is okay. I am an espionage professional.

[Anai] Why are you so stubborn?!

[both yelp]

[tense conspiratorial music continues]

How old do you think Fennelope is, anyway?

Ancient. Maybe 50?

How come?

You know how he always puts "ROFL" at the end of stuff in chat?

No self-respecting young person would do that.

Oh…

I wonder when he's gonna show.

Yeah. Think he flaked?

I don't think it's that.

Meeting here was his idea.

-[cell phone chimes] -[stammers]

[music ends]

"Something urgent came up at work, so I'm heading back to the office,

R-O-F-L."

[Fenneko] "Hope you guys will give me a rain check on the diner hangout."

Boom.

HOPE YOU GUYS WILL GIVE ME A RAIN CHECK

[Haida] Hmm.

HOPE YOU GUYS WILL GIVE ME A RAIN CHECK ON THE DINER HANGOUT

[traffic light beeping]

[whimsical music playing]

WE GET IT. WORK'S WORK

[Haida] He never got back to me.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!

Think he's busy at work, or…

Well, not like I'm worried about it. We'll see him in-game.

I think that Fennelope is gone for good.

Huh? How come?

[Shikabane] Just a hunch.

Stuff like this goes on a lot.

I see.

[Shikabane] It is what it is.

Hey, Haida…

How long are you here for?

Three hundred thousand yen,

that's what it'll take to get into a new place.

Saving up that much is… difficult.

You're right. I won't be moving on anytime soon.

Glad you know.

It may have taken me a minute.

[Shikabane] What changed?

I got a night of sleep that wasn't utter crap.

Sleep's a big deal.

If there's anywhere else you can go, you should do it.

Feel bad for your girlfriend.

[sad music playing]

So do I.

You should get out of here too.

I dig the net-café life.

How old are you, anyway?

[Shikabane] Twenty-one.

What's your name?

Not telling.

Hmm. Okay.

[music ends]

[stammers]

[whimpers]

[horror music playing]

Who's ready to throw the book at him?

Does the condemned have any final words to share?

[Haida whimpering]

RAGE

♪ Scum, scum, scum Scum, scum, scum, scum! ♪

♪ How the hell Could you really be this dumb? ♪

♪ Quit your job, so lame Slave to a gacha game ♪

♪ First-class dumbass Got yourself to blame! ♪

[death metal music playing, muffled]

[Fenneko] Regular water or fizzy? I got both.

Oh. Regular, please.

You did me a favor, you know.

If you hadn't been keeping an eye on Haida lately,

he probably would have dropped dead at some construction site.

The dude is not strong.

Yeah, but now his girlfriend is super pissed off.

Haida's the one who should feel bad about it. Not your fault.

Huh?

I was just stating a fact. I feel fine.

I like the cut of your jib.

Hey, uh… Can I ask you something?

Yeah. [gulping]

You Fennelope?

What gave it away?

I really owe you guys. Thanks for showing me the ropes.

Don't even worry about it.

But this better be a one-way trip.

Right!

Come on. It's an internet café, not a prison.

[both laughing]

[sentimental music playing]

Take care, yeah?

See ya.

[train passing]

[music continues]

Hate me?

Course not.

You tried, I get it, but all you did was dig yourself deeper and deeper.

Haida, when something's wrong, I need you to tell me, okay?

You never have to hide what you're feeling.

Otherwise, why be together in the first place?

[Haida sighs]

I hear you.

[gasps]

The surface world! It shines so bright!

You're so dramatic. You saw it when we left the café.

It's a delayed reaction, so sue me.

[Retsuko] Take those steps like you mean it, then.

[Haida] Just watch me!

[panting]

And nails the landing!

[breathing heavily]

[stammers]

[eerie music playing]

Huh?

What the…

No, it can't be.

[Retsuko] Haida?

Hey, Haida?

You in there?

[Haida gasps]

[vehicles passing]

What's up?

Nothing.

It's nothing.

[typing]

LOOKING FOR PARTNER

SHIKABANE@LOOKING FOR PARTNER

[mouse clicking]

[feel-good music playing]

[sizzling]

[clacking]

[Retsuko] Huh?

[groaning softly]

[Haida] Oh, hey. You're awake.

Let me just finish the rice, okay?

[Retsuko] Wait. What? Yeah? Really?

Whoa!

Haida, this is amazing!

[Haida exclaims]

What?! He's living with you now?!

In other words, he's a…

[both] …kept man?

Not the term I would use.

Why shouldn't I carry the slack? Everyone deserves a little downtime.

You should meet each other's parents if you're going to be cohabitating.

Can you tell them the truth?

That your boyfriend is unemployed and basically broke?

[sighs]

We'll worry about the parents later.

For now, I'll have Haida put all his focus on the job hunt.

Honestly, it's so nice having him there at home with me.

I'm maybe a teeny-tiny bit worried that I'll just spoil him again.

[both] Not gonna happen.

Huh?

[both] In a month, you're gonna be sick of his ass.

ONE MONTH LATER

[nose blowing]

[tedious music playing]

[blowing continues]

[Retsuko] Hey, Haida?

Can you not leave dirty socks on the floor?

Sorry.

Wanna try flushing, buddy?

[Haida] Oh! Sorry.

[bass guitar playing]

[nose blowing]

[bass guitar playing]

[nose blowing]

[Retsuko] Is it wrong…

that I wanna launch him straight into the sun?

[blowing continues]

[Retsuko] Uh, Haida?

You mind? I'm watching TV.

Huh?

You say something?

[blowing continues]

[Retsuko chuckling softly]

Here.

How about you go and buy yourself some allergy meds?

Huh?

That isn't necessary!

Come on! I'm the picture of health!

[Retsuko clicks tongue] Buy the meds.

Get some juice and a snack with the change. Go crazy!

Are you sure?

Okay, then! I'll see you later!

[sighs heavily]

[music ends]

[birds cawing]

[door handle rattling]

[Haida] Huh?

It's locked. Hmm.

[doorbell ringing]

YOU'VE CHANGED

-[dramatic music playing on headphones] -[sobbing]

[ringing continues]

Well, this sucks.

-[Retsuko's mother] Young man? -Huh?

What are you doing here?

[stammers]

I'm not some rando!

If that's what you're thinking right now.

Cut to the chase. How do you know my Retsuko?

AGGRETSUKO

[death metal music playing]