Original subtitles

It was really Mike's idea to use a sperm donor.

Well, it was my low sperm count. It meant we couldn't have another child

together, and I felt responsible, really.

And our marriage had been a little rocky, and we thought that a new baby

bring us together.

Make us a complete family again.

So a friend recommended us to the doctor's sperm service.

I had to admit I was a bit concerned about his tagline, like a shotgun to

cervix or your money back.

But he was actually what we were expecting.

Honey, Dr.

T is here.

I'm just getting the sunset, hoping it's the lady.

Hello, you're not kind of fully expected.

Yeah, no, it's all right. I try and make people feel comfortable, you know. It's

not every day you get a stranger's cock up you, is it? I'm sorry?

Humour, humour, lightening the mood.

No, I think she meant about the cock thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, insemination is where my man juice is inserted in...

The gash via the, oh, man missile here.

No, aren't you just supposed to just inject it? Oh, I'll be injecting it up

there, all right. Not Turf and Basin style, don't worry about that.

Yeah, I've been impregnating women for about ten years now.

A friend of mine suggested that I should make some money out of it, so last

month I got some business cards printed up and handed them out, pretty much door

to door.

It's going.

Really well, surprisingly.

So, are you a real doctor?

Well, it's more of an honorary title, you know, but who's checking, really?

So, shall we do it right here?

I mean, this table seems really sturdy.

They're going to have sex with you.

Of course you can, it's easy.

Plus, I have a massive cock, so...

This is ridiculous. I think you should leave.

Actually, hold on, Mike.

You know, it's much more cheaper than a real doctor, so if he will do his job

well, what are we going to lose?

What, old Mike?

He wanted to have sex with my wife.

He seemed to be dedicated to his work, and honestly, I felt quite relaxed

him. What?

You cannot be serious.

Oh, come on, Mike.

If it's what it takes to be happy, so I'm willing to do it. Oh, Jesus.

Fine, fine.

Look, I'm a professional, you know. I bought DVDs, I got them in magazines.

Oh, but I don't think I need it. Oh, not for you. They're for him. Oh.

While we're going, that's it, you know.

And it'll be completely professional?

Oh, yeah, very, very professional.

Okay, okay.

It's just bug.

Oh, yes, it is.

Let's get down to business.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not professional.

Oh, come on. He just needs to get home.

Yeah, not a machine, Mike.

I won't think about this.

Oh, my God.

Two sugars if you're making.

I feel it's important to have fun in your work.

Especially mine.

A client with a happy faith always makes my cock hard and that helps when you're

blowing your beans.

I'm going to sit.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Fuck yes, just like that

Do you like that, what you think?

I love it. It's amazing.

Fantastic.

Whoa.

Hold on.

You're a good brother.

I'm going to set this fucking table.

Oh, yes, baby.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's get on that fucking table.

I'm cursing at something like that.

Come here, baby. Call up my fucking buddy and set this table.

Yes.

Fucking dick.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Oh, yes, baby. That's nice.

Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck.

That's it, baby. What the pussy?

What the fucking pussy?

Let's take a minute.

Oh, yes, baby, kill your fucking knees.

Oh, yes, yes.

That's it, baby. Open your mouth.

Oh, yes.

That's it, baby.

That's it, open your mouth.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

I could squeeze you in for tomorrow, come back then. How's that sound?

Yeah, never alone at the same time. Absolutely, darling.

Hey, buddy, any chance of having a cheap sandwich?

What?

It's been a month.

He comes here every afternoon.

But he's very professional.

Every time he arrives on time.

Yeah, but he's still not pregnant, though.

But, honey, these things need time.

He comes on your face, on your boobs, on your back, on your legs, in your mouth.

Not one shotgun in your cervix. And yet, he already made a difference, a big

difference in my life. It was so good.

I want a divorce.