Original subtitles

You're coming.

Yeah.

I know what time it's for.

I was just making a little stew sandwich.

Well, at least use a paper towel.

Well, can I have a couple?

How about if you just get out of here?

You used to be a nice person.

But now you are no good.

Cold, woman, too.

Rudy, come back here.

Dinner is here. Set the table, please.

But Danielle's expecting me.

You didn't ask me if you could go.

Mom, I need to be with my friends. Besides, dinner here is boring. All you

talk about is mortgages in Russia.

All right, sweetheart. Tonight we'll change the conversation for you. We'll

about traffic and the recession. Please set the table for five.

Here we go again. Set the table. Set the table. Set the table. Do you have

something to say?

Oh, no. No.

No.

Cliff? Yeah?

They're here. What's happening? What happened here?

Am I supposed to leave?

Who's here?

The moody Rudy Blues.

Do they itch?

Hard to be 13 and afflicted with parents. Yes.

I'm getting close. Did you hear it almost?

All I need to do is tighten that one.

Little screw again.

Almost, dear.

Well, prisoners escaping from their own homes.

You're not moving in here, are you?

Oh, yes, that's right. You guys are on your way down to look at Hillman

Oh, that's right, Dr. Huxtable. I want to see if Hillman is worthy of the high

standards I set for myself.

I knew that you had received a letter of acceptance. Lance, you got one, too?

Oh, yeah, I got a letter. Something about a wait list, but we'll take care

that when I get down there.

Well, the Bon Voyage dinner, what do you think? This one or this one?

I think there's more than one decision to be made. Excuse me, fashion alert.

We'll get back to my dinner. Have a nice trip, Lance. Oh, thank you.

Lance, have a sit down there.

So, you're on the wait list.

yes that's right sir you know me sir i have a history of verbal

dexterity according to my transcript

my physics and chemistry grades are tad south of the low side of life

would you say that um

on the chilly side.

Yes, sir, but I plan to warm him up. I'm going to go to summer school.

Yeah, well, it would be wise to let the admissions board know that.

Well, Dr. Huxtable, do you think you can write me a letter of recommendation?

Well, in order for me to send an

effective letter.

There's one thing I would have to know.

Anything, anything, sir.

What is your last name?

I didn't know what to do with myself.

Jumped out there and grabbed...

Just, well, that's well.

Do tell.

Oh, you want Rudy?

Well, I don't know. She looks a little tired to me. Dad, can I have the phone,

please? Dad, what?

Come on, please, please.

Just one second. I think Lazarus just came back again.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Danielle, what's up?

No.

It was whack.

Yeah, I was cold -busted.

No, my mom.

No reason. She just dissed me.

All right.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

All right. Peace out. Bye.

Peace

out?

I thought peace was in.

doom -boom.

Well, doctor, your dinner's ready.

Oh, good.

I'm ready.

Sandra and Elvin are late.

They had an appointment with their attorney.

Uh -oh.

Now, I resent that.

No, no, no. What is that? Uh -oh. No, every time somebody sees a lawyer, you

see, that is not necessarily bad news.

Sandra and Elvin are coming from the lawyer after having a meeting,

and they say they're bringing good news?

Uh -oh.

So peace out.

Sandra?

How's your bar exam preparatory course going?

Two more weeks and I am home free. Oh. But you know, the thing that still

perplexes me is that product liability precedent.

Waverly versus Mulhern? Oh, yeah.

Well, the key to that precedent was Brockman versus Marshall. You see,

obvious contributory negligence with forethought on the part of the

Oh, contributory negligence.

Well, Alvin, the shinbone connects to the...

Connects to the thigh bone.

Can I go now?

You're sorry we bored you.

Well, Mom and Dad, actually, now that Rudy's gone, that gives us an

to tell you our great news.

Rudy.

Go on. Rudy.

Go on.

Well, we've got our life all squared away.

That's right, Mom and Dad. Today we went to see our lawyer and we drew up our

will. Do I get my car back?

may get something much more precious and what's that in the event of our

untimely passing from this earthly world we are considering bestowing upon you

the honor of acting as guardians of what of

winnie and nelson you want us to be guardians to your children i know it

exciting but actually don't jump the gun because at this point you guys are only

finalists

Well, what's next, the swimsuit competition?

Look, Mom and Dad, I know that this is awkward, but why don't you let us

our process of selection to you, and then you'll understand it. They're going

explain their process of selection, and then we'll understand it. I can hear.

Okay, it's a three -step process.

First, we look at emotional stability.

Financial stability.

And accommodation.

Okay, now we started with Martin and Denise.

Yes, Martin is stable, but Denise... Besides, they only have Olivia, and

already dumped her off on you.

Which means if we gave the twins to them, they'd end up here anyway.

Right, so we just cut out the middleman.

Do you understand that, dear?

Direct from the factory to us.

And then we thought about Vanessa and Dabness.

But their history.

What about your family? You still have some parents, don't you?

Yeah, well, you know, they're retired.

They like to travel.

We didn't want to burden them.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can understand that, because I hate to travel, and Mrs. Huxtable hates

to travel. We just hate to travel. We don't ever want to travel. As a matter

fact, we just stay home. We watch the Travel Channel.

And then, of course, we thought of our friends.

Yeah, but you know how that can be. You know, you like him, but you don't trust

her. You trust her, but you don't like him.

Yeah, I certainly understand that part.

So then we sat down and we thought about it. And it dawned on us.

Who are really our best friends?

I have no idea.

Mom, you know.

You all don't get out much, do you?

You know, I've done some estate work.

And always I would counsel my clients to choose a guardian closer to their own

age.

Well, frankly, Mom and Dad, your age did work against you. Good.

But if we should perish, let's say tomorrow, the kids only need a guardian

another 14 years, so you'll be done before you're 70.

Done before we're 70.

I dig it, he dogs.

So now listen.

Uh, just out of the sake of curiosity, who is the competition?

Hey, everybody.

Sorry I'm late. No, you're not late. Nobody invited you.

Well, Dad, actually, we invited Theo.

Meet your competition.

Uh, Elvin, this is not a competition.

What's not a competition?

Well, Theo, Elvin and I are in the process of choosing a guardian for the

and we just thought that we would have an open family discussion about it.

Hey, Theo?

You are one of the finalists.

Hey, you know what?

Why don't we go into the living room for a little child -rearing Q &A?

How about it, Mom, Dad?

We'll be right there. Okay, great.

Okay, cool.

child -rearing Q and A?

Oh, he's lucky I don't Q his A.

That's a tricky question, Elvin, but for the record, parents should not abuse

their authority. However, children should know who's in charge of the home.

Sandra Nelvin, your mother and I would like to talk to you.

Oh, sure, Dad.

Good. We just want you to think. We just want to take time out for a minute and

think. And consider life as a 12 -hour day. You're born at sunrise, and

you are just alert. I mean, your body is fit. You

are cooking.

And you get to noon, and you have peaked. You are all... All the way up

nothing against you. You just fight. You're full of it. And your mother and

I are in life somewhere around 4 .15.

No, dear,

I'm at 3 .30.

Well, it doesn't make any difference. Whatever it is, it's getting dark.

Put those pants down, please.

Now, look, your father and I have raised Theo to the best of our abilities, and

we are confident that he will make an excellent guardian for your children.

Well, Uncle Theo?

Congratulations. Yeah. Hey.

Thanks. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, I don't know what to say. This is great. You guys are entrusting

winning at Nelson to me.

Yeah.

Well, Theos, Sandra and I feel that you have the values and the moral fiber

to carry on the Thibodeau torch.

Of course, there are some formalities.

We'll have to disclose all of our assets to you.

checking, saving, safety deposits, investments.

Of course, you'll be the beneficiary. Oh, good.

I mean, look, bad that you're going to be dead, but good that I'll have money

help raise the kids.

So, in terms of assets, how much are we talking?

Well, if it's too personal, hey, I understand. No, no, no, it's not too

personal.

Assets. We have the house.

Well, technically, the bank owns the house.

Other assets.

We have two cars.

One's mom's and dad's, isn't it?

We have a car.

And we paid for it. No, honey, actually, we're still paying on the car.

So you have half a car.

Approximately, yes.

Okay.

We can still work this out.

You said something about savings and investments, right? Yes, we did. We have

the twins' birthday bonds from Mom and Dad. We also have the savings account.

Got to stay liquid.

How liquid, Elvin?

Very liquid, Theo.

It's just not a lot there to pour.

Of course, we have life insurance.

And exactly what would that cover if you two pass on?

The burial.

Once Elvin finishes his residency and I pass the bar and get a job, our

financial outlook will begin to improve.

That's right.

What happens if you guys go tomorrow?

Come on, guys. I'm a student. I'm a grad student. I can't raise two kids on

birthday bonds.

Look, Elvin, Theo's right. We can't give the twins to him. He has nothing. He

lives in that crummy apartment. He doesn't even have a job.

Hey, wait a minute. What happened to carrying the torch and moral fiber? Grow

up, Theo.

There's no cash.

Kids can't eat moral fiber.

We can't die.

We are too far in debt to die.

As long as one of us survives, then the kids will be taken care of. It's simple.

We just have to avoid dying at the same time.

We just can't be anywhere together.

We'll take separate airplanes.

Separate cars.

Separate vacations.

Separate rooms.

No, no, no.

Not separate rooms.

Some things are worth dying for.

Okay, guys, guys, guys, excuse me.

So this means you don't need me, right?

No, no, no, just the opposite.

Theo, you're our will to live.

We know that you're a student, you don't have much money, so if something does

happen to us and you run out of money, who are you going to call?

Who is this?

Uh, Dad.

Hi. Hey, how you doing?

Fine. Okay.

Well, been a long time since.

Up here.

I did a little redecorating. Yeah, yeah.

And, uh... Dad?

Mm -hmm? Is there something you wanted?

Uh, yeah. I just wanted to, uh, to just, uh, talk to you, I guess. You

know, I just came up to your room. You know, homegirl.

Have a little... Well, John William, well, come on.

Let's do it.

Listen. Anti -old people bed, huh?

Anyway, I just wanted to talk to you.

You know, just say a few things. I was just wondering, is there a point in a

young person's life of, let's say, age 13, where the mother and the

father are just always wrong?

No, no. I mean, help me. This is what I want you to help me with.

Dad, it's just... Come on. Say it.

You and Mom.

Yeah, right.

That's who we are.

You and Mom. Come on. Use some verbs and some nouns to it, and it'll come out.

Come on.

It's everything. It's the whole world.

The whole world. The whole world. Old world.

Everything's the same.

Everything's the same.

I want to change.

You want to change. I want to do things the way I want to do things.

Oh.

Well, uh, that's what I want to do, too.

And you don't have to eat dinner here, either.

Are you talking about somebody's cooking?

I know what happened with the thing with Danielle. You didn't ask Mom way in

advance if you could go over.

It was the spare of the moment. Mom had dinner planned for you.

But, Dad, I don't understand. Why should I have to be here for dinner? And all

the conversation at dinner is...

law talk or doctor talk or any other kind of thing like that, and I don't

understand it. Why can't I be with my friends when we can talk about what we

want to talk about? Because your friends have not chipped in and purchased a

house.

In the past four years, had you saved a quarter a day,

five days a week from your lunch money, eight of you...

Could be living next door to us.

With the house paid for. But no, you chose to live here.

That's my point.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

No, you don't. Because I have no idea what I'm saying.

Now come over here.

Because this is getting silly.

It's getting silly.

Now, put your arm around me.

Now, do you know the word love?

Yeah. Okay.

You know what love means if somebody says, I love you. Yes? Yes. Okay.

Do you love me?

Yeah. You're having a problem saying this?

No. Okay.

If you love me, then kiss me on my cheek with love.

Pitiful.

On a scale of one to ten, that was a two.

I love you.

You see?

Uh -huh. Huh?

Do you love me?

Uh -huh.

That's a ten.