Original subtitles

Thank you.

I grant you Samantha had the opportunity, Lieutenant, but she had no

Hey, who's the cop around here? And besides, she had no training in the

crossbow.

For cleaner, brighter laundry days, just add a couple of... Now what are you

doing? I was just changing the channel. No, you're not. I am watching this

movie. Yeah, well, it's a commercial on. I'm just going to scan.

No, see, that's what you do all the time. You come in here, you take this

remote, and you start scanning. Yeah, but it's a commercial on, dear. They're

going to be there for about a minute and 30 seconds. And look, you can count.

One alligator, two alligators.

I don't want to count alligators, Cliff. I would really rather watch the

commercial. Well, fine. Okay, go ahead. Watch the commercial. If you want to

live a one -channel life, let's... You've probably never even been past

41.

Thank you very much. And I better not miss a thing.

No, you're not going to miss anything.

Pay -per -view, the picture is scrambled.

I know what it is, dear, but on the pay -per -view, see, if you do your head

like this and do your eyes like this, wait until he's down. No, I'm going back

to the movie. He's down, I think. Huh?

Back to the movie.

Nothing is finished.

Too many alligators.

You want to watch something else? No, thank you. Well, don't get an attitude,

honey.

Hey, Daddy, Mom. Hey. How you doing?

Oh, Tim. Nikki, how are you? Hi. Hi, Dr. and Mrs. Huxtable. Hey, guys, you

remember Eugene from the community center, right?

Yes. How are you, Eugene?

Hi, Dr. and Mrs. Huxtable.

Well, you guys, the rummage sale was a huge success.

All right. And, Dad, there's all your stuff back.

You mean all my stuff back.

You couldn't sell my stuff?

What about the... Why couldn't you sell the snack, Captain?

Dad, it was broken.

It's not broken. All the person had to do was buy it, and then you take the

wire, the wire, and tighten it up.

Oh, you don't have to worry about that, Dr. Huxtable.

We made lots of money with everyone else's stuff.

Yeah, we even made enough money to get the computers at the center repaired.

And buy some new computer software, right?

Come on, Mr. Megabyte. Let's take these collectibles back down to the basement.

I'll help.

Hey, thanks a lot, guys.

Sure. There's a cake on the counter in there. Why don't you help yourselves on

the way back?

Oh, nice.

Be careful of that stuff. Some of it's broken.

We're very glad that things went so well for you today. Listen, thanks a lot,

Mom and Dad, for your help.

Well, obviously, we didn't do much.

Oh, no, no. I didn't mean the rummage cell. I meant this piece of paper here.

Dear Mr. Huxable, I am pleased to inform you that my baby... What?

What?

Somebody say what.

It says that my baby has been admitted as a Master of Arts candidate in the

Department of Psychology at...

Thank you very much. But listen, if you're so smart, how come you couldn't

my snack cabinet?

Cliff, please.

We have to celebrate.

You know, you and Tim and Eugene and Nikki, you should stay for dinner. Oh,

I'd love to, but I have to get Eugene and the van back to the center. Nikki

a paper due, and Tim has another recruiting reception tonight.

You know, he's getting his degree, and he still can't find a job. It's rough

there. Yeah, it's tough. I got a lot of friends who are still out of work.

Absolutely. But...

Thanks to you guys, I don't have to worry about that for a while.

You're still paying for my grad school, right?

Graduate school?

Yeah, remember me?

Your baby, your baby.

No, no, that's what your mother said. Your mother said that.

Well, how about my son, my son?

You want to pick up his dad for grad school?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thanks, Mom.

And Dad, thank you. All right. And you know, that celebration dinner, let's do

it next week. All right? Next week on me.

Well, actually, it'll be on you, because in reality, it's your money, but I'll

make the reservations.

So,

Theo,

how do I look?

You look pretty good.

So, would you hire me?

Sure would. You look nothing like yourself.

Oh, thanks.

That's what I was going for.

Oh, man.

Oh, you got the checkbook blues?

Yeah. I helped raise $1 ,800 for the community center, but I can't find more

than $4 .50 in my own checkbook.

So why didn't you ask your parents for some money while you were there? I'm on

budget. You're not the only one on a budget. I had to recycle our bottles

to get BuzzFeed to go to this recruiting reception.

Well, hey, half of that bottle money is mine. I needed to buy dinner, so give it

up. Why? There's leftovers in a container in the fridge.

No, no, no, no. I'm not eating that stuff.

It's got too much fuzz on it.

Only on one side.

Get out of my room, all right? Hey, look, if you're hungry, I got a solution

you. Come with me to this reception I'm going to.

Free food at the best Thai restaurant in town. No, no, no. I am not going to

just crash a corporate mixer. Why not? There'll be plenty of people and no one

will notice you.

Did you say free food?

I told you this was a great restaurant. Hey, well, if you need me, I'll be over

here by the food.

Hey, hey, you gotta put a name tag on. You gotta blend in.

Okay.

Not so sloppy, Theo. Remember, your handwriting says a lot about you. Yes,

this says, which way is the buffet table?

Well, hello, Mr.

Shrek.

May I have your attention, please?

I'm Gwen Graham. And I'm Andy Anderson.

And we'd like to welcome you to the Tartan Company's reception.

First, I'd like to thank you for your interest in our company. And before we

start eating, we... We'd just like to say a

few words. Andy.

I'm sure that many of you were raised on our soups. But as our slogan says,

We're not just soup anymore. As you can see from your information packet, we're

into everything, from broadcasting to agribusiness to Major League Baseball.

The Targon Company believes that young professionals like you can help us

the future.

If you'd like to, stop by the buffet and help yourself to whatever's left.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Well, Mr.

Hurtable, you certainly are a chef star.

Thank you.

So, Miss Graham, you live in San Francisco?

Yes. The home office, right? Uh -huh. Indeed, I love those... cable cars. And

the Fisherman's Wharf. And speaking of fishermen, I understand you reeled in an

extremely high earnings last quarter.

Yes, we were very pleased with our bottom line, Mr... Coyle. Archie Coyle.

Mr. Hurtable, you're awfully quiet over there.

Oh, you know me. I'm just taking it all in.

What I think Hurtable is trying to say is that this is some restaurant.

It's not your typical continental cuisine, a little bit off the beaten

that shows a willingness to take risks.

And that's what Archie Coyle is all about.

Excuse me, guys. Don't miss the noodles.

Well, how about you, Ms.

Ladley? What are you about?

Money.

I like it.

I'm not ashamed to like it. It's necessary to survive. And if I'm making

you're making money.

Well, we have a reputation for paying very fair salaries. You seem to be

marketing -oriented.

What areas interest you? Which areas have the highest starting salary?

I think I can answer that. I bet you can, Mr... Coyle. Archie Coyle.

Pleased to meet you. Coyle. Anyone else care to share their interests?

Mr... Honorable.

with people who are interested in helping people. Tartan has several

that are dedicated to charitable activities.

That's certainly commendable, and I admire Tartan's stand on the ecology.

We have state -of -the -art environmental programs.

Everybody's for ecology, but isn't the goal of corporations to make money? They

can't exist unless they do.

Yeah, but you see, it's a question of balance.

I mean, all a corporation is is a group of citizens, and the citizens have to be

responsible inside the corporation and outside in the real world.

Well, that's very true, Leo.

But you'd be surprised at how difficult it is to get people to understand that

concept. Really? But it's so clear.

As long as you respect people as individuals, what else is there?

I mean, for example, it's obvious that you do not respect your customers by

slogan you have out there.

Oh, Gwen.

Go on, Leo.

Actually, it's Theo.

You say that tartan isn't just soup anymore.

But in these tough times, soup is exactly what people need.

See, it's highly economical, it's highly nutritious, and it's very filling.

Believe me, I know.

Yes, I can see that. I would change the slogan from tartan's not just soup

anymore to we're still soup.

Theo, hold that thought.

Wait here a minute.

You mind if I have one of these little chicken things on a stick?

Knock yourself out.

Excuse me.

So, Mr. Hurtable.

It's Huxtable, actually. Theo.

Sorry. And I have to thank you for a wonderful evening because you have quite

spread here. Oh, well.

You're welcome. And I think you have a wonderful future at the Tartan Company.

Thank you.

What? Don't you want to see what else is on?

I beg your pardon?

Would you like to see what else is on?

This is the ballet.

And you just said to me, do I want to see what's on?

Well, you live here, too.

Are you angry

with me?

No. Did I do something wrong?

No. We're all right?

We're fine.

I'm going to change.

Go ahead, Cliff. It's fine, really.

You got a stick or something?

If I change the channel, you're going to hit me, right? No.

You got me good. You got me good.

Okay, so we'll just jump in and watch the ballet.

Cliff. Huh?

You bought another remote, didn't you?

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Huh? You bought a little tiny remote, didn't you? Where?

In your pocket. What's in your pocket? There's nothing that's in my pocket. Go

ahead.

Search my pocket.

It's in your...

Guys, is this a bad time?

No, we do this all the time when you're not here.

We won't expect to see you today.

Obviously.

Well, can't a son come visit his parents? Can't a son see that it's

outside and know that his parents may need help shoveling the sidewalk?

Can't a parent wonder why a son would volunteer the trek all the way to

to shovel his parents' snow?

Uh, well, can't the son decide that it's time to stop taking from his parents

and time to start giving back?

I'll take this one.

I believe you, and the shovel is in the garage.

You know what? I'll get right to it.

You're just going to hang around and wait for it to accumulate?

Well, the snow's not going anywhere. I figure I'll come and sit down and talk

my parents. All right.

Okay, here's the thing.

I went to this recruiting reception last night with Tim, only because I was

hungry. The food was excellent.

But as I was eating, I inadvertently said some things that impressed these

executives at the Tartan Company.

Well, they want to fly me to San Francisco for a job interview.

Tartan? Weren't they the soup company?

Were, are, and will be. See, and that's where I come in.

So where are you coming as what?

In industrial psychology.

See, Dad, they use psych majors for everything from marketing to advertising

dealing with executive stress.

But that's not what you'll be studying in grad school.

Yeah, I know, but ask me how much I'll be making. Starting salary, $30 ,000 a

year. You're kidding.

No, not at all. That's $576 a week for me.

That means I can stop sponging off of you guys.

That means independence.

That means that I can be the first Huxtable to leave this house and stay

For your son, San Francisco means independence.

And that's why I'm on my way to San Francisco business class.

The word sponge, that's your word. You've never heard us say

sponge. Paying for your education, well, that's our privilege and our

investment. And our decision.

Now, your future, your decision.

Thanks, guys. Okay.

I knew you guys would say that. Yeah.

And I know that I can always depend on Mom and Dad.

See, but that's what I've got to stop doing. If you don't mind, I'm going to

into the garage, I'm going to find that shovel, and I'm going to shovel your

sidewalk.

Take this and run that back. Not the part where he says he's going to shovel

sidewalk. The part about $30 ,000 a year and $576 just for

him. Because he's going to hear a different song when the tax man comes.

May

I

have my remote, please?

They're at a concert.

Hey,

Theo, Mr. Megabyte's here for you.

Oh, man.

I'm on time, Theo.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, man, we're just gonna buy software. You don't have to pack a whole

suitcase. No, no, Eugene, listen, I'm sorry. I forgot about the software.

Look, I promise you, when I get back, we'll go.

Where you going?

I gotta go to San Francisco.

Wow!

So I guess we took in more money at the rummer sale than we thought, huh?

Yeah, funny, G.

Now I'm going for a job interview.

A job interview?

Yeah, for when I graduate.

In June?

Yeah.

Wait a minute, how you gonna do that, man, when you already have a job at the

center? Well, I want to be able to explore my options while I have the

So what kind of job is it?

Well, it'll be with the Tartan Company.

The soup guy?

Yeah.

I'll be doing something called industrial psychology.

What is that?

Well, it's helping people, but helping people in a corporation rather than the

community center.

Oh, I get it.

You're going for the bank, huh?

You're going to be bi -coastal. Slick apartment, new car, maybe a convertible,

huh? Hey, slow down, kid.

Why? That's the first thing I get.

Then I get new clothes.

You'll be styling.

And ladies?

Lots of ladies.

That's what everybody wants.

You know what's the best part about it? You're going to be doing it legit, too.

You won't even have to risk going to jail.

Dream one.

I'm not going to be bi -coastal.

And two, life isn't about getting things. You know that.

Sure it is.

That's what it's all about, man.

Money, things, getting out, moving on.

Well, if that's what you really think, then I haven't been doing much of a job

at the community center.

Then why are you leaving?

Look, man, I want to explore other options.

Yeah, yeah.

I got that part.

No, hey, Eugene.

Look, man, I want to take an opportunity to look at something new rather than

spend the rest of my life staying in the same place.

Come on, the world is more than just our neighborhood.

I don't even know if I'm going to accept a job in San Francisco, which they

haven't really offered me yet. Then why go?

Because I have to know what I'm turning down or else I'm going to be wondering.

Didn't I teach you to look at all of the possibilities before you focus on

something?

Yeah, but how do I know you're coming back? Eugene, my clothes are here.

You and I have to buy software.

I have to finish my finals or I'm not going to graduate.

Why am I even arguing with you? You're in seventh grade. You haven't graduated

anything yet.

Hey, man, I'm on the honor roll.

Who helped you get on the honor roll, Eugene?

You did.

And I'm proud of you, man.

You're getting an education, which is the best way to give yourself options.

All right.

You look at your options, and then you decide.

Because I know one thing. You ain't choosing no soup over me.

Well, we'll talk about it when I get back from Frisco.

Okay.

Good luck, man.

Thanks.

All right.

Now take a sweater, because I hear it's chilly out there.

Oh, yeah, and one more thing.

Don't call it Frisco. The locals hate it.