Original subtitles

Thank you.

Oh, boy.

Watch out.

You're just going to wear those little crumbs of yours out.

And I don't have any money to buy any new thumbs.

Why don't you turn down that medieval mayhem?

Ah, that's much better. Hello,

son. Hey, Dad, how you doing?

Hi, Grandpa Hospital.

Hello there.

You all ready to babysit?

Absolutely. Okay, well, everything's going to be easy for you. Sandra and

took the twins with them. And these two, anytime you want to feed Miss Thing

over here, you just unplug both of them and send him home.

Well, hi.

We better get going, Cliff. We're going to be late for the community center now.

I have a legal clinic. I have to be on time. And I know that you don't want to

miss a moment for men.

There you go. For men only, Cliff, and you didn't invite me.

Well, Dad, this is a class for teenage men.

I'm sorry. See, Theo came to me and he said, Dad, I'd like you to go down to

of the community centers there and teach this class. And, you know, my son.

So they said, well, this one will be for men only.

It's going pretty well. It's my second one, and if this works out all right, I

might even, you know, just take it on the road. Get a bus, you know.

Dr. Cliff Huxtable for men only.

If I get enough out of this, I might take you as a roadie.

Well, exactly what kind of knowledge is your husband passing on to these young

people? He won't tell me.

Well, that's because it's for men only.

Don't you understand?

But... I will tell you. See, what I'm doing is I'm talking to these boys about

careers, you see.

And I'm giving them all kinds of ideas about how to get jobs.

And you think you should be teaching that class? None of your children have

jobs.

And yours do, Claire?

Well, really, I just think that you are absolutely jealous, and I hope... That

you do not talk to those young men the way that you're talking to me now and

ridiculing me in front of my father.

Clare can't say anything about you that I don't already know.

Thank you, my father.

In this box contains the key to job success.

What is in this box?

That is Olivia's love, my dolly. That's okay. He can borrow it. What I'm

starting out with here is the way we come into the world with no fear.

You understand?

And that's what I want to deliver to the boys. There's no fear.

All you have to do is get what is rightfully yours, the way you come in.

You see?

You understand that?

Well, if you don't understand it, then you have a defeated status. It's a great

message, honey, but that is the sorriest. symbol i've ever seen it is

sorry symbol this is a great symbol this is the way you come and look at the

innocence of it it has no fear you say go get it it'll crawl to it it'll do it

they'll understand it because they will not have a defeatist attitude you see

and if if you didn't have such a defeatist attitude i might let you sit

back of my class

I might enjoy that, but it's for men only.

Oh, well, I'll give you a mustache.

A titular.

So, any of you young people hungry?

No.

Thirsty? No.

Alive?

You do. It's mandatory if you want to play in the basketball league. Yeah,

right. Just last week, the good doctor told us about etiquette. How come you

etiquette on the basketball court?

Well, personally, I learned a lot.

What did you learn? Well, now I know how to make proper introductions.

For what? You don't know nobody.

He's right.

Dr. Huxtable's tips helped me through awkward social situations just last

How? I went to my history teacher, and I said, excuse me, sir.

But the news of this pop quiz has come as quite a shock to me.

Might I impose on your graciousness for a deferment?

Did he go for it? In a way.

He said, how handsomely phrased, Herman.

Now sharpen your pencil.

I felt better about myself.

I think of him up.

I see you guys learned something about etiquette last week. I'm impressed.

Well, I would like to reintroduce our guest, Dr. Huxtable, for the second week

of our seminar for men only.

I have a question.

Oh, already?

Yeah, if this quote -unquote seminar is for men only, then why is Ms. Filamino

still here?

Well, Ms. Filamino... I can answer that one.

Uh, Ben...

Since Ms.

Filamino got the grant for the use of this facility and the basketball

the equipment, and the summer camp, Ms. Filamino thought that it would be right

for her to be at this class, which she could have called Four Men Only and Ms.

Filamino.

I'll leave them in your hands, okay? Thank you.

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen.

All right.

Any questions, Leslie?

Yes. I have to take issue with you on an etiquette matter.

All right.

Well, according to your teachings, when going down the stairs, the man should

precede the woman.

Absolutely.

What we're talking about is etiquette. You go first. If the woman stumbles, you

are there to break her fall.

Okay. That's fine in theory. Sir. Yes. But suppose the woman weighs 240 pounds.

Etiquette would tell her to go first.

There's no sense in taking both of us out.

In this particular case, Abe, I think that I have to agree with you.

And if you ever find somebody that large, put them on the elevator.

What's in the box? I'm glad you asked.

Gentlemen, in this box is the key to your success.

In this box, gentlemen, I tell you now is the core, the root, and the center

to your careers.

Gentlemen.

That's a baby.

Exactly. It's not my baby. It's not my baby.

And we know it's not Dad's baby.

No, no, wait a minute. This is the old scam.

I mean, we come here thinking we're getting job advice.

but instead we're getting the old birth control lecture.

No,

no, that is not what this is. This is a symbol, gentlemen.

Hey, we're tired of hearing about all of this.

We hear it in school, in church, and on those PBS specials.

Man, you don't watch PBS.

Hey, I watched that one special called Inner City Male Youth.

For the love of God, run for your life.

They keep calling us the lost generation.

But I'm not lost. Are you lost?

Man, I'm not lost. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.

And I'm tired of being blamed for everything.

I had enough time to blame us for the greenhouse effect.

And if a whale is missing, we stole it.

If you all are finished,

then I will continue.

This is...

About careers.

Well, why did you bring the baby here?

It has nothing to do with the baby.

So then what did you bring the baby in here for?

It's a glass of milk.

to learn that game.

Okay, you can have my control.

Good. Now, what am I supposed to do?

Press A to move faster, B to go backwards.

C to jump up, and D to fire the flaming ball of death.

That seems reasonable.

Now, where am I?

You're the winged prince in the corner. Oh, you mean that well -muscled lad?

Yeah. Now, what am I supposed to do?

You're supposed to go to the tree and get the gold acorns. And throw them at

giant squirrel.

Well, I got the acorns.

Where's the squirrel?

He'll show up. You have to put them in your satchel. Well, I don't have a

satchel. You have to get it from under the rock.

No, no, get the challenge. You need a...

No, it's not a game, Guy. It's actually a game that's been played by millions of

people from Beijing to Brooklyn.

No batteries?

Well, how do you play?

Well, you drop the colorful sticks just as I've done just right now. And then

you try to pick them up with your fingers.

Come on. Where's the real game?

Just sit.

Now, the object is not to move any of the other sticks or you lose your turn.

The one with the most sticks at the end wins.

Want to try?

I don't think so.

No, thank you. We're better with our thumbs.

Well, then, you'll love kids and winks.

Timbly thinks?

What's wrong with him?

Well, whatever it is, win fast so we can get back to the real game.

All right, the baby's going into the box.

We are not worried about the baby anymore. We are now talking about other

of responsibility.

I'll take responsibility for myself, Dr. Huxtable, but I'm tired of taking the

blame for everything bad that happens.

Yeah, that's right. People think of us as negative statistics.

They think half of us are in prison and the other half of us are making babies.

And frankly, I'm not doing either one.

We know that, Dad.

Hey, look, look, look. All I know is I'm just trying to make... Make what? The

only thing you've made is two babies.

What? What, uh, what?

Who made what?

Me, Dr.

Huxtable. I made two babies.

But I'm not like those guys on the PBS special, okay?

I take care of my kids. When?

Well, when I'm not with you guys, man.

No, when is that? You're with us all the time.

Look, look, I see my girl the first Saturday of the month, and I see my

boy the last Saturday of the month.

Now, wait a minute. You have two babies and two girlfriends?

And no job.

Exactly. That's why I can't see my baby.

The mother and their mothers won't let me see them until I have a job. Then why

don't you get a job?

Look, there are no jobs out there. I tried.

Look, I don't understand.

I got a job.

I may not have a date, but I got a job.

Dad, you're a copy boy.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I couldn't wait for a $50 ,000 a week job.

My job takes cold, hard cash.

Danny, put your money away, okay?

That's right.

Put it away, little man.

It's fine by me, man, all right?

I'll be standing as tall as you once I'm standing on my wallet.

All right, look, look, do me a favor. How many of you in this room do not

have jobs?

Raise your hand, please.

All right, now, while your hand is up in the air, please look down at your feet.

I see some very expensive sneakers.

I'm an errand now and then. I'll scuffle if I have to. I got mine for my

birthday. You should have gotten your birthday money and given it to your

What am I supposed to do for sneakers, man?

Buy discount skiffs.

Not the shoes, Ben. Not the shoes.

You would rather keep those sneakers than feed your kids?

Copy shop, you money is not going to take care of your kids.

Yeah, well, at least I would have made an effort.

Oh, now we're getting to the statistics.

Now, why don't you tell everyone here about your girlfriend, Ben?

Okay.

My girlfriend's pregnant and we're getting married and I'm getting a job.

That's good.

Now, where do you intend to find this job, Ben? Well, in the newspaper, the

classifieds. And if I have to, the obituaries.

I know those people won't be going to work on Monday.

Let's get past that. Now, Cal, do you want a job?

Yeah, but I want one that pays well. I understand that, but son, life doesn't

work that way. I mean, you just don't stand on the corner hoping for people to

come by and say, is anybody here with two kids and two girlfriends who wants

,000 a week?

Now, what can you do?

I don't know what I can do.

I don't know how to do anything.

I had a job at the supermarket. It paid.

Minimum wage, and they treated me like I was at the bottom of the pile, and

that's where I was going to stay.

I don't want to be a statistic.

Okay, you don't know how to do anything. And I'm telling you that what you've

got to do now is you've got to learn how to want to be something.

How? You pick.

Pick? That's all I have to do is pick?

Pick. That's all.

I mean, the second thing you do after you pick.

is figure out if that's really what you want to do, what you want to be. And

then the next thing you do is go out and find out how to become that.

No, no, that's easy for you to say.

Dr. Huxtable, you're a doctor.

I hate to tell you this, man, but I'm not the issue.

I have a job.

Don't throw it this way.

It belongs in your court, son.

I'm trying to help you to think. Now, pick.

What would you like to be?

I want to be a lab technician.

Great.

And you just happen to know a person who's in medicine.

You're going to give me a job?

No, I'm not going to give you a job.

What a busy thing I'm running.

No, but I'm going to help you.

Get started en route to becoming one.

Fine. You helped Cal, Dr. Huxtable. But what about me?

Well, what about you? Come on, tell me. What do you want to be?

A wild animal trainer.

You can go out to the zoo.

First thing in the morning.

Go in the cage.

You understand me?

And then you dance around.

And if they don't eat you up, then that's what you... Anybody here

want to talk about what they want to become?

Yes, sir.

I'd like to be a singer.

Oh.

Well, wait. Now, wait. No, wait. We're on to something here that I think I can

handle. Now, if you want to be a singer, then you... You take lessons.

Have you taken lessons?

Yes, sir. I have taken lessons.

You've taken lessons. And none of your friends know anything about these

you've taken. Garage.

Then you wouldn't be embarrassed to sing for us.

No. Not at all.

I can tell you how I feel

for you.

And all the things that I could do to show you the

love I have is true.

There are many words that I could say.

Some melodies that I'd like to play.

And this will show you the love I have

is true.

who right now can go out on the street corner and wait for somebody to come by

and get her.

That's our seminar for today, men.

Oh, wow.

What happened? It seems like things perked up once I left the room.

Well, no, no. We're just really getting warmed up now. And if we could have more

time, it would be wonderful.

Okay. I'll see if I can move the four women -only group to room 203, then.

All right. There we go. All right.

Yeah.

Okay. Now, what I want to tell you... See, now that we... Oh!

Hey.

I thought I...

Whoa, you're on the 20th level.

Watch out behind you. There's a squirrel behind you.

Squirrel it up.

Watch this.

Got it?

We'll have a steal.