Original subtitles

Thank you.

This is it.

I'm telling you, it is not funny, dear.

This is the last time. I had counted when Rudy came that I would not have to

out and monitor any more museum trips for little five -year -old children. And

then this child comes, and here we go again.

I don't want to do this anymore.

You're being silly and you know it. It's just a little field trip to the DeSoto

Museum. Oh, it's just a little field trip to the DeSoto Museum. Just a little

field trip. Yeah, you can say that because you're not going.

And you're a person who has no class. You know why?

You know why? Because if you had class, you would look at me and realize that my

job...

As a baby doctor to deliver these people. And now these people are going

deliver me.

She's counting on a cliff. Just think of everything Olivia and her classmates

are going to learn.

I know what they're going to learn.

They're going to learn to look at me and see a person that they can tap with

their little finger.

You ever had those little...

taps and they're all behind you and they're all over here. And they start as

soon as you get off the bus.

Can I have some juice? I have juice in the back. No, we don't eat till one o

'clock. Yeah, but I want some juice now because my mother said that I can have

some juice.

And then they start digging in places and you don't know what they're digging

for or what's wrong.

You're not alone in this. I'm not alone? No. Oh, you got Jeffrey Ingalls for

support. Jeffrey Ingalls? Ha!

Jeffrey Ingalls? Jeffrey Ingalls is a rookie.

He knows nothing. And on top of that, he overdresses for everything.

Jeffrey Ingalls? We went to a simple...

kazoo concert.

His daughter played the kazoo. Her part was fur fur. He wore a tuxedo, a

top hat, had a scarf on, and sat there and conducted her little fur fur.

Hey. Good morning. How you doing? All right.

You sure are here early for the middle of the week.

Oh, well, I'm waiting on a delivery.

I'm having 144 t -shirts in here.

No. You know how the community center always needs money.

Well, we're going to silkscreen T -shirts and sell them at street fairs

a pop.

Oh, that sounds good.

Now, check this out.

I found a second -hand silkscreening press, and I found a store to donate the

paint. And by having the T -shirts delivered here, I save freight costs.

Now, I figure we sell 300 T -shirts a weekend, 20 weekends.

Pretty soon, we're going to have enough money to buy a computer for every kid in

the center.

Or we can move the center to the Caribbean, but I'll make that call when

time comes.

Well, let me know if you need any legal help, you know, for your vendor's

license. I got it.

Your tax ID number?

J2107.

Well, now, listen up.

If you need any help with the slogans for the T -shirts, I'm your man.

Well, Dad, thanks a lot, but I got the kids making up some designs.

See, the designs are fine, but words are much stronger.

What kind of words? Things like, I am over 18 and I have my own apartment.

Try this one. My parents gave it all they had, but I

didn't.

I finally found myself.

That's why I'm not here.

That thinks a lot, but I've got it under control. Okay, you've got it under

control. Thank you. Right. Oh, and here's another one. This one would be my

-time favorite, and this would be a big seller.

I paid my parents back all the money that I borrowed, and

I feel good about myself.

You can put it on the back. You can put it on the side.

As a matter of fact, you can get a branding iron and hit them with that.

My own T -shirt company.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going on a field trip with all my friends.

First one ever.

Going on a big yellow bus.

And you're going to ride on a big yellow bus.

And let me tell you. that the seats are not padded.

And the big yellow bus and all the springs are like this and you're going

bouncing up and down.

And there's no air conditioning so the sweat will be running.

Oh, and the big yellow bus that you think is going to be a lot of fun.

But we'll still be happy. That's what you think.

Is my lunch in here?

Yes, your lunch is in there, Mrs. Huxtable. Packed for both of you.

I don't know, Mrs. Hunt, the little cat.

Rice

cakes

and tuna.

No mustard.

No flavor.

But that's all right.

See, on the field trips, the best part is trading food and trading sandwiches.

Come in.

Hey, neighbor.

Well, don't you two look together.

Boy, I brought some things that are going to come in handy on the field

I got these camp songs here for the bus. No, no, no. Listen.

Do me a favor. Put that back in the bag.

But this is burning.

I don't mean to yell at you. I don't want any camp songs.

I don't want any John Jacob thing.

I don't want to hear any hundred bottles.

I don't want any bears coming over the mountain.

You understand?

Just leave it alone. Trust me.

There you go.

Mr. Angle. Say hi, buddy.

Hey.

So, y 'all ready for the trip? Oh, you bet.

We're all set.

Now, listen.

Here's one for the bus ride.

Found

Well, we're checked in.

Now, who has an orange name tag?

Me!

You're the oranges. Now, who has a red name tag?

Me! You're the apples. Now, I want you to pair up with an orange buddy.

Yay!

I just love to mix my apples and oranges. You have a very rich interior

Mrs. Hester.

Thank you.

I don't want to be an orange or an apple. Okay, you can be a kumquat. Now,

yourself.

I'm going to go find out if the lunch has made it off the bus, and I'll catch

with you later.

Okay. Dr. Huxtable. Yes.

Well, where are we going first?

We're going to see American indigenous species, animals, and birds of

all sizes all over the country. Is that true, Daddy?

Well, up to a point. You see, we're going to see animals that Mr.

DeSoto collected on his travels.

through the great American wilderness, starting with the igloos of the Eskimos,

and then the caves of the Indians, and then the soggy swamps of the

alligators.

the grizzly bear is a relative of the Alaskan brown bear.

Please keep looking.

Although it weighs up to 1 ,000 pounds over here, it can actually move almost

as fast as a lion.

Is that true, Daddy?

Yeah, Mr. Ingles, is that true?

Of course it's true, boy.

I'm reading from the thing here.

There's a lot more to bears.

and what's written on that black cliff.

I mean, the grizzly bear, Ursus horribilis, is one of the

world's largest living omnivores.

This is a bear.

It's a big bear.

It's a big...

if it were alive and you provoked it. So that's a real bear?

Well, the bear was once a real bear.

I think I saw it move.

Yes, you see, it's the light shining on the glass that makes the bear's eyes

sparkle. It's very realistic.

Is that true, Dr. Huxtable?

Well,

it's hard to say, children.

You see,

These bears actually move, but they

would have to pay rent.

Dioramas aren't cheap, mainly because of the view.

So if the bears move, people would say, we have to charge you for living here.

So they stay like that.

However, when I'm visiting a museum, and I know that these things can move, and

certainly if you will notice the teeth, those teeth are for tearing flesh.

And I must say that they love to tear noisy flesh.

And they love a chase.

I do, if I want to see it move, is I will turn my

back to the bears like so.

And then I will say out loud, faking them out, well, I guess

I'll go to the next exhibit.

And when I do that, the corner of my eye, I know

that this bear is going to move.

And so I turn and as soon as I know it's moving,

I take these eyes and I swing them back.

Uh, the truck must be running late or something.

Be there.

Hey, thanks!

He must have been in a rush.

Mom, I got such a great deal on these shirts here.

Check this out.

100 % cotton. Now, I got a good discount because...

style has been discontinued, but Mr. Starkey, he was a very resourceful guy,

must say, said there's plenty more where these came from.

Well, it certainly does seem groovy. Well, that's good. See, that way they

shrink when you wash it.

I have this all backwards, honey. Where's the tag?

It's got to be where the neck is.

Where's the neck?

Honey, come on. Help me with this thing.

I can't help you, Mike. I can't even help myself.

Wait, there's got to be some mistake here.

I hope so.

All the shirts can't be like this.

Maybe if I pull this thread here.

I spent the center's money on these shirts.

So just cancel the check.

Good idea.

Good idea.

Cancel the check.

I didn't pay by check, Mom.

But I got a 20 % discount by paying in cash.

Yeah, that 20 % must have been the next door's salary.

Theo, why don't you let me talk to this guy?

No, I got it under control. Me and Mr. Starkey have been working together for a

couple of days now. It's cool.

Hey, Mr. Starkey.

How you doing? This is, uh, Theodore Huxtable here.

Listen, I got a slight problem with these t -shirts.

There's no neck holes.

Well, yes, I'm sure.

They didn't leave the warehouse that way.

So what, are you telling me the truck driver just pulled off to the side of

road and sewed up all the neck holes?

What do you mean he's done it before?

Listen, Mr. Starkey.

I want my money back, and I want it back now.

Hello?

He's going to get it back to me.

Just your own lunches now. No one else's. No one else's name.

All right, that's just fine.

Now, don't anybody eat yet.

Don't anybody eat yet.

Now, I'm sure that someone would like to exchange

for my wonderful tuna fish sandwich.

I dream to, Dr. Huxtable.

Marlon, my friend.

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

What kind of sandwich have you?

Beef on a roll.

Some nice Russian dressing.

A little pickle.

And some potato salad on the side.

Marla.

Trey.

Thank you, Marlin, so much. You're welcome. Enjoy yourself.

Oh, yes.

Hey, this toilet's on a coaster.

I'm sorry, Marlin, but you made your choice.

Listen to me, Starkey Man.

This is the last message I'm leaving in your machine.

Lucky 13.

And I'm telling you now, if I ever, ever find out where you live, I'm coming

after you.

Hey, Mom.

Mom, listen, I'm glad you're here. Could you do me a big favor?

What? I need you to call Mr.

Starkey. Pretend you're a customer, okay? I want you to order 600 dozen

style number seven.

The necklace ones?

Yeah. Now, I just want you to order a lot, so he'll pick up the phone, and

take it from there. No problem. Okay? It's ringing. Now, when he picks up,

give me the phone.

Okay.

Hello, this is Claire Hanks of Universal Silk Screens, and I would like to order

600 dozen T -shirts.

Mr. Starkey?

Did I say something wrong? Oh, well, no. What I meant to say is that I am the

senior partner at the law firm Bradley, Green Tree, and Dexter, and I represent

Mr. Theodore Huxtable.

No, you listen.

You sold a product in this state.

Therefore, you gave Mr. Huxtable a warranty of usability.

Now, unless you can round up 144 people with neither head nor neck to speak on

behalf of your T -shirts, we are prepared to take action.

That's what I thought she'd say.

So we'll have the money by the close of business today.

We thank you.

Done.

Whoa.

I mean, thanks, Mom. I mean, I'm impressed.

But I'm also embarrassed.

Oh, why?

That man doesn't know I'm your mother. No, that's not the embarrassing thing.

Here I am, Mr.

Entrepreneur, and I fall for the oldest one in the book, the something for

nothing scam.

Man, when they tell you they're taking 20 % off the top, they mean it.

Yeah, well, you get what you pay for. Speaking of which, you owe me $150 for

that phone call. And as your attorney, I would advise you not to go to your

mother for the fun.

I got a field trip hangover.

Oh, what are your symptoms, doctor?

My symptoms are I don't want to hear another child's voice

as long as I live.

I would only want to hear one if it says I'm leaving.

I got cooler burns on my hands.

Oh. I don't think they'll ever recover.

Here, I'll put some lotion on that for you.

How

is

that? What do you mean, how is that? That's one of the dumbest questions I've

ever heard.

How is that?

Now, is there anything else I can do?

You can reload over there.