Original subtitles

Okay.

Now, see that?

What do you think about that and this pattern for my new city?

Lo and behold!

You see, 25 cubic feet, my dear.

We got water, crust ice, or whole ice, if you like. This is it.

This is my refrigerator.

And now it's time to set this bad boy up.

I would not embarrass myself in front of my mother if I were you. You know, Dave

is coming here tomorrow, and he's going to install this.

No, no. And besides, there's plenty to do before the refrigerator's installed.

Like what?

Well, you could fill out the warranty card.

And you could adjust those shelves. And you could set the dial.

On the lettuce crisper. Are you trying to make that sound exciting?

Okay. I'm telling you. And you too.

You're right there with her. Miss, I didn't do anything.

The next time you want something cold to drink, don't even bother. Just reach in

and turn the tap water on, and when you want it ice cold, press it to your

heart.

No, no, no, no. Come on, Bob.

I want to get to the design center and exchange these sample books.

Dad, look at him.

Greetings, son. I've got family business, and it isn't pretty.

Carrie, always a pleasure. Good afternoon, Russell, and thank you for

jar. No time to talk jams and jellies now. This involves you, too.

What's the matter?

Anna just got a call from her friend, Adele Rogers, whose cousin, Gladys,

outside of Philadelphia.

And? And Gladys knows a woman named Lavinia Bricky.

Lavinia Bricky's son is engaged to a girl from Brooklyn. Her name is Vanessa

Hoxton.

Vanessa's engaged?

It's an outrage.

Stop lying, Cliff.

We know.

You knew?

Well, who is he? His name is Dragmas.

Dagmus Bricky.

Dagmus, Russell.

Dagmus Bricky. Oh, that's so much better.

Now, according to Gladys, he's a 45 -year -old maintenance man.

No, no, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, calm down.

He's only 29 years old, and he is the head of maintenance at Lincoln

University. Well, Clare, why didn't you tell us? We were hoping it would all

blow over.

Is she wearing a ring?

Well, it's sort of, she's got, it's more like a band.

And, you know, with the human eye, you can see the stone.

How long has she been wearing this man's ring, Heathcliff?

Well, they've been engaged for eight months, but we've only known about it

months. So now let me get my numbers straight.

Now, Vanessa's lied to you for six months, and you've been lying to us for

No, we didn't lie. We just didn't want you to worry.

That's right.

Well, I'm starting to see red, and it's not from my high blood pressure. I'd

like to know what other secrets you've been keeping from us. Does Theo have any

children?

Have either of you had reconstructive surgery?

Well, I know I haven't.

It is no secret. Well, that's just fine, Heathcliff. But how do you know secrets

aren't being kept from you?

She just hasn't been calling. So you haven't checked this man out.

You don't know whether he's 29 or 45.

Daddy's 29.

How do you know? Have you seen a driver's license? Have you seen a

No, I haven't seen those things, but I am a doctor.

And I do know that you can tell a person's age by the size of the ears.

Ears get bigger and... Well, I don't care

about ears.

But I care about my granddaughter.

How could you permit this to happen? She is 18, Mother. We didn't permit

anything. Where did it start to slip away from you all?

Now this child is planning to become Mrs.

Drabby Brookie.

Listen, you can find everything out this afternoon when Vanessa brings Dabness

over for a visit. Then you take these sample books back to the store yourself.

I am going to get a little sample of Mr.

Bricky.

Dad. Hey, how you feeling?

You thought I was mom, didn't you?

So what if you were your mother?

Nobody scared of her.

Where is mom?

Mom went to take some samples back to the store.

Well, grandma and grandpa sure are looking forward to meeting Dabness.

Needless to say, they are very, very disappointed in you.

What did you come in here for?

Well, I'm exchanging my summer clothes for my winter things. That's another

thing. You have your own place now. I would appreciate it if you just take all

your clothes and put them in the place that's called your place.

I deliberately leave my clothes behind for you as a memento of our

Thank you, son.

It was just a mess over there. I had to mop all around. Now, I know that you

haven't touched that refrigerator.

I have not touched it. No, of course not. The only thing I did was I did fix

these shelves here, and I turned the crisper to seven because I like my

crispy, crunchy.

Cliff? Hmm? Vanessa just pulled up with Dabney. Oh, Lord, no. Now, on his last

visit, we were not very nice. So let's be cordial to Dabney.

Look, I don't have a problem with Daphne. Patient with Vanessa.

Now, there's the person I have a problem with. Patient with Vanessa.

Hello!

Nice to see you. How are you doing, man? Oh, my favorite toy. My favorite toy.

Yes, all right.

Mom, it's really looking great in here, and I love this new refrigerator. Yeah,

yeah, there's some excellent craftsmanship in here, sir. Well, I do

can, man.

Dadness is a bit of a craftsman himself.

He made you guys a mincemeat pie.

Well, I'm sure that we'll all enjoy this. Dadness, make yourself at home.

thank you, sir. Yeah.

Hello, Vanessa. You must be Dadness. I'm Mrs. Hanks. How do you do, sir? I think

it's not right this way.

Grandma.

Vanessa.

I know who you are. I don't know who he is.

Now you go freshen up. What?

I'm Mr. Hartstable, father of Cliff. You do. And I'm Mrs. Hanks, mother of

Claire. You do. I'm Dabness, son of Lavinia and Randall Bricky.

Do you understand that your family attends the Cornerstone Baptist Church?

Yes, sir, they do.

My wife's friend's cousin is a member of the church.

So, are you in the choir?

No, ma 'am, but I certainly do sing along.

Mm -hmm.

Uh -huh.

I understand you're an army man.

Yes, sir. I served for six years.

You work at the college?

Uh, yes, ma 'am. I've been head of maintenance for four years. And in that

how many students at the college have you been engaged to?

Before Vanessa?

Zero. Well, how many students did you court?

Not any, none.

You didn't court my granddaughter?

No, sir.

I mean, yes, sir.

I mean, I thought you met before, Vanessa. I'm still courting your

granddaughter.

I want you both to know that I am very much in love with... Just answer the

questions, please.

Yes, ma 'am.

Now, do you make a good living as a head of maintenance?

I do fine. Fine? What's fine?

I manage a crew of ten people.

I oversee everything from landscaping to building maintenance. I own my own

home. I feel ready to accept the responsibility of a wife and family.

So you don't want your wife to work. You expect to be the breadwinner. No, no.

Now, Nessa can earn bread, too, now.

So now you expect my granddaughter to support you.

No, sir. We will support each other, like, financially and emotionally.

Is it a little warm in here to you?

I'm comfortable, Russell.

It's pleasant.

Now, let me get my numbers straight.

Now, you've been doing maintenance for four years. You're in the Army for six.

What were you doing before that?

I was in high school, sir. Oh, come now, Mr.

Bricky. We're all a little sensitive about age. I know I am. But according to

our sources, you're 45 if you're a date.

Now, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Gladys Rogers didn't mean to disparage

Gladys Rogers?

You mean Grapevine Gladys?

Now, Gladys, you're talking about a dear friend once removed.

Now, Mr. Huxtable, I don't intend any disrespect.

But at our church, we don't print a Sunday bulletin. We got Gladys Rogers.

Now, she's a fine woman, but she's forever getting me and my older brother

Dennis mixed up.

You've got a 45 -year -old brother?

Yes, sir. I'm 29. I'm the baby of our family. Well, that certainly clears up

age, Mr. Ann.

I'm glad, because I wouldn't want you to be misinformed about anything.

How about your medical history?

Maybe I should go in there.

No, I think Dragnet is doing just fine.

And besides, we haven't had a chance to talk since your last visit two months

ago. I know that Dabness has been making raisins.

What have you been doing?

You know, Ma, I've been very busy. I have papers, studying, picking my major.

Engaged?

Well, that too.

I've been swamped.

Yeah, but you used to call us collect a lot.

I know.

It's just that I've been trying to be more responsible and less frivolous with

your money.

Besides, our last visit wasn't the most relaxed one, so I just thought I'd let

things cool off.

Well, see, if you had called within the past two months, you would have found

out that things have cooled off.

You don't object to my marrying Dabness?

Well, what are we going to do about it, dear? I mean, we can't throw you down

and wrestle that ring off of your finger.

You're on your own.

Very funny, Mom and Dad. I know what you guys are really thinking.

What are we thinking, Vanessa?

Come on here.

That man is 29 years old, and I am 18.

I have never had an experience with another man, and you guys don't think I

what I'm doing.

that I have no idea what married life is all about.

Well, I know it's not all fun and adventure. And I know that marriage

flume ride spiraling down into death, loneliness, and old age.

But I also know the dark side of love.

And I am willing to face that dark side as long as Davness is by my side.

Are we patient or what?

And are you by my side?

Yes.

But it's getting mighty dark in here.

Let's just take our pie and go.

What happened?

Now, Nessa, you know I love you.

And you know I think you have an interesting family.

But those people are the most aggressive bunch of churchgoers I've ever seen.

I'm sorry, all right? My grandparents aren't normally like that. Look, Nessa,

don't get it.

People normally like me.

Do you know I was voted most congenial in my high school class? I should have

told them that. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's not you, okay?

It's just our engagement.

It struck a nerve with everybody.

Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Calm down. Have a seat.

Now listen to me, all right?

In a little while, we'll be on the road on our way back, okay?

Yeah, yeah, okay.

I should be able to drive by then.

Now I'm going to take that Lincoln sweatshirt we brought up to Rudy.

Do you want to come with me? No.

I just want to sit here quietly and just get myself together.

Turn off the cold water valve.

Turn off the cold water valve.

Step one.

Turn off the cold water valve.

All righty.

Oh, not up there.

Under the sink.

Under the sink.

Well, that's what I was going to do, I see.

Turn this off, see, and then get up under the sink like this, you see,

Step two.

Loosen the speedy nut from the speedy valve.

Speedy nut.

On the speedy valve.

Now where's the picture?

Speedy is that long tube there, running from the valve to the underside of the

sink?

Yeah.

See, see, we used to call this the Tubi.

I'm finding out that all families have their little quirks.

Let's see.

Turn the light on, step one and a half.

Dr. Huxtable, if I were you, I'd use an adjustable C -ring.

Well, that's what I'm going to do.

Yeah, here.

C -ring. Yes, sir. Right.

Use it all the time.

have a little trouble with the space in here. Adjust your horizontal torque to

your vertical torque.

Accentuate your vertical.

There you go.

There you go.

All right.

Now you're ready to install yourself a compression tee.

That's what it is.

I'll tell you what.

Downstairs in the cellar, I got a suede belt just like this one.

Suede. Yeah.

I go down and get that belt and bring it up. Okay. You put it on.

We tear this thing apart.

Yes, sir. Well, give me that. Okay. Give me that.

That's what we're going to do. Okay. All right.

Oh, Vanessa.

Hey, what's up? How you doing?

Where's Daphnis?

Oh, he's downstairs recuperating. Ah, Mom and Dad got to him again?

No, this time they sent for reinforcements. Grandma and Grandpa.

Well, Vanessa, you gotta admit, this whole thing is kind of weird.

It's not that weird.

Come on. You leave home when you're only 17.

Some guy fixes your elevator.

Six months later, you got his ring on your finger.

Well, it sounds kind of romantic to me.

Well, maybe that's the weird part.

You're my little sister. I can't picture you being married. I mean, I can't even

picture you kissing that guy. That cracks me up.

Leo, for a senior at NYU, you are sounding awfully immature.

Now, I may be your little sister, but I am also a woman now.

And as for kissing, Dabness has no complaints.

Vanessa, please, let's not go down that road. That is the road I am on because

I'm getting married.

All right, well, let me ask you a question.

Do you really love this guy?

Yes, I really do.

Whatever happens, I got your back, all right? I'm there for you.

Well, thank you, Theo.

But please do me a favor. Yeah?

At the wedding ceremony, just skip the part about kissing the bride, all right?

Take that belt. Yes, sir. I'm going to put the initials DB on it. Thank you,

And this belt. Thank you. This belt will be here every time you come. Now,

before you two ride off into the sunset, there's another job to be done.

Oh, now you have a little confidence in me.

With DB by your side, I have all the confidence in you.

There is a front door that is swelled up and it jams. I think it needs to be

shaved. How are you on hinges, D .B.? You got a hammer and a screwdriver?

Hey,

baby, I can't talk right now.

I got to catch the plane.

On the lip.

Bye -bye. Your pie is terrific.

Did I miss something?

No, what's the matter, Vanessa?

That's a very decent gentleman you brought home.

It's a shame you didn't bring him into our lives sooner. This whole house could

have been fixed by now from top to bottom.

Well, let me get this straight.

You guys are accepting, Davness?

Well, now that you've given us the chance.

Vanessa, if you get married, do us a favor and let us all be a part of it.

I will.

I definitely will.

Have you set a date yet, Vanessa?

Haven't narrowed it down yet.

Well, that's something you and Davness will have to decide.

Well, dadness is ready to get married any time.

But with all the commotion with the engagement, I had to defer my plans.

Well, defer no more.

Fine.

I could get married in June.

Oh, the traditional month.

Or May.

That's right. Why not move it up?

Springtime. Or I may wait until next fall.

Oh, fall weddings are so nice.

or maybe i'll wait until i graduate then we're back to june from cap and gown to

wedding gown you know i might want to go to grad school first

there's no rush