Original subtitles

Okay.

I said.

Go on, fall off the cliff.

You have to be quiet, you know.

You're the one that fell off the table. It wasn't my fault.

You stay on the table, you won't get hurt, okay?

You understand me?

All right.

I want you to keep an eye on my sandwich. Don't let anybody take it. You

understand what I'm saying?

Huh? D 'oh, you're gonna fall off again.

Lower it down, Roy.

We'll be gone all day at the street fair. Don't worry about us.

Okay, now you have a good time.

All right, look, do me a favor. Did you see the twins anywhere running around?

Why don't you take them with you, Dad?

Cliff, what kind of grandfather are you?

I'm a desperate one.

Would you take just one?

Quit whining, Grandpa. You're just a rookie.

Thanks, Bobby.

I appreciate it.

Okay, you two, have fun.

No,

I am taking these things out of you.

Take the truck.

The truck, see, the truck doesn't make any noise. It doesn't make any noise. I

swear, it doesn't make any noise. See, this is from when I was a boy.

You know?

Let a grown man have his childhood.

All right, Roy.

I think she's gone.

Open it up.

and isn't too far back there.

Now, this is what we've been looking for.

Clean dishes, Mom.

Thank you, Sandra.

No, no, thank you. You and Dad have been great, putting up with us for a month.

Well, we're family. Have you heard anything from the real estate company

Oh, we should hear any minute.

Alvin's stopping over there on his way home from work.

You know, Mom, this is great. We are so excited about the move into our new

home. Ah.

Yes. And we are happy for you.

You know, now that the Benedettis have reconciled and canceled the divorce,

should be moving out of the house any day now.

And you'll be moving in.

Mom, are they bothering you?

Aren't they bothering you?

Yes, but Winnie and Nelson have this natural exuberance that Elvin and I

encourage. Uh -huh.

Hey, kids, kids, come here. Oh, come now.

Okay,

now, I want you to settle down, okay? You're bothering Grandma.

Now, she's sensitive.

You're not going to kick us out, are you?

Well, of course not. What ever gave you that idea?

Nelson, uh, skedaddle.

Come on.

Okay. Shh.

Got my sensitive.

Sondra, in the first place, I am not sensitive.

And in the second place, it is not grandma.

It's mother, the sequel.

Well, Roy, What, does Wayne save it for later?

Hey, Dad.

Well, well, if it isn't Dr. Two -Shifts.

Yeah.

Man, you look beat. Oh, man, you would not believe what I've been through

Really? Actually, maybe you would. Thank you.

Oh,

isn't it so good to be home? Yes, indeed. In your home.

Listen, Edward, you've been here several weeks now. A whole month, Dad. 30 days.

30 days, man.

30 days, 12 hours, and 17 minutes. Look, stop counting, man. Just relax.

Okay. Relax. Thanks. You're welcome.

There you go.

Oh, you know what? I bought this for you. No, I don't want any more presents.

You keep coming with these presents. No, no, no. Take it. It's a free sample

from the gift shop. I bought the bag. Okay, yeah. Well, thank you. Cologne.

Oh, this is fantastic.

Always thinking of it.

But, uh... No more presents. No more.

That's it. No more. Okay. I respect that. This is your home.

Relax. Relax.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, just relax.

Oh, the, uh, the old New England Journal of Medicine.

Mm -hmm. May I suggest the article on page 380?

Frank? Yeah.

Yeah.

Nelson, isn't it amazing what a child can do with a little bit of jelly?

Not only a little bit of jelly, but there's also a piece of bread in here.

And, uh, that's... Yeah, don't dwell on it.

I'll buy you another one. In fact, I'll renew the whole subscription.

No, no, you don't have to renew anything. No, I will. Just relax.

You know what?

I'm gonna go.

Eat my egg salad. I made this incredible egg salad last night.

Go in the kitchen and eat it. That's what I need.

I don't think that on an empty stomach, after working two

shifts, that egg salad is going to sit.

I can't agree with you here, Doctor. I think I'm in the mood for this egg

In fact, I've been waiting all day long for dreaming about it. I made it with

just the right amount of mayonnaise, a touch of paprika, chopped celery,

the green ones.

Yes. I'll give you a little bit of it.

Just out of curiosity, was that in the refrigerator in the yellow bowl?

And did it have a piece of tape over it that said E .T.? Yep.

Uh -huh. That's the one, E .T. That's me. Oh, I thought it stood for eat this.

You ate it, didn't you?

Open up, Roy.

There you go.

I saved some for ya.

Sandwich? Yeah. You made a sandwich?

My luscious egg delight.

Well, how do you eat it? Oh, not churro.

Not slathered on some hoagie roll.

Elvin, you take the top off and you scrape it off. Don't worry.

I don't want to scrape it off. It's a big deal, man. You can scrape it off.

eat. Finish it.

Finish what you started, you know. In a truck.

In a truck?

This guy's got a mess of crumbs all over the house there. There are crumbs in

books. There's jelly in bread.

All the places. In drawers.

Where people sit and everything. But I figured it out. From now on, when you

eat, I got a nice restaurant for you.

As a matter of fact, it's right in here.

This is where you're going to eat. Now, here's what we're going to do. This is a

fort, see?

This is a fort. And we want you to protect the fort from nasty crumbs.

Now, this is your gun, see?

Now, you have one here. Whenever you see a crumb, you say, clean up the fort.

You know, like the cowboy says, watch it, pard. We got to clean them up.

Huh?

Let me hear it.

There you go.

See, there's a crumb. Get it.

My boy.

All right.

That's it. That's where you eat. That's where you clean up. In the fort.

Okay.

Now, hey, how did you get out of there? Get back in the fort.

I'm not too big to be in here.

No, you're not too big to be in there.

We can get out any time we want.

I know you can do it any time you want. That's the point.

You should not want to get out of here. You stay in there. And when you have a

crumb, you clean it up. The reason why you're in here is because you can't

control your crumbs.

Boy, you guys are tough.

Now, get back in.

Never mind. Look, I'll tell you what we'll do. Okay.

Now, let me show you. You hold this, and you hold your cookie.

All right. Now, we'll just take this.

Put this right there.

You sit down on there.

Sit down on it.

Okay. Now, this is your area.

Don't get off this area.

Okay?

Don't get off this area. You see a crumb? Hit it.

This is your fort, and you stay in here.

What's going on in here?

We're in a fort.

Yeah.

Dad. What's the matter?

Alvin, help me get the kids out of here.

Okay, Winnie and Allison, go up to your room, okay?

Up to your room. Come on.

That's it. Go ahead.

Dad, I don't believe what I'm seeing in here.

You have my kids in a cage with cookies in a vacuum? It's like... It's like

Charles Dickens revisited.

Dickens never had cookies in a vacuum.

Dad, this is pathetic.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

No, dear, this is a fort, and they're in...

to protect my home from all these cookies and crumbs and stuff.

Alvin! Sandra!

Hi! So, what's new? What's happening? Dad had incarcerated my children.

I didn't incarcerate anybody. It's a fort. And I did that for their

From whom?

From the ugly crumbed gang of crumbs that were...

undermining everything that elvin and i believe in i i understand sandra i

deserve everything i i just might as well i

don't want anybody to stop

me from this point on you take another step and i'm a clean man

I think he means it.

Sondra, if you don't agree with your father's methods, maybe you shouldn't

him in charge.

Yes, especially with one of those.

Assault with a cleanly weapon.

Elvin, you weren't laughing two hours ago when he sucked up your egg salad.

I didn't suck up the egg salad.

All I did was make a sandwich and I ate the egg salad.

You finished it all right. Yeah.

Well, first of all, let me explain something.

I thought it was a gift, but then I should have known better, because it's

eggs, my mayonnaise, and my bowl.

And the only thing that belonged to you was the tape that you wrote your

initials on, which you probably stole from the hospital in the first place.

No, Dad, it was my tape. It was also my recipe, and that's the last you'll ever

taste of it.

Well, I certainly don't need any recipes, but I could tell you what I

I could use a little peace and quiet and maybe my own newspaper every now and

then. There you go. Your own newspaper? I'm the one who sits there like a lapdog

waiting for a section.

I offered you a section, Elvin. The real estate section.

The one I thought you could use.

Look, Mom, Dad, we are trying very hard not to be a burden.

When?

some of the housework and poor Elvin spends all of his energy showering you

gifts. I don't need gifts. I don't want any dinky cologne samples.

If he wanted to give me a present, he could give me my periodicals so I could

read them and have no jelly and bread mixed in the pages instead of little

gifts.

Dad, I wouldn't feel like I had to give you ditzy little gifts if I didn't feel

like a...

Trapped rat.

Well, you studied animals. You know what to do. If you're a trapped rat and you

feel like one, gnaw your foot off and get out.

Okay, all right, all right, okay. All right, now, obviously, we're all a

on edge here. Come on. I'm not on edge. I'm having fun.

I am having fun. Well, look, Mom and Dad, to be perfectly honest, it's going

be more than just a couple of days.

It'll be 60 days, at most.

We're having a little problem with escrow.

Escrow?

Well, look, Mom and Dad, you just take time and think about it, and if we're

much of a burden, we'll just take the children and go to a hotel.

Oh, there you go with that again. We'll just go. There you go with that again.

Go take them to the hotel.

Take the wedgies.

Right, take your wedgies.

Here we go.

Here we go.

It's that same stuff they tried to pull before.

And it worked that time. We'll just go tomorrow. And then they use the

grandchildren. And they'll come downstairs probably with torn and

clothing. Goodbye, Grandma.

Goodbye, Grandma.

And then you and I will sit there and feel guilty and say, okay, you can stay.

They're going to use us. They're bluffing. They're not going anywhere.

I'm going to talk to my father. He'll be coming back with Olivia sometime soon.

He and Mom have two rooms over there, and they don't use those rooms. And my

father loves to take the children out. He's always playing with them, and I

put it right to him. About 60 days, Dad, you keep Sandra Elfman and the twins.

And he'll, you know, great -grandfather, love to show them off. So I talk to him

about it.

He'll go for that.

You better go for it.

It's my father.

He's painted at the street fair.

Yes, I'm the son.

Yes, you are.

Oh, my goodness. Look at this. We got a whole solar system here.

What else did you do at the street fair?

We got our palms read by Madam O 'Ward.

She gave me her secret powers. Want me to read your palm?

How much?

Five dollars.

No.

Okay, okay. One dollar.

Okay. Okay, Olivia.

You can read my palm, Olivia.

That is Madame Olivia.

Excuse me.

Madame Olivia, go ahead.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Interesting past.

Oh, you're going to do the past.

I see a mysterious woman with a funny name.

Your niece can't tell.

Your niece can tell?

Your niece can't tell. Your niece can't tell is the name of the woman? Yes.

Look in there.

Yes.

Now say the name again.

Your niece can't tell.

Your niece can't tell.

Could that be Eunice Chantilly?

Of course, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. That's the name. That's

the name. Okay. Your head was a little smudged. I'm sorry.

You know.

When you was a little boy, you did something that got you in big trouble.

Uh -huh. Like what?

It's becoming clearer.

Yeah?

Now, I see a boy tumbling, tumbling, tumbling on the pavement.

I hear a father yelling, He's cliff, you fool!

You see all that?

Yes! Uh -huh. Now, look in there. Can you see the bike?

Yes. Okay.

and so is your dollar.

Well, that's good work, Madame Russell.

Yeah. Well, she's learning.

Yeah. Listen, I want to talk to you about something. It's kind of serious.

But first, let me see your palm.

Uh -oh. Uh -huh.

Yeah, listen to me. Why, see it. Uh -huh. It's clear.

I see a man, a grown man with a family in a house.

And it's getting crowded.

Crowded. And I see an even older man with white hair, a kind man, a noble

a wise man.

He has his own home.

He's giving support, but no lodging.