Original subtitles

Thank you.

Now, what are you doing?

Nothing. You're playing the word scramble game, aren't you?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

Okay. Well, I think maybe you am.

Why don't you let me play? No, that's quite all right. No, come on. No, no,

because you always spoil it for me. But you got an empty space there. Let me try

this. Okay, okay, okay. Thank you.

Thank you. The letters are E -L -X -E -F -R.

E -L -X -E -F -R.

Make a real word, Cliff.

F -E -L -X -E -R.

Felxer. Felxer.

Felxer. See, when you go to the pharmacy, you have a soda fountain, and

a lot of...

acid or something and you want to get rid of it you ask for a glass of felxer

which is um see it's really soda but it's got twice the fizz

no no no no wait okay if you don't like that if you don't like that no no if you

don't like that okay how about how about this okay let's see how about um

Now, that would be an ill eel fixer.

See, you bring that up. No, no, okay, I got another one. No, that's all right.

I've got my choices, honey. That's fine.

Okay.

How about bell fixer?

I'm trying, I'm trying.

I'm trying to fix that up.

Well, well, Mademoiselle Danielle and Crepes is there.

Rudy, Danielle, and Susan are here.

Hey, you guys, come on in. Mom, Dad, we're going to be in the kitchen for a

while, so we need our privacy, okay?

Listen, if you want, your mother and I can go outside and sit in the car.

All right, Dad, whatever.

Yeah, Rudy, can I see you for a minute, please?

All right. Yeah, I just want a kiss. Dad, I'm not going anywhere.

But I just need a little kiss.

Thank you, because I'm going to miss you.

I bet you're bleeding.

Yes. You have some very sharp lips.

Dad, it's not even lipstick. It's just a little... A little lip balm.

Wipe it off.

No, no, no.

No. Wipe it off.

their future son -in -law J .T. Freeze is there.

But you've got to.

You could be the lucky winner of the happy birthday dance with J .T.

Bible study group?

They believed that? They wanted to believe it, Rudy.

Rudy, I just told my dad that my mom said yes. She's on a meditation retreat,

he can't check with her. He even said he'd drive us both ways.

Come on, Rudy. You just have to be creative.

And if it helps, JT really likes mature, assertive women.

Right.

X -E -L -F -E -R.

Zelfer.

X takes on a Z sound.

Zelfer. Zelfer is a military base

in Mexico.

And I'm surprised that the Pentagon has allowed this kind of information to be

included in a word game. The word is reflex, darling. It was reflex 45

ago, and it's reflex now.

Okay, if that's the one you want to put in there, then fine.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hello, Rudy.

How you doing?

Fine. Okay.

Susan and Danielle are going to a real special event tomorrow night, and they

invited me to come.

Oh? It's a place in a village on 14th Street off Union Square.

It's called The Exchange.

The Cultural Exchange.

Just to help me clarify, what is this place?

The place where people come from many lands to exchange culture. You know,

culture like the museums and opera.

And the Bible, too.

Naturally.

And Susan's father would be driving us both ways.

Well, it sounds like everything's on the up and up. How about you, Claire?

Sounds okay to me.

It does?

Mm -hmm.

Listen,

I'm pretty sure you're going to get a yes on this, but just give us a little

of time to think it over.

Okay? All right, thank you. Bye -bye. Bye -bye. Nice talking to you.

Please.

I'm so tired, I'm too tired to answer the doorbell.

Would you please?

You're too tired to fix it, too.

I'm too tired.

Good evening, Mrs. Huxtable, Dr. Huxtable. Hey, what do you say? Pam?

Charmaine? Yes, sir?

Smooth groove is here.

All right.

Hey, you got a new doorbell, huh? Yeah. A jazz fusion happening.

Have a sit down. I want to ask you a question.

Do you know of a club called the Cultural Exchange

Club?

No, I know a club called the Exchange.

Rudy says it's on 14th Street off of Union Square.

Yeah, but that's the block. But that's the Exchange.

Well, does it have anything to do with culture? No.

The museum?

No. Opera?

No. Bible study?

Bible? No, no.

What is the exchange club?

It's this whack club.

A what?

It's whack. You know, that means it's, like, ridiculous. It's this little

nothing club where, like, you're supposed to be 16 to get in. But the

junior high school kids, they dress up, try to look older, you know, and they're

not a man, too.

But, you know, I mean, basically, they're just good kids. They're trying

sneak out on their parents, and they just...

Well, you are now.

Come on, let's go. I hate to miss the opening credits. Oh, wait a minute, Joy.

Your little cousin is about to socially self -destruct.

What?

Rudy is going to the exchange.

Oh, no!

When?

No, no, you don't have to talk loud about it.

He's going there tomorrow.

I can't let this happen to my cousin.

Now, let me ask you, is there, this is a club, is there any alcohol there?

No, no.

It's just a bunch of lame old head dudes that hang out there. Old heads?

You know, dudes pushing, what, 19, 20?

I mean, these guys hang out there because they can't swing with their own

and they prefer the challenge of 13 -year -olds.

Let me ask you all a question.

Is it possible that you all could take tomorrow and go down to the club and do

little surveillance work for us?

Yes, sir. I'm in. Count me in.

Well, we would be more than happy to cover your expenses.

Oh, no, no, no. That's okay, Mrs. Huxley. I mean, you know, just knowing

helping you out, that's enough.

Well, no, that's very true.

What with the cost of admissions, disguises, surveillance beverages, and

fare, the evening could become quite prohibitive.

What kind of disguises do you plan to use?

Well, disguises so we won't be recognized as old heads. I don't want

mistake me for a bird of prey.

I accept what you're saying.

And what Mrs. Huxtable and I would love to do is we would love to treat you to a

sort of pre -surveillance dinner.

All right. Yeah. Keep our energy up. Yeah. And may I suggest a little post

-surveillance de -drinking dessert.

Okay. We will cover that.

And I do want you to know, Lance, Sir Lance, that no matter what this evening

costs us, Mrs. Huxtable and I will always be in debt to you.

Dr. Huxtable, you have no idea.

tonight. And stop calling me Lance. My name is Trevor.

J .T. Freeze is gonna be here, the titan of all 12 -year -olds.

I can get that.

All right, here's the game, Lance. If the young ladies can split up, I suggest

we go man -to -man. And if anybody should hit on them, Charmaine, you the

forward, I want you to set a pick. I'm gonna move baseline with my guy and post

him up. Pam, I want you to backdoor the junior varsity, all right?

Lance, you are giving us your old basketball plays.

Baby, basketball plays are life's plays.

Oh, good evening.

Hold on to your ticket stubs, ladies. You could have the winning number for

birthday dance with J .T. Free.

alcohol here.

for everybody and pull one for yourself excuse

me my fair lady

what do you know cpr why do you ask because your beauty

just may stop

you to go away.

I'll go away, but the memory of you shall linger in my soul forever.

Excuse me, my fair lady, but do you know CPR?

dancing with them three, these two want to cut in.

No problem, man. Look, you keep that side of the club.

I work with this side.

Excuse me.

May I have your attention, please?

I'd like to introduce our guest of honor, our own homeboy, the master of

disaster, the emperor of emotion, Mr. J .T. Free.

Hello, everybody, and thanks for coming to my party. I appreciate your help to

celebrate, so I'm pulling out the ticket with the girl of my dreams. Take a look

at the numbers and control your screams.

The first is one, and oh, sweet heaven. The next is five, and the last is four?

I thought it was seven.

No, my brother, it's four.

The winner is...

always remember this birthday of mine.

Excuse me, but I think you got a spider on your face.

Oh, I'm sorry, that's your eyelash.

lost your grip on the man's hood ornament or the limo driver would have

over i'm just checking his tire pressure um rudy there's a note here

that says there's an important message for you on the answering machine hope

it's none of my friends asking how tonight

Next six months, volunteering at the Ellen P.

Bartow Retirement Home.

Good night, Rudy.

Charmaine, you took the man's wristwatch? Well, it fell off on his way

I was there, Charmaine. He flung it at you to save his arm.

Look, I'll send it back to him tomorrow.

No, that's all right. I live closer to the post office. I'll send it back to

tomorrow.

No, I will give it back to him tonight because JT's bodyguard told me they was

going to be laughing at the Palomino. The Palomino?