Original subtitles

Now you try.

Look, I don't know how well I'm going to bowl for you guys, but I appreciate you

having me on the team. You don't need to apologize, man. The guys are going to

be needing you. The way Cliff bowls.

Keep it up, son of mine.

Your game isn't going to get any better upstairs, Huxtable.

Come on, loser.

No, no, don't be so hard on me, my son.

He knows his way around the bowling alley. Yes, but after he parks the car,

still got to bowl.

I know the other team's average, and all he has to give us is 75 points.

Well, surely the man can do that.

There's the rest of the team.

Hey, James, come on in. We got the motor running. Cliff will be right back. See

you later again.

Alvin, I don't think you know these fellas.

This is Alvin Thibodeau. Hi, I'm the new bowler on the team.

Oh, you're the young doctor married to Cliff's daughter, Sandra. That's right.

Yeah, with the twins, Winnie and Nelson.

Oh, you guys know my kids?

We should.

Russell shows us new pictures every month.

Can they walk without falling down yet? Sure they can.

Well, then they can take your father -in -law's place on the team.

Alvin, this is Joe Sims. He's in the bank business. They used to call him

Arm. And this here is Frank.

Parler. Payday Parler. Now, if you're looking for a new card, this is your

Rubber Arm and Payday. Those are great names.

We got those in the Negro League. Great pitcher, great hitter. Negro League. Do

you mean to tell me that you guys played with, like, Jackie Robinson, Minnie

Minoso, Roy Campanella?

Oh, yeah. They are the guys that they talk about.

There are plenty that they don't talk about, like a guy named Classy Judy

Johnson. But Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, and Ernie Banks got their start in that

league, too. He helped make them famous.

They hit a lot of home runs off of this man.

Hey, they're friends of mine. I gave each one of them one home run, start

off on great careers. But I can brag about striking out Frank Robinson.

Win. Come on, man. You know, win.

You know, I always felt like I missed something not being born back then. You

did. You missed being 72 years old.

Hey!

All right.

What kind of outfit is that? It's an outfit for bowling.

Wow.

I might bowl 700.

Come on, Alvin, you ride with me. I'll tell you some more Negro League story.

Now, the same deal as last season, right?

Oh, yes.

Of course.

Don't mind.

The man with the lowest points buys dinner.

Okay. And Huxable, I'm going to make sure you don't weasel out and buy us

cheapo hot dogs.

so smart. Now, audience, if you're so smart... How come you're not rich?

Olivia?

You ladies have been asking to help me out on the kitchen, okay? Now's your

chance. I'm preparing dinner.

Mom, can you wait one minute, please? We just love this new quiz show.

Our first category is the 1940s. Oh, my time.

Yeah, the olden days.

or two six -shooters backwards and claim to be a peaceable man.

Oh, that's Cliff's favorite. Oh, yes, okay. That's Tex Ritter. No.

No.

What hit song was attributed to a man with a foot problem?

Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue. It's, uh... Flatfoot Fuji. No, no, baby,

please don't do that. You're confusing me.

It's, uh... Oh, I can't love you because your feet's too big.

No.

Flatfoot Fuji. All right, all right, Olivia, we'll see.

And two of twos? Nothing.

bowling. She scored 77, and she was only eight years of age with one arm and a

sling.

Which after Mr. Cliff was the best dressed, worst bowler out there.

What does that remind you of? Clean man homes.

Right. Third base.

Kansas City Monarchs. Best dressed player in the league. The only man in

league to have creases in his pinstripes. Yeah, he was the worst

ever seen.

Couldn't hit a cow with a milk truck.

The outfielders go visit their friends in the stands.

Seventy -five.

Seventy -five. That's all we are.

Seventy -five. Russell,

I got very great sympathy for you being the father of that man.

All we needed was a trifling seventy -five from this man.

You threw your ball in the gutter so many times.

The people started calling it wino.

Wino.

Let me see this, boss.

Such a pretty thing.

Looks like it's got toothpaste in it.

And you had to throw it in the gutter.

The man who drilled the hole, look at how my thumb goes in and out. Who does

that remind you of?

Alibi Al Benson.

Take a strike and say a piece of dust got in his eye.

Or how about that time he said he got blinded at bat because the sun was

reflecting off the bald head of a man sitting in a center field.

It's not the bald's fault.

I mean, what you need is a new pair of eyes.

to rest gentlemen gentlemen remember we're all part of a team now let's just

forget it there's always next week and if my son doesn't become a good bowler

then at least you'll be an expert on buying chinese food you mean he's

with us next week hey more chinese food

have some good talk about baseball.

Look at this ball.

I don't even have a proper bag for it. I just throw it in the trunk.

In summer, it expands.

I bowl 150, 151.

In winter, it contracts.

I bowl 150, 151.

the 75.

Baseball stories?

Well, don't let's worry about the baseball stories. Just think of the

food.

It was a real cloudy day and

Philadelphia's stars were already behind.

by 14 runs in the third inning.

So their manager, knowing he didn't have a chance, put on a coal miner's hat

with a lamp and then stumbles on out to home plate and begs the umpire to call

the game on account of darkness.

That's a great story, eh? Oh, yes.

Very fine.

Pass me egg rolls, please.

And while you're at it, pass the mushew pork.

I remember that Dad took me to 44 from Parkside to go see the Kansas

City Monarchs. And I remember it was a lovely Sunday.

There he goes again.

We're talking about the Kansas City Monarchs. There was a man that pitched

them. His name was Satchel Paige. He had a thing called the hesitation pitch.

Can you pause me?

See, now there's hesitation pitch.

See, a pitcher will throw like this, see. Any dumplings over there?

Dumplings coming up. Sorry,

sorry, go ahead.

When the regular pitchers pitch, they just go like this and they throw.

Any sweet and sour pork?

drop something.

So what they do is their arms go back this way, see.

And Satchel took it on back. He took it back. You understand?

And brought it up here and stomped two times on the mouth.

You understand?

Now... What

did I just say?

those boxes. You planning on stealing the food?

Hey, you can't say stealing. We're not talking about Pep Miller. Now, there's a

man who could steal.

Pep Miller stole everything except first base in the first inning.

Next inning, the catcher walks out.

He's got Trinity across his chest protected.

Thou shall not steal. Please, Mr. Miller.

Don't you get it?

Shelton, I'd steal. See, in baseball, you can steal a base.

Hysterical.

Wake up, boy. You have dropsy? Wake up.

Fascinating, these baseball treasures of yours.

I know very little about baseball, so all this good fun.

Tell him the story about Roy Campanella. Now, if you don't get the story about

Roy Campanella... Yeah.

And now, like everybody knows Roy Campanella.

Yes. And Roy tells about this game.

It played in heavy fog.

Now, every time we hit the ball to the outfield, nobody could see it. And Roy's

team is circling the bases and the score is adding up.

So when they took the field, the manager called the outfielders together and

says to them, now, here's a ball for each of you. Now, if a fly ball

is hit your way, you cry, I've got it. Now, don't you know the next batter hit

high fly ball up. into the fog, deep into outfield. Now, everybody's looking,

but no one can see a thing.

Then you hear, I got it.

The runners hold up, and then simultaneously through the fog, three

flying.

You are missing all of the fun. You should hear some of these stories. Come

I've heard those stories before.

That's why I'm in here now.

And besides, you guys are doing what you do best, trying to out -talk each

other. If I went there, you'd be out trying to out -talk each other to me.

there's your fruit salad.

And I'm off for a nice, quiet walk.

Well, don't forget to come back.

Because you know who's waiting for you.

Hello, lady.

You and your friends are out there talking about baseball, right?

Right. I was wondering, what team in 1950 were known as the WizKids?

You don't know that, Rudy?

And you do?

Yes, I do.

Philadelphia Phillies. Willie, pull a tag, Jones, on third.

Dad, do you happen to know who Harry S. Truman defeated in 1948?

He defeated, uh...

And you do?

Yes, I do.

Thomas E. Dewey, tell them what they won, Frank.

Thomas E. Dewey, tell them what they won, Frank?

Yes.

Who is Frank?

That's Thomas E. Dewey, tell them what they won's last name.

Well, bye. I have to go finish my homework.

S. Truman defeated who?

Thomas E. Dewey. Tell them what they won, Frank.

Tell them what they won, Frank.

Yes.

And Frank is the last name?

Yes.

Why does he have such a long last name?

Alfred Fuji?

That's what flew you.

No. Wild Bill Elliot?

What is the matter with you?

We'll be right back after these messages.

He told me the man was so quick that when he cut the corners on the bases,

come back to the dugout with dirt in his backpack.

That reminds me of the great Sir Garfield Sobers.

A superb cricket player. The greatest all -rounder in the world.

The Shell Shield Tournament, 1965,

the Caribbean.

Caribbean? We played in the Caribbean?

This is a great story. All right. But you have to tell them next time. You

we promised our wives. Yeah, I better be going, too. Elvin, you driving me? Sure

thing. Then I guess I'll go home and teach my twins how to bowl.

Kidding, Dad.

I'm going to come back and help you clean up, okay?

Next time, just mention the word Caribbean.

Take care.

I'll see you, Potter.

Well, wasn't that some great stuff?

I just can't tell you how great this thing is, man. You know, because each

gets better than the other one.

Sit down, Cliff.

Well, you know, it's getting late. We're going to tell you some stories about

culture that transcends...

National boundaries.

Yeah, but it's getting, it's late.

We talking about cricket.

Fine legs. Square legs. Short legs.

Crickets.

Now, you should know about that.

Well, I understand, but you see, it's late, and maybe a fortnight.

For the past three hours, everyone in this room has heard about the great

American pastime. Now, everyone in this room.

is going to hear about a greater part of cricket.

Filly points. Filly mid -off. Filly mid -on.

Cricket. Strike.

To the queen. To the queen.

Queen.

Now we will begin with the escapades of the top five players.

And then we will move on to the greatest matches played in the last five years

internationally in such far -flung places as England, Australia... India,

Pakistan, New Zealand, the West Indies, Zimbabwe, and Randall's Island in the

Bronx.

The queen. The queen.

So Crenshaw had this emery board cleverly lodged in his visor.

And every time he was about to bowl, he rubbed his hand across his forehead.

Just braiding the ball which distorts its rotation.

Well, I decided to reverse the trend.

I had some itching powder under my glove and I rubbed it on the seam.

Now Crenshaw developed this heinous -looking rash and his friends avoided

for weeks, thinking it was contagious.

my essential equipment in my truck. And you can see from the equipment what a

game of immense skills cricket is. I don't doubt the skill.

I'm just saying that I don't see how you can compare a clash of the titans like

baseball. That is exactly what I expect to hear from someone who admires

baseball, which is like our game called rounders.

I don't understand what's funny.

It's just that wrongness is a game played by little children.

Well, let me tell you something. First of all, I could play nine innings of

baseball. I could steal 23 bases, strike out 14 people, play the outfield by

myself, go get the fly balls, make 16 double plays with nobody on it, and

play nine innings of this cricket. We are real.

cricketers, man. We can play for days. Of course you can play for days because

you stop to have tea and then you have cucumber sandwiches

every five seconds to the green.

You can say that because you know there is no cricket field nearby where we can

publicly disgrace you.

Harmon, we don't need a field to play that game. We can play that game right

my house. That is a hollow threat.

Huh? Because I know you wouldn't damage your possessions. No, no, there's

nothing hollow in my house. Pardon me.

There you go. All right. Now, if you all just help me, I don't need pads for

this game.

Not if I'm going to have tea. Well, he's going to be hurling this ball at you at

90 miles an hour. I couldn't care... Well, no, we can't use it.

We use a tennis ball. But we're going to play some cricket.

And every five minutes, have a cucumber sandwich and tea to the queen.

Bring it here.

Bring it here. You ready? Yes, I'm ready.

Come on. Okay. Here you come. No good.

You're out.

I'm not out. Yes, you can't catch the ball, man. This is not baseball around

Yeah, but you threw the ball at me. I had to catch the ball. No, no, no, no.

hit the ball with the back. That's why you got the back. Well, put it across

plate. play where the ball is going behind the man.

Come on.

I'm ready.

Hey! There we go, silly things.

Oh, boy.

I'm staying.

No, you're not. Well, I'm not out.

This time, I'm coming all the way from Jamaica.

Oh boy.