Original subtitles

How's it look?

It looks great.

That's because we made great parts. The best.

Grandma and Grandpa are going to be so surprised to see Mr. and Mrs. Fields.

They're the funniest people.

Now, how would you know?

You were only seven years old the last time they visited from Florida.

I wasn't a brainless seven -year -old.

I remember it was Grandma and Grandpa's golden anniversary, and Mr. Fields let

me dance on his feet all night. He kept pulling quarters out of my ear. You fell

for that old trick?

All I know is I got rich.

Hey, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, this looks nice. Thank you.

Honey,

I bought it.

An ushery present from my parents.

19th century Nigerian ritual bowl.

Oh, Cliff, that's lovely.

Wow, what kind of rituals was it used for?

Probably for marriages or potato salad.

Oh, what is this sneeze?

Huh?

I don't feel too good. Oh, no.

I think she's catching a cold, Cliff.

And I'm making something that'll take care of that, too.

Well...

You think you'd be able to sing for my mother and father's anniversary?

Now,

talk

to me.

What do you want me to say?

Can you sing? Me, me, me, me.

Me, me, me. No, no, no.

I don't think you're going to make it tonight.

Why don't you go upstairs?

And just rest, and I'll bring you up some juice, okay?

That's right, Olivia, and I'll bring up your soup in a little while, okay?

Okay.

Poor thing. She had her heart set on singing that song for Russell and Anna

tonight.

Afternoon, Mrs. Huxtable.

Afternoon, Dr.

Huxtable. I'm so happy that Hank sent you. You know, we're having a major... I

know. No heat in the dining room, huh? Don't worry. For ten years now, I've had

a relationship with that heater. Yeah, it's probably just got a clogged

transfer. Yeah, well, that's a good thing to hear because I thought... I

you've got a big party tonight, huh? Yes, I wouldn't want to put a damper on

anniversary.

Oh,

my, that smells good.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, Dave, I have a watch on you.

And you don't start to get paid until your feet hit the basement.

I got a watch, too, right here. Okay.

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

It smells good.

It's right. This soup will definitely help Olivia get over a cold.

You don't mind if I get a medical opinion?

Please.

like that why this is my great aunt

becky's garlic and lemon rowboat soup every spring when the mississippi would

flood over everybody would get colds from the exposure great aunt becky put

cast iron kettles of this soup in our rowboat after people drank it they were

cured before she even floated away

Becky kept rolling and spooning till the waters went down. So your Aunt Becky

was a very strong and determined woman who couldn't cook.

All I know is everybody who's ever tasted it got well.

How you feel?

How do I look?

Hey, Mom, table's all polished. Thank you, son.

Ooh, food.

No, no, that's not food.

This is my great -aunt Becky's garlic and lemon rowboat soup.

Ah, rowboat soup. Sounds good. Uh -huh. I'll take some of that. Okay.

Son, son, son.

Woo -wee! Hey!

That soup's got kick. Nice little tangy.

This is for Olivia's cold.

Well, if that soup doesn't work, I'm making Olivia potluck.

Pot liquor. That's what my grandmother used to make. You take greens, turnip,

mustard, kale, collard greens. You cook them in a pot, boil it all down, and

drink it. Every time we got sick, she used to slime us with that stuff.

And you got over that cold, too, didn't you? You want to help somebody get over

a cold, I suggest you brew some camellia on that stove.

Camellia? Yeah, what you call chamomile.

Looks like a flower.

Smells like an apple. It's got the kick of a Czechoslovakian mule.

The first thing my parents packed when they came over here from Prague.

This house is full of doctors.

Oh, hello, Miss Kim. Hello.

Hi. Mrs. Huxtable, I knew you wanted this alpha for tonight, but I thought

play it safe and drop it off early. Well, thank you so much. I just have to

my money.

Hey, Mom, I'll take some tears for you, all right? Thank you, son.

Garlic lemon soup.

Yes.

Oh. In rainy weather in Korea, they always drank that. Oh, really?

For colds?

No, to reduce swelling in the joints.

Did this brew with the colds? No, no, no. For colds, the elders made you use

ginger poultice with an herb mixture called tanghata.

And it's also good for motion sickness.

Yeah, probably help your Aunt Becky while she's bobbing around the

Hey, Charmaine. Hey, Sam. I hope you're as ready as I am for a good afternoon of

hanging out.

Oh, no, I can't. I'm making a big afkid for Cousin Cliff's parents' anniversary

tonight, and I want to finish it. Oh, that's sweet.

Lance and I used to celebrate our anniversary month by month, you know,

each other little gifts and stuff, until I realized only one of us was given and

the other one of us was taken.

Now, go easy, baby. I think of anniversaries as a yearly thing, so I'm

for our biggie.

Actually, Lance is correct. The word anniversary comes from the Latin anus,

meaning year, and huertos, meaning turn. So a monthly anniversary is

linguistically contradictory.

Listen to the man with the facts, ladies. See, we men have too much on our

to keep monthly tabs on the love calendar.

Ain't that right, Anna?

Tell the truth. When was the first time you and Pam went out together?

October 14th.

Four months, three weeks, and two days ago.

See, Lance, if you care about a person, you remember.

I care.

See, my philosophy is that you diminish anniversaries if you have one for every

little event. The first time we ate pizza together. The first time we ate

with pepperoni together.

I mean, a person would need an anniversary computer to keep up with all

dates. Well, Aaron remembers.

Aaron, what was the date of our first kiss?

November 2nd, 10 .15 p .m. It lasted 23 seconds.

Something, isn't he, Charmaine?

Yes, he's something.

A kiss is easy.

Try something hard, like when was the first time y 'all held hands?

That's easy.

Aaron.

Well, let's see. There have been so many times.

He's not talking about so many times. He's talking about the first time.

Do you remember, Pam?

I do.

Oh, wait, wait. Now come to think of it, so do I. It was a Sunday, the evening

of October 24th. And I remember that because it was misty.

And it gave your skin this beautiful glow.

Oh, man.

And as we walked back from the library together, I took your hand in mine.

That was the third time.

But I'll take it.

Ladies, come to a kind stand, but I'll first kiss. I'll even settle for the

third or the fourth.

I know it was a lot longer than 23 seconds.

The date, Lance.

Let me see. Yeah, it was June 2nd, 1989. I know that because

it was a very humid day.

And see, you had these cute little beads of sweat on your forehead.

And they reminded me of a flower after the summer rain.

Oh, man.

And see, I said to myself, I said, should I or should not?

But before I could come up with the answer, then you kiss me.

What a memory.

Yeah, your memory is so good because you make it up as you go along.

Make it up.

Look, we have to remember that what's important to one person may not be as

important to another.

Like, I remember the first time we went to the library together.

Do you?

You can't compare studying with holding hands.

Yes, I can.

And I remember because we were studying biology and you were nibbling an apple.

And I looked at you and I thought how beautiful your digestive tract must be.

Maybe you'll sing for my mother and father another time.

But I said that I was going to sing them a special song for their anniversary.

Yeah, but honey, you just can't. My dad said it's wrong to break a

promise. Yeah, I know that. But in this case, you can't do anything. So maybe,

maybe you can give them something else.

You and Mrs. Huxtable won't let me cook anything.

I can't buy them anything.

I'm broke.

What happened to all your money?

I cannot wait to see the look on Grandma and Grandpa's faces when they walk in

here and see you two. I can't wait to see the look on Russell's face myself

because he owes me $5. And when he comes in, I'm going to ask him for it in

quarters. Why does he owe you $5?

Because 55 years ago today, I bet Russell that his marriage would not

Didn't I say that, Sybil? You never said that.

Yes, I did.

He's just saying it to be funny, but nobody's laughing.

I said it.

Hold up, they're going to be coming through the door. And when they come in,

always take a picture. Why don't you two stand over here?

And then you all can jump out and say surprise.

Surprise!

All these years we've been coming here on our anniversaries, walking through

this door the same way.

But this year we decided to spice it up a little.

That's right.

These are my parents.

because Rudy and I have something for you in the kitchen. Yes, something very

special that they're preparing.

And we have these gifts for you later on. Thank you. Well, now, this one is

Sandra and Elvin. They had to go to a medical convention. And you know that

Martin is shipping out. Denise wanted to be with him.

Oh, didn't they leave a little representative behind?

She's got a little cold.

Did she put a little bag of asafoetida around her neck?

What's asafoetida?

It's a healing herb.

It's a stinking herb.

You put this thing around your neck and it smells like a sack of rotten

potatoes.

But it worked.

That's right. I used to put it around your neck and your feet in a bucket of

water with mustard plaster and knocked the cold right out.

Dad, they made you put your feet in mustard plaster?

You have no idea how fortunate you are your father is a doctor.

This woman, my mother, and her mother, I have chicken pox. They came up to the

room.

Had a bowl of oatmeal.

Made me take all my clothes off.

Put wax paper over the sheet. Took this oatmeal and smeared it

all over my body.

Oatmeal paste. And you stopped itching and squirming too, didn't you? Yes.

Because I was afraid of what else you all were going to do to me.

we're going to come up and put brown sugar and nuts and raisins and

honeys all over me and open the window and let all of the birds come in.

Oh, Olivia, can't she visit with us for a little while?

She's embarrassed.

Well, she promised you that she'd sing that song for you. Now she can't.

I don't think she wants to come down. Is she congested? A teaspoon of kerosene

and sugar will break that right up.

Yeah, for chest congestion.

Everybody knows it's turpentine and sugar.

Turpentine and kerosene for chest congestion.

I understand all you got to do is light up a cigarette and your chest will open.

Stop it now. Don't make fun of home remedies. I'm telling you that these

are talking about a teaspoon of kerosene, a teaspoon of turpentine, and

things taken internally, dear, are toxic.

You can't digest that stuff. You will open up the heavenly gates.

Olivia hasn't got a fever, has she? No, not anymore.

Well, I'm not recommending this. Good.

But when I was a boy, to reduce fever, people would give children rolled -up

spiderwebs. Grandpa, how do you swallow spiderwebs? The orange juice goes right

down.

I had a 104 temperature once.

Took two of those rolled -up spiderwebs. Couple of hours later, 98 .6.

Yeah, come on, spiderwebs.

Antipyretic. I guess, in that case, all I'd have to do is when one of my

patients call up and say they have a high fever, just say, go down to your

basement, take a flashlight, look in the darkest corner, find a big spider web,

roll it up, put it in your mouth, take some orange juice, along with a little

kerosene, and then call me in the morning after you dip in some oatmeal.

You know what happened to my roommate?

See, he had asthma, right? So we took him down to this curologist in the

village. Curologist?

Yeah. Listen, is that my sport coat?

Oh, yeah, mine was in the cleaners.

Thanks, Dad.

Anyway, we went to this curologist, and he had this big wooden sign in front of

his door. It had about 100, 150 things listed. So my friend walked in, and he

was coughing and wheezing. The man sat him right down and mixed up a concoction

right there.

He took goat's milk.

And he boiled it up, took a little pinch of salt, little pinch of cocoa, and

then this man got a little green lizard and dropped it right in.

A live lizard?

He dropped it right into the goat's milk.

And he drank it?

Stop the wheezing just like that. Never wheezed in.

He drank it with that live lizard in it?

Are you kidding? He took one look at that lizard swimming around and ran

Stop his wheezing for life.

What?

What is this, huh?

But what is this for?

Flour, garlic, and lemon robo.

Yeah, but you're not planning on drinking this, are you?

Yeah. No, no, you can't, dude. You can't drink it. You can't drink it. I have

to. No, you don't have to. You can't drink it. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop. No, no, listen to me. Listen to me carefully.

Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here.

Now listen. Don't sneeze in my face, okay?

Do this.

Calm yourself.

We'll go upstairs, and I will figure something out so you can give my

parents the best present they've ever had.

Okay?

All right.

Oh, Russell, we got this lovely gift.

Oh, thanks, Claire.

Here's another one.

That's for me. I wanted to make you a big afghan, but I didn't know how hard

crocheting was, so...

Instead, you got his and hers hot pads.

Well, you can never have too many hot pads.

Looks like you guys got a good haul there. Yes, and the fun is just

Ladies and gentlemen, the Café de Hustleville is very proud to present for

listening, entertainment, enjoyment, and pleasure, the one and only...

along with Dame Rudith, will be accompanying for your listening

entertainment, and enjoyment.

The day I was born, she was playing the blue cap.

Playing it from now on.