Original subtitles

Oh, Doctor.

Lisa's getting dressed. She'll be in in a minute. Well, I'll tell you, it's been

a long nine months for Alicia and me, but I have to thank you, Dr.

Huxtable, for being with us every step of the way and to show our appreciation

for you.

I'd like to give you some more bread that I baked especially for you. No, I

enough bread. Well, you've got to have the egg, Brad.

I've got the seven grains.

Well,

that's the sourdough.

This is the sourdough you start with that. Don't forget to eat. You haven't

eaten that yet?

No, no, not yet. I wanted you to have it. You know that learning to bake bread

has been so fulfilling to me. I mean, being a high school basketball coach is

very tense profession. So baking sort of relieves that tension. It also allows

me to be creative.

If you'll notice, I baked you this pumpernickel in the shape of a doctor's

There you go.

And I think you might...

Find these tongue depressor breadsticks amusing. Say ah.

Well, the doctor says I'm in great shape, Ray.

Sweetheart. Yes, you are.

And I want you guys to know that you will be new parents any day now. Okay,

well, we've had a full nine months to prepare.

And we're ready.

Well, good.

As prepared as you think you are, there may be some surprises.

You don't understand, Doctor. For us, there will be no surprises.

You see, Dr. Huxtable, we have planned for every eventuality. Oh, good. And we

have completed the natural childbirth classes. We've watched all the birth

chronicles on PBS.

And this book has been our salvation.

Pregnancy and childbirth, the natural way. It shows the step -by -step process

from conception to birth. It even has today, our last visit to the

283. Oh, there. There it is. That's you.

Our last visit to the obstetrician, page 283. Well, there you go. So you guys

have everything under control.

But wait, that's not all.

Now, you know what a terrific basketball coach Ray is.

It's the high school of Montgomery Cubs High. City champ. City champ, yeah.

He's even developed a winning strategy for the berth. Should we show him our

game plan, honey? Well, I don't think it'll do any harm to bring the doctor up

to speed. Okay, play three.

Play three.

Beginning labor.

I feel a contraction.

Take your zone, honey, as I pull out my stopwatch because we breathe.

I make a note of that, and I start my stopwatch again because... I feel

contraction.

They're five minutes apart.

Then do you know what I do?

I go over to the phone.

I pick it up, and I call the doctor.

That's you.

Hello? Dr. Huxtable, this is Ray Evans. My wife is experiencing labor pains.

And then you say... You say...

How far apart are they?

How far apart are they? Good, good, good.

They're five minutes.

And then you say... You say... You better

get her over to the hospital.

You better get over to the hospital. Right!

Then, I take my pre -packed bag, and we take a cab to the hospital. I have the

baby, and in a few days, we're back home.

We're ready!

We're on top of the game, Doctor.

We're doing all right. I'm just a little concerned about you. Ray!

Well, what do you want money for?

For some shampoo and a big brush.

For what?

For the pony I'm getting for my birthday.

What makes you think you're going to get a pony for your birthday?

Well, last year, I wanted a tropical. Yeah. I got it. Right. This year, I want

pony.

Well, I don't know about all that, see.

Because last year, I wanted a Maserati for my birthday.

And Mrs. Huxtable wouldn't let me have one.

Well, if you tell Daddy and Denise that I want a pony, I'll tell Mrs. Huxtable

that you want a Mr. Raggy.

Now, wait, wait, wait, because Mrs. Huxtable is tough.

You understand?

Yeah, and she doesn't care about, you know, little cute faces.

So I'll be Mrs. Huxtable. Okay. Okay, I'm sitting here.

Yes, Olivia.

Can Dr.

Huxtable have a Mr.

Raggy?

No. And don't come to me again asking me that question. What I'm saying is,

that's not good enough.

Don't you have something else, another... Go ahead, go ahead.

Mrs. Huxtable?

Yes, darling.

What's the matter, my little Olivia?

Talks to both have a Mr.

Raggy. Oh,

you look so cute and so sad, honey, but the answer is no.

See, you gotta, you gotta come at, I'm telling you, she's tough. Come on, you

gotta go lower.

so much, but it was just such a perversion of justice.

Honey, I think... Yeah, I wish the ref could think.

He should have been working a Tyson fight instead of a basketball game.

My kid goes up for a three -pointer and is practically mugged.

Tell me about it.

But do we hear a whistle? Fat champ. What do you have to do to get a whistle

there? Lose a limb?

No, don't try to soothe me. I'm fine.

Calls my man for traveling, right, ref?

If you don't have the ball, it's called running.

I was so upset, I almost yanked my kids off the court and went home. Yeah.

Is something the matter, sweetheart?

I'm having a contraction.

What are you talking about, now?

Yes.

Why don't you blow the whistle?

Well, I tried, but I was having a contraction. Well, then scratch the

but aren't you early?

Well... Dr. Huxtable said it could be any day now.

What are you talking about? He's the doctor. He's supposed to know exactly

our baby will be born. Honey, he can only give us an estimate.

Estimate? We're paying him good money. You don't pay for an estimate.

You either shoot or you don't. Time out. Time out.

Ray. Yeah. Now, you can't put a clock on Mother Nature. No.

We have practiced for this for months. We have.

It's game time. Yeah. Are you ready to play? I'm ready to play. Okay.

Play three.

Play three.

Where's my stopwatch? I don't have my stopwatch. It's on the bookcase. The

bookcase. Now you go get my suitcase.

Your suitcase?

It's the blue bag. Closet, closet. It's in the closet.

Okay, no problem.

You've got this.

You've got this.

Are you sure it's in the closet?

I'm positive.

No, it's not in the closet.

Well, oh, you're right. It's right there.

What's it doing here? It's supposed to be in the closet.

everything. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we have everything. We packed it together,

It's just that we need the book. The book. I've got the book, our little baby

Bible.

Hang on.

Hang on.

See, page 502.

Your cervix is starting to dilate.

So that means we have to make a fast break for the hospital right now. Wait a

minute. Where are you going?

I'm going to just put on some makeup.

Wait a minute.

Alicia, you don't need makeup.

Well, I'm not going to the hospital looking like this.

Don't forget the wedding picture.

The wedding picture, yeah. Okay.

Got it.

And we mustn't forget you know who.

Franklin. Yeah.

Won't forget you, big fella. Got him? And those three little pillows I made.

They're in the closet.

Yeah, the pillows.

I'll get them. Here they are.

Oh, and shouldn't we call Dr. Huxtable?

Why, for another estimate?

I know.

Okay. Play three.

Yeah, play three.

plastic champagne glasses. Right.

I'll get them in a second.

Hello, Dr. Huxtable, this is Ray Evans.

Yeah, yeah, Ray. I think we, uh, we better get over to the hospital right

How far apart are they?

That's perfect.

What are you talking about, Ray? You said it just like we practiced it. Will

give me an answer?

What's the question?

How far apart are they?

I don't know.

Wait, wait, wait a second.

Honey, how far apart are they?

Well, you're the one with the stopwatch.

Yes, but you're the one with the whistle.

See, she's supposed to blow the whistle, then I start the stopwatch. She didn't

blow the whistle.

Okay, listen, Ray.

Can you give me an estimate?

An estimate? Yeah, give me an estimate.

He wants an estimate! How far apart are they?

Oh, I'd say about five minutes.

Oh, she'd say about five minutes.

Oh, okay.

Well, then, why don't you guys get over to the hospital? I gotta tell you, she's

upstairs putting on makeup. I think she's lost her mind. What does she think

she's doing?

You relax, all right? What does eyeliner have to do with the birthing process?

That's all I want to know.

When she comes out... Then she'll be ready to go, all right? All right, but

if she has the baby before we get to the hospital?

You've got a book there, haven't you? I got the book right here. Anything in the

book about the baby coming out in the house? Oh, my God, let me look.

Oh, God, I didn't mark that down.

Okay, then, Ray, do me a favor. When she comes out of the bathroom, get the

bags. You guys head for the hospital. When you get to the hospital...

Call me, okay? Okay, doctor, thank you very much. Hey, listen, Ray?

Yes, sir? How far apart are they?

Sweetheart? Oh, honey?

Yes? Don't forget that soothing sounds of nature's CD.

Oh, yeah, did you want the Brazilian Rainforest or Whales in Love?

Um... You know what? I'll just drink both of them, okay?

table honey what happened i i had a little accident oh don't worry

sweetheart i'll be all right oh darling did you call the cab you no no that's

right i'm supposed to call the cab right yeah just remember what it says in the

book sweetheart don't panic and breathe

making you dizzy?

No. No.

I think I'm doing it wrong.

Oh, are you all right?

Just a minute. She'll talk to you.

Barry Sneaker, what size are you? No, you can't knead dough in the birthing

room. Well, it just, it helps me stay on top of my game. Yeah, well, you're

going to be on top. The game is over here.

Okay? So take that dough on out, please, and come back and get to the game.

You're right. I'm going to get rid of this and go wash my hands. I'll be back

a minute, precious. Hey, I'll miss you, sweetie.

I'll miss you, too. And don't forget, we came in at two.

We're going out at three.

picture. Just focus on the wedding picture.

Are you all right?

She's just fine, Dr. Huxtable, aren't you, sweetheart? He asked me, okay?

Sorry. I'm doing as good as can be expected for someone who's been waiting

hours to have a baby.

Now look, you're on schedule.

You're going to be fine, okay? We're going to be terrific, Doctor.

We? What we? All you're doing is holding up that dumb wedding picture.

I'll see you outside.

Sweetheart. Uh -oh.

Oh, honey, get ready.

You're going to have another one.

Here it goes.

Well, I think this is going to be a...

It's just such an amazing machine over here. Ray. Just breathe. Just breathe.

My back. Your back? Hang on, sweetheart.

Let me get the tennis balls and I'll massage you. Wait a second. The massage.

Here we go.

Here we go.

There, there, there. Does that feel any better? No, you're doing it all wrong.

Well, no, it says here in the book a circular motion. Forget the book.

Ray, that is not helping my back at all.

Try it straight up and down. Excuse me, it's my back.

Oh, it's the up and down motion.

Yeah.

Here, why don't you just focus on the wedding picture?

It's the last thing I want to see.

Honey, you don't mean that.

Yes, I do.

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in this agony.

She's totally out of control. You've got to give her something, can't you? Well,

if you want natural childbirth, no.

Well, what should I do?

Well, I wouldn't show her the wedding picture.

It's not the wedding picture. It's the man in it.

I can't do this anymore.

Yes,

ma 'am.

So what are you doing out here?

Well, did you see how she treated me? Yeah. So what's your problem?

Well, nothing. I'm just shocked. I thought I really knew my wife.

That's not your wife.

That's a woman in labor.

And she needs you.

So come on.

Show some spunk.

Inside.

She does need me.

And stay out!

Go

on.

I can't do it. Ray.

What?

What did you think it was going to be? son, hit a few jumpers and go home?

I've never seen her so exhausted and so upset. That's not my wife. She can't

even stand me.

She doesn't like me anymore. I can't go through with it. I don't think she can

either. Oh, she's going to go through with it.

Now, she's going to have the baby whether you go in there or not.

She threw the bear.

I'm a good coach. No, you're great. That woman in there and that rookie ready

to come out will be the two greatest people you ever coach. And I want you to

in and I want you to coach just like you did that time for the Montgomery

of Bears.

Montgomery Cubs.

Montgomery Cubs. And Ray, I understand that you won.

The league championship?

City. Okay, you won the city championship.

And what happened, huh? You were down, I understand, in the third quarter, 15

points. Last quarter, 18 points. Last quarter, 18 points. You were down. And

what did they say? They said, that's it. We got him. The old pit bull has had

it. They call me Bear Claw.

The old Bear Claw, that's his face. He's through.

And you would never say die. They were going to take that championship trophy.

You would never say die. I never say die. They were going to go get that

engraved and put their school name on it. I called my men over. I said, boys,

boys, listen up. And they were down. It's very, very easy to win when you're

winning. But it takes real winners to win when you're losing.

What?

Didn't make sense then, and it doesn't make sense now, but it worked.

Yeah, it worked. And they were down. They were down. And then they got up.

Because you talked to them. You believed.

Inside there, inside, you've got one player and a rookie coming up.

I hear you. I hear you, doctor. All right, I'm ready to go. Ready?

Break!

and the most beautiful little baby girl in the nursery.

Danny, I'm sorry I called you those names.

I didn't even know you knew them.

And I do like your mother. She's a lovely woman.

And, of course, I will let you touch me again.

Sometime.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Six weeks, I told you.

Dr. Huxtable, we're really...

Sorry, I think we've got to apologize. We might have seemed a little

overconfident in your office.

It's all right. I've seen all that before.

Except for the dough. The dough part, I've never seen the dough.

Well, I just want you to know that I got to tell you, I think we did pretty

good, despite a couple of glitches that were beyond our control. Actually, I'm

pretty proud of us.

Actually, you did fine.

You got your rookie, and now all you have to do is bring her up. Hey.

We're ready. Wait till you see this. No, no more bread!

No more bread!

No, it's book.

It's a parental guide for the 21st century.

We've also ordered the companion videocassette series.

It's all right here, doctor.

I mean, it's a brand new ball game.

Solid foods at three months.

With no teeth.

Social sleep through the night. And then at six months, potty training. Well, we

can be a little liberal. Seven months.

And then an eight -month teething. Yeah, we might want to start that a little

earlier. You know, we've got it under control.