Original subtitles

Come in.

Fresh squeezed orange juice for my lady.

Thank you. To celebrate the most important day of the year.

The first day of school.

We have survived yet another summer. Yes.

No more friends of our children running through our house, going

into our refrigerator like locusts.

leaving nothing for you or for me except a box of arm and hammer.

No more little children hiding in fireplaces, breaking things, and then

I'm sorry, I have no money.

No more, I tell you. Pretty soon, this will all be behind us because they're

getting out.

And you and I will be here to smell our own

house.

Yes!

Here they come!

Look at that!

And once again, our children are forced to leave the house whether they want to

or not.

Everybody goes!

And look at this one here!

Who's so excited? Who went to summer school to graduate early so she could go

Lincoln University?

Yes! Get the rest of the stuff. Hurry!

Everybody go!

Ah, look at the pace of this one. The slower one, but still has to go.

Rudy, I hope you packed your summer clothes away last night.

Mom, I have enough on my mind. I'm starting sixth grade.

Well, now, what is wrong with her?

There's nothing wrong, Claire. They've got a union. They said, we look like

opening day of school. Maybe the parents will go down to the schools and cancel

the school out and we won't have to go to school anymore. But we know that

tired of them.

Well, I'm ready.

Yes! Our daughter, off to Lincoln University!

Ta -da! Yeah!

She's afraid she's going to be lonely, Cliff.

We gave you a list of relatives this long.

You can call people and just say, I'm lonely, please cook me something. Your

cousin Thornhill loves to cook.

We sent him a wok for Christmas.

You love Chinese food. He's got a wok. He loves to cook Chinese food. Call him

up. Say, Cousin Thornhill, get out the wok.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Theo was supposed to get back from Europe today.

I know he's going to call you as soon as he gets a chance.

Listen, I know you're a little nervous about leaving home, but you're going to

do just fine at Lincoln.

You think so?

Honey, I know it.

I'm going to miss you, Mom.

I'm going to miss you, too.

Hey!

College! Girl, I can't believe it. Have a good time.

Thank you. Here we go.

Listen, the car's running out of gas.

All right, I'm going, I'm going.

Yeah, now, do you need any money?

No. All right, take this just in case. Take that just in case. All right, here

we go.

All right. Hey,

you, number two, next college person, Matt Gabbers, out the door. Yes,

absolutely. I'm looking forward to it. No, you're not looking forward anymore.

We're walking forward.

Please don't think, dear.

I don't think I'm going to get to Medgarvers today.

Why not?

It's Olivia.

Olivia? Today is her first day of preschool, you know.

I mean, remember my first day? Mom, Dad, you guys were with me the whole day.

I've given this a lot of thought, and I know that if I drop her off, she's going

to cry from the moment I leave until I come back and get her.

I mean, this could scar her for the rest of her life.

Ginny?

need me. She could probably go out and get a job in an apartment.

Well, next time, tell her to take you with her.

All right!

Let's move it, Mopey!

Dad, can you please give me a chance to get my stuff together?

Please? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I lost my head.

She's acting awfully funny this morning.

She's starting sixth grade. She's just nervous.

Why are you so excited about preschool?

Well, you read, and you write, and it gets smart.

But you also have some fun. You play games, huh?

Sometimes, but not little kids' games anymore.

Big people's games.

You must think that this is a lot of fun. It is, except for one thing.

What's that?

Naps. Naps? What's wrong with naps? Naps for old people.

I'm young, and I'm up.

You have to understand, naps are good and healthy for you. Not if you're not

sleepy. You see, Doctor, they say close your eyes and go to sleep.

Right. I close my eyes, and I lay...

Dad?

Yeah? Rudy says she's not going to school. Something about her glands.

She doesn't need glands to go to school. She needs books.

Hurry up and finish your cereal.

Okay, here we go.

Dad, I don't feel so good. Really? I don't think I can go to school today.

Yeah, what's the matter?

My glands.

Well, your glands don't feel swollen, hon.

That's the problem. I think they shrunk. Right.

Just say, aw.

Aw. I mean, it looks okay, okay?

I knew it.

They shrunk so much, now they're gone.

You know what's good for shrunken, gone glands?

Get up and go to school. Come on. Dad, there's nothing wrong with my glands.

I have an even bigger problem.

Well, you want to talk about it?

This is woman stuff. I think I need Mom for this one.

I'm a gynecologist. You want to talk to a lawyer?

Look, sometimes, you know, if there's something difficult that a person can't

really get out, if they whisper it, they feel a little better. So if we just

keep it between the two of us, nobody else is going to know.

All right.

Yeah.

All right, now tell me what it is.

Oh, honey, don't worry about that. Some girls develop them later than others.

What if I don't develop them at all?

But you will.

When? When?

Well, I don't know.

But, Dad, I waited all summer for them. You see, some people don't get

summer ones. They get the ones... And I have heard that the fall ones

are much better.

in a sixth grader and a fifth grader's body.

Look, there's something that perhaps the two of us can share.

There was a boy in our class, sixth grade, had a mustache.

And man...

I just admired that so much. I wanted a mustache, and my little bald upper lip

was just shining out there. And this guy had a comb. He would comb it, and then

sometimes he would trim it till it was real thin, you know. Then sometimes he'd

let it go, and he'd drink milk, and it was still around his mouth.

My milk fell all down in my mouth.

Then I developed something that this guy with the mustache didn't have, and all

the others didn't have.

What? One day, I did an imitation of our vice principal, Mrs. Mars.

And all the girls loved it. And it was something that that guy couldn't do with

the mustache.

Yeah, Mrs.

Mars, she talked like this.

Isabel.

Isabel.

I want you to put on your thinking cap.

Dad, you're funny.

Yeah, well...

Thank you. So, you see, the two of us, we have something in common.

But, Dad, I don't want a mustache.

Somehow you missed a point.

My point is it doesn't make any difference. You see, what it is is your

personality. Now, I tell you, and not because I'm your father, but when you

smile, I mean, you can light up a room. You have a great brain, great smile.

Look. The smile makes me smile.

I was depressed until you smiled.

And you go outside and you smile and the bus goes by. I bet you the bus will

smile.

Come on, let's go.

Yes, sir.

There you go. Here we go.

All right. Here we go. Get yourself.

Okay. And tell it like it is. Tell it like it is. All right.

Out the door.

Yeah.

Now, what is the matter, Rudy? Well, she's 11, going on 12, hoping for 12

now, if you know what I mean.

Oh. All right, hit it! Hunt it out!

Score it!

Hey! Hi, Margie. Hi, Rudy. Did you have a good summer?

I'm sorry, Margie. I don't think I'm going to be going to school today.

My glands are bothering me.

as before with Sandra, Denise, and Vanessa.

So, so, so, what did we do?

Oh, so long ago, I forgot.

But, dear, you ought to write these things down.

Amy,

hello. Hi, Mr. Textable. Listen, sweetheart, Rudy is upstairs in her

don't... Rudy called. There's an emergency.

She's expecting...

the great medical discoveries of the 20th century.

Lady Rondell's claim for bust enhancement.

Guaranteed results in 48 hours of your money back.

You know it works when they say they'll give you your money back. And here's

proof.

Before and after.

Whoa!

You probably won't look like that in two days.

How long have you been using it? I got it in the mail yesterday.

It's only been 24 hours, but I can feel it kicking in already.

What do you think you're doing up there?

Well, I would like to think that Amy's convincing Rudy to go to school.

Bye, Doctor and Miss Maxwell.

The emergency's over.

Well, Amy, thank you so much for stopping by on your way to school.

You're welcome.

Mom, Dad, can I ask you guys a favor?

Yeah, Rudy, what is it?

I don't go to school for 48 hours.

Rudy, you have to go to school today, now.

Please, Mom, just to Wednesday.

What is so important about Wednesday?

On Wednesday, all my troubles will be over.

All right, young lady, sit down here.

Come on.

Now, what is this about?

Promise you won't laugh? We are not going to laugh. What is it?

This.

Lady Rondell's cream for bust enhancement?

Ruby, that is not possible, honey.

Development is a natural biological process.

I knew you wouldn't want me to use it.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that. It might make my nose grow.

I'm a doctor, honey.

Trust me. There's nothing in here that is going...

To enhance anything.

You could get the same results putting mayonnaise on your chest.

You're just saying that because you want me to be a little girl forever.

But I'm not a little girl anymore.

And I don't want to go to school until Wednesday.

Rudy?

Yes?

Rudy.

Honey, nothing is going to change about you in two days.

You get what you're going to get when you get it.

Mom, can't we just wait and see?

Oh, baby, I know what you're going through.

How could you? You got them already.

But I wasn't born with them.

I went through the same thing, and so did your sisters.

You should see some of the stuff that has come through this house.

There was Blotham's bus booster. Sondra brought that one.

Denise showed up with Dr. Jim's growth capsules. And Vanessa had the best of

all, Bailey's Bust -O -Matic.

The thing looked like two plunges on a power cord. And do you know that that

phone was getting ready to plug it into the wall and shock her chest?

Mom, the stuff in the jar really works.

They'll give you your money back.

Well, you better get your money back right away because you heard what your

father said. It's junk.

But I can't go to school looking like this. All the boys will laugh at me.

They're going to laugh at you if you get them. They're going to laugh at you if

you don't. And you know why?

Because that's how boys are at this age, baby.

They're just dumb.

No, that's not your problem. It's theirs.

It is? Yes.

So now what are you going to do?

Are you going to...

Are you going to go to school, or do I have to write a note to your principal

saying, please excuse rooted Lillian Huxtable from school today?

She's waiting for her breasts to arrive.

Well?

Guess this is what they mean when they say growing up's tough.

a nice day. Oh, ever since Rudy left for school this morning, it's been

heavenly. And aren't you happy you decided to work at home today? Thank you

much. Yes, indeed.

It's official.

We have taken the house back.

Mmm, yes.

Would you like some tea?

It's the first time in a long time I've heard you go, Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mom!

Dad! Oh, it's so good to be home.

Hey.

Oh, good. How you doing?

Oh. You guys, I just saw all of Europe in 17 days.

Everything was a blur.

Well, what did you see?

We saw... We

saw Westminster Abbey.

We saw the Louvre. We saw the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The bus led us off of

one.

and said, oh, it really leans.

And the tour guide said, okay, time to get back on the bus, and we were off.

So we drove through Rome. I saw the Colosseum.

It was on the left of us.

I missed what was on the right. We drove through Germany that night.

I saw the world's largest cuckoo clock.

Everybody said, wow.

That's a big clock.

Then the tour guide said, okay, it's time to get back on the bus.

Oh, but I got you guys a gift.

Whoa. Really?

Here you go.

Matching wristwatches. Thank you.

Now, those have genuine twist movement.

Really?

It's certainly kind of light.

No, that's because the parts aren't inside.

from is smart.

They can't charge duty for just the case.

So what he does is mail the inside a little bit later.

Well, that's very thoughtful of you, son.

You look tired.

And confused.

I am, but I'm also hungry.

And after all those heavy -rich sauces, I just want some plain American food.

Jersey corn.

Wisconsin cheese.

Idaho potatoes.

Florida oranges. God bless America.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Rudy, how was your first day at school?

Fine. Hey, come back here.

Please.

How was your first day of school?

Fine.

Fine? That's all you can say, fine?

Yeah, you know, teacher, students, first day of school, book.

This morning, we weren't going to school because there was a disaster.

What happened?

It's like what Mom said.

You get what you get when you get it, and a lot of us haven't got them yet.