Original subtitles

The best elevator music I've ever heard.

a minute, please?

What for?

Oh, just want you to see something.

Okay. I can see Bruce Wayne's shoes.

No, this is not Star Search, dear.

Just take a look around, see if you notice anything.

Just look around.

Notice anything yet?

I think you did it.

Okay, I did it. But everything in this house is too high. I can't even reach

This house is only for big people.

Yes, but one day, one day, you will grow tall.

big people. So don't worry, okay?

Now, let me help you with something. You want paper towels?

Fine.

I'm going to give you your own paper towels. Now, you take these and you know

what you can do?

You take care of these.

First of all, I don't want you to take them and ball them up and make snowballs

out of them. And I don't want you to take these and put them in the toilet

to see if they will soak up all the water.

All right?

Okay? Now, another thing is this.

want something and it's out of your reach, do me a favor, please.

Go ask a tall person.

They'll get it for you, all right?

Okay. From now on, that's what I do. Right.

Thank you, Dr. Hudson. You're welcome.

Yeah, and that'll be the day.

Okay,

we have to admit, I didn't think I could get so excited listening to someone

talk. talk about the environment. But that professor was so passionate.

Oh, I know. I'm definitely sending it for all six lectures.

I mean, it amazes me the way he talked about things that you never even think

about. I mean, everyone knows that the rainforest and the Amazon are

disappearing, but I mean, you just never think about the, like, for instance,

the statistics in Brooklyn. I mean, the concentrations of carbon monoxide in the

bridges and the tunnels we use. It's just, I don't know. What's happening?

We need to order. Oh, um.

And you?

Oh, I'll tell the first thing on the menu.

Um, that's quite a dessert.

Yeah.

Quite a dessert.

Hey, Vanessa, do you want some worms on top of that?

Uh -huh.

Hey. Huh? Did you wake up?

Oh, Denise, he's so cute.

And he looks my age.

I'd love to meet him.

So go over and say hello.

Oh, come on. I'd be too embarrassed.

Go ahead. What's the worst thing that he could say? I'm not interested.

I would die if he said something like that.

Now I'm definitely not going to go over there.

You may never see this guy again. It's your last chance.

Go ahead. Come on.

Okay.

Tell me what to say.

Say hello.

Hello? That's the best you could give me? I could come up with hello.

Okay, okay.

Hello is just for starters. Say something like, um...

Say excuse me.

I've never come up to someone like this before. Please don't say anything to

discourage me from doing it again.

I like it. Yeah.

Did you just come up with that?

Yeah. That was pretty good, wasn't it? Denise, that is brilliant.

I'm going to go over there.

Good.

Excuse me.

I've never come up to someone like this before.

So please don't say anything to discourage me from doing it again.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Excuse me.

Yes?

Sugar. I came to borrow you sugar.

What are you doing here?

I couldn't say it. If you want to meet him, you're going to have to do it.

I want you to take the bull by the horns. Why can't I just wait for him to

for sugar?

Besides,

you don't want to waste my great line. Let's go.

Excuse me.

Oh, hi.

I've never come up to somebody like this before.

Oh, I didn't mind. I don't use sugar.

So, please don't say anything to discourage me from doing it again.

Huh?

Would you like to sit down?

Oh, no.

I can't go back over there. He's going to think I'm stupid. Denise, I can't

stand over here.

Calm down.

Here, here, here. Take back the sugar.

Oh, that's a good idea.

I'm back.

I'm Elliot.

I'm Vanessa.

I've never come up to somebody like this before.

You mentioned that.

Here you go.

Oh, that. Yeah, that was good.

But Vanessa and I were in a cafe, and she sees this cute guy that she likes,

she's too scared to go over to him.

So I coach her, and I give her this really great line to say to him.

Mom, when I left that cafe, the two of them were having this fabulous time.

I really have a talent for this. I think, I don't know, I think I might be

stimulus counselor.

That's a good idea.

Of course, I don't know if it's such a good idea to mix matters of the heart

with members of the family.

Your father and I have always avoided that with you, girl.

I know, but I mean, you could really change someone's life by introducing him

the right person, you know? I mean, this could be the right guy for Vanessa.

Hey, Vanessa, where's the engagement ring?

There isn't going to be any.

Denise, you said what is the worst thing that could happen. I don't need your

help. I can get myself into this kind of trouble.

He asked me to go to the movies with him.

heard of me once. What did he say?

Nothing. He pretended he didn't know who I was.

This is the most humiliating moment of my entire life.

And there have been many.

Thank you, Denise. Thank you for pushing me into this. Me?

Come on, Vanessa. I was just trying to help.

Help? I don't need... It's him.

Elliot. How does he know where you live?

I gave him my phone number and address.

Poor Shana.

Denise, you get rid of them. This is your fault.

colder in here.

Look, I can understand why Vanessa's upset. But I just wanted to tell her

I'm almost ready to break up with Shana.

The reason I haven't done it already is because Shana has a very strong

personality.

Please, just ask Vanessa if she'll see me.

Okay.

Vanessa? What?

Elliot wants to see you.

No, he is his...

I've got to find a way to get Vanessa back.

You were never with her.

But I want to be with her.

I'm going to break up with Shana today.

Whatever you say, dude. I'll walk you to the door.

Wait, wait.

I need your help. Tell me what to say to her. Me?

Yeah. Vanessa told me how you gave her that great line when she came over to

table today. Yeah.

Just give me a line that sort of does the opposite.

No, no, no, no. I'm out of this. Please.

It's for your sister.

I want to share how much she means to me.

What do I say to Shana?

Well, I don't know. You should be honest.

How?

Tell Shana that you've treasured the moments that you've had with her, but

it's time to move on.

Fantastic. It's fantastic. You really know what you're doing.

That's exactly what I'm going to say. Great.

Oh, and tell Vanessa, when I get back, my heart will be free.

Free like an empty paper cup blowing in the wind.

In a deserted parking lot.

How was that?

Awful. Man, I need help.

Yeah.

Hello, what's up? Hey.

Hi. Listen, you're late, but you're just in time for some stew that I made. It's

special. Go ahead, dig in.

No thanks, Dad. I already ate. I made my own dinner at my apartment. What?

I had a pepper steak, sautéed vegetables, German -style potato salad.

Must have been frozen.

But I didn't have dessert.

Hey, Rudy, I need a fork.

Here, quarter.

Bill, man.

Bill, what are you reading?

Oh, Moby Dick. All right. Well, now. That's one of the seven books I have to

read from American Novel Class.

Now, let me tell you about it. I'm going over some reading comprehension

techniques with my dyslexia counselor.

It's not so tough.

Right. Do you know, in all of American literature, this is probably the best

example of good versus evil? There you go.

Well, I'd say the destructiveness and the chaos of the well could be

as evil. Son, I'm not talking about the well.

I'm talking about Captain Ahab and his need to conquer and destroy nature.

Yeah, but you see... You know what's funny, Mom?

When I was in high school, Moby Dick read to me just as an heroic tale of man

against nature.

Ah, yeah, but... But now that I'm reading it again, it reads more like an

allegory of man's inner conflict.

You are studying this book.

Hey, just call me Ishmael.

Well, sounds like you two...

are into this, I think I'll just go into the living room.

But I have gone fishing.

Whoa, whoa, wait, whoa.

I told you not to climb up on things.

I want to read a book like big people read.

Okay, you want to read a book, okay.

Here, here we are. Here's a book, look at that.

Ha -ha.

You want this brown one? Which one?

This one?

You want to read Robertson's Guide to Behavioral Tendencies in Problem

Adolescents?

You want to read this? Okay, fine. No, no, no, no. Come on, come on. We're

to read this. Here we go. You got it. I'm going to let you have it.

All right. Now you just sit down there.

And here is... Here's the book for you.

Okay. And you go ahead and you read that. Let me see if I can thumb up.

Okay, here we go.

Enjoying it?

Yes. Mm -hmm. Well, what does it say?

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Olivia.

Now, wait a minute. How did you get to a little girl named Olivia?

I mean, is there a paper towel in this?

Don't talk while I'm reading.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Olivia.

She had a best friend who was a paper towel named Herman. The end.

Wait a minute.

The end? How can that be the end of the story?

Nothing happened.

Don't look at me. I didn't write this book.

Hi, Denise.

Hi, Elliot.

Come in.

Vanessa!

Uh, Elliot's here.

I'll be down in a minute.

So, how you doing?

Fine. Great.

Just think.

24 hours.

Didn't even know Vanessa and here you are in her house.

Thanks to my advice.

Ready to take her out on a date.

Sit down.

Yeah. I guess I owe this all to you.

Well, you know, I'm a person who...

These people have needs, and I have the talent to help them get what they want.

You know, Shana didn't take it too well when I broke up with her.

That's understandable.

These things are difficult and take time to get over.

Yeah.

That's Shana.

She drove me here.

What?

She wants to see you.

I told you, she has a strong personality.

She's going to keep doing that until you let her in.

Oh, hello.

Who is Denise?

I mean, I'll talk to you in a minute.

I thought I told you to break the date and come back out to the car so we can

to the library.

I was going to.

But when I came in here, I got confused.

What is there to be confused about? You dump Vanessa and you go out with me.

Well, Elliot, I'm... Vanessa, you remember Shana.

I know there's probably a lot of anxiety being felt in the room right now.

But, you know, I think the best way to avoid an ugly situation is to remain

calm. To remain calm and let's talk about our feelings rationally.

Well, who asked you?

I mean, this is all your fault anyway. You convinced Elliot to break up with

I did not. It was his idea. He just asked me for some advice.

Advice? You can't give a guy like him advice. Look at him. He's weak. Anything

you tell him to do, he'll do it.

That's not true.

Is it?

See? He can't help it. He's the baby of the family.

His parents do everything for him. They buy his clothes.

They drive him everywhere. They pick up after him.

On his own, he practically doesn't even exist.

Now, wait a minute.

I happen to like this guy.

Elliot, are you just going to stand here and let her talk about you like that?

Aren't you offended?

I guess I should be.

Shouldn't I?

You got to get me out of this.

Me? I don't want to be with a guy like Elliot. Look at him. He's such a wimp.

Who needs a boyfriend like that? You go in there and tell him that the date is

off. Oh, don't worry. He came over to break the date anyway.

Well, you tell him I'm breaking it first.

No, I'm not going to do that. Who are those two people in the living room?

Elliot and his old girlfriend, Shana. Mom, Denise has made such a huge mess

of this. Me? I am out of it. You go tell Elliot it's over. No, wait.

you don't need my help, dear. You're doing a fine job.

Oh, so you're just going to stand there and pour some juice while I suffer

alone? Uh, no. As a matter of fact, I'm also having a piece of cake.

Hello. Okay, here's how it is. Elliot, Vanessa's breaking up with you now.

My advice to you is to grow up, be a man, get a spine.

life in any way, I'm really sorry.

No, don't worry about it. I'm kind of glad this all happened. I don't know if

belong with you.

I'm gonna have to think about it. Elliot, good night and goodbye.

Wait.

This is really bad.

I think.

Yes, Elliot, it is.

I don't know how I'm gonna get home.

Gina drove me.

Look, you've had a rough night and I am partly responsible.

I will drive you home.

Thanks. I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah. Where do you live?

Norwalk, Connecticut.

What?

Norwalk, Connecticut? That's at least an hour away.

Yeah, I guess I should have thought of that before I had Shana drive me down

here. Oh, yeah.

Forget it. I'll take you anyways.

What's the best way to go?

I don't know.

My parents always drive me.

Forget it. We'll stop at a gas station, okay?

Okay, Elliot, I've thought about it.

I tried to live without you. I can't do it. And you can't live without me

either. I can't?

No, you are my man.

Good luck, Dan. If you ever need advice, don't call me.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.