Original subtitles

Guess what? What?

Guess what? What?

I'm cooking dinner right now, so leave me alone.

But I want something to do. I can cook.

What have you ever cooked?

Nothing, but I can do it.

Olivia, let me explain something.

The stove is hot.

Now you come over here, start fooling around, burn your little fingers, start

screaming until nobody can hear.

And then you'll show somebody your burned fingers, and people are going to

looking at me like this.

That's no fair.

Everyone does what they want except me.

I'm sick of it.

Guess what?

What? Follow me.

Okay.

Guess what? What? This is a salad bowl.

Guess what? What? This is the dressing. Yeah. This is the most important

ingredient that goes into the salad. Okay. Now, I want you to shake it up so

can put it in the salad.

No, no, come on, come on, come on. You have to shake it, shake it, shake it,

because it's very important. Shake it.

No, no, no. Look, look, look, look, look. Shake, shake, shake.

All right, come on. Shake it, shake it.

There you go.

That's right.

I'm getting tired.

Keep shaking.

Oh, no, no, no. Here, okay, okay, okay. Get up here. Now press the bottle close

to you. We're going to shake it up.

Shake it up.

Great meal.

That's what he says.

Great meal. Thank you. Whatever.

The older I get, the more I appreciate the love that... It's generated when the

family gets together. And especially when we sit down to eat, that's when you

really generate love.

Yes, you can smell food cooking in this house all the way in your apartment in

the village. You guys, I'm hurt by your cynicism.

I mean, I came here to visit you guys. I only ate to be polite.

Oh, my goodness. Well, please, the next time you come over, have bad manners.

over to our house too.

Yeah, the other day we ordered Chinese from Bamboo Walk and Theo met the

delivery guy on the street and very politely followed him to our house.

If that's how you guys feel about my business, I won't come to anybody's

at dinner time ever again.

Fine. Good.

Well,

I did it.

I got Winnie and Nelson to fall asleep.

Oh, how did you do it?

Well, I guess I better go up and tuck them in. No, I already did that. I took

all the toys out of the crib so they wouldn't hurt themselves.

And I read them a story until they fell asleep.

Babies, nothing to it.

Well, I used to think so, too, before I had them.

Since I've been at medical school, Sandra's been getting to know the twins

well. I love my children, but these are the only people I see all day long.

and you cannot believe how devious they are, how they conspire together.

I mean, for example, Winnie will start taking off her clothes.

Now, as I go over there and start trying to put them back on, I turn over here,

and Nelson has climbed up on the counter, and he shoves the cookie into

mouth. Now, I run over to try and pry his mouth open to get the cookie out. I

look over, and Winnie is in the potted plant throwing dirt all over the floor.

Why don't you just take him out of the house more often?

Theo, I take these children every place I go, and they do the same thing.

Okay, I have been thrown out of banks, restaurants.

One time, truly, we were at a bus stop, and the people pitched in to give us

money for cab fare so that we wouldn't get on the bus.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. How are you guys doing?

Oh. Cassandra is just telling us about the trials and tribulations of raising

twins. What trials and tribulations?

It's just one extra baby.

Denise, you have no idea what they put me through. The two of them are almost

impossible to control.

If you are organized, two extra babies shouldn't be any more of a problem than

one. Excuse me?

Hey, I'm just telling you, if I had twins, there'd be no problems.

Fine. How would you like to babysit for them tomorrow night so Elvin and I can

go to a movie?

Yeah. Fine.

In fact, stay away the whole weekend if you want.

Take off the month.

See you next year.

Okay, you little cuties. While Mommy's getting ready, I'm going to put you in

your little palace where you can do anything in the world that you want.

And that's the only place you can do anything you want.

You bring the cookies.

You bring the cookies.

You bring the cookies.

Now, listen.

Your Aunt Denise is coming by, and she is going to have a great time with you,

and you're going to have a great time with her, okay? You guys going to be

Say yes.

That's your Aunt Denise now.

Hey, now. Hi. Hi, Bob. I brought something for you in the Memphis. Come

in.

Did you make this yourself, Bob?

Yep, and this time it's legal.

Apple cider fresh from my daddy's farm in Virginia and some eucalyptus pecan

soap. Now, they're the same color, so you've got to be very careful not to get

them mixed up.

Yeah.

I won't. I also brought back some turkey gobblers. I want you and the wife to

come over and gobble one with us. That sounds like a great idea. Well, Sandra

and I are going out tonight. Can we take a rain check on those gobblers? Well,

how about next Saturday? Sure.

Great. And, Bob, do me a favor. Could you kill the turkeys before we come over

this time?

No problem.

I'll even kill the cauliflower.

Well, I'll see you around.

Okay. The bend.

I'll see you around. All right. Good night. Like a donut.

I'll see you around.

All right, Bob. Good night.

How do I look?

stunning, gorgeous, like a new woman. Oh, I feel like one.

Winnie and Nelson, Mommy and Daddy are going to go out, and we're very sorry,

but I promise you we'll come back with a positive attitude.

Right. Oh, there she is.

Hello.

to bring any food. We have the baby's food right here.

That is all pre -cooked, pre -processed, please.

Yes, it's also easy.

What's easy isn't everything.

Look, just let me prepare a homemade, totally organic meal I do to Olivia all

the time. You like more organic cooking, don't you?

I love it.

See? And I'm still alive.

Okay, but you should know that Winnie is allergic to carrots, and she breaks out

in a rash, and their feeding time is in half an hour. No problem.

Okay, listen, Denise, another thing. If they start crying, all right, just pop

this in the VCR, all right? This is a tape of children singing I've Been

on the Railroad. Okay, Winnie and Nelson, they love it. I don't know why

love it. Just keep rewinding it. Come on, a videotape, you guys, you actually

let an electronic instrument babysit your children?

Yes, and we're proud of it.

Okay, Denise, if you think that you can do this better than we can, go ahead,

take a shot at it.

And if you need to get in touch with us, this is the number for the Ophelia

Theater. Well, I'll take it, but I know we won't need it because we're all going

to have a wonderful time, right?

Great. Okay.

Well, bye, Winnie. Bye, Nelson. Bye -bye.

Have a good time.

It's just that you don't have much experience with kids. Excuse me? Have I

done a good job raising Olivia?

I'm still alive.

Okay.

Okay, okay, we'll go.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

Okay,

let's start babysitting and let's do a good job so we can show Sandra and Elvin

that we're...

Yeah.

those babies down, but we did it.

Anyways, once we give them their dinner, they'll probably fall right to sleep.

They're crying again.

I guess we should kind of stop them. Let me try.

I know, sweetie, but I think maybe I should handle this.

with the children singing. They love that. Olivia, you're a genius.

Okay, you guys.

Why don't you count Dad's gray hairs?

Why don't I count the black ones instead?

Look, you have a gray hair on your hand.

Well, I don't see a gray hair on my hand. Come on, come on. Look, it's very

No, that's the way the light is shining on the thing.

Hey, Vanessa, look at the back of Dad's hand.

Whoa, a gray. hair.

And a big one.

Dad said it was just the light shining off of it. No way, Dad. That's just an

old gray hair.

Or maybe a gray hair, but it's just one.

Well, sure. They travel alone at first.

The next thing you know, they start showing up in bunches. Then you got them

growing out of your eyebrows.

And he has one now.

Why don't you just leave me alone? I came here. I want to read my book quiet.

What now?

You have a gray eyelash. No way.

Look.

Listen, do you all mind, please?

I mean, I came down here to read the book. I just want a little quiet, all

right? Okay. We're going upstairs, Dad. Sorry. Thank you.

You know, I did after it all goes gray.

It'll start falling out.

Not too long ago. What do they want?

They want to stay awake.

Why do they want to stay awake?

Because they're hungry.

They're hungry, right. They should have been fed by now.

It's me, Bob.

B -O -B, Bob.

Uh, this isn't Sandra.

This is, uh, her sister Denise.

Oh, well, I came to offer some neighborly help. I got a hundred candles

All beeswax.

Beeswax? Blackout?

Bob, we're very busy here. Can you just leave those candles by the door, please?

Okay, I don't blame you for being a bit cautious.

There's a lot of weirdos out here.

Okay, then. Bye.

Okay, take her easy.

If you need any help, I'm in 8B.

Be for Bob.

You're going to have to give him some

She'll know what Winnie's allergic to.

Olivia, my love, you've really come through for me tonight.

Well, we're teens.

Well, we fed them, we got them quiet, finally got them to bed. I'd say we did

pretty good job.

job babysitting, but I think we've proved them wrong.

White hair on the back of your head. But it wasn't there. Don't put it. It

wasn't there yesterday.

There's only one there. I don't know why you're so upset. And besides, there's

nothing you can do. This is nature.

No, well, I thought you might go upstairs and get that dye that you put

hair. Dye?

Yeah, the dye. You know, when your gray hair is coming. I do not put dye on my

hair. Yeah, but it's red. I use highlight.

You highlight it?

Thank you.

What is going on? Well, the electricity went out in the apartment again. Super

says it won't be back on again until tomorrow.

And this was the only house you found with a light?

Well, let us stay here tonight.

No!

Oh, terrific.

Yeah, terrific. I got all the food off the floor and the counter. It'll take me

a whole day to scrape the eggplant off the microwave.

Should I ask what happened?

Well, first of all, I'd like to say it could have happened to anybody.

Secondly, I'll tell you tomorrow.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night. Thanks. Now, wait a minute. Where are you all going to sleep?

Oh, don't worry, Dad. We'll find someplace.

Right. I don't want to see any babies in my bed.

Now.

what makes these and the ones that you're highlighting.

Come on.

We'll go sleep in the basement.

Please. And maybe we won't need any highlights.

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.