Original subtitles

This is the best elevator music I've ever heard.

Yes, you have to see this. Olivia is amazing. She's so smart.

Okay, show it to me, whatever it is.

Okay, Olivia, you've never seen this book, right?

Never seen it. And no coaching from me, right?

No coaching. Okay, Mom, keeping all that in mind, will you please turn to any

page and pick a sentence?

All right.

All right, Olivia, I'd like for you to read this sentence.

You got it.

The brown cow ate the green grass.

Yes! Amazing! And every word correct. And she's going to be four next month.

Mom, have you ever seen any child, including me, who could do this?

Well, actually, when Vanessa was three, she was getting...

But she was not nearly as good at it as you are.

You're a genius, you're a genius, you're a genius.

Okay, now, um, what sound does a cow make?

Moo!

Is she amazing or what? She does impressions too.

We're having a We Survived the Chemistry Exam celebration.

Oh, that sounds like fun.

And the party is for girls only. I mean, we're not inviting guys because guys

are jerks. But not all guys. I mean, you're okay, Dr. Huxfield, but you're

really a guy. You're a man. You're older. Well, not that you're an old man,

you're not 16, which is what a guy is. And I don't know what it is about that

age for guys. I mean, because they don't tell the truth, and they talk about

sports, and they're into bods, nothing else. And they're always talking about

who you are and what you've done and what you haven't done. I mean, that's

they're jerks. And I hope Susan makes them clam dip. I love clams.

We watched all the videos. The rest are just my parents' videos.

Anybody want to see all quiet on the Western Front? No.

Jane Eyre? No.

All right.

Moby Dick.

All right.

Let's just forget about the videos, okay? I can't believe you didn't make

clam dip.

I'm bored.

Me too.

What can we do?

I know. Let's call up somebody.

Who are we going to call? We're all sitting here.

here is not to be bored right yeah girl i know how we can have big fun yeah

a whole new way to play the alphabet game wait a minute no i'm not drinking

susan i'm not allowed to drink oh well you won't have to unless you lose i

know i mean if my parents even smell liquor on my breath they kill me vanessa

your parents aren't here would you live a little maybe i'll just get this one

out and watch we're gonna do this we all have to do it Get it. Yeah, she's

right.

Okay, I'm in.

I'm in. Okay.

Oh, Vanessa, you too.

All right.

All right, now, the rules of the alphabet game are the same. We go

alphabet and name a city for each letter. Whoever breaks the rhythm loses.

And when you lose... Bottoms up.

Okay.

Washington is the city, D .C. is the District of Columbia.

Because my sister will pick me up.

Okay, you just hurry.

Okay.

was bringing Vanessa home. Oh, yeah, well, uh, care can't drive.

Um, it's her battery.

Dead.

This is your favorite movie. I'll go pick her up. What? No, no, no, Dad, this

isn't my favorite movie. See you guys. I'm going to be behind. Talk to you

later.

I want to lie to him. Mom and dad are in there. So we're going to have to go

around back, okay?

Back?

I didn't even buy you any presents.

It's okay.

Is it funny? While you're in the kitchen, would you please bring me some

You got it.

this thing with mayonnaise and mustard.

It's your daughter's fault. Vanessa didn't have to do what everybody else

doing.

Well, I'm sorry that it happened, too.

Thank you for calling.

Yeah, bye.

Sammy Chips coming up.

Sammy Chips.

Angela Henning just called to say that while she and her husband went out, her

daughter and her friends, our daughter included,

decided to play the alphabet game while chugga -lugging bourbon, and it seems

that Vanessa was very drunk when she left.

She must have lost.

We didn't know you brought Vanessa home.

We just sort of, you know, went around back.

I see. What is that aroma coming from those sheets?

Huh? What is the aroma coming from the sheets?

Well, um... Okay, on the way home, Vanessa got the flu, and she was going

throw up in the car, but, you know, she didn't. And when she got home, you know,

she just... Well, if she has the flu, then I better take a look at her now.

Oh, no, Dad, you don't have to do that. I already checked her.

Yeah, uh... Because I learned first aid in Africa, you know.

That's your sister in there.

But it's also our daughter.

Why don't I just go wash these, Kate?

Yes, why don't you do that? Okay.

Daddy?

Daddy? My head.

My stomach.

Please.

Can you give me something?

Nothing I can give you, kid.

There's no cure for this.

Vanessa?

Vanessa?

Vanessa?

Vanessa?

Vanessa! Vanessa, I'm talking to you. Vanessa, your mother's talking to you.

Vanessa,

Mrs. Henning called.

We know about everything that happened at her house.

Oh.

We're not going to talk punishment, honey, because I think you're learning

lesson right now.

Oh, thank you.

I'm eating a bowl of cereal.

You're supposed to be out of the house, but you keep coming back here. You don't

seem to understand what that means.

You come here, you eat cereal, pork chops, anything.

You've been housing us for your own apartment for 19 years, and now that you

have it, why are you always here?

I'm not always here. I just came by to visit you guys.

Well, in that case, why didn't you come up and see us before you started eating?

I knew you guys were on your way down to the kitchen eventually, so I figured

I'd just meet you here.

We came down here to eat ourselves.

Okay. We ran out.

Right, right.

And by the way, I saw Vanessa this morning.

Oh, you did, huh?

Yeah, I was upstairs in the bathroom taking a shower.

She was banging on the door telling me I had to let her in because she was

really sick.

Vanessa and her friends decided to get drunk last night.

Whoa.

Vanessa drunk?

That's pretty severe.

It took us by surprise, too.

I never thought she would crack under the pressure.

What pressure?

The pressure of growing up in this family.

See, you guys don't realize... what it's like being a huxtable child.

Because of what you two have achieved, the whole world expects a lot more from

us than other kids. Let's face it, there's nowhere else left for us to go

down.

So that's our fault.

Think about it, Dad.

You're a doctor.

Mom's a lawyer.

That's a lot of pressure.

But we had never said to you, son, become a doctor, become a lawyer.

We say go to school, we say study, we say become whatever you want.

There you go.

Pressure.

Go to school.

Become something.

That's a lot of pressure, Mom.

All my friends see it.

Phil, when do you feel this pressure?

Every now and then.

This is not about pressure.

Vanessa got drunk because she and her friends were bored.

Although they had television, VCR, video cassettes, audio cassettes, books. And

each other. Thank you. But they called each other on the phone every five

minutes when they were away. Yet they were bored together.

You see.

So you see, Vanessa did not feel pressure from us. The pressure she felt

from the people she was with.

Okay, Mom.

And to show you that I'm an open -minded person, I'm going to bring up what you

said in my next discussion with the guys about pressure.

Thank you ever so much.

Hi,

Mom.

How was school?

Painful.

I wish you hadn't made me go. I felt sick all day. Oh, I'm so sorry that

happened to you, my sweet.

Come over here and sit down with me for just a little while.

Mom, I'd really like to go to bed. No, not yet.

Clip, she's here!

If you're going to play the alphabet game, we want you to be good at it so

don't lose.

That's right.

I'm playing, too.

You? Yes, indeed.

Starting her out young so she builds up. We don't want her to cave in under the

pressure.

Don't feel sick.

Don't make me do this. I said I would never drink again.

I'll start with letter A.

All right.

Hey.

No such city?

Where is the city named Colorado? Colorado, Wyoming.

Go get the book.

Colorado,

Wyoming.

You better chug along.

But you know, I said it's a Colorado city.

Well, goodness gracious.

Oh, you did this all night long, huh?

Well, all right, boys, here they come.

Listen, we don't, when you hesitate, say, like that. There you go.

There you go, chug -a -lug, chug -a -lug, chug -a -lug. Let it not be said

I could not play the game.

Chug -a -lug, chug -a -lug, chug -a -lug. Hit it, Big Mama.

Yes,

indeed.

There we go.

What's that?

What's that a deal?

You know why.

Houston.

No, no, Jay. No, ain't no Jay.

Hey, the little people count, too. Dad, you cannot make Rudy drink.

Take your hands off me, please.

Dad, you can't. Hey!

There you go, Sparty.

No, no, no, no, no. Come on. No, no, you lost. You lost.

Look at me.

Anchor down.

Anchor down.

Go on. Hit it. Go, go, go.

All right.

I

don't

know, but I'll tell you what.

That's the drink. Four drinks.

There you go.

Drink her down. Four shots.

Four shots.

That's the bonus way.

Drink her down.

Drink her down. Dad, look.

I promise. I will never drink again. Why are you doing this to me? You are

stalling, Vanessa. Come on, honey. Chug -a -lug like you did last time.

Chug -a -lug. Chug -a -lug. Chug -a -lug. Chug -a -lug. Chug -a -lug.

Chug -a -lug, chug -a -lug, chug -a -lug, chug -a -lug, chug -a -lug, chug

-lug. All right!

Hey!

All right!

This is cheap.

Gotcha!

The casting show was taped for a studio audience.