Original subtitles

What's happening, homie?

Why? What have you got there?

I got a refrigerator I bought for my son.

Jake gave me a great deal on it, and I'm taking it over to his apartment. Just

wanted you to see it before I went over.

That is great.

That is going to go beautifully in his bedroom.

You've been over to his apartment?

And I've not been invited over there yet.

Well, I just went over there to help him select a color for his bedspread.

Well, why would he invite you over for color? I know color.

Well, I think he wanted a woman to touch.

A man knows colors?

Just like a woman knows color.

Ask me a color. Go ahead. I'll bet you I'll know it.

Now, why is it my son doesn't want me to come over to his apartment?

Because of the stories you tell.

Stories. Every time you get around Theo and his friends, you go off into these

long, rambling stories. Your eyes roll up in the back of your head.

You have no idea. what this does to the listener. You see, people have to sit

and listen to you do this, and they begin to feel like their lives are very

short.

I have seen Theo and his friends actually sneak out of a room just to get

from you.

Since I'm helping to pay for that space that he's living in, I'm going to take

this refrigerator over to his apartment, and I am going to go

in. to his apartment. Why? Because I have a refrigerator.

And if his friends are there, if I decide I'm going to tell a story, I'm

to what? Tell a story. Why? Because I'm paying for the space, that's why.

And if I want to talk for a week, I will what? Talk for a week while they can

get up all they want to and go where? Outside.

And I will go outside talking to them. And if they decide to run, I will run

beside them.

for three weeks. Why?

Because I'm talking about what? Philosophy.

I'm telling people about life. I'm trying to give them a shortcut so that

don't take the long way around and the next thing you know is people are doing

things that they ought not necessarily to. But see, that's all right. You can

leave too because I'll talk if nobody's there. I'll keep talking. Why?

Kitchen, boys. All right, well, the tube's set. Yeah, we're strapped.

Gentlemen, our latest invention is going to bring us one step closer to living

in a state of complete laziness.

The inter -room beverage transporter.

Here we go.

Guys, I must say, I lucked out finding two engineering majors to be my

Your admiration inspires.

Hey.

Hey,

Dad.

You came over.

That's right, and I'm coming in, too.

And if I want to, I'm sitting down now.

You see, and I bought something for you. What is it? It's a refrigerator.

All right.

Yeah. Thanks, Dad.

I mean it, sir. You're darn right.

And this was given to you by a person that you haven't invited over here yet.

What? You're darn right.

I'm glad you're here now. Yeah, sure you are. You gotta meet my roommate.

This is Danny and this is Glenn. That's right. How are you, sir? I'm meeting

roommates, too.

You're darn right.

They're both engineering majors. Yeah, well, I'm sitting down, too.

Ha! Right? You look like a man who enjoys a good root beer, Dr. Hustler.

I've been...

Known to partake of a root beer now and then?

Darn right.

Danny and Glenn designed this, and I helped them build it. Where's this

from? The supermarket next door?

Well, let us have a toast here.

And may you too, whatever you have, rub off onto whatever he doesn't.

Oh, boy.

Ah.

Good root beer.

But you know the best root beer that

I ever had?

I was in Manitoba, Canada.

And this root beer was called Big Moose.

Root beer.

Oh.

Yes, indeed. It was good root beer.

Thanks, Dad.

You're welcome.

Dr. Huxley, tell us more. I'd like to hear more about the news.

I'll make this short.

This big moose root beer was stored and

aged in real, real wood.

Mr. Hauser, you ask him for a ham sandwich.

Mr. Hauser washes his hands every time before he made a ham

sandwich. Dad.

They asked you about root beer a long time ago.

I get the connection.

It's about time.

You see, back in the old days, they took time to do things right.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love the way you weave these themes together.

When I was in college, oh, man, we... See, we just

didn't hang around.

chasing after girls.

There was eight of us. Lived in an apartment.

We actually lived in a building.

Two -story building.

27 of us.

And so our parents were going to come to visit us.

And we hadn't cleaned that house up good.

Oh, I guess it must have been two...

three months.

And we poured buckets of water on the floor so you had a level

of water, oh, must have been about about that high. On the

floor? Yeah.

And then we put on our bathing trunks and taped sponges to the bottom.

You talking about a good time, man? Just running.

on across the floor.

We had a guy, guy's name was Bumpy.

He was 6 '3", 6 '3", weighed 155 pounds.

He did the corner.

Hey.

Cliff, you've been gone all day. Where have you been? Well, I spent most of the

day at the hospital, but...

That was after I spent a few hours at Theo's apartment.

You did not. And I wanted to leave after about 20 minutes.

But his roommates kept asking me to tell stories.

You told stories?

I certainly did.

What stories did you tell?

Oh, Claire was so many, I guess.

I told them about when I entered the talent contest when I was pledging the

fraternity and how I sang my John Henry song.

John Henry was hitting that hammer

down.

Thank you. And they had a 12 -pound hammer. Thank you. Thank you.

What is wrong with you? Thank you. No, no, no. The boys enjoyed it.

Let me tell you the best part of the visit.

I had to leave. I told them I had to go.

And I walked to the car, and Theo was with me.

He put his arm...

Around me. My shoulder.

And he said, Dad, my roommates really loved you. And for the first

time, I really saw you as an interesting person.

And he gave me a hug and he said, I just didn't see you as my father.

I saw you as my friend.

Claire.

That's pitiful.

Theo, what are you doing?

Well, I have a problem.

Lynn, Danny, and I were thrown out of our apartment.

I have to have all my stuff out by tomorrow, so I guess I have to live here

again.

What happened?

Well, after Dad left, we started sliding across the kitchen floor.

making a lot of noise?

No, it wasn't the noise. The water leaked down into the landlord's

below us.

What water?

We threw five buckets of soapy water on the kitchen floor, and then we tied

sponges to our butts.

You tied sponges to your butts?

Well, yeah, to slide across the floor on.

Oh. Theo, where did you get such a ridiculous idea?

Dad told us this story about how he did the same thing in college.

Cliff, I told you not to go around telling those stories. Now you see what

happens? Are you telling me that because I told this story and this boy, that

it's my fault?

Where did he get the idea from? Look, I also... Shut up!

Henry, who was a steel -driving man. The boy didn't go out and drive any steel.

I told him how his mother worked hard and had children while going through law

school. Has he had a baby?

Has he tried to go through law school? Has he tried to study hard?

No. So how can that be my fault?

It's not my fault.

I'm going to take a nap.

And I know that you and me are going to work this out man to man and friend to

friend. Just stay off my kitchen floor, both of you.

Did you wash your hands?

It's me.

Let's pick up.

Decorations. Hey.

Hey, Dad.

How you doing?

Hey, Dad. Hey, Dad.

Um,

is it whose place is that?

Oh, Dad, I'm sorry. I guess since Theo's back, I forgot we had another person. I

didn't set another chair.

Well, set it.

Well, Rudy, you didn't do much. Why don't you set the extra chair?

you can wait until after dinner?

I was just kidding.

Dad, I bet you didn't think this house would ever be this full again, did you?

It's just like the old days.

It's just like the old days.

And who asked you not?

Maybe we should hang a sign outside.

Huxtable Hotel. We turn nobody away.

In fact, yes.

Dad, you have to let him stay. You're the one who got him thrown out of his

apartment in the first place.

Great story, Dad. I could just picture you back in college, surfing along the

kitchen floor.

Yeah, I want to tie sponges to my behind.

Surf stop!

So adorable. Isn't he adorable, Dad?

Surf stop!

I heard the joke the first time, okay?

Give me a thing. This dinner is wonderful.

But I've got to make a run, okay?

Where are you going?

Don't worry. I'm going to make a run, okay?

You

saw

the damage to the apartment downstairs?

Look what they've done to this wall.

How am I going to rent this? This apartment with all this thing that's

out. Look at it. Look at it. And come here. Come here. I want you to see what

they did in the kitchen.

Look. Look.

Huh? Look what they did in the kitchen. All those tiles have to be pulled out.

Every stinky one of them.

Surfing on the kitchen.

But what were those boys thinking of? Where did they get that insane idea?

Mr. Fuentes, the college boys, you know, they don't think.

No, no, no, I don't blame the boys. You know who's responsible?

The parents.

The parents today are too easy.

The boys don't grow up to be men. They just keep them like little children. So

they would ask their mommies and puppies to wipe the spit off their faces.

Sometimes the children don't behave the way you teach them, Mr. Fuente. No, no,

no. My two boys, they do everything to make me proud.

My oldest son is a surgeon, a big surgeon.

My youngest is a student at Cornell University. He's standing there.

He's there on a full scholarship, books included.

Finished cleaning up all the broken plaster.

All right, Tito. Should I throw this in the incinerator?

Incinerator? Are you crazy?

You can't put plaster in an incinerator.

I'm going to get fined by the city.

A bigger fine than the last time when you tried to burn the rubber tires.

Put this in the dumpster.

Okay, Pop.

Mr. Fuentes?

Did he call you Pop?

The little fellow who came in carrying the big barrel there, he... Is

that your son?

You think he looks like my son?

I mean, he called you Pop. No, no, no.

He's a worker.

Oh, okay.

Everybody calls me Pop.

Oh, Pop, I forgot. Mom wants you to pick up some ground chuck for dinner.

Now, pardon me, pardon me.

What is your last name?

Fuentes.

No, it is not. I told you it is not.

Now, now, get out of here.

Pardon me, sir.

Are you his son?

I don't know. Am I, Pop?

Why didn't you learn Spanish?

You make me ashamed.

Now get out of my face.

Okay, Pop.

Don't forget the ground, Chuck.

You know Mom.

Mr. Fuentes, please, I would appreciate it if you would reconsider letting the

boys back in if they behave, please.

Well, I don't know, maybe...

Maybe all this can be covered by insurance, but who will compensate me

emotional stress?

Everything I have suffered.

Well, what if I add an extra $20 a month?

$20? Oh, $30. I have suffered much. $30, $30, $30. And my wife, Carmelita,

she suffered too.

$40. I welcome your son with open arms.

Thank you. You send your son to me.

America is a wonderful place where everybody

gets a second chance.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All right.

Send the $40 in cash.

There you go. Hey, I was going to watch the movie. No, no, don't have time.

You're out of here. Let's go.

Where am I going to live?

Mr. Fuentes has let you and your friends back in the apartment. Let's hit it.

Come on. All right. Back up.

What's the rush? I can go in the morning.

No.

Mr. Fuente says you can come in. There'll be no partying, no building

the apartment that will tear the place down.

And you've got to stop sliding on the floor with the soap suds and things like

that. From now on, you just go to sleep. You get up, you study.

You go to class. You go to class, you study, you go to sleep, you eat. That's

it. Then graduation.

Yay!

But, Dad, what kind of existence is that?

School. is not just for studying. I want to experience all that college has to

offer. I want to live a full campus life. How much more of a full campus

you want being thrown out of your apartment?

How full do you want it?

Jail?

You understand?

All right. Come on. Get your stuff.

You've got to go. Don't get dressed. You don't need to because you're a college

student and this is the way you should dress.

wonderful like this. Keep moving.

Just go.

Oh, boy.

I got him out, and I'm coming back for the twins and all other people under

four.

The Cosby Show was taped before a studio audience.