Original subtitles

Look over here.

Look over here. Look at Daddy.

Look at Daddy.

Muffin, Muffin, come here.

Pick up Winnie and Nelson.

Oh, honey, no. Stop it. Let me change first.

Elvin, you said you were going to cut this part out. I'm sorry, honey. I

couldn't resist.

Okay, but just show the babies and don't show me. Okay, okay.

Fake gitchy -gitchy -goo.

Elvin, I'm not going to say that.

Elvin, you said you weren't going to show me.

It's not on, honey.

Really? Yeah, yeah. It's not running or anything.

Great fake -out, Elvin.

I'm good at getting people to act natural. Yeah, that's because you lie.

I just bet they didn't have video cameras when your father became a

Just keep watching the video, okay? And don't look at the camera.

Elvin, put that thing down.

Honey, this is the first video I've gotten of people watching my videos.

whole new dimension.

Guys, just look natural, please.

Look natural.

Okay, Kenny, let's act natural.

Let's all act natural. Hey, yeah. Thank you,

Vanessa. Very nice. Here they are.

Thank you for not looking into this camera, Kenny. Thank you.

Oh,

Mr. Natural himself coming up here.

Thank you, next.

Granddad.

Hi, Claire.

Granddad, listen. I want to get a video of you watching the family watching my

video.

Well, I see everybody I came to see except my great -grandchildren.

They're upstairs taking a nap.

Don't worry, I've got them on video. I'm sure everybody doesn't mind watching

this again. No!

I'll show that to you later.

Won't you stay for dinner?

No, thank you. I was just passing through on my way home from Madison

Garden. I was visiting an old friend of mine whose grandson is playing in a band

there tonight.

Tonight? Mm -hmm.

Tonight is the night of the Michael Jackson concert. Is he in the band?

He said that the young fellow who sings was named Michael Jackson. You know

somebody in Michael Jackson's band?

Oh, yeah, a lovely lad. He offered me eight tickets to the concert tonight,

I didn't know anyone who wanted to go, so I turned him down.

Well, why is everybody so upset? It's just a music concert.

Grandpa, Michael Jackson is the hottest thing in music today.

Is that a fact? Yes.

That concert's been sold out for months. Granddad, you gotta call the guy back

and demand those tickets.

Oh, well, I'm afraid it's too late for that.

Well, I'm going to get a soda.

Oh, wait.

Now, what's wrong with my memory?

Now, just look what I have got. Yeah, I did... Guys, guys,

okay, okay.

Wait, wait, wait. Scream again. Just take the ticket back. Are there enough

tickets for everybody?

Well, let's see. There's Anna and me.

Wait a minute. You and Anna do not want to go to a Michael Jackson concert. You

better believe it. We love Michael. He's bad.

Okay, that's two, and then there's me. I am definitely getting a ticket. Yeah,

me too.

Me too.

Okay, that's five, and with Mom and Dad, that's seven.

Sandra, you and Elvin are going to have to flip for the last ticket. No, they

don't. They can have those tickets and go. If it's coming home from the

hospital, we can stay and babysit Winnie Nelson.

Oh, Mom, no. I mean it. You should go.

We'd love to stay home with the babies.

Okay, thanks.

Wait a minute. That still leaves one extra ticket.

Who gets that?

That's me.

Kenny, are you sick?

No, I just think the extra ticket should go to a close friend of the family.

Ah, good idea.

I wish I could think of somebody we could give the ticket to. You know,

could look in the phone book.

Hey!

You get the extra ticket. All right.

It's about time you gave it to me. Making me suffer.

Michael Jackson, I can't believe it. Grandpa, this is so...

and I haven't been out together since the babies were born. What a way to go,

huh? Yeah, but I feel really bad about your parents not going. I really think

they should have the tickets. Elvin, I said you could have those tickets,

I really mean it. Elvin, you can't miss this one. People say it might be

Michael's last tour. It's a shame because the boy is dancing better than

You know, Brandon, I'm really not much of a Michael Jackson fan.

Honey, what are you talking about? You have all of Michael Jackson's albums.

bought his book. You even learned how to moonwalk.

Well, at Madison Square Garden, it's such a big place. We're probably going

be sitting way in the back. Honey, we'll need a telescope to see it. Oh, not

with these.

Eighth row, Santa.

You'll probably be sitting right next to Latoya and Jermaine.

Yeah, it's a chance of a lifetime, Elvin. Now, what is your problem?

I can't be hanging out at rock concerts all night. I mean, I've got

responsibilities. I'm a father now.

Elvin, is this about the twins?

Are you afraid to let someone else watch them for one night?

Ha ha.

I laugh at that suggestion.

Okay, now this is starting to make sense.

Every time I've wanted to go out, Elvin's come up with a different excuse.

the last time I wanted to go to the movies and you said that you couldn't go

the theater because they didn't sell frozen bonbons.

I once offered to drive over to your apartment and babysit.

Elvin told me that a steamship had collided with the George Washington

and no cars could get across.

He did. I heard it at the supermarket.

You're laughing. It was terrible. The people in the water.

Elvin, now this is your first time away from your children, and it's only

natural that you'd be a little apprehensive. I'm not apprehensive.

I'm not afraid.

You really mean that? Yes.

You really do?

No. No.

How could we leave them, Muffin? They're our babies.

Those little tiny faces, they're in their formative years. How can we

them like that, even for one night? No, never. I'm not going. No.

Elvin, stop it.

Elvin, everything will be all right.

Cliff and I will be taking care of Winnie and Nelson.

Yeah, but do you know how?

Chill out.

Raising children is like riding a bicycle. Once you've done it, you never

how. And, Elvin, they're my babies, too.

I love them.

But I need a break.

Mom, we're going to the concert, and we appreciate your offer to babysit.

Okay, fine.

I suppose.

But will you promise me one thing, Mom?

What? Will you please, please make sure to videotape them every minute that

we're gone? Because I don't want to miss a minute of their growing up.

You know who the camera is? You know how to... Elvin, drink your tea.

I like this one, but I like the blue one, too. What do you think, Kenny?

You've been through everything in your closet. Just pick one.

Women.

This means a lot to me. I have to pick just the right dress.

First of all, that won't happen. Second of all, what's the big deal about

dancing with Michael Jackson?

He's a superstar.

So he's just another guy.

You've danced with guys before.

You've danced with me.

You're no Michael Jackson.

Yeah, only reason you like Michael Jackson is because of his money.

Sounds like someone in this room is jealous.

Not me. That guy's a prisoner of his own fame. He can't even walk down the

street without being mobbed. I would never want to be Michael Jackson. You

nothing to worry about.

You know what your problem is, Rudy?

You've got the real thing and you don't know it.

You're the real thing?

That's right. And someday you're going to turn around and I won't be there.

you're going to feel really sorry.

Well, yeah, I won't feel sorry because I'll be on my honeymoon with Michael.

Yeah, well, I'll be on my honeymoon with Whitney Houston.

told me you liked Whitney Houston. Now you know. Deal with that.

We're here.

My great -grandchildren.

Hi, baby.

This is Auntie Ruthie. I remember when people used to say hi to me.

Hi.

Okay, who would you like to hold, Winnie or Nelson?

Winnie. Well, then you have to guess which one she is.

This one?

Yes, very good. You know your knee.

Be careful.

Good.

Hi there.

Pretty soon I'm going to be babysitting you.

I'm going to let you stay up all night and watch television.

Yes, I will.

Oh, you know, Rudy, she's got your eyes.

Yeah, they're big and pretty.

Well, Rudy, I'm going to take them upstairs and put them to bed.

Okay. When I get back from the Michael Jackson concert, I'm going to tell you

all about it. Yes, I will.

Come on, Auntie Rudy.

Well, I figured we'd be away for at least three hours.

What on earth did you bring?

Just the essentials.

Baby crib, baby bath, baby toys, baby lotion, baby blankets,

baby diapers, baby bottle, baby vitamins and an aspirator, and baby gym.

A baby gym. Elvin, they're only two months old.

Yeah, I know, but they're developing fast, Mom, and tonight might be the

when they really, you know, want to use these things.

I just picked up Kenny. Let's get going.

Last call.

Now, anyone that's not down here in this second will stay home.

How'd you get so tough, Grandma?

Raising your father drove me to it.

Can I just kiss them goodbye?

Blow your kiss.

Goodbye, Winnie.

Goodbye, Nelson.

Goodbye, Elvin.

Don't forget to take the lens cap off when you do.

Lens cap. Beat it.

Is that sick, Margie?

Well, it's just... a terrible time to come into the office. I'm babysitting my

grandchildren.

Oh, Cliff, no. He won't mind. I'm sure he would like nothing better than to

spend the entire evening with them.

Oh, okay. All right, listen.

I'll be there. I'll be there as soon as I can get there, okay?

Bye -bye.

Aw.

Hey, look at you.

That's what I like about twins.

One for you and one for me.

What's the matter with this one? This one is sad.

Really?

Smells all right to me.

Oh, isn't this going to be fun tonight, the two of us? Sweetie, I got to go to

the office. You're going to have to take care of him. Yeah, Ted Hanley's not

feeling well, and I've got to go prepare his brief.

Look at this.

Laughing at Grandpa.

Go ahead, give Grandpa a laugh.

Yeah.

Well, you go ahead.

Okay. Okay.

Leave me here with these two juvenile delinquents.

Can you handle this?

Are you standing there? I brought up five children by myself.

This is granddad, you understand?

There'll be no crying around here for no reason.

Now, let me tell you why.

No, no, no, no. See this?

Yeah.

See, you know exactly what that is.

This is... Now, wait a minute. Let me tell you.

Let me tell you what this is.

This is an aspirator.

You understand?

And you put this up the baby's nose, see? And it goes...

And it sucks out all of everything.

Little children hate that. And they remember it always.

Well,

now, how are you two?

Hmm?

Wendy and Nelson sitting in the pelsen. One want to go and the other want

to stay.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I got another one for you.

Fee diddly dee, fee diddly die.

Where you want to go, where you want to cry. Watch me doodly do.

Watch to the right, watch to the right. You love the best. Hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey.

Thought I was gone, didn't I?

You have a little hair trouble there, aren't you?

Your sister's stuff is going all east, southwest. But you, you, are you in

trouble already?

Hi.

Hi. Hello.

Hello. Now, I am your grandfather. This is the first time we've had a chance.

me out what are we looking at i i am i

am your grand say say

look at this look at this one

that's how big they get this is this is how big see

see what you have

I'll go get something. You should tell people when you're going to do that.

Of course, you don't know much about me, do you?

Do you?

You don't know that I had a brother.

Do you know that?

I had a brother.

Yeah. He died when he was seven. I was eight.

Yeah. His name was James.

James Theodore Huxtable.

Yeah.

And he died of rheumatic fever.

Yeah, in those days, just sulfur drugs, you know, wasn't much going on.

So they couldn't save him.

But he was something, though.

Had that Huxtable thing inside of him. Because, you know, his breathing,

breathing was like this.

And he was always in the hospital.

So your great -grandmother and great -grandfather, they would say, he's

home, James is coming home, so you have to sit with him. And we'd sit outside in

the sun, you know. Yeah.

And he'd breathe like this.

And one day I was sitting there looking at him, you know, and this dude came up.

I guess he must have been about seven years old, you know. And he looked at my

brother, and he said, oh, he's a sickly -looking little guy.

And, man.

James jumped up and hit the guy in the car.

And I turned around, I looked at my little sickly brother, and he was

down like this.

So I said, go ahead, James.

You know, but he died.

And I was very, very sad.

But he's still with me, you know, still with me here.

And he's going to be with you because I'm going to tell you some stories about

him. He was something.

Well, never mind.

I want to know from the two of you, how has it been so far?

Now, when I heard that I was going to be a grandfather, I thought, I don't

really feel like an old person. You know what I mean?

Because old people, they walk like this. Now, watch me carefully.

You see? You see what I mean?

Huh? Look at how I walk.

Almost like Sidney Poitier.

You see what I mean?

Now, there is a problem, though, because I hurt my foot the other day.

So... When I got up, I put the foot down, and it hurt. I couldn't, you know,

I had to walk like this.

So I was walking like that, and I noticed that I was walking like an old

So I was walking like this. So then I figured if people are looking at me,

if I walk hip, see? So then I was trying, I was trying.

And there I was, walking like a hip old person.

See, now, I was explaining to you.

See this?

That's when you threw up.

Are they coming again?

See this?

This? This is the size it's going to get. Touch it.

Don't be afraid. Go ahead.

Watch. Look at it.

Look at it.

Oh, Lord, I think when I'm not going to be too bright.

Rock -a -bye.

And don't you even try.

Because you're like this one.

And I hope your grandmother comes home soon.

Because I don't like being a grandfather anymore.

I just put Cliff to bed, poor thing.

It's been a long time since he did anything like this.

Mom, we had a wonderful time tonight. I really needed it.

I'm glad you got to go.

Yeah, we're definitely going to do that again.

when they're three or four.

And we brought you a present.

Ooh!

Michael Jackson T -shirt.

And this is for Dad.

And Winnie.

Winnie, this is for you.

Can you hold that?

And Nelson, this is for you. And we also got you Michael Jackson posters.

Oh, yeah.

Michael Jackson program.

And... Michael Jackson laminated photo.

And... Michael Jackson bad album.

He's bad.

And... Michael Jackson book.

We got you something that money cannot buy.

Watch me. Watch Daddy.

Watch. Watch.

Nothing. Nothing. Winnie. Ready?

One. Two.

RIPPO!

The show was taped for a studio audience.