Original subtitles

My favorite wife is home early.

Goodness gracious.

Not for long.

Why? I gotta run back to the office, honey.

I've got a meeting with the district attorney on the Haywood case.

Look, this is the third time in a row that you've had to work late working on

those Haywoods. I'm sick of the Haywoods. Let the Haywoods go to jail.

No one goes to jail when they're defended by Claire Huxtable.

I have to lie in that bed by myself, missing my beautiful wife. And

I have to say, where is my Claire, my love quilt?

I see.

Yes. And you never have to leave our bed to do your work. First of all, I say to

my patients, please do not go into labor until after 3 a .m. in the morning

because then I can slip out of the bed and my wife will not miss me. A bold

untruth. I go up to that bed and you're not there.

And I look over and I see a hole in the pillow.

And I take that pillow and I bring it to me and I hug it.

And I cry.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hi. I need to ask you something.

Uh -huh.

Today at school, I told Carolyn that she could sleep over Friday night.

And now I need your permission.

Don't you have this backwards? Aren't you supposed to ask for permission

What for?

You always say yes.

I'm just being polite.

Now, Rudy, you've had a string of friends stay over.

But, Mom, this is Carolyn.

Can she come, please?

All right, Rudy, but this is the last sleepover for two months, understood?

Understood. Mom, will you make those baked apples you always make?

I might. I don't know.

And, Dad, you're going to do that funny pirate, aren't you?

Everybody loves it when you do the funny pirate.

Well...

First of all, I'm not a professional comedian, you understand?

And I want you to know that I can just not be funny just because

you bring your little raggedy friends in here.

You know, I mean, I have to feel funny.

Do you think you'll feel funny on Friday night?

I don't know. I just don't know.

Mom,

I know you're going to want to make those baked apples.

And Dad, I know you're going to feel funny Friday night.

All the little oranges that contributed to Dr.

Huxtable's glass of orange juice. Wink, wink, wink.

Dad, is Rudy having another sleepover?

Yeah.

Rudy is bad enough as it is. When she's around someone else her age, she's five

times worse.

I don't think I want to be here.

Well, where are you going to go? I'm going to stay over Janice tonight.

Ah, good. She stayed over here the other night, and she owes you, so go ahead.

Okay. Yes, please.

There's one thing I'm going to miss by not being here tonight.

What? The pirate. That is your funniest bit. The only thing I like better is

when you do the foreign race car driver, Pierre Varoum.

Well, I'm not too sure if I want to do Pierre Varoum or anybody else. You know,

I have to feel funny in order to do things.

Well, Dad, if you don't, they're going to be very disappointed.

Really? Yeah.

Bye. Okay.

Take care.

Pierre Varun.

You sit up here with these kids and do Pierre Varun, and they don't know when

stop. If you did something funny, and then they would just say, okay, that was

funny. But no, you get in a position, they keep asking you, do it again, do it

again, do it again. The next thing you know, your back is out, and they still

got plenty of energy. Like, do it again, do it again, do it again.

It's ridiculous.

Dad, this is not a good day.

Look at this.

It's an English composition paper.

I was thinking of hiding it from you, but then I said, no, you might as well

know the truth. Yes, I might as well. You got a D.

I got A's in English comp in high school.

Look at the professor's comments. He hated every sentence I wrote.

I have never read such muddled thinking in my life.

too many words to express your thoughts and don't understand the words you use.

See, Dad, I didn't think I'd have any problems with this class. The others are

the killers. I've got the hardest professors in every subject.

Whenever I tell my friends what teachers I have, they say, oh, the butcher. Oh,

no, the assassin.

Dad, I'm drowning.

Maybe I'm not college material.

No, no, no. You're not going to talk like that. The first day of orientation,

the dean got up. He said, look to your left. Look to your right. One of these

people would not be here at the end of the year.

Dad, the whole freshman class was looking at me.

I want you to look at these red marks.

Make your corrections, take it back to your professor, ask for help.

Well, he did say if anybody got below a C, they could do their paper again.

There you go. But I have a ton of work in my other subjects.

Welcome to college life.

All right, Dad.

I'll give it a shot. There you go.

And I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do for you. While you're up in that

room working so hard, I'm going down to the store, buy one of those strawberry

shortcakes. and bring it up to your room, and you and I will have some

strawberry shortcake while you're doing your work.

But Dad, Mom doesn't like you eating those desserts.

I don't care what your mother doesn't like. You understand?

When it comes to making a sacrifice, I'm there when you throw the chips down.

Thanks, Dad.

Go get them.

No, Frank.

Daddy, Alan's going to be here any minute.

Good.

How do you feel?

About what?

You know what I mean. You know, do you feel funny?

Because you said you had to feel funny to be funny.

I feel a sort of heaviness of sadness.

Dad, try.

Bunny, okay?

Carolyn! Darling!

Rudy, darling!

Come on in. Bye, Mom!

I'll put better smooches.

Yeah!

Hi, Dr. Huntsville.

Hi. I noticed that you brought your sleeping bag.

Why? Because the last time I was here, the other bedroom felt like sleeping on

rocks. And I need my sleep or I'm just no good.

So, how about it? About what?

What are you going to do to make me laugh?

The last time I was here, you were a riot.

Well, Dad isn't really up to it tonight.

I think he's depressed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You all have to excuse me because I just think that the whole

day has sort of taken its toll on me. I feel drained.

Pardon me. I'm going to the kitchen to get something to eat.

I'm really sorry, Carolyn.

I guess we're going to have to entertain ourselves.

That's okay, darling.

You're not responsible for your parents.

Let's go to my room and play.

my ship. I'll kick you off and put you in the sand and let the red ants eat you

up. You little wench.

G -G -G

I had to come down here in the first place to get away from you two wild

Shouldn't you both be in bed?

It's a sleepover. We're allowed to stay up late.

We're the queens of the night.

Your Highness, darling, your royal beauty darling.

All right, are you done? I have an important paper to finish.

What are you writing about?

You wouldn't understand. It's college -level material. Not for infants.

Hmm. It was a haunting, cloudy day.

One that conjured up images of destiny.

Huh? See, I told you. You wouldn't understand it.

It sounds like you're trying to impress your teacher with big words. Well, that

never works.

And how do you know?

My dad's an editor of a newspaper.

He always says these new reporters, when they're right, keep it simple.

Only people with small minds use big words.

Look, I was asked to write about a personal experience, and I'm writing

first day of college.

I'm trying to capture how scared I was when I first arrived on campus.

Why don't you just say, I was scared?

Because that's not descriptive enough. I'm trying to paint a picture of my

I know what you mean about fear.

I once took my little cat, Maple, on a Ferris wheel.

Whoa, was she scared.

Yeah, well, we're not on a Ferris wheel.

So will the two of you kindly leave me to write?

Okay. Carolyn, come on.

Let's go upstairs.

When I stepped on the campus for the first time, I was afraid.

I felt like a cat on a ferris wheel.

Looked into the air and said, We're going to eat your house.

With the chimney.

Well,

you're a sponge brain.

Well,

you're a double sponge brain supreme.

I'm going home.

Go out of here.

I don't really care.

Wake up. It's an emergency.

Okay. Make sure she's fully dilated. I'll scrub up.

What are you doing in here?

How'd you get in here? What's going on?

Rudy keeps taking and she's being mean to me and I hate her.

What is going on?

She hates Rudy.

Oh.

And get in the bed that you're in and hate her until about 8 .30.

And then I'll be glad to take you home, okay?

No, I can't spend another minute here. Call my mommy, please, please. I'm very

unhappy. Yeah, okay, okay. I'll call your mom. All right. Okay. All right.

I'll go pack and meet you downstairs.

Yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

What are you doing?

I have to call Mrs. Gregory.

I tell her that her daughter wants to come home. Please, have a good day.

Oh,

Mr.

Gregory, how you doing? Yeah, your daughter just came in here and said,

Rudy's being married. Can you come in here, please, please?

So, would you all please put the light on out front?

and I'll drive by and throw her out the window.

Yeah.

Okay, huh?

Do the pirate for you.

You want me to do the pirate for you? You're a grown man.

Arr, why aren't you going to sleep?

here to take you home now. Come on.

I said, I'm ready to take you home.

Here we go.

I don't want to go home.

I changed my mind.

Yeah, but you see, 30 seconds ago, you were in there.

I hate Rudy and I want to go home.

But when I got back to the room, she apologized.

She's my best friend.

Say something.

The next time you come in my room and you wake me up and tell me you want to

home, I'm going to give you 50 cents so you get the bus.

This friend Carolyn woke me up three times to take her home.

Well, did you see what they did to the kitchen? Yes, I'm the one who cleaned

kitchen up, and I also had to clean up about 400 pieces of balled -up

composition paper.

Sorry about that, Dad. I was up all night rewriting this paper.

Went down to NYU this morning, lit it under the professor's door.

He was there, Dad.

He read it while I waited.

Yeah. Look, only half... of the red marks that were on the other paper. Now

you're cooking.

He said if I made my ideas clearer and more direct, I could probably get a C.

A C, it will be beautiful.

You mean you'd be happy with a C?

Of course I'd be happy with a C. This is what is known as a hard C.

You understand?

I would take a hard C over a soft A any day.

Dad, by the end of this year, I'm going to be pulling in hard A's.

I'm just too scared of you, boy.

Daddy!

All right, I'll take you home.

Presenting the Darling Sisters, America's sweethearts.

Well, now, don't you all just look lovely?

Thank you.

And is it a... This your mother's makeup and jewelry you have on?

Yes. I don't want to be around here when your mother finds out.

We're not worried at all.

Come on, darling.

Let's go to the mall.

You look lovely, Mrs. Hexagon, darling.

Well, thank you, darling.

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.