Original subtitles

Thank you.

Thank you.

Here you go, Mom. I brought you some warm milk and cookies.

Thank you, sweetheart.

I thought it might help calm you down.

I am calm.

Really? I wouldn't be calm if my son were in jail.

Vanessa, Theo is not in jail. He's just at the police station. And we really

don't know the whole story, so let's not jump to conclusions.

Okay.

Mom? Yes?

Is Theo still in jail?

Theo is not in jail. He's only been arrested.

Theo has not been arrested. Theo is not in jail. He's just at the police

station. Why?

Because he was in a car with a friend, and the friend was driving a little too

fast, and the friend only had a learner's permit.

But I don't get it. What was Theo doing in a car?

I mean, I thought you and Dad ground him last week for cutting class.

We did, Vanessa, but we gave him permission to go to the library.

But didn't he call from a police station in Coney Island?

That's right, he did.

And for his sake, I hope there's a very good library in Coney Island.

don't think you should concern yourself with this this is a matter between theo

and your father and me so let's just say good night yeah good night rudy and

good night vanessa i'll stay up and keep you company too that is not

why you want to be down here miss nosy and miss busybody come on let's get up

let's move it let's go oh man we're going don't worry rudy we'll be able to

the yelling in our bedroom

Sorry, Mom.

Theo, I don't know that I'm going to be able to accept that apology until I've

heard all the facts.

Well, Tom Lauch picked me up in his dad's new car to go to the library.

Tom Lauch has no driver's license. He has a permit.

He has a permit.

They were only two people in the car. Two permits driving around the city

at people.

Tom promised he'd drive real slow.

Theo, please. You know you're supposed to have a licensed driver in the car

you. What? I know, but we weren't going very far.

Theo, Coney Island is ten miles away. Did you even get near the library?

Sure. We went in, we put our books on the tables and our jackets on the

and then we went out to get a hot dog.

I see. So the library was the cover -up for this trip to Coney Island.

There you go.

Yeah. And it was on the way back when Tom accidentally ran through the red

light. Uh -huh.

See, that's when we heard the siren.

So I turned around and I saw a police car coming at us with his lights

So I said, uh -oh, it's the cops.

That must have freaked Tom out because he hit the pedal and we were off.

You tried to outrun the police?

Well, don't worry, Mom.

I had my seatbelt on the whole time.

Besides, the chase only lasted three blocks.

Tom started to slow down, and then the policeman got on the loudspeaker and

ordered him to pull over.

Well, that kind of freaked him out some more because he jerked the steering

wheel, he jumped the curb, and hit a stop sign.

Theo, I think I've heard enough.

Give me and your father a few minutes to discuss your punishment, and then you

come back down here and talk to us.

Yes, Mom.

Hey, Dad.

Am I really in that much trouble?

Let me tell you something.

We go into the kitchen.

You can go out. You can get my car.

You can drive backwards to Coney Island.

Run over the hot dog man.

And two stop signs and you won't be in any more trouble than you are now.

It doesn't get easier, does it?

I can't remember ever being angrier with one of these children.

You'd have been angry if you'd gone down to that police station.

I went down there and I said to the sergeant at the desk, I said, I'm here

pick up Theodore Huxtable.

He said, oh, the youth we apprehended.

I thought to myself, when we had this child, we were going to call him many

things in the future.

Going to call him a great citizen, a fantastic student, but not certainly.

The youth we apprehended.

Then he found out I was a doctor. And he said, people who come from successful

families usually have this sort of problem because the parents are too busy

doing what they do in their professional lives. They don't have time to spend

with the children.

And then he handed me this pamphlet which says, troubled youth begins at

Perfect. Theo breaks our roof and you get the lecture. I don't know, Cliff.

Something has gotten into him lately.

Well, I think it all started when he began to shave.

You know, if I tell Theo to do something, I have to go behind him and

he's done it. I have to tell him ten times before he does anything.

Do you know he took my razor and used my last blade?

Yesterday, he took my car with a friend who had the driver's license, and that

was okay.

All I asked was that he put some gas in the car. I even gave him the money to do

it. Came back, didn't put the gas in the car, never gave me the money back. I

ended up running out of gas on my way to work.

Let somebody take your last blade and not tell you about it.

Are you listening to me?

Yeah, yeah, I was listening.

You know about the gas in my car.

What about it?

You see, you're not listening to me.

Why would you say you were listening to me if you weren't listening?

Oh, because I was thinking about the boy. Well, I was talking about the boy.

I thought you were talking about your car.

I was talking about what the boy did to my car. If you'd been listening, you'd

have known that.

Yeah, well, you weren't listening to me.

Yes, I was. What did I say? Oh, Cliff, you knew what you said.

There you go. You were listening to what I say, and I was talking about the boy

and shaving his neck my face.

Cliff, I could have been stranded somewhere. Are you trying to tell me

nick on your face is as important as your wife being stranded somewhere at

on a country road alone by herself in the pouring rain and the howling winds?

What day was all this going on?

I was just trying to make a point.

Yeah, well, your point is untrue and fabricated.

So you think a little nick on your face gives you a point?

Please. You nick your face all the time. You would nick your face without a

razor. Nick, nick, nick.

Listen, I don't think you have a reason to be upset with me.

You know, you weren't even listening.

If you'd been listening, you would know that I should be upset with you, and

just maybe you should be upset with me.

Well, I certainly don't need anybody to tell me when I should be upset with

somebody. I mean, if I decide to get upset with somebody, I will make that

decision to be upset with somebody. There's nobody going to tell me when to

upset with somebody. I get upset when I'm ready to get upset.

And I'm upset now.

Uh, Mom?

Dad? What do you want?

You told me to come down for my punishment.

Well, I don't think this is the right time, son.

Well, you are going to give it to me tonight, aren't you?

I wouldn't be so eager if I were you, Theo.

Oh, I'm not eager, Mom.

It's just I wanted to get it over with tonight.

Why? Well, you know, my grounding ends on Saturday.

And I was kind of hoping maybe I could go to a party at Lana's house.

You have the arrogance to stand there and to inform me that you are going to a

party when your father just brought you home from the jailhouse?

I

think

that boy has lost his mind.

Sandra and Denise didn't act like this at his age. Why is he like this?

He's a boy, and boys go through that kind of thing.

Are you saying that this is natural for a boy?

That we should excuse this behavior because he's male?

That's not what I'm saying.

Well, then what are you saying?

I'm not saying anything. Whatever you say, that's what is going to be said.

No, no, no. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. Don't patronize me like

that. Whatever you say is going to be what's said, and that's fine. That's not

right.

Now, you should say what you want to say. You should say what you're saying,

don't say that.

That's so beneath you.

Why don't we talk about whatever it is we're angry about in the morning and get

some sleep, okay? I don't think either of us will be going to sleep anytime

soon. Why not?

Because when we married, we promised we'd never go to sleep angry.

We were younger then. We didn't need as much sleep.

All right, I'll tell you what.

Let's count to three and then stop being angry, okay?

That is not going to get it. There has to be an apology first.

Okay, I accept your apology.

No, no. It is you who owe me the apology.

For what?

For getting us both upset.

Well, you got us both upset first. Where's my apology for that?

Are you suggesting that I'm the one who owes you an apology?

You better believe it.

Well, if that's what you're saying, I'm just saying one more thing.

What? We are going to sleep angry.

Don't bother me.

Don't bother me. Don't bother you. Don't bother me.

I didn't want the covers anyway.

And another thing is, I was in the Navy, and I slept closer than this to the

enemy.

Ooh, here's a story about two high school guys who robbed a grocery store.

Is Theo's name in it?

No, I don't think he did anything that day.

Keep looking.

I know it's in your someplace.

Janet says that every day they publish a list of everyone in the city who's been

arrested. Maybe Theo used a fake name.

Yeah, I look under John Doe.

Then try Theo Doe.

Hey. Theo, what name did you give the police?

What are you talking about?

You know, when they booked you. They didn't book me, Vanessa.

I waited at the police station until Dad came to pick me up.

What did Mom and Dad do to you?

Nothing. They got into an argument and forgot all about me.

They must all be at it. I haven't got my punishment yet.

Boy, when they stop arguing, you are going to get it. Yeah, you're a goosey

I bet they'll send Theo to a juvenile delinquent farm.

He's probably going to have to break rocks with a hammer.

I'm out of here.

Okay, Rudy, we have a choice.

We can either go to school now, or we can stay here and find out what they're

arguing about.

Let's stay here.

I'm leaving.

We're going to stay in that pool.

Hey. Hey, Dad.

Dad, you look tired.

Yeah, I am.

Were you up late?

Yeah. Baby?

No. Reading?

No.

Arguing? Rudy!

You weren't going to find out anything if you had questions.

Dad, I'm sorry Rudy brought it up. If you don't want to talk about it, it's

okay. Your mother and I were arguing, but we're in love, and people do that

time to time.

When's it going to be over?

Oh! Soon, I'm sure.

Maybe you should give Mom some flowers.

Grow up like that.

I think you should buy her a dog.

And what kind of dog do you think your mother should get?

A Cocker Spaniel with the red collar.

Isn't there a school bus waiting for you guys? Yeah, Dad. Come on, Rudy, I'll

walk you. Okay.

Remember, Dad, you're just a dog away from this thing over here.

I understand that, you know. I want to thank you for your suggestions, because

they were both enlightening and delighting.

Morning, hon.

Good morning.

Are we still arguing?

I don't know.

Are we?

It doesn't look like it.

I gave it a lot of thought, Cliff, and I think I know where we went wrong.

See, we were really angry with Theo, and then we got upset with each other and

tried to force each other to apologize.

Yeah, I know. We were silly.

Well, I have come up with a way to end this argument, and no one has to say I'm

sorry. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Good. We're going to write on these pads, we're going to

write down the things that the other did that made us upset.

And when we're finished, we'll exchange lists, take a look at them, and then

we'll promise never to do those things again.

Okay. You go ahead, write first.

Let's go together.

Together? All right. Here we are.

I'm finished.

Uh -huh. You're still writing.

That's because I'm not finished yet.

I thought you were finished.

I know, but I just thought of some other things.

You're writing out of spite.

No, I'm not, dear. Yes, you are. Give me this, Pat. Let me see this.

I didn't like it when Claire did.

And then she said, Cliff, what is this? You haven't completed a sentence.

Well, you fill in the blanks. You know what you did wrong.

You see number five here on my list? Pig -headed. That's you. Yeah, well, okay.

So I'll show you number nine on my list.

You know what number nine is?

Gives us dumb things to do. That's what number nine is.

Oh, Cliff.

The problem is that you don't like newness and innovation, and you can't

trying to be honest with you. And until you can, this argument is still on.

Good day.

Good day?

It's morning.

That's how much you know.

It's not good day, it's good morning. So, make that number ten.

Blood pressure's right on, and that's just fine.

Dr. Huxtable? Mm -hmm?

I hate to be critical, but I'm just not enjoying this visit very much. Oh,

really? No, I was hoping you'd be funnier.

Oh, uh -huh. I'm sorry.

You know, every time I come in here, you make me laugh.

It really takes my mind off things. But today, today you've been all business.

I've barely cracked a smile. I don't even think I should pay for this visit.

Hey, I know.

Can't you tell me the one about the stork with the bricked up chimney?

I love that voice you do for the stork.

Maybe next time.

What? Is there something wrong with me?

No, no, no. You're fine.

You're absolutely fine.

Then what is it? Is it a personal problem?

Do you have a fight with your wife?

That's it. I can tell.

My wife and I had an argument.

I knew it.

Well, it's all your fault.

It's my fault.

Because you're a man, and in my experience, it's always the man's fault.

You see, you guys have these hormones that make you do strange things.

Like buying sports cars when you're middle -aged, or belching at the table

saying, wasn't that a good one, honey?

To a woman, it may be belching, but to a man, it's a mating call.

Get out of here. See, I made you laugh.

Oh, that doesn't count. You tricked me. Yeah, well, you're still going to pay

this bill.

Mr.

Hanson, I agree. An out -of -court settlement would be best. Please have a

But, quite frankly, I find your client's offer unacceptable.

Well, we think $75 ,000 is more than fair.

Well, $75 ,000 will hardly compensate for the loss of income due to your

client's delay in shipping. I think we're being overly generous by offering

anything at all.

Mary, I'm in conference.

Oh, yes?

Yes, of course, I'll take the call. Please put it through.

Excuse me just one moment, please.

Hello, sweetness?

My secretary said that this is important.

Have you got a minute?

Yes.

that. Yes, I recall that.

Remember when we first danced to it?

Yes, I recall that also.

Listen, I don't like it when we argue.

I concur.

Can we make up?

Perhaps. I love you. I know.

Do you love me?

Yes.

Let me hear you say it.

I will have to defer on that request.

Why? I'm in a conference, doctor.

Say it in Spanish.

I like

it,

but I don't think you said I love you.

Correctamente, señor doctor.

Okay, but you don't have to say it, but I do want you to dance with me.

I don't think I should do that. Are you sitting at your desk?

Well, yes, yes, I am. And I'm sitting at my desk, see? So I want the two of us

to desk dance together.

I beg your pardon?

Come on, Claire, you know you can do that.

No.

Don't let me dance by myself.

All right.

Okay. I'm very sorry, but I really must be going now.

Okay. I'll see you at home?

Yes. Bye.

very much. It's been very lovely talking to you.

I really am sorry.

That was a call from my most important client.

Yes.

I always take calls from my wife, too.

Oh, hi.

Oh, boy.

Looks like you two aren't arguing anymore.

That's right, and now that we've finished, we can concentrate on your

punishment. Why don't you go up to your room, and we'll be up to see you

shortly. Okay.

Okay. But you will remember to give it to me this time, won't you? Oh, don't

worry.

We'll see you later.

What I feel is that he understands exactly what he's done wrong, and

it's all right to let him go to Lana's party Saturday.

Okay. All right.

We can ground him for a week after that.

You know, there's still something we have to say

to each other.

I know. Yes.

I'll go through. No, no, no.

On the count of three, we'll say it to each other together.

One. Two.

Three. I'm going to get some dinner.

Thank you.

The Cosby Show is taped for studio audience.