Original subtitles

Thank

you.

Thank you.

Going down to the novelty shop, pick up something for Rudy's haunted house

party. What are you getting?

Well, I don't know, but, I mean, you know, I am the master of fright.

Well, you just remember that they're children.

No, no, I'll take it easy on them.

Oh, Jeffrey Ingalls called. He's going to be over here in an hour. Oh, will you

tell him if he gets here and I'm not staying until I get back? Sure. He's

bringing Beth to help Rudy with the haunted house, and I think he'd like to

up that power drill that you borrowed.

Oh, man, I forgot I had that.

Oh, you had it for almost a month. I had it that long, huh?

Honey, don't you remember? You wanted to put a new shelf under the sink. Your

power drill was broken, so you borrowed Jeffrey's. And I might add that the

shelf still is unfinished.

Oh, but wait a minute. It's almost finished.

Look it. Check it out.

Halfway home.

I don't mean this to be a criticism, but we are halfway home on a lot of

projects in this house.

You have a habit of starting these things with enthusiasm, but you don't

them. The reason for that, dear, is every time I start a project, a pregnant

woman rings the phone with labor pains, and I have to leave and go to the

hospital. Now I don't get to finish the project.

So when are you going to finish them? When I retire.

Well, please retire this evening. Because you're going to need the rest of

life to finish all these projects.

If that makes you happy, I'll finish the shelves today.

Now that would make me very happy.

And, allow me to, I will also give you a dish towel rack.

The shelf.

Will do. All right, then. I shall go down and do the novelty shopping, and

I will also, madame, if you don't mind, pick up a new drill for myself.

Fine. And maybe a forklift truck.

When can I open my eyes?

Just a minute.

Yeah, just great. What's going on?

We're making a haunted house in the basement.

All our friends are coming over later to go through it. Vanessa, you gotta see

the coffin I made. It's unbelievable.

Theo, aren't you kind of old for this? I mean, it sounds pretty immature to me.

Well, you know, Vanessa, we're thinking of making you the mummy.

The mummy? Yeah.

If you get all wrapped up in bandages, you get to pop out the coffin and start

walking around like a zombie.

And if you want, you can even grab people.

The mummy?

What are you going to be?

A witch.

She has to be a witch. She's a woman.

What does that suggest to me?

A woman can only be witches and princesses. That's what my brother says.

I don't care what your brother says. I can be anything I want. I can be

Frankenstein.

Frankenstein was a man.

You can only be his wife.

And he was ugly.

Well, hello goblins and goblinettes.

Hey, Dad, check out this ghost.

See, I'm going to rig it so when you get to the bottom of the stairs, it flies

in your face.

This is going to be some haunted house.

I get to be the mummy. I get to grab people.

Wonderful. Well, I think that combined with the things that I just bought from

the novelty store and what you already have, we are going to have to open this

house up to the public and charge.

What'd you get?

Not very

big, Dad.

Well, you don't want it too big, because then the people will know that it's

fake.

Well,

what else did you get?

Okay.

Stand back now. You ready?

Let's say that you're walking down a dark street, right?

Let's see what else you got here, Dad.

Hey!

Oh, now this is great. A power drill. We could really scare kids with this one.

Oh, wait a minute.

That's not for you. The power drill is for me. This is mine, man. You people

sickos.

Dad, they use the power drill to cycle summer camp. I don't care where they use

it. You people need some help.

Come on, you guys. Let's get ready.

Be right with you.

How you doing, Ben?

How you doing, Jeff? Hey, neighbor. All right.

Oh, one skeleton reporting for duty.

Well, and a beautiful looking skeleton that it is. And what do you have in the

bowl? Something for the haunted house.

Say what it is, dear.

Brains. Want a touch?

Well, brains. My goodness. Now, did you buy these or was it a gift?

something for you, too.

Try this out for size. Now prepare yourself.

Very funny, Dr.

Exitable. Uh, Rudy and the others are down in the basement if you'd like to go

down there. Okay. Bye, Dad.

Okay. Have fun. Happy hunting.

I can't believe it, man. In my day.

One of these pulled out and dangled, and everybody in the house went out the

window. When I was a kid, I used to go to see these horror movies with Boris

Karloff. If they put up just one shadow and played some of that eerie violin

music, I'd be terrified. And let alone the bass music.

It gave me the

shivers.

You want to take me home, scare your wife?

That's great. That'll be great.

Oh, it's that time of year.

Say, if it's just one more thing I want to take before I go.

Your drill.

Yeah, because I'm finally going to put up that bird feeder in the backyard.

You're going to need a drill for that.

And I think I have it in my tool chest.

And I'm sorry to have kept it so long, sir.

Don't mention it, my dear fellow.

Oh, it's a great drill, isn't it? Yes, it is.

How'd you like that variable speed action?

Fantastic. And that non -slip handle?

Loved it.

Nice speed, huh? Yeah, it has three different grades.

Fabulous. Yep.

You have a secret drawer there?

No, no, no, no, it isn't. But I think wherever my last project was, that's

where, follow me.

See, I was working on some stuff in the kitchen, and I think it's under the sink

here. Oh, yeah.

Well, I bet it's just hiding because it knows I haven't worked for it.

See, this is my last project here. It's working on, how do you think of this?

These brackets, your drill.

Beautiful. Yeah, yeah. Would you like something to drink? No, that's okay. I'm

just going to take my drill, and then I'll get going.

Okay, fine.

Now, I know that it's here somewhere.

Because, you know, a drill just can't walk by itself.

Well, you know, this particular drill does do almost everything.

Just look in here.

Is that it?

Uh, no.

No, that's not it.

What's that over there?

Darkness.

Look, you don't need me breathing down your neck here.

I have to go to the hardware store anyway, so why don't I just come back

5 o 'clock?

Okay, and then I'll have it polished for you.

Fantastic. Yeah, good, good.

Okay, I'll let myself out. All right, see you later.

Oh, waggy, waggy.

Oh, shoot.

Hi. Hey.

What you looking for?

Uh, I'm looking for the drill.

This drill.

You can't find it?

I can find it. I just don't know where it is.

See, Cliff, that's what I was talking about earlier.

If you weren't doing so many things at once, you'd be focused and you'd know

where the drill is.

I know where it is. Where?

It's where I put it.

Where did you put it?

Where it is.

Okay, you guys, come on.

Now remember, we want this to sound like a haunted house, all right? Okay.

All right. The microphone is right here.

All

right,

you guys, that was pretty good. But this time, let's do it again.

and let's put our hearts in it, okay?

We got you, Daddy. Yes, yes, yes, you got me. You got me good. Now, I'm

for an old power drill.

Is it my daddy's drill?

Yes. Did you lose it? No, I didn't lose it. It was just misplaced.

Well, do you want us to help you look for it? Yes, it's about this size. It's

gray, and there's a box of drill bits.

Okay. Okay, thank you.

My daddy really likes that drill.

Yes, he has every right to.

in a special drawer. Mark, drill.

I think it's a very good idea.

I think it was my grandpa's. He gave it to my dad before he died.

I guess the drill drawer will be empty now.

Why don't you go over and check on your noodles?

Okay.

Hey, Dad, look at this.

I found my old baseball cleats. I was looking for these for a long time. Yes,

am so happy for you, but I'd like you to concentrate on the drill.

Okay, right. Thank you. Where'd you last use it?

I don't remember.

You don't remember when you used the big power drill?

Son, that's not the issue. The issue is to find the drill.

Okay. Thank you.

It's not by the noodles.

Yeah, okay.

Yes, ma 'am. If you don't find it, are you going to cry?

No.

No, no, no, I won't.

I bet my dad will.

You still haven't found it?

No. Are you going to keep looking?

I am looking.

I'm at that age where I'm just thinking about the places I've already looked

because I'm not going back there anymore.

Why not?

Because I would be embarrassed if I went back and saw it someplace I had already

looked.

Well, I've been everywhere you've been and I haven't found it either.

Well, you're at that age too. Come sit down.

It's five o 'clock, Cliff.

And that's Jeffrey.

Honey, why don't you just... Tell him what happened. So you made a mistake. So

what? Everybody makes mistakes.

He's going to understand because he's your friend. And he's a nice person.

And he likes you.

Now, why would a drill be in my makeup kit?

I don't know what you use to put that stuff on.

Okay. How was the hardware store?

It was great. I got some three -quarter -inch dowels, and I got some wood putty.

Now all I need is my drill, and I'm all set.

Uh, Jeffrey?

Yeah? I can't give you your drill.

Why not?

I lost it.

What do you mean?

I've looked all over this house three times. Uh, my wife looked, the children

looked, Beth looked, and we just, uh, just, it's gone.

Well, did you lend it to someone?

No, it's just gone.

It's gone?

And I'm sorry. I really am.

I just feel terrible about it. Well, I don't feel so good myself.

I think I'm going to sit down.

I mean, I'll get over it. It's not a big deal.

It's just a drill. It's a piece of metal with a motor in it.

It was my father's drill.

And so it has a lot of sentimental value to me.

I mean, every time I used that drill, it was as if I could smell my father's

pipe.

Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.

There you are.

There you are.

Is that my drill? No, of course not.

This is a new one. This is the one that I bought. This is my drill.

There you go.

See, I'm just trying to understand this.

How can you lose something like a drill? I mean, it's not like a button or a

peanut. This is a major electrical appliance.

I mean, I was just saying to Bridget, if there is one man on this earth

who I can trust with my drill, it's Cliff.

He delivered our children, and it wasn't cheap either.

You know, my father said to me,

If you lend something to someone, watch them while they're using it, and when

they're finished with it, take it back.

I wish I'd listened to him.

I don't know. What can I say? I'm never going to lend you anything again.

I understand.

Oh, and by the way, don't lose my daughter.

I want to thank you.

Yes? You said he'd understand.

That's right.

I said to the man, I don't have it. I lost it. We looked three times. The man

sat there and told me that I overcharged him for delivering his babies.

I bought a brand new drill, which is ten times better than his. That drill that

I offered him compared to his drill.

His drill is a woodpecker.

Well, Cliff, you can understand why he's so angry.

No, I don't. Yes, you can. All I'll say is Edward Bolton. No, it's not the same

thing. The only difference is you lost a drill, Eddie lost your portable

barbecue on a camping trip.

And that barbecue was very, very special.

Got that right. Things were so old, you had to line it with aluminum foil to

keep the coals from falling out.

Then when we brought you a new barbecue, complete with rotisserie, you opened

the front door and threw the thing out. That was the saddest display I've ever

seen.

It would have gone farther if I hadn't hit my own car with it.

But you know, you're not perfect.

I beg your pardon? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you to look at my

wife and ask her about Judith Harwood.

Why?

My wife and Judith Harwood were just like this.

Oh, they're on the phone. And dear, and child, and don't you know, and yes, and

I'll be there. That's how tight these two were.

Well, Dane. And Judith one day got the flu. My wife rushed downstairs and

a meal for her and put the food into these plastic containers, which must

every bit of about $4 .13.

And for the next month, harassed

Judith until Judith had to go see a psychiatrist.

over new plastic containers worth about $37.

My wife took the containers, put them in the driveway, backed the car up, rolled

over, went forward, rolled over and forward, and then put them in a box and

wrapped them and sent them back to Judith Harwood. Ladies and gentlemen, I

you, is this woman...

guilty but there is no reason for your friendship with jeffrey to end over a

thing like this you know what you should do you should wait until christmas and

buy him a new drill and make it a gift christmas christmas christmas that's it

that's it now what is wrong with you

I remembered I was hiding this from the children so they wouldn't fool around

with it. So I put it in this box. Knowing how they hate to put up the

lights, I wrote Christmas lights on it. It was about to repel.

So now I've got it. Ta -da. I'm so smart, I'm smarter than me.

Yes, you are. And I'm happy for you. Thank you. But there's a lesson to be

learned in all of this. Oh, Lord, what is the lesson to be learned?

from other people, you are really hiding it from yourself because at your age,

your memory can't take it.

Come in.

Pedro.

Oh, you've come for the haunted house.

Yes.

Have a good time, Peter.

Uncle Peter.

What? Claire.

Yes? There's a man on this block who's been suffering a long time because of a

loss. I am going to relieve that suffering right now.

a little time to just think about where it was, that's all.

You know, I owe you an apology for the way I talked to you back there.

Yeah, you were a little rough on me. Well, I could just be a maniac

See? Now I've got something for you.

Oh, really?

You're giving me an umbrella?

I'm returning it! Now, you know, when I came home and told Bridget this story,

she said, well, I hope you didn't explode too big, because that... clipped

umbrella sitting over there and you borrowed it over a year ago.

Well, I guess we're at that age.

I know.

It's a wonder we don't forget our own names.

Yeah, well, that's no problem because our wives keep calling us that, you

Well, I'll see you later, Barry.

Okay, Fred.

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.