Original subtitles

Oye, por ahí viene Bill Coffey. Oyele.

Hi, Rudy.

Hi, Mommy.

I didn't do it.

Are you telling me the truth?

No. Rudy, why did you do this?

I wanted to see if Daddy could look like a woman.

Well, um, he doesn't look too bad.

Cliff.

How you doing?

I'm fine.

What are you laughing at?

Cliff, you are so beautiful.

And you're beautiful, too.

No, Cliff.

If you are really beautiful, go to the mirror and look.

Why? Just go look.

I know what I look like. I know, but I want you to see the new and improved

I have to thank for this.

Me? Are you mad?

No, I just want to know why you chose my face to express yourself.

I'm sorry.

Where did you get this makeup, Rudy?

It's Vanessa's.

This is Vanessa's makeup?

Yes, I got it out of her school bag.

Really? I think I have to have a little talk with Vanessa.

Well, I'll join you. No, Cliff, I don't think this is the right time for Vanessa

to see the new and...

I found this in your book bag.

She did?

Mm -hmm.

Well, Mom, you have to talk to her. She always goes to my things. It's an

invasion of privacy.

You know what's in here?

Well? Vanessa?

Makeup. Now, the rule in this house has always been no makeup until you're 15.

15?

Vanessa, you knew that.

But you never said it to me.

Okay, I'm saying it to you now. At your age, you don't need makeup. You just

want to put it on so you're going to look older. Now, why are you trying to

up so fast?

Mom, I'm not.

I'm 13 years old. I'm practically a woman.

You are not a woman. You are a child.

I'm a young woman.

You are an old child.

Aren't I at least a beginning woman?

Okay, Vanessa, okay. You are a beginning woman.

You'll get all the practice you need at 15.

That was the rule for Sandra. That was the rule for Denise.

And that is the rule for you.

But, Mom, when Denise and Sandra were 13, things were different. The earthy

was in. Floppy clothes, no makeup.

But now everybody wears makeup.

I don't care.

Mother, all my friends are wearing makeup.

Vanessa?

Rebecca's mother lets her wear makeup. I am not Rebecca's mother.

If you want to live with her rules, fine. Go live in her house. Young lady,

not... I want to see you in makeup. Is that clear?

Yes, ma 'am. Good.

Life is so hard.

I know.

And you're just a beginning woman.

Ah, smells good.

Thank you.

Vegetable stock.

I'm going to poach the fish in it.

You need something with a little zest in there.

No, Cliff. You need Cliff's down home good enough to eat by itself but taste

even better with the lemon fish sauce.

Cliff, you're not going to put anything weird in this, are you?

No, just some lemon and sawdust.

Cliff. No, no, I'm just kidding. So, what happened with you and Miss Vanessa?

have to admit, At 13, I was just like that. Really? Yes, I almost drove my

mother crazy. I wanted to wear makeup. I don't know why it's always like that.

We always want to be older than we are. When we're 13, we want to be 16.

When we're 16, we want to be 18. And when we're 18, we can't wait until we're

21. Never had that problem.

All I wanted to do was just enjoy the age I was.

You never wanted to be older.

New and...

Then why is it that when you were 16 years old, you showed up at my doorstep

dressed in one of your father's suits with a hat pulled down over one eye and

sad little mustache penciled in?

It had nothing to do with looking old. I wanted to look like Duke Ellington.

You were cute.

Really? Oh, yeah.

You know, I still have that hat upstairs in the room.

You should wear it later.

I think I can find the suit, too.

You won't need the suit.

I said later.

Daddy, can I have a lemon?

Why? I want to eat it.

Really? This is a lemon.

I know that. Honey, aren't you thinking about oranges?

No, I'm thinking of lemon.

Okay.

Rudy, go upstairs and wash up for dinner.

That's your child. I know.

Hey. Hey. Have you seen the fire extinguishers?

What? Why, son? Is there a fire?

No, I didn't mean to find the extinguishers. Why?

See, in our health class, we're studying fire prevention.

Yeah. I have to draw a plan of the house. I have to show where we keep the

extinguishers and the smoke alarms.

That's a good assignment.

I found all the smoke alarms, but I can't find any fire extinguishers.

Well, they're in the house. I know. I bought them.

Do you know where they are?

Well, I get, um... There's one in each car, and then, uh... See, Dad?

In a fire, you will not have time to stop and think. You should know exactly

where the fire extinguishers are at all times.

Yeah, well, I mean, I know where they are because, see, I move them around so

that the fire doesn't know where they are.

Dad, this is serious.

As an authority figure of this house, you should make every effort to

fire safety.

No, Theo is really right. We should know more about this.

Well, I know fire safety.

Dad, that's what a lot of people think.

Let me ask you this.

True or false? If a grease fire breaks out, you should throw water on it

immediately.

True. Wrong, Dad.

Wrong. Water will spread a grease fire. I knew that.

You're supposed to use baking soda.

That's good, Mom.

Or you can use a chemical -based fire extinguisher.

Okay, ask me another question. Okay. On electrical fires, you should always use

a fire extinguisher. There you go. Always use a fire extinguisher.

Wrong, Dad.

Wrong what?

Dad, it says here that some fire extinguishers are water -based.

I knew that, too.

Well, you can know everything after the answer's been given.

Give me this.

I'll ask you a question, okay?

Okay. What are the three most important things you should

do to maintain your smoke alarm?

One, you should test it. Okay. Two, you should charge the batteries at least

every year.

And three, you should vacuum the smoke alarm every three months to make sure

it's free from dust particles.

Wrong! No, Dad.

Wrong! Wrong! What's wrong?

It sounded right to me.

Oh, sure. It sounded right to you.

It sounded right to you.

No, Mom, I think it would be a good idea if this family had a fire drill. I

agree. Yeah, well, as long as you have it after dinner.

Well, Dad, it has to be a surprise.

You know, son, there's an old Roman saying.

By age, not by knowledge, do you acquire wisdom.

Cliff? Yes, dear?

Wrong.

Wrong again? Wrong again. The saying is, not by age, but by knowledge, is

wisdom acquired.

Thanks, Ma.

Why do you always pick on me?

I'm sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. I'm going to move someplace where people won't make fun of

You better go alone.

What about eyeshadow?

Nope. How about blush?

Uh -uh.

Not even blush.

She said I can't wear any makeup at all.

This must be the worst day of your life.

Well, Rebecca, this isn't the end.

It's a new beginning.

For what?

My earthy look.

Vanessa, you can't walk around like that.

Like what?

Because you're face naked.

We did it last year. We were only 12.

We didn't have our look together yet.

Look, Rebecca, my mom was serious. She said she doesn't want to see me in

makeup. She said she doesn't want to see you. And she won't see you. You're

here. That is not what she meant.

That's what she said.

So, technically, you're doing what she said.

I don't think so, Rebecca.

Look at this ravishing raspberry.

I don't know, Rebecca.

It's made by an Italian princess who has a famous dermatology firm in New

Jersey. Really? Uh -huh. This has dehydrated raspberries and real Italian

And since it is made with raspberries, I mean, it doesn't really count as

makeup, right?

Right.

Okay, I'll try a little. You'll feel much better.

I just saw Chris Fennell in the hall. He has his sleeves rolled up today.

Vanessa,

that color's hot on you.

Thanks. I have some blue eyeshadow that would look great with that.

Okay, let me see. You know, with the little makeup, we almost look 15.

16. 16 and a half.

Here you go, Dad.

No,

sir. This will not do it. What do you mean?

There it is. Look at it. Look at what?

Dust. Three little specks. Hey, I'm a surgeon. If I leave three little specks

the patient, you and I will be living someplace where there's no rent.

Okay, Dad, I'll do it over again. All right. I want you to clean it up and do

good job and be thorough this time. I'll be upstairs. You bring it up to her and

make sure you're thorough.

Okay. Dad? Yes, sir? Are you being like this because I gave you a hard time

about fire safety?

That's right.

Hey, Steve, what you doing?

I am cleaning the smoke alarm.

How come?

Well, it's because... What's wrong?

Your face.

What about my face?

Well, you got some junk around your eye.

I do?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Vanessa.

Are you wearing makeup?

I thought I got it all off.

Now, Vanessa, you know you are not supposed to wear makeup.

Gotta get some cream. Mom's gonna kill me.

You can't. Mom's up there.

You can wash it off in the sink.

I can't. It's...

Well, I could vacuum it off.

Theo, please, you've got to help me. Go upstairs to the bathroom and get some

cold cream. Five dollars.

Theo, this is no time to play around.

Okay, I'll do it for you then.

Vanessa?

Vanessa, come here.

Hi, Mom.

Vanessa, you know I don't like you wearing sunglasses in the house.

Okay. Vanessa?

Vanessa, come down here, please.

Look at me.

You see, when a person takes off her sunglasses, it's amazing what you can

around her eyes.

Mom, could I just say one thing?

Mm -hmm.

I didn't plan to put the makeup on when I went to school.

I mean, I was just talking to Rebecca, and all of a sudden I had this stuff on

my face.

It was like temporary insanity.

But if you look at my record in this house, you'll see I've never done

like this before, and I promise I'll never do anything like this again.

Are you finished?

Well, Mom, you think of all the things I could have been doing. This is really

nothing at all. We can just forget it.

Mom, the makeup was... Vanessa, if you keep going, I think you should know that

every single word you say from now on is only going to make me angrier. You get

your little self up those stairs, and don't come down here until I call you.

Yes, Mom.

One hundred.

Ninety -nine.

Ninety -eight.

Ninety -seven.

Oh, you're counting.

Ninety -six. Yes, I am.

Who? Who did?

Vanessa.

Ninety -three. What?

After all I went through with her yesterday, she had the nerve to show up

this house today with makeup on.

No, she didn't. Yes, she did. Ninety -two. Made me so angry, I sent her

upstairs. I told her not to show her face until I called her name.

Good idea.

I have good news for you. You only have one more to go with Rudy.

If I think when Rudy gets to be 13, we should run away from home.

Because I won't be too old to live through this.

No, I think we ought to bring Rudy down here right now, put some makeup on her

and start yelling at her.

Come in.

What happened?

Nothing. Nothing? She let you off?

No, she told me to come up here and wait until she calls me.

Whoa.

What? Well, that means she's so mad she needs time to cool off.

It does?

Yep. She only did it with me once.

It was the time I put a watch in the dishwasher because I wanted to see if it

was going to be waterproof like the commercial.

When did you do that?

When I was 13.

Well, I don't think what I did is as bad as all that.

I don't know, Vanessa.

She did tell you not to wear makeup, and you did.

She never told me I couldn't put a watch in the dishwasher.

What's going on?

Nothing, Rudy. I think you should leave, okay?

Why? Mom called Vanessa with makeup, and she's on her way up here.

You're not supposed to wear makeup.

Rudy, get out, okay?

Rudy, I think you better go.

Fire drill.

Fire drill. That's a great idea.

Let's have it now.

Vanessa, a fire drill would only postpone your day with doom.

Hi.

Hi.

Vanessa, we'd like to speak with you.

Good luck.

Rudy, please leave.

Oh, Mom, you always say that.

We always mean it.

Can I just say one thing?

One short thing.

I did it.

I'm sorry.

And I should be punished.

We know it. We accept.

And you will be.

But I just have to say this. It wasn't my fault.

It wasn't your fault?

No. I went to school saying, I'm not going to wear makeup. And then Rebecca

comes in and tells me how much I need it.

And you believed her?

Well, no.

But when Michelle came in and told me the same thing...

You forced me to wear it. Are you telling me that you were in the bathroom

these two girls came in with some mascara and some brushes and threw you

the floor and put makeup all over your face and said, we don't care what your

mother said, you're going to wear this makeup.

No. Well, Vanessa, we didn't come up here to talk about makeup.

You didn't? No, we came up here to talk about rules.

Your father and I make the rules for this house and we expect you to follow

them. We don't make these rules to spoil you. Fun, we make them because we think

they're good for you.

Now, whether you agree with them or not, a rule is a rule. You were told not to

do something, and you did it anyway.

I don't ever want to see that happen again.

It won't, Mom.

Quip, do you have anything to add?

Yeah. See, I think... I'm sorry, Mom.

Sorry.

I know.

See? And I love you.

But you're grounded for a year.

A year?

I'll settle for a week.

And that's all I have to say.

Well, I just said goodnight to Vanessa. How is she?

Pitiful.

First of all, I don't know who made up grounding, but I'm sure they didn't have

any children at all.

I think that the next time you and I ground a child, we do it at somebody

house and leave the child there.

If we survive other groundings, we'll survive this one.

I hope so.

He's in the bathroom.

Dad, come on. Beep, beep, beep. Come on. Let's go. Fire drill.

Dad, come on. Let's go. Beep, beep, beep.

What?

Come on. Fire drill.

So what?

Dad, you have to leave the house.

I'm busy.

Dad, come on. I'm timing this.

Is the house open?

as soon as you can. Go ahead. I do not care.

Hey, what are you guys doing? If there was a fire, you would not be inside the

house. It's cold outside. Just stand on the stoop. Sure, but come on, let's go.

Where's Daddy?

We can't wait for him. Come on.

Fifty -four seconds. Not bad for the first run.

I'm cold.

Okay, Theo, open the door. Okay, we've been here long enough. The fire drill is

now over. Thank you.

He'll use your key.

My key?

Yes, you did bring your key.

Well, no.

You mean you brought us out here in the cold and you don't have a key?

Quit complaining.

I just saved your life. All right, all right, all right. Let's not fight about

this. Just ring the doorbell, child, for your father to come down here and open

up this door.

Vanessa, run around and check the back door. Theo, check the basement windows.

And you and I will check the windows here on this floor.

Okay.

I'll make the fire drill complete.

The Cosby Show is taped before a studio audience.

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