Original subtitles

I'm Rudy.

Tonight's show's starring Mr. Danny Kaye. It's for all us kids, but you

-ups should watch, too.

I don't believe it.

Cliff? Cliff.

What's happening?

Read this.

Read this article.

Right. Read this.

What do you want me to read for? You have to read this.

Is it about me?

Please, just read it.

Water meters to be installed in city dwellings.

Read on.

In an attempt to conserve the city's water resources, the mayor has proposed

installation of...

meters to monitor water usage.

We don't need a meter to conserve water. We teach our children to conserve

water. That's right.

Don't we tell them not to leave the water running while they brush their

Don't we tell them that? Don't we tell them not to take showers that take an

hour? There you go. Well, you know what the problem is.

Our children don't listen to us.

The problem is that the city is letting these developers put up these high

-rises all over the place, like the one that's going up on the corner.

Do you know that that high -rise will bring a thousand more people into this

neighborhood, and they're going to be using our water?

Water.

The water meters will cost $350

apiece, and you know who's going to pay for that. Us.

That's terrible.

here for water meters, we're going to write the city a letter.

Hmm?

We're writing the city a letter. We are? Yes. Go ahead.

Okay.

What am I supposed to say?

What?

What is it, dear? What am I supposed to say in this letter? To who?

To the city.

At this hour?

About the water meters.

The city's closed.

Oh, look at this.

Did you read this? What?

It says, man dies because wife will not let him sleep.

You ready?

Denise. What?

Want to see a magic trick? You're going to do a magic trick?

Yeah, it's a good one. Okay, let's see it.

That one.

Wait a second.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Noun gas.

That one.

Nope.

So it's in that one, right?

Right. Let's see it.

Who? The city. They just issued a permit which will allow that high -rise in the

corner to add ten more floors.

Good. Good?

Theo, I don't think you understand what this means. Not only is the city making

us put in a water meter, there will be fewer parking spaces, the schools will

more crowded, and they will be using even more of our water.

That's terrible.

Well, your son thinks it's good.

Dad, mom's not seen the other side of it. It's a beautiful building.

It's providing jobs for a lot of people, and it will increase the value of real

estate in this area.

Well, Theo, I am impressed.

You have thought about this, haven't you?

He has ever since the day Cockroach told him 55 stewardesses moved into the

building here.

Hey. Hey.

Denise, they're adding ten floors to the high -rise. What high -rise? The one on

the corner.

Building a high -rise on the corner?

You know, this is the sorriest bunch of children I have ever seen.

Huxtable residence.

Yes, hello, Mr. Chiara.

Uh, just a minute. Is Peter here?

Oh, yeah, he just came in a while ago.

Yes, yes, he's here.

He did what?

Okay, we'll hold him here for you.

All right, good enough.

Peter has an appointment with Dr.

Burns, and he's scared.

Dr. Burns is a great dinner. Of course, you know that and I know that, but Peter

doesn't know it.

Yes, but Peter does have a reputation for fleeing from high -pressure

situations.

I hold in my hand a rubber ball.

Watch this ball closely.

Guess which hand has the ball.

is to see you and i am so tired i now have to sit down on this bed

up here by the pillow so i'm just going as a matter of fact

i changed my mind i think i'll sit down here at the end of the bed as a matter

of fact i think i'll sit on the middle of the bed and just

That's no problem going to the dentist.

Why don't you want to go?

Okay. But I tell you, Dr.

Burns is great.

Isn't he? Dr.

Burns is nice, Pierre.

Yeah.

Sometimes when I come from Dr. Burns, I can talk funny.

Because sometimes my lip is a little tingly, you know?

And people say, how are you doing? And I say, are you Katie?

And sometimes when my wife is talking to me, she says, well, how are you

feeling? I said, are you, Katie?

And she said, does this hurt?

And I say, oh, no.

It didn't hurt me at all. He said, are you, Katie?

And he fixed the thing.

Dr. Burns.

Now, Peter, I would never go to anybody but Dr.

Burns. I'm telling you, Peter, you've got nothing to worry about. He's a great

dentist. Right, Rudy?

Right. Peter, I've been going to him since I was your age.

Mr. Chiara, how are you, sir?

Hi.

We got him for you.

Bye, Peter. Good luck at the dentist.

Come on, Pete. Everything will be all right, kid.

It's going to be all right. Bye -bye.

All right.

Does it feel better if I come along? Can I, Daddy?

Well, it's up to Mr. Chiara.

Okay. All right, Pete. You got a buddy to go with you now.

Here we go. We're brave together, having a lot of fun. Look out, Dr. Burns.

Take her to the eye doctor while you're there.

Isn't this nice?

I'll go tell them we're here.

Hello?

Who said hello?

Me! Oh, hello.

I know you.

You're Rudy Huxtable.

Right. How are you? Fine. That's nice. Do you have an appointment?

No, I'm here with my friend Peter.

Oh, I see. Which one is Peter? The little one or the big one?

The little one.

The little one. You know something?

He looks scared.

He always looks like that. He does?

I'll be out in one second.

Like him. He's been a dentist for a long time.

Well, here we are. That wasn't so bad, was it, James?

Yes.

I have other patients here, for heaven's sake.

Now you can pick out a toy, okay?

No, not all of them.

If you come in for a whole set of teeth, you can have them all. Now you only

have one.

Hey, that's a nice one.

Thank you, Dr. Burns. You're very welcome.

I'll take him home and wash his mouth out with soap.

It's been a long day, so I think I'll get ready to go. You can't go!

Why not?

You're the dentist!

Oh, for heaven's sake, you're right. I am the dentist.

Well, I'd better behave like one, huh?

So, um, you are Peter, yes?

And you're his father?

I can see why you are related.

Peter, if you have any problem with your teeth, you come and see me, yes? And I

will fix it. He does.

He does what?

Have a problem with his teeth.

Who? Peter.

Is that true, Peter?

He was up all night with you. I didn't ask you. I'm talking to the boy.

Would you like to come inside with me?

I'll go with you.

Is that all right with you?

What about you? Is that all right with you?

We have a bunch of nodders. Don't go away. We'll be out in two, three days.

Come with me.

Here we go. We come inside, and Peter, just hop into the chair, and I will be

with you in a minute.

Hop, hop, hop into the chair.

Peter, hop, jump, climb into the chair.

What do you think he's going to do? What do you think we should do?

We could push him. No, no, no. I have an idea. Why don't we take him on a tour,

come here, meet me, and then we start with the left foot.

Here we go to the office, and the first thing we show you here is my diploma.

This is my diploma when I graduated from dental school in 1776.

Which ones? The ones on the shelf?

Yeah, these go on the shelf sometime, too.

Here we are. Sit down. Share that place.

And we have the teeth.

Aren't these nice?

All right.

Tell the story.

Oh, all right. Now, a long time ago, these teeth walked into my office.

They didn't have an appointment. They didn't have anything.

And I said, do I know you?

And they said, no.

but you've taken out some of our friends.

And I said, what would you like?

And they said, we would like to come to work for you. And I said, do you know

how to type? And they said, no.

I said, well, how will you work for me? And they said, well, we will sit on the

shelf. so that people can see what good, healthy, strong teeth are supposed to

look like.

You see?

Now, that was a long time ago, 20, almost four years ago.

And they've never missed a day's work, which is more than I can say for my

receptionist.

All right, I will put these back, and we will go on from here. Now, I have one

more thing to show you, Peter.

Because we have here an experimental tooth shuttle.

You know what is a space shuttle?

This is a tooth shuttle.

And we have an instrument which makes it go up.

And we have another instrument which makes it go down. But we need an

Astronaut.

to the north.

Five, four, three, two. They're waiting for you on the moon, Peter.

Three, two, one.

Oh!

Oh, boy!

Oh, that's marvelous.

Now, Peter, if you will open your mouth, I will see what's going on.

Just a little bit wider. It's not hard like this.

You know, you want to hear a song?

Old MacDonald had a farm. E -I -E -I -O.

See? It's easy. You all want to sing with me? Come.

to open his mouth.

And I think if you sit in the chair and you show him that you're brave enough to

open your mouth, maybe he will open his.

Understand? Yes.

But you're not going to do it.

No.

You mean I'm in this alone?

Yes.

And my lip.

eat with us. And his mouth is still a little sensitive.

Well, I think I'll make myself a steak.

Oh, come on, Fred.

He's gonna feel badly if you're eating steak and he's eating scrambled eggs.

I'll cover the steak up with the eggs, okay?

Dad, this woman at the door, she says she has to see you. About what?

I don't know, but she's pregnant and she's gonna deliver any minute.

Looking for someone?

There's no woman in here.

And you're not pregnant.

Not now, no.

Hello, Dr. Brown. Well, hello, Claire. How are you? I'm fine. I'm glad to see

you. Now, Rudy left this in my office, and I thought I would drop it by on the

way home. I heard you had a tough patient today.

Yes, but I've had tougher.

Which reminds me it's been a long time since I've seen you in my

office.

I was just in to see you. No, no, no, no.

My records show that it's been eight months.

You have me confused with my son.

No, no. Your son was in last week.

So how about Monday you come to see me? No, no.

Monday's no good for me.

Tuesday? Tuesday's tighter than Monday.

How loose is Wednesday?

I don't think so.

Wednesday's no good.

Would you consider Fiesel Day?

No, Fiesel Day, we take the children out to see the Fiesels.

Yeah. But you have Thursday afternoon off. There you are.

Thursday you have off. I will see you 4 o 'clock, Thursday afternoon.

Yes? To the door.

All right.

Thursday afternoon, I will see you at 4 o 'clock. Oh, doctor?

Yes?

What? Will you show me the teeth?

Will you put me on the tooth shuttle?

Well, you're getting a little big for that, but, uh, yes.

Oh, by the way, Cliff.

Yes, sir.

When you're finished.

Yeah.

Just one toy?

But I let you kiss my wife.

Two toys?

Cliff? Cliff?

Huh? Have you seen the paper?

Paper? Yes, today's newspaper.

Today's paper?

Uh, no.

No, I haven't seen it yet.

Cliff, I saw you with that paper at dinner.

What dinner?

Tonight.

You're hiding it from me.

Why would I want to do that?

Because you don't need to read in bed.

Oh, stop it. You stop it. I will find the paper. Yeah, go ahead. Look. Ha, ha,

ha, ha.

Ha, ha. Not there.

Now stop it.

I don't know where the paper is. The paper is gone. Wait.

It's under the pillows, isn't it? No.

Move your head.

Hiding the paper from your wife. That is so childish.

Dear, the reason why I do that is because you come over here, you get in

bed, and then you open it up and you read something. You get excited, you get

angry about it.

Now, you promised me you're not going to get angry about anything. I promise you

I'm not going to get angry about anything. Okay, just come over here. And

do, I'm going to keep my mouth shut.

Good, good.

All right.

That's wonderful.

Okay. Now, you just get in there. Good night.

Good night, dear.

Now, you're not going to get upset.

I'm not gonna get upset.

Okay. We'll see.

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.