Original subtitles

Come on, Rudy.

Okay.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. That's it.

Tangibility.

Tangibility. T -A -N -G -I -B -I -L -I -T -Y.

Tangibility. All right, did you know what it means?

I don't have to know what it means. I just have to spell it.

Vanessa, what does Q -N -G -H spell?

Nothing. Give me another word.

Vanessa, what does Z -R -B -T -T spell?

Nothing.

Hey, Dad, I'm trying very hard to study for the spelling test, and she keeps

asking dumb questions.

Well, I don't think anybody asks dumb questions. What's your problem?

What does Z -R -B -T -T spell?

Z -R -B -T -T.

Uh, Zerbert. Zerbert.

Oh, you know what I think a Zerbert is? I just remembered.

A Zerbert is this.

over my calendar at work today, and guess what I discovered?

What's that?

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day that you proposed to me. Oh.

Uh,

the what?

The anniversary of the day that you proposed to me. Well, I proposed to you

lot of times.

Yes, but I'm not counting the times before you were 15.

I'm counting the time you drove me to the lake and put the ring on my finger.

Yeah, that was special.

Special event.

Tomorrow night you and I are dining by candlelight at the Golden Dove.

My wife is taking me out to dinner? Yes.

To the Golden Dove? Yes.

Then I think that the two of us... ought to be dressed in the finest of the

finest, and that restaurant will never have seen two such beautiful creatures

their lives.

Don't worry.

Yes. I'll be gorgeous.

Oh.

And I will be gorgeous -er than you.

I am going to stop the people in their track.

Ha -ha!

And I will be looking so good.

that the man will put me at a table in the center of the restaurant by myself

and put the spotlight on me.

Ooh, yes.

But when the people look, they're going to say, who is that smooth, gorgeous

woman sitting next to that pitiful man in the spotlight?

Are you saying that you are going to look... smoother than me?

That's what I'm saying.

You lied through your face.

You wish.

How would you like to have a smooth contest?

You are challenging me to a smooth contest?

We get dressed, we come down, and we will be judged to see who is the

okay? By whom?

By our children. You're on.

One thing.

You can only wear...

You cannot go out shopping for something new. Except for

shoes. You think those shoes are going to win for you?

Cliff, in this bag are shoes that are so smooth they could walk down these

stairs and win the contest on their own.

Get up and turn on the television by yourself. Because I don't want to walk

the TV.

You would rather walk all the way up here.

I walked all the way up here because my remote is up here and a beautiful woman.

With her new shoes. Get out.

This is my bedroom, too, you know. I don't want you to see how smooth the

competition is because I want you to get your feelings hurt and give up.

You did?

Oh, my God.

Dear, I didn't touch it.

What did you hit?

I hit my... I hit that toe. That toe next to the little one. Okay, bring it

here. Okay?

Now, just once.

Come on now, put it down.

Okay, now.

Yeah, yeah, come on, come on, look.

See? It's not gonna hurt. See, look.

Just wiggle it.

Come on, wiggle it. I am wiggling it.

No, I mean move it.

Cliff, I'm moving it.

Well, don't get mad at me. I am not mad at you. I'm mad at me and that stupid

chest.

Everything is fine. Listen, it's really okay.

You sure? Yeah, I'm sure. I'm going to walk downstairs. I'm going to put some

ice in this thing and I'll be fine.

Dear, you're not all right.

To the emergency room. Oh, no, Cliff, this is not an emergency.

Okay, what?

You're going to the emergency room. Cliff, I don't want to go to the

room. Suppose they tell me it's broken.

If nobody ever tells you it's broken, and it is broken, how will you know it's

broken?

Much easier if you had the cane, dear.

I don't need the cane, thank you. Okay.

I'll help you with your coat off. That's quite all right. I can get my coat off

by myself.

I see.

Okay.

Where are we going now, dear? To the couch. Okay.

Is it broken?

Yep.

It's broken.

Nappo.

Dear, you should keep that thing elevated. They told you that. Get a

your mother's foot. That's quite all right, Theo. I can get my pillow for

myself. Thank you.

Listen.

You want to see pictures of your mother's foot? You have to do that now.

Well, sure.

It's educational.

Come here.

Now, this here,

is what your mother's foot looks like with the skin off.

Look, look at this right here. See that? Oh, wait a minute. Uh -huh. That looks

like a hair. That's right.

This is called a hairline fracture of the proximal phalanx of

the fourth toe.

Understand that?

Put someplace else and leave me alone.

Okay. You want to take her to school, show her to your friends?

Cliff.

Mom, don't worry.

We'll all pitch in and help out. Thank you, but I don't need your help. I'm

fine.

That's really dumb.

Dear, dear, where are you going?

I'm going upstairs. I'm going to say goodnight to the kids and then I'm going

look over a brief for tomorrow.

No, you're not going to work.

Cliff, I don't want to hear another word about this. I am going to work

tomorrow. I'm going to dinner tomorrow night, and I'm going to win the smooth

contest. Well, listen, at least take the cane.

Thank you very much.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Now, the only thing is you got it in the wrong hand.

This is the foot with the toe that is broken. Why would I put the cane in this

hand? Because you don't walk like that. See, when people walk, they go this

foot, this hand, this foot, this hand. This is the way you walk. See? Now, if

you keep it in this hand here, if you do like this, then you're going to be

walking like this, look like the movie The Walk of the Drunken Mummy.

Put it in that hand there.

right now when you put that foot down then this comes down with it boom that's

your support boom all right there you go now you're cooking all right go ahead

i'm not gonna go ahead with that cane i'm gonna go upstairs by my

Mr. Barker. Hello.

Miss Kessler will be joining us shortly.

What happened to your foot?

Well, I broke my toe.

How did you do that? Oh, I banged it against a dumb chest.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Won't you sit down?

You're going to be going to trial next week. I thought we should review the

details of your case. You know I broke my toe last summer.

Tripped on a sprinkler head. Pain.

I was in agony.

I know what you mean.

You know what really made me mad? They told me it would take two weeks to heal.

It took nine weeks.

Really? What did they tell you?

Two weeks.

Mine still hurts.

You know, on rainy days, it throbs like somebody is hitting it with a hammer.

Mr. Barker, we should get started here.

Certainly. Now, on the 15th of October, I believe... Hello, Mr. Barkley. Hello,

Ms. Gessler. Claire. Hi, Carla.

What happened to your foot?

She broke her toe.

How'd that happen? Ran into a chest.

Claire, that's awful. It's not that bad, Carla, really. It's just a slight

fracture. They told her it would take two weeks to heal. I'd say nine.

My cousin broke her toe.

It took 18 weeks.

18? That's terrible.

She was in the grocery store with her husband. She stopped to look at the

vegetables. He rammed right into her with a shopping cart.

No. Yeah.

Dropped a 16 -ounce can of green beans on her.

She still hasn't gotten all the feeling back.

Yeah, mine still gets numb every once in a while. You broke your toe? Yeah, last

summer. Never did heal right. It's still crooked.

My cousin's isn't crooked, but it's turned up at the end like this.

Mr. Barker and I were beginning to review his case. Claire, is this toe

be a problem in court? No, I can get around.

I'd be happy to cover for you. No, I want Mrs. Huxtable in that courtroom.

Well, thank you for your confidence.

Hey, as far as I'm concerned, that toe is our ticket.

When the jury sees you out there hobbling around, forget about it.

yours.

I say play into it. Let them know how much it hurts.

Maybe we should wrap your foot, too.

Oh,

thank you very much. What happened to you? I broke my toe.

Don't tell me. You know somebody who broke their toe, too.

Yes, me. How long did it take you to heal?

One day.

your information, they fit just fine.

Put it on.

I'll put it on when I feel like it.

What do you want?

Well, I don't want you to have any pain.

So, knowing that you are not going to use the cane, I bought you these.

And they're ugly.

I'll have you know that all... of the fashionable women in Paris who have

toes wear these.

They are going to ruin the look of my entire outfit.

Well, do what you want to do. Doesn't make any difference to me. But these are

here if you ever need them, okay?

And it doesn't make any difference what your little feet look like. You're going

to lose the contest. Anyway, that's all right. You'll want to kiss me sometime

later.

Of course you can come in.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I heard about your broken toes, so I brought you this.

Oh, it's very lovely.

Yeah, I thought it might come in handy.

It's very thoughtful of you. Thank you. It belonged to my father. He got it when

he was working on the railroad.

One day at the train station at Schenectady, a Pullman car came unhooked

started rolling backwards.

And my father saw a small child walking on the track. He ran over and snatched

him away in the nick of time.

But when he did it, he twisted his knee.

The child's parents were so grateful they gave my father this cane.

It's from Kenya.

Hand -carved.

He must have been very proud of that.

Oh, yes, he loved to walk around with this cane because people would ask him

about his injury.

Dad said he didn't like all the attention, but he did.

Not like some other people. They're just the opposite.

Now, they want to pretend nothing happened. They want to keep doing what

always do.

Now, you know, what I'm trying to say is sometimes you need some help.

You need to lean on someone or something.

You know, support can be a beautiful thing.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

It's very nice.

I'd be very proud to use your father's cane.

Look at that.

Doesn't make me feel better.

You got her to use the cane?

Sure did.

Oh, no, you didn't. I've been trying to get this woman to do this, Dad, for two

days, and you do it in two minutes? How'd you do it?

Charm, son.

How did you do it?

I told her it belonged to my father. I even put a child and a train in the

story.

Where'd you really get it from?

I got it from a little African store on Flatbush Avenue.

It was on sale.

I'll buy you a grapefruit juice.

The contestants are ready and the smooth contest shall begin.

Grandpa, you going to vote? No, no, no. I learned long ago to stay out of family

affairs.

Ladies and gentlemen, contestant number one, Dr.

Heathcliff Huxfield.

flourishing dad it was not a flourish it was a turn when you turn with your arms

up it's a flourish judges no points to the floor all right since we're talking

about points i want to bring up walking i want the judges to notice walking

viewing the next contestant ladies and gentlemen

contestant number two

Please line up for the judging.

Now, judges, your applause will determine the winner.

We have contestant number one.

And contestant number two. Yes,

yes, yes.

The winner. And still champion.

Mrs. Claire.

A lovely wrist corset.

Oh, yeah, yeah. For the winner, right?

If I had won, this is what you were going to put on me, right?

We're going to be late for dinner.

Well, the only reason why I'm going out with you is because you're paying for

your dinner.

You know what? I think it was the cane that did it. This thing is great.

You like this? Yeah. This belonged to your great -grandfather.

He once twisted his knee saving a child from an oncoming train, and the parents

were so grateful, they bought him this hand -carved cane.

That was made in Hong Kong.

Come on, dear, let's go to dinner.

Have a good time.

What a perfect evening.

Everything was perfect.

The music, the food, and the company.

Yes, indeed.

You know what I especially liked? What? I especially enjoyed the part...

Where they came to me with the check, put it in front of me,

and my wife said, I'm sorry, darling, but the check goes here.

Did you notice the way everybody was staring at us when we were dancing?

Oh, yes, because they had never seen people sit at a table and dance before.

as table dancers. That is correct.

And the people didn't even know that we were the greatest. And even some of them

tried to table dance.

And now that that is over, I think, dear, it's

time to talk about the matter of my apology.

Why are you apologizing to me?

No. You have to apologize to me.

For what?

Because you are paying.

When? Every minute of the last two days. You wouldn't use your cane. You hopped

up the steps and you stuck your tongue out on me. I told you not to go to work.

You yelled at me. You owe me an apology.

Oh, crap.

Do. Got the most beautiful little turtle brown eyes.

You owe me an apology.

And those flecks of gray in your hair make you look so distinguished and

handsome. You owe me an apology.

I love your ears, especially this one over here.

You owe me an apology.

Every time I see that little spot right there, I just want to nibble on it just

like that.

Do you remember the dip?

Mm -hmm.

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