Original subtitles

Is there any particular reason that you chose this place? They have great food.

Well, that's good, because there are some men here who look very hungry.

Have you been getting the eye?

Hmm? Hmm.

This guy over here at the bar?

He's got a friend.

You mean there are two of them there now?

Claire, you know, this never happens to me when I'm alone. It must... to be my

big sister.

I think you're right.

Now tell me, what's up? I've got great news. Yes?

Garvin and I decided to get married.

What? I don't know.

Have you set a date? No, all we know is soon.

Ladies, the gentleman at the bar would like to know if they can buy you a

Tell the gentleman at the bar thank you, but we really can't accept.

Good move, Claire. We really should wait for a better offer.

Would you stop this silliness?

Now, what made you two decide? Well, we've talked about it for a long time.

last night, Garvin insisted we go to this Chinese restaurant.

The whole time, he sat there with this big grin on his face.

Then after dinner, the waiter came over with just one fortune cookie.

Garvin said, open it. And? And the fortune said, the way to true happiness

marry Garvin.

Look how romantic Garvin is.

Hi. Hi.

Since you weren't interested in the drink, how about lunch?

I'm sorry, but we don't eat or drink with gentlemen we don't know.

Well, I'm Thad, and this is Greg.

And if you give us your names, then we'll all know each other.

Hey, names aren't important anyway.

Yeah.

Let me guess. You two are models, right?

Right. See, when I first looked at you from over there, I knew you were

And that's what you do. You go around buying drinks for special women. Yes.

But there aren't that many special women out there.

Well, thank you.

You know what? What's that, darling? My husband thinks I'm special, too, and so

do my five children.

Hi.

That's all I have to hear.

Well, if the two of you want to sit down and talk to a couple of women that you

have absolutely no chance with, you're welcome to stay.

Have a nice lunch.

Thank you.

Now, about this ring. Yeah.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, son.

You get the record you wanted?

Sure did.

And I was lucky, too. This was the last one in the store. How much did it cost?

Uh, $7 .88.

And how much money did I give you?

Ten dollars.

So? So?

No!

Where's my change?

Change? Change!

Well, I didn't know you wanted it back.

Well, since when have you known for me to give somebody a $3 bonus for

$7?

Here you go, Dad.

The way you people treat your father, man.

Why are you setting the chessboard up? For Grandpa Al.

Well, in that case, shouldn't you be putting it away?

You're funny.

This time, I'm going to beat Grandpa Al. You know, I got him all figured out.

See, he does things to break my concentration.

He comes over here, he sits down, and the first thing that happens is he opens

up and he says...

You understand?

Now, the next thing he does is every time I get ready to move a piece, he

I'm not paying attention to that.

And then he tears around.

And when I get a good move, let's say if I put this piece here and it's getting

ready to take this piece and it's a good move, he'll say, I'd like to have a

little something to drink if you don't mind.

He's not breaking my concentration anymore. All I'm going to say to this

hello and checkmate.

Come here a second. You got a little spot on, uh...

What's

that? What's that? That's not yours, Dad. That's Mom's change.

And you're gonna give it to her, right? Only if she asks for it. My son...

You should definitely wear one of these old -fashioned wedding dresses. I don't

know, Vanessa. I was thinking of something more like this.

Well, that's nice, too. But when I get married, it's going to be old -fashioned

all the way. I'm going to wear lace from head to toe with a train 20 feet long,

carried by 12 bridesmaids in lavender chiffon.

And then, when the organ starts to play Here Comes the Bride, there's going to

be a huge choir from the balcony singing the lyrics. And I'll have the whole

thing on videotape.

Have you mentioned this to your father?

Not yet.

Would you let me know when you do? Because I'd like to videotape that.

I'm not having a traditional wedding. Why not?

Because they're so primitive.

Explain that.

Okay, at a traditional wedding, they give the bride away, the bride takes the

groom's name, and then the bride's parents pay for the whole thing.

Denise, you are not going to elope. No, I'm going to have a wedding. It's just

going to be really, really simple. We'll have it in the living room or

something, and I'll wear a regular dress, and we'll invite only our closest

friends. and then afterwards we'll start sandwiches.

I bet I get better presents than you do.

I'm all done. Thank you. Can I grab a virtual exam?

Yes. Can she drop me off at Janet's? Yes, she may.

You did not ask me if I would drop you off at Janet's. It's only three blocks

away. All right, but you're paying for the gas.

I didn't mind you of anyone you know. Yes, I used to want to tag along with

but you wouldn't let me. I know, because I was too cool.

would want to spend the rest of their life looking at that face.

Are you going to help us plan the wedding? No way.

Every time you two and your mother get together and I suggest something, you

no. Not always.

No, most of the time. And then the three of you sit around and start to laugh

and you say, I can't believe he said that.

That was my mom and dad.

Cliff, dad is... coming into this house, you better hide that check. No, this

time I'm going to set a new record. I'm going to beat your father.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Sarah, I don't think I want you to get married.

Why not?

Well, I lost one girl already.

And I don't know if I'm ready to lose another daughter. Well, you can have

one back.

Anytime. Anytime.

Anytime.

Come on, we've got a wedding to plan. Let's get... Start it. Well, Claire and

have already gotten some of it done. Well, Al, you're looking good.

I'm feeling pretty good. What's this? What's this?

Oh, this, uh... Boy, my son's set to board. I'll take it.

Oh, I see.

Well, wait a minute. Since it's out and the ladies are busy, we might as well

play, maybe, if you're not too tired or something. Oh, no, I'm not tired at all.

I just have something on your mind because you had so much, you know, the

wedding and everything.

Well, I'm not at my best, but, uh, I can play.

Clip, I only have one thing to say.

What? You are buzzard meat.

You're a surgeon. You graduated from med school.

I graduated from nothing.

Checked. Does it look any better from down there?

Rudy, how's my girl?

Oh, you're getting bigger and bigger all the time.

About the peaches, I told you about the peaches.

I want you to tell me again.

Cliff, let me take a little break here. Yeah, okay.

All right, when I was a little boy, I used to have a wagon.

I'd go to the farmer's market, and in the morning, they'd have all kinds of

fruit and vegetables, and I would get a bushel of peaches and put them in little

baskets. And then I would take them down the street, and I would say, Peaches!

Get your freestone peaches, ma 'am! Quarter!

I think she's got my voice. I think you got a future partner there. Daddy, you

sing it.

No!

He almost forgot his words. Oh, I remember that. Well, maybe he could

Brad. I'm talking about get your Brad.

So, Sarah, do you feel ready for all this? Oh, definitely.

Garvin and I have had some wonderful discussions about marriage, and I've

doing some reading.

Reading?

Reading, Mom?

Reading about marriage, Mom?

Yeah, there's some great books out.

I'm reading an excellent one right now.

How to Have a Successful Marriage by M .D. Eddie P.

H -M -D.

That's so funny. Honey, nobody can tell you how to do that.

No, there's some really very helpful things in here. Delight.

Okay. Chapter three.

Fighting the good fight.

When conflicts arise, you and your mate should take five minutes to write out

your grievances. Then exchange the lips and engage in a rational dialogue about

the source of the problem.

When do you get to yell?

You don't. Well, darling, if I've got to sit down and write out why I'm mad at

somebody, I might as well throw this book at them. Let me see this.

Chapter four.

The quiet hour.

Always spend at least one hour a day of uninterrupted time with your spouse. Let

me see. I guess I have to send the children to this fool's house.

I think we have hit upon something here.

Variety is the spice of life.

To keep excitement in your marriage, always try something different. For

example, you might try serving dinner in the living room.

I knew I shouldn't have brought this book out. Mama, we should write a book.

you're talking. Great idea.

And we should call it Marriage, What the Books Don't Tell You. And there has to

be a chapter about a husband.

Several. Chapter one, Have You Seen Mine?

Drop an hour before going out, your husband will come. They come to you and

have you seen my black shoes? Have you seen my great socks? Have you seen my

striped tie?

They come to us because secretly they think we go in their closets and

their things.

And chapter two, the real baby of the family. Now, you see, a woman can have a

cold, pneumonia, influenza, and malaria at the same time and still keep going. A

man gets the sniffles and has to stay in bed for a week.

And my favorite chapter.

for the last 43 years. Al has brought me home everything from a size 4 to a size

12. It all depends on how the sales girl is built because Al looks at her and

says...

That's the juice, please.

If you don't mind, I'll finish this move.

Deal with that.

Up the pool you go, son.

Checkmate.

into shit.

What's going on in there?

They're laughing at us.

No, no, no.

Go in there. What? Just go in there.

autumn of his bachelor day.

Good to see you, boy.

Garvin. Where am I going? You're going in the kitchen.

Where am I going? You just go in the kitchen.

Garvin is all right.

I like it. Like it?

Yes, indeed. How do you think he's going to do in there?

Buzzard meat. Yes, indeed.

What we are and what you're going to be.

What's that?

A husband.

I wonder how they'd feel if we all left them.

We can't. Why not? Because they're not funny.

What's so funny?

Nothing. Yeah, we were just laughing.

About what? Well, you know how it is when men get together.

How is it?

Oh, you're just laughing because we were laughing.

Maybe.

We'll tell you what we were laughing at if you all tell us what you were

laughing at. Oh, no, see, they're doing that because now they're insecure about

what we were laughing at.

That's right.

Oh, no, no. Now, we should make it easy on the men. We should just stay in the

same room with them. Oh, Claire, we'd like to stay, but Garvin and I are

some friends for dinner.

You want to help me get my sample book? Sure.

Tell me what you were laughing at.

Garvin, I don't need help with the sample books. I just wanted to talk to

What's the matter, honey?

There's over 60 years of marriage in that room. Do you really think we've got

what they have?

I think we're going to do just fine.

Yeah, but those books I've been reading about marriage, I don't think they're so

accurate. Well, maybe the answer's not in the books.

Maybe we've got to learn as we go.

But are we ready?

I don't know.

But I know I love you.

Aren't they a nice -looking couple? Yes.

You know, you always hope your daughters end up with good men. So far, two for

two. Thank you, Dad.

I just hope he can play chess better than you can.

Thank you, Dad. Mom, Claire, thanks for the help today.

Oh, any time.

Sarah, don't forget that book you had in there.

I left it in the kitchen for you. You were having so much fun with it. Good

thing, everybody.

Yeah, you'll be seeing more of us. Let's have lunch this week. Okay, but this

time I choose to play. Right.

Bye. Bye, Carmen.

Oh.

Now, Dad.

What is this I hear? What is this about you not singing at Sarah's wedding? I

want to, but I don't know if I can.

Well, you sang at our wedding.

Yeah, but I broke down, too, and started crying.

But it was so beautiful.

I'll say. Oh, no.

Come on, baby, and change me.

Put the ring on my finger and change me.

No, when you married me, I was a good man, but you can change all that fast as

you can now.

together.

We belong together.

Well, how did I sing?

The Cosby Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.