Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Oh, get down, Mom. Get down here. All right. Whoa, whoa.

Hey, we got it. We got it. We got it. I'm stuck.

I'm stuck.

I'm stuck.

Who's stuck?

I don't know. Maybe it's me.

No, I'm fine.

Then it must be me.

Nice work, gentlemen.

Okay.

Now, in a matter of money, I believe there was a fee discussed for this job.

Ah, well, gee, Alex, all I can really afford to give you is a dollar and a

quarter.

We'll call it even, Scott.

Hey, uh, you know, Alex, this place ain't gonna be the same without you

mean, when I come over to talk to you, you ain't gonna be here.

It won't affect our conversation.

No, Alex. Alex, he's right. We are really going to miss you.

You've been my best friend ever since you moved in across the street 18 years

ago.

You're like a big brother to me. You've taught me everything I know about life,

love, romance.

The fact that I still don't have a girlfriend and people won't even talk to

on the 976 party line.

It doesn't change my feelings about you.

Skippy, it's been a pleasure knowing you.

You're truly one of the most unique people I've ever met.

Alex, don't go.

Come on.

Skippy, get a grip. Oh, please, Alex, don't go.

This is really beautiful.

Excuse me.

Skippy, come on. Come on, Skippy.

Come on.

Look, guys, guys, get it together here, will you?

It's not like you're never going to see me again.

Yeah, that's true, Alex. I mean, I am going to be your brother -in -law one

Let's not jump the gun here now.

I mean, you haven't even asked her yet, so there's still a good possibility that

we're not going to be related.

Hi. Hey, Lauren.

Hi. I heard you were leaving. Oh, yeah.

So I stopped by a bakery to get you a going -away cake, but they didn't have

any. So I got you just going away muffin instead.

I even had them write a message on it.

That's real sweet, Lauren. Thanks.

Well, it was supposed to say, good luck in the Big Apple, Alex, but that's all

they could fit.

Well, I think goo pretty much covers it.

Look, I can't say long. I just wanted to wish you all the best in New York.

Thanks.

So I guess you're finally going to get your wish.

You're going to be rich.

$75 ,000 a year.

Hey, you heard.

Yeah, well, skywriting is a very effective medium.

Not to mention the radio ads.

Alex Keaton, 75 grand.

Everybody, can I have your attention, please?

Appearing tomorrow only at the Greenvale Grammar School, I'd like to introduce

to you someone who's very important in all of our lives and a very special guy

in his own right.

Everyone, let's meet and greet Andrew.

The human molar!

Don't eat sweets or I'll turn brown. Remember to brush me up and down.

Yeah,

I was so touched by it, I wrote one for myself.

We could walk on coal and have ninja fighter.

But be sure not to get gingivitis.

Hey, this is great. We're going to have a good time coming to see you at your

play. Hey, hey, hey, all right, come on. Let's go upstairs, Andy, all right?

Let's get that costume off.

I have a good idea. Why don't we go out for pizza, okay, and celebrate Andy

learning his line? Yeah.

Also, because I forgot to get anything out for dinner. All right, all right.

for some pizza? Ah, pizza.

Uh, no, that sounds great, Mom, but I got a lot of important stuff I got to do

tonight. What stuff?

I, you know, kind of packing up and moving to the Big Apple kind of stuff. I

to, uh, I got to call my landlord, make sure I got my deposit check. I got to

make sure the electricity's turned on. I got to call Mayor Koch about that key

to the city thing.

Well, you know, it's only going to take us an hour to eat. Can't you make the

calls later?

Uh, Mom, I just feel a little more comfortable if I got it done tonight.

Okay, fine.

What, is there a problem with that?

No, no, that's fine. Forget it.

Well, what's the matter with you?

I said nothing.

Look, this is a very big deal here.

I'm not just going across the street. I'm picking my whole life up, and I'm

taking it to New York. I swear that's all I hear lately. New York! New York!

Well, maybe you've been listening to a little too much Sinatra.

Wonderfully funny, Alex.

What is going on with you, Mom?

Ever since I got this job, you're treating me like I'm not a member of

family. A member of this family would be going out for pizza because that's what

the family is doing tonight.

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

I have some important things to do tonight. Why is that so hard to

What I don't understand is the way you've been acting ever since this whole

business started.

All right, Mom, fine.

Okay, why don't you just tell me how I've been acting?

Like an ungrateful, arrogant, selfish, insufferable little boy who doesn't

have any time for his family now that he's become such a big shot.

Well, if that's the way you feel about him, Mom, that's your problem. No, no,

Alex, that is your problem. No, that's your problem.

Is there a problem?

Alex refuses to go out for pizza.

Yeah, that's right, I do.

Call the pizza cops. Call me away.

Well, you guys don't have to argue. I mean, you know, we can go out for

food.

I can't believe what I'm hearing here. You should listen to this woman. She's

being completely irrational.

Hey, hey, don't talk to me that way. Hold on. Hold on there, Alex. I mean,

you're really forgetting something real fast, you know? We have been there for

you financially and emotionally. We put a roof over your head and food on your

plate for 22 years. All right, all right. Is that what this is about? It's

thank you?

Well, thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad.

But guess what?

I don't need your food anymore.

And I don't need your roof.

You know, I'm not waiting until next week to leave. I'm going to stay. I'm

to watch Andy's play tomorrow night, and then I'm out of here the next morning.

Alex.

Can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah, sure.

Look, Alex, your mother is really upset. I think it would be nice if you went

over and talked to her.

About what?

About whatever it is that's bothering you two.

Look, Dad, I didn't do anything wrong, okay? If anything, she should be talking

to me.

Look, Alex, Alex, please.

I found that in dealing with your mother in situations like this, it doesn't

matter who's right or wrong.

I always apologize.

Works like crazy.

Fine, Dad, then you apologize.

Alex, why do you have to be so stubborn? Why does she have to be so stubborn? I

asked her. She answered, why do you have to be so stubborn?

What did you say?

I just apologized.

Dad, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. I just don't feel like I have

anything to say to her.

Alex, this is so frustrating.

You're just like your mother.

Good evening, everyone. Would you all please take your seats?

Thank you.

I think there are some over here.

Great.

The Greenvale Elementary School would like to welcome you this evening to our

production of The Whole Tooth and Nothing But the Tooth.

First grade class, weren't they darling?

Gosh, they grow up so fast.

And now let's welcome Mrs.

Rubino's second grade class, who will show us a day in the life of a baby

Soon it's going to be time for me to go.

Well, it looks like it's time for me to go.

I sure wish I could get out of here. I've got to be on Wall Street by nine.

Tooth Fairy, come and get me.

Alex, what's the hurry?

Mom, you know, I don't think you realize how valuable I am in the outside world.

Under a pillow, I'm worth as much as 25 cents.

Even more in the open market.

But honey, there's so much to talk about.

I gotta go, Mom.

The permanent tooth is breathing down my neck.

Will you come back and visit me?

I can't be flying all over the country for you.

Listen to me. Alex!

It's not like you don't have others.

Actually, with all your ties, it's hard to believe you've only got one neck.

Hi.

Hi.

Why didn't you go out for ice cream with the others?

Just didn't feel like it?

I didn't feel like it either.

Well, I'll get out of your way.

Wait a minute, Mom.

I can't take this anymore. What did I do to make you so upset at me?

Nothing. Nothing, honey.

I'm sorry. It's me.

It's all me. I just... Just what?

Wait, it's not that I don't want you to be happy. It's not that I don't want you

to be successful and have everything you want. I mean, I do. I want you to be

happy. I just... Just what?

Well, if I could keep you in this house forever, I

would.

I don't know what to say to that.

Nothing to say to that.

What do you say to that?

It's a crazy thing to think. It's a crazy thing for a mother to think.

This isn't all about you.

I'm the one who's going out there.

I'm the one who's rushing into God knows what.

All my life.

I planned for this moment.

Alex P. Keaton.

Brilliant, young, financial executive. I mean, that's who I'm supposed to be,

right?

What if I don't make it?

What if it doesn't work out?

And I'm finished. I mean, that's it.

It was all about nothing.

And that scares the hell out of me. And I don't understand why you can't

understand that.

I understand it, Alex.

You're scared.

But you're always scared or worried or nervous about things.

But you always come out on top.

Things always work out for you.

Well, that's great, Mom. Is there something wrong with that? I don't... Do

resent that?

No. No, I don't resent that.

What I do resent is the callous joy you seem to be taking in leaving

this house.

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not finished. Because if it were me

leaving this family, I wouldn't be going...

Well, don't you know how hard it is for me?

I mean, don't you know how hard it is for me to walk out that door?

And every time I've left this house, I've always come back with, this is it,

Mom.

And everybody else seems to understand how hard that is for me.

Everybody else has been real supportive. Dad, Jen, Mal, even Andy. But not you.

Damn it, why can't you be happy for me?

You're my mother.

Alex Keaton's mother. That's what this is all about.

Okay, so we've established that you're my mother.

See, you don't seem to understand what it's like for me. I feel like I'm

standing on something real high and looking down at all the pieces of my

And I can see who I am.

And I see this.

This very big part of me that makes me who I am, I see that part

breaking away.

And I know that it's right.

And I know it's supposed to happen, but I don't want to

let go.

You're not going to lose me, Mom.

I mean, there's a lot of big changes ahead, but... You're still my mother.

No, I'm still Alice Keaton.

I'm still Elise Keaton's son.

That's right.

That's not such a bad job.

Are you kidding me? I get the best mom around.

I'm going to miss you so much.

Honey, I'm going to miss you too.

I'm glad you're Alex Keaton's mother.

Um, who am I kidding? I'm not going to sleep tonight.

Why don't we go downstairs to the kitchen and you can buy me a cup of

Well, on your salary, you better be buying.

Good morning, Andy. You want some breakfast?

Coffee, black, two sugars, and step on it.

This is ridiculous.

Farmers don't even get up this early.

Come on, everybody.

Let's have a little spirit.

Alex is leaving. Let's just give him a big energetic Keaton send -off, okay?

Well, it's like we're the only ones with any stamina around here, Mom.

These mamby -pambys have nothing on us.

Yeah, you tired?

No, I'm fine, Jennifer.

Hello. Hi.

You're leaving today, huh?

That's right, ma 'am.

This is our last morning in this kitchen together as housemates.

Next time we see each other, a new phase of our lives will have begun.

I'll be able to buy and sell you.

Drop me a line.

Oh, there's my cat.

Oh.

Oh, so, uh... I guess this is it, huh?

It's a big send -off.

Uh, yeah. Listen, I don't need any big send -offs. I really couldn't take a big

emotional scene right now, so, um... Why don't we just take our leave in a

manner befitting the youngest executive at O 'Brien, Mathers & Clark?

Yeah? Well?

In that spirit, goodbye, son.

Goodbye, Dad.

Remember, you still owe me $74 .50.

Well, it's been fun.

A million laughs.

Pleasure working with you.

Thanks. See you, pal.

Hey, send me a picture of the first guy you step on as you climb up the

corporate ladder.

Just tell her I'm gone and you don't know where I am.

Oh, hey.

Hey, I wanted to give you something.

You'd be surprised what a splash of color will do.

Hey, whoever called for the cab, the meter's running. Ah, yeah, that's me.

You know, I like the red.

It makes you look like somebody.

Uh -huh.

Uh, well.

Yeah, this is it.

Goodbye.

Goodbye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Adios. Bye.

See you later. Right on.

Safe trip.

We'll call you guys. Okay.

We'll be talking to you. Bye. Bye.

I love you guys.

Next on KSWB, get wacky with Jackie. Jackie Chan Adventures, just part of

WB. And at 5, stay tuned for the magic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. There's a

full afternoon right ahead on KSWB, San Diego's WB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.