Original subtitles

helping me make a time capsule for school.

Oh, that sounds neat. What are you going to put in it?

I'm going to put stuff about our family.

Can you put Alex in there?

Look, our old color slides.

Oh, no, no slides.

I thought you kids loved my slide shows. You used to sit there staring

at them eyes wide open.

I can't believe you guys can watch this. You look ridiculous.

Half a million people trying to stop a senseless war. You find that ridiculous?

I'm talking about the outfits.

Wait a minute, Alex. I seem to remember you're getting involved in a protest or

two. That's right, Andy. And it was for a good cause, too. The Equal Rights

Amendment. But those are just idle words.

There is a job to be done here. Right on!

Not only by... us, but by women everywhere.

How long must we wait?

How long are we expected to accept these indignities? How long, Lord?

I think I have enough stuff.

Oh, don't be silly, Andy. The night is young and Keaton memories have just

begun.

What would we do, baby, without a...

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Shalalala.

Andy, what are you doing out of bed? I can't sleep. The clothes on my chair

like a monster.

This wouldn't by any chance be a ploy to get one of us to read you a bedtime

story, would it?

No, but the monster's requesting anything but Dr.

Seuss.

I'll go.

I speak monster.

I'll get it.

Hey!

Things were going so well there for a moment.

Oh, Mal.

Don't you remember? We had a date tonight. I got two tickets for the post

-modern... Art exhibition and pie -eating contest.

Sounds like quite a full evening.

I'm sorry, honey, I just got caught up in this Keaton family time capsule that

Andy's making for school.

Oh, sounds like fun. Can I play?

Sure, Nick.

Get in.

And we'll let you out when Mallory comes to her senses.

Honey, honey, don't get in.

Okay, forget it. I just made my own family time capsule. I mean, it is if I

have a family.

Come on, Nick. What about your dad?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I sort of forgot about him. I mean, we didn't get

until recently, and that was really weird.

Hey.

My God, at least they're speaking Nicanese.

Look at you.

You look great.

Yeah, you look great, too.

Let's see what the problem is. They seem to agree on everything.

I think they're summing up now.

Nick, no matter what happens, you'll always feel like part of this family.

Stop, Lisa. We're going to have nightmares.

Do you remember when Nick almost became a member of our family?

When was that?

Oh, honey, don't you remember when we almost got married?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was beautiful.

We're gathered here today to join you, Aaron, and you, Michael, in marriage.

which is an honorable institution.

It is the foundation of the home, as the home is the foundation of society.

Oh, sounds serious.

The desire to join together in love with another human being is both

noble and courageous.

Nick, why are you getting married?

Because you asked me.

No. I mean, if I hadn't asked you, would you be here? By myself?

Would you have asked me?

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure we're ready.

Then why did you say yes?

Well, you know, you're so much smarter about these things than me.

I mean, you know, I figured since you thought we were ready, we must be ready,

and I just didn't notice.

Nick, why doesn't it feel right? We love each other.

I don't know.

Feels like we're breaking the law.

Yeah, yeah. Like our wedding picture's gonna go up on a post office wall.

You know, like you say, we're starting with a couple of strikes against us.

I mean, your parents aren't here.

Your friends aren't here.

This guy doesn't know Lola.

Maybe my parents are right. Maybe we're going too fast. Maybe we could slow down

a little. I mean, we don't have to get married if we don't want to.

No, nobody can force us.

Okay.

Oh, Nick, I love you. Let's not get married.

Miller, you and Nick are so romantic.

You know, I've often caught you guys looking into each other's eyes with

meaningful stares.

Oh, no, Jennifer, those are blinking contests.

Hey, Jen, if you're looking for romantic role models, don't go looking at He

-Man and She -Ra over here.

I mean, you have the most romantic person in the world living right here

this roof.

Why, thank you, son.

No, no, Stephen, he meant me.

I beg to differ, darling. He meant me.

Now, I'm the most remiss.

Don't make me bust your chops.

I was talking about me.

I mean, I have something of a way about me. You may not realize this, but women

think of me as something of a Don Juan.

Like a Don Knotts.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Remember when I first started seeing Ellen?

And I drove all night. I mean, I drove 400 miles to see her, to tell her how I

felt.

What are you doing here?

I, uh... I, uh, you forgot your news week.

I figured you might want that, so I swung by here.

It was no big deal, really. It was seven hours.

There's a good article on the omelet craze.

I read someone else's copy on the train.

Can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that.

Ellen, listen, I'll be honest with you.

The magazine is not the only reason I came.

Why else?

I don't know.

I just had to come.

I mean, I was in the car.

on my way to that biggest night of my life, and something made me turn the car

around.

I mean, I knew I'd miss the dinner, and I'd be blowing any shot I had of

returning the tux on time.

Something made me turn the car around.

Alan, you and I are completely different.

You're an artist.

You write poetry. You attend anti -nuclear demonstrations.

Me? I'm an economics major.

I voted for Reagan in the Young Executives Club.

I wear a jacket and tie everywhere I go.

Except train stations at three in the morning, in which case I wear a tuxedo.

Anyway, the point is...

Ellen, that I cannot for the life of me figure out why I love you.

You love me.

Yeah.

I love you, okay? I said it. I mean, after all, Ellen, if I'm going to go

far, I might as well go all the way. I love you, all right?

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I'm crazy about you. I'd give anything to be with you. I can't live without

Okay?

Gotta go. See ya.

I love you too, Alex.

I mean, it's like you have a way of seeing right through me.

I'm seeing a part of me that I don't even like to admit exists, and that

me, because if you see it, that forces me.

What did you say?

I love you too.

I do.

Alex, I've never met anybody like you. You come on like some...

Obnoxious guy.

And underneath that, there's this wide -eyed child.

Completely innocent and naive.

Oh.

Is that sort of a compliment?

And just telling Ellen that I loved her

wasn't enough. I started doing anything I could to impress her.

Are you ready, Mikhail?

Da.

I'm ready.

What is it that you will be interpreting for us?

This particular piece is an interpretation of the stock market crash

What music will you be using to accompany yourself?

Uh, just, uh, just play anything.

This dance goes with everything.

Maestro.

Mr. Keaton, is something wrong?

Uh, no.

Because you're not dancing.

You see, at this point in the dance, the economy is still good.

In a minute, the crash comes, interest rates rise, and

the dance really takes off.

You see, I'm just that kind of guy.

And when I met Lauren, it was the same thing. I'd do anything to open up and

show my true self, even if it meant lying.

Alex, this is just a polygraph machine.

If someone displays undue tension or an increase in pulse when answering a

question, the machine buzzes, and I know they're not telling the truth.

Does it really bother you?

Oh, absolutely not. Absolutely not.

I got nothing to hide.

questions to see how well you'll fit in with the rest of the subject group.

Now, politically, would you describe yourself as liberal, middle of the road,

conservative? Well, I don't really like political labels.

Conservative.

Now, the typical overachiever is so focused on classes and career that

not much time left for dating. Would you say you have a very active social life?

An active social life?

Yeah, are you actively dating?

Well, I go out on a couple of dates a week.

Maybe more.

This particular week was a little slow.

This particular year was a little slow.

I'll get it.

Hello, Mr. Keaton. Hi, everybody.

Andy told me about a school project, so I brought over my first aid kit.

You're putting a first aid kit in the time capsule?

Time capsule? I thought he said a cold capsule.

So, what's up, guys?

Oh, we were just discussing how Alex is so romantic with his girlfriend.

Oh, well, did you discuss how romantic he's been with mine?

What's this?

I like this girl named Jane.

And imagine my shock and dismay to discover that she didn't like me.

Actually, that's to be expected. But the fact that she liked Alex took me by

surprise.

I'm going to go wash my hands, okay?

You two get to know each other a little better.

Please don't leave me.

Ah, Skippy.

We're very close.

Skippy, I'll be right back, okay?

So how long have you known Alex?

some kind of attack, are you?

No!

Good.

I'm really glad we had this opportunity to talk.

Ray, hi. I hope I gave you two enough time alone together.

I think so.

Excuse me. Uh, I'm gonna go wash my hair.

Skip, you mean your hands.

Right, I mean...

quite a guy, isn't he?

I'll say.

I missed you while you were gone, Alex.

I was only gone for two minutes, Jane.

I don't know what it is about you, Alex, but you bring out the animal in me.

Hope I'm not being too forward. I understand.

Pick up a pizza for Keaton, please.

Mallory, look.

Jennifer and Mallory, what are you guys doing here?

Um, we're... Come on over and say hello to Alex and Jane.

Mallory, but I'm spoken for.

Better be getting back to my date.

Skippy, don't.

I can explain this. No, Alex, don't bother explaining. I think I can see

going on here.

I've got a great idea.

You know what we're in perfect formation for?

A gang -synchronized swim?

If I had a hammer, I'm going to lose it.

No, come on. A sing -along will be fun. After all, we Keatons do it so well.

This land is your land.

This land is my land.

From California to the New York Isles.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes.

She'll be riding six white horses. She'll be riding six white horses.

riding six white horses when she comes.

I'd like to sing for you if I might. The song is very special to me.

A song that asks the musical question, Where have all the flowers gone?

Thank you.

Where have all the flowers gone?

Join me!

I got you, babe.

I got you, babe.

And when I'm sad, you're a clown.

And when I get scared, you're always around.

It's the April rose that only grows in the early

spring. Love is nature and giving a

reason to be living.

Chiss me, Dad.

I remember all my life. Some

have changed, some forever, not for better.

Some have gone, some remain.

But places have their moments in my

life. I love you.

Next on KSWB, get wacky with Jackie. Jackie Chan Adventures, just part of

WB. And at 5, stay tuned for the magic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. There's a

full afternoon right ahead on KSWB, San Diego's WB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.