Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there

ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Hey!

Hey!

I'm not seeing you. Hey, Lauren.

How was your psychology conference?

It was great, except for I really missed Alex. Is he around?

No. No. No, I haven't seen him. Out of sight, out of mind.

Maybe he's with that other girl.

What are you talking about?

You mean Marty?

Oh, he's told you about her.

Sure, he told me he was tutoring her. Oh, he is tutoring her. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Purely business stuff.

Business relationship, yeah.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

So, did you miss me?

Yeah, sure I did. Sure I did. Did you miss me?

Well, sure.

But I did get kind of friendly with the man at the conference who suffered from

wide mood swings.

See, he even signed my Freud anthology.

Dear Lauren, it was nice to meet you.

P .S. I can't stand you.

What do you want to do? Do you want to go get a bite to eat, something like

that?

No, let's just sit and talk.

After all, it's been two weeks.

You don't think that's the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other?

Yeah, well, not including the 20 years before we met.

Alex, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just, like, really tired.

Oh, well, if you're tired, then I'll just see you tomorrow.

Lauren, wait a minute.

What?

We both said that we were going to be completely honest with each other about

everything.

Alex, what is it?

This girl that I've been tutoring, you know, from my economics class.

Marty?

Yeah.

We've been spending a lot of time together lately.

And I would be lying to you if I...

If I didn't say that, I was thinking about her a lot.

Do you love her?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I feel. I don't know

I'm thinking. I don't know anything.

I just need a few days, okay? Just a little bit of time. Okay, sure.

Lauren. Lauren, are you all right?

I'm okay.

I'm a trained psychologist. I know how to handle these types of emotions.

Hi.

Hey, Marty.

Hi.

Cecilia, can I get a yogurt?

You're too skinny, Marty.

I'm not very hungry, and besides, I'm a little short of cash.

Hey, hey.

It's on me.

Oh, no, no. No, no, no. I couldn't, really. Don't worry about it. I'm

Besides, most of it's your money.

Oh, well, then I'll have a meatball sub, in that case, and some soup, a large

salad, the yogurt, some milk, and some Twinkies.

What, are you going into hibernation, ladies and gentlemen?

Alex, we need to talk, so I'm going to go. I'll go get at the table.

Yeah, fine.

Hi.

Hi. Lauren!

Hi.

Cecilia, can I get a yogurt, please?

Sure, I'll put it on Alex's tab.

Alex, I think we need to talk.

I'll get at the table, okay?

I don't believe this.

This is like a bad episode of Love American Style.

Alex.

Hey there.

Let's see, you had the yogurt.

And you had the yogurt, the meatball hero, the soup, the milk, and the

Well, that'll be all for you ladies.

Alex, what's going on?

Marty Brody.

This is Lauren Miller.

No, you okay?

I'm fine, I'm fine. My doctor says I'm not getting enough calcium in my nose.

I think I should go.

No, look, look.

I got a better idea, okay?

Why don't I go?

Alex, don't. where you can stay because I'm leaving. Come on, come on. You

haven't even finished your yogurt. I just decided I'm not hungry.

I paid $1 .20 for this.

Oh, Alex, this is terrible. I really, I feel horrible. I cannot stay here. Oh!

I'm really hungry.

Did you ever see Fatal Attraction?

Hi, darling.

Hi, Alex.

Feel like catching a movie?

No, thanks. I'm not really in the mood tonight. Well, we're running late. Come

on, let's go. All right.

See you later.

Alex, you okay?

Oh, yeah, Dad. I'm fine. Just a little distracted lately with the... this whole

Marty Lawrence thing.

Well, look, I'd be more than willing to miss this movie so we can stay and talk.

I'm not really up for it. Besides, I gotta stay here and work on my

speech for graduation.

I can't get a handle on it. Well, you let me know. I'll be around. Thanks.

I need some quotations to kick this thing off.

See what we got here.

Shakespeare.

Bunch of pretentious guys in tights.

Talking to skulls.

Better than my speech.

Lawrence Freud book.

Narcissism, an introduction.

Nah, I think too much of myself to read that.

Jean -Paul sucked.

Maybe Jennifer's right.

Maybe life is absurd.

Of course it is.

You think I was just trying to sell some books?

Jean -Paul, don't take it personally. I'm just a little skeptical about this

existentialism stuff.

Oh, really? Look at your life. If that isn't absurd, I'll buy you a ribs

Jean -Paul, you're wrong.

His life is not absurd.

Thank you, Dr. Freud.

He's just highly sexual.

Sigmund, please.

I got a problem. I'm trying to work out here.

I have an emotional attachment to two women.

It can't be worked out, Alex. Don't you see? Love is an impossibility.

It's nothing more than an attempt to justify one's own existence by

another in a few...

me up on this, will you, Shakespeare?

Bill? May I call you Bill?

Please. As I wrote in Hamlet about love, doubt that the stars are

fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never

I love.

How do we really know you wrote those plays?

Guys, guys, guys, come on, look, we're getting nowhere fast here.

Are you supposed to be three of the greatest minds in history. You can't

out?

The truth is, Alex, we don't know more about this than anyone else.

In the end, we're all just poor players strutting and fretting our hours upon

the stage.

It's true.

When it comes to love, as my friend Camus once said, it can burn or it can

But it can't do both.

God, that's depressing.

I wanted to do both.

don't we all, that thy people are so unhappy?

Alex, all I can say is, to thine own self be true.

And remember, you must take responsibility for your own choices in

Look at you with that piano.

Of all the basic applied economic principles of capitalism in the post

-industrial era seminars in the world, you had to walk into mine.

This is crazy.

I mean, this can't work.

I'm probably gonna go get a job on Wall Street.

You've got two whole years of college ahead of you.

So even though I know this is gonna hurt you, we gotta stop kidding ourselves.

We've got to bring this thing to an end.

Hey, hey, don't stop.

I have to. It's the end of the song.

I'm here practicing for the ceremony. I've got to practice the old pomp and

circumstance.

We've got to talk about this morning.

Yeah, I know, Alex.

I've been thinking.

You know, even though I know this is going to hurt you, I think that we've

to stop kidding ourselves and we've got to end this.

After everything we've been through?

Alex, really, the last thing I want to do is break your heart.

It's a little late for that now, isn't it?

Alex! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, can I just have a minute to be alone with my

thoughts?

I hope he doesn't start to cry.

I'm not crying.

There's something in my eye.

Excuse me?

There's something in my eye.

Do you want a tissue?

Marty?

Professor Heller needs you to look over the arrangement for the processional.

Well, I have to go.

Yeah, I know you do.

Goodbye, Mr. Keaton.

Bye, Miss Brody.

Oh, Lauren.

Two years.

Such a long time.

And there's been a lot of good times in those two years.

Remember the first time we met?

In that little psychology lab?

It was really love.

You were so beautiful.

I mean, you are so beautiful.

I'm not so bad myself.

I don't know what happened to us.

But whatever it is,

I've got to admit my true feelings and be honest with you.

And I know it's probably going to crush you.

And yet you seem to be handling it pretty well.

I just have to be honest with her.

Just tell her that she's a wonderful, decent, intelligent,

unique individual.

And that we're not in love anymore.

Lauren.

Hi, Alex.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

Excuse us.

Lauren, I gotta be honest with you. I have to be honest with you, too.

Alex, you're a wonderful, intelligent, decent,

honest, unique individual.

But we're not in love anymore.

Nobody lets me get a word in edgewise.

Alex, the last couple of days have been torture for me.

I've been trying to think, what did I do to make you stop loving me?

Was it something I said or was it something I did or was it that I was

trying too hard?

And then I realized it was nothing I did or nothing you did.

It just happened.

And it's wrong for me to try to be something that I'm not.

And the same goes for you, Alex.

You're an obsessive person.

You don't love many things, but the things you love, you really love.

And either you love me or you don't.

Do you really know me?

I do.

And I know myself.

I'm going to go on with my life and find someone who loves me just as much as I

love him.

Whatever happens, I just want you to know that I can't be happy unless I know

you're happy.

I really like you.

And, um, we had a lot of great times together.

I want you to know that part of who I am, I mean, one of the best parts, is

you gave me.

You gave me a lot, too, Alex.

I really love to tell you that I hope you and Marty make a great couple, but,

um, I really can't.

Yeah, well, the crazy thing is that...

Marty and I aren't going to be seeing each other either.

Why not?

I think I got to take some time to be with myself.

You know, I'll go to New York and get a job on Wall Street.

Try and meet Leona Helmsley.

Good luck, Alex.

Thanks, Mark.

What next?

Huh?

Locusts?

Boils?

Democrats in 92?

Am I interrupting anything?

Well, I mean, my gown doesn't fit.

It's okay.

Your hat's no bargain either.

is just like when you were a little boy.

Couldn't get yourself dressed in either.

You'd come out of your room with your shirt buttoned the wrong way and your

pants on backwards.

Although always with a tie.

You'd come into the kitchen and I'd say, Alex, did you even look at yourself in

the mirror?

And I'd say, I couldn't. Mallory took it to school.

What I wouldn't give to be eight years old again.

Well, you're still dressed in about the same.

Here.

Let's get this hat for you, okay?

You know, moms were a good idea.

Thank you.

I mean, no matter what else is happening, no matter what anybody else

you're just always there for me.

Well, we'll see.

Okay, let's try this.

You're right.

Front.

Hey! Hey, Gray, you did it.

You know, Mom, you could give up architecture and go into tailoring.

Huh?

Hey, Mom, I'm only kidding. You know, you're a wonderful architect.

Oh, no, it's not that.

I just can't believe my little boy's graduating.

You look very handsome.

Yeah, well, that's a good thing.

Because inside, I don't feel too terrific.

Been a tough couple weeks for you, hasn't it, honey?

The worst.

Well, you know, if you were eight years old again, I'd just kiss your boo -boo

and make it better.

But you're an adult now, and it's a little more complex.

I say we give it a shot.

I love you so much, honey.

Hey, guys, come on, break it up. You've got to sit down.

Graduation's starting.

Can you give us a minute here? We're just discussing the meaning of life.

Oh, that's easy.

Be happy, try not to hurt other people, and hope that you fall in love.

It sounds good to me.

Me too.

Considering the sort that's truly frightening.

So this is it.

College is finally over.

Fortunately, it ends on a real high note for me.

Broke up with two wonderful women on the same day.

Lauren, this was a tough day for both of us.

Still, I don't regret one single moment we had together.

And Marty, even if I never see you ever again, you'll always be a beautiful,

wonderful memory.

You know, Jed, your pal Jean -Paul Sartre once said, hell is other people.

Well, anybody who's seen a few game shows knows what he means.

But I think he's only half right.

Because heaven is other people too.

I mean, after all, when you get right down to it, we are all we've got.

And no matter how much we may argue or fight or hurt one another, in the end,

we just keep running back for more because we're human.

And for some strange, unexplainable reason, we need each other.

And maybe that's the only real wisdom any of us will ever have.

That, in the words of another very great philosopher who just happens to be my

sister Mallory, I quote,

The meaning of life is to be happy, try not to hurt other people, and hope you

fall in love.

It's ironic.

After all these years of learning, Mallory teaches me the most important

of all.

Boy, life is funny sometimes, isn't it?

So now I present to you the valedictorian of the class of 1989, Alex

Heaton.

Watch the Frog.

Up next on KSWB, get wacky with Jackie. Jackie Chan Adventures, just part of

Kids WB. And at 5, stay tuned for the magic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

There's a full afternoon right ahead on KSWB, San Diego's WB. Watch the Frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.