Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Good morning, Jen. How about some breakfast?

What's the point of breakfast?

Or any meal?

Or anything, for that matter. I mean, after all, life is basically a series of

random, absurd, unrelated events not linked in any logical pattern, existing

a complete void that mocks our attempts to impose order and meaning upon it.

In that case, can I have your bagel?

When did all this occur to you?

Ever since my advanced literature class started its unit on existentialism.

What's existentialism?

He's so young.

Annie. An existentialist is someone who likes to take their clothes off in

public.

Existentialism is a belief that there is no real grand design to life and

consequently no real meaning.

Still, there's no reason for a person to take their clothes off.

Hey. Hi.

How you doing?

Hi.

Hey, cut it out!

that Alex and I aren't going to see each other for a few weeks.

I'm going to a psychology conference in Detroit.

Oh, well, why don't you take him along as an exhibit?

Hey, Alex, just because Lauren's going to be away for a while doesn't mean

you're going to be spending more time at home, does it?

I get plenty to do. I started teaching today, freshman seminar on campus.

Basic applied economic principles of capitalism in the post -industrial era.

Boy, let's hope they have festival seating for that one.

Actually, teaching this class is going to fulfill all my requirements for my

degree. And it's on to graduation.

Boy, how time does fly.

Next year at this time, Mallory will be graduating.

Yeah, hopefully.

Well, who's that?

Happily.

Happily. I'll be graduating happily.

We're in graduation at Grand College. Should be a pretty impressive ceremony.

Who's the guest speaker going to be, Soupy Self?

Very funny, Alice.

They have no plans to invite him back.

Well, I guess I'll see you guys later. Take good care of Alex for me.

Sure you don't want to take him with you.

That's tempting.

See this, Jen? See this? How could life be absurd when a woman like this can't

tear herself from my side?

You just proved my point.

Now, you may ask, and rightfully so, what is economics?

Well, let's go to the dictionary.

The word economics derives from the Greek oikonomis, meaning a manager of a

state's or household's monies. Well, the word money itself derives from the

Greek moneta, or the Latin mula.

Well, let's go now to our history books.

Excuse me, miss.

Me?

Uh, yeah, you.

Do you have any idea what time it is?

Well, I've got 6 .38.

I've got 11 .05.

I think you're right.

Find a seat right there, please.

Now, as I was saying, if you go to the history books, you'll see that money was

not always used as a method of transaction.

Excuse me.

Sorry, that was me.

Actually, it wasn't me. It was Wolfgang Hensel singing Die Zauberflute.

Oh, miss, just do me a favor. Just keep it down.

I'm really sorry.

Now, as I was saying, in ancient times, the barter system was in place, and

livestock were often used instead of money as a means of exchange.

Now, eventually the practice was dropped. For one thing, barter is an

method of transaction.

For another thing, it's hard to fit a goat in your wallet.

Yeah, okay, settle down, people.

But seriously, folks, barter was a terrible system.

Now, in the 4th century, the coinage of...

That's okay.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, really.

Thank you.

All right, okay, everybody. That's enough for today. I'm going to let you

early so you can read the first four chapters of your textbook. If you're

and you know it, clap your hands.

in the class. I really enjoyed your lecture.

Yeah, I could tell.

I thought your joke was funny, too.

No kidding. You know, I got a million of them. You ever hear the one about the

quarter that asks the dollar bill out for a date?

The dollar bill says, wait a minute, this isn't going to work. It won't be an

equal relationship. For one thing, I'm four times bigger than you. And then the

quarter says... I'm sorry.

The quarter says...

That's okay.

I'll bring three friends.

Wait,

maybe I didn't tell it right.

No, it's not you. It's not. It's just, although that's a horrible joke.

And my girlfriend doesn't like it either.

Neither does my mom or my sisters. Maybe, you know, it's just not a girl's

Although my dad hates it too.

It's just a really bad joke.

Look, look, I've got to go.

Here, you all right?

Look, I'm really sorry.

I've been having a really bad week here.

Saturday I broke up with my boyfriend, and yesterday someone stole my bicycle,

and today all my cat's hair fell out.

Excuse me?

Her name is Fluffy.

I'll have to change it now.

Listen, Miss... Miss Marty.

Brody. Marty.

Marty Brody. Look,

I've taken up enough of your time just trying to say my name.

Thank you for being... Thank you for... You know, you're so considerate. And

next time, I promise, no interruptions.

Just one more interruption. Are you available for tutoring?

Tutoring. Well, I don't know, Miss. I've got my own classes to contend with, and

I've got lectures to prepare. I'll pay you 15 bucks an hour. Wednesday work for

you?

Wednesday's fine.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wednesday's my orchestra rehearsal.

What about Thursday?

Uh, Thursday.

Thursday's my seminar for closing on the elderly.

It's not an orchestra.

You're a music major?

See, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You see, with all my rehearsals

and lessons and theory classes, I'm just not going to have much time for

economics. Well, even if I had time for it, I don't like it very much. But then

who does, you know?

Right, you do.

Anyway, how's tomorrow?

Tomorrow? Tomorrow actually is good. Oh, great. Oh, great. Oh,

I've got to run. It's 6 .38.

What just happened?

So, you ready for your tutoring?

Come on in.

Thanks.

I guess we should get to work.

Follow me.

All right.

Okay.

Miss Brody!

I'm scared!

Just take a left at the sustain pedal.

Listen, I want to... to thank you for being so sensitive in class yesterday.

Oh, it's all right. It's a teacher's job to be sensitive.

Is there something wrong? I mean, Fluffy didn't lose any more hair, did she? Oh,

no, no, no. She's right there.

You should put a hat on that thing.

I'm a little nervous about this tutoring stuff.

Why?

I don't know. I'm just not very good with formal academic study.

Sometimes I just don't feel comfortable unless I'm sitting at a piano.

You are sitting at a piano.

You're right.

I wish I could play.

Have you ever tried?

Me? No, forget about it. No, I am the most unmusical person in the world. Oh,

well, no. Here, I can teach you.

Really, really. Just name a song you want to learn. This is not going to

No, no, it'll be great.

Come on, come on.

Do you know the Bush campaign jingle?

No.

Well, let's try this.

Gershwin? I love Gershwin. Great.

Now you try it.

It was perfect.

You did it.

You know, we've got our act together. We should take it on the road.

Miss Brody, Marty, you play beautifully.

Well, we should get to work, Alex.

Yeah, we should get to work.

Just go slow till I get the hang of it. Oh, yeah. Hey, don't worry. You're going

to love this. You're going to love this.

Now, if we turn to page one of our textbook, we'll see that economics

the principles of production and distribution.

I'll see you guys later.

Well, where are you going, Jen?

I'm going down to the bookstore to get some more material for my existentialism

class.

Listen, Jen, while you're there, pick me up a copy of Tummy Tuck Tips.

It's by Cher.

Jen, Jen, don't you think you're going a little overboard with this

existentialism stuff?

I just want to find out the meaning of life.

Well, did you ever think of asking your parents?

Okay. What's the meaning of life?

Elise?

Why do you do this to me?

Because you're there.

What are you so threatened by, Dad? Is it because deep down you're worried that

there's no real meaning to life?

That it's all just a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying

nothing? And that when we die, we're condemned to spend eternity in a vast,

infinite expanse of non -existence? Confirming what Camus called the benign

indifference of the universe?

Gray skies are gonna clear up.

Put on a happy face.

Dust off those clouds and cheer up. Yeah, that is a ridiculous, inane

that only proves my point about the meaninglessness of the universe. Jen,

up. You're grounded for the rest of your life.

The sun will come out tomorrow.

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun.

But it'll be shining...

What's the matter with kids today?

What do you mean?

Come on, Alex. Anytime you want to speak to me about something that's hard for

you to talk about, you sit inside until I drag it out of you.

No, I do not.

All right, Alex. All right, okay.

This is very difficult for me to talk about.

Don't worry. I'll help you along.

I'm confused.

About Marty.

Because?

Although it's the last thing in the world you wanted, you find yourself

attracted to her.

And? You started to develop certain feelings for her that you can't control.

But? You have a deep, meaningful relationship with Lauren.

Which? You wouldn't want to harm her in any way.

So you're confused, tense, and worried.

Thank you, Mel.

You're a good listener.

Alex, it's easy to tell that you've liked Marty for the past week. You spent

every minute with her.

Oh, come on.

That was business. I mean, I've been tutoring the girl.

Oh, come on, Alex. If anyone tutored me that much, I'd make the dean's list.

Now, nobody could tutor anybody that much.

This is stupid.

I mean, this is ridiculous.

Lauren and I have been seeing each other for a year and a half.

We love each other very much.

I mean, Marty, Marty's a terrific girl, and I'm sure if I wasn't seeing somebody

else, you know, we might possibly be good for each other. But I am.

So that is that.

You're sure?

Absolutely. I'm telling you, you know, this emotional stuff is overrated. A

little rational, logical thought, and everything is resolved.

Well, I'm glad you sorted that out.

Don't forget, Thursday we start our unit on squeezing relatives out of the

family business.

Hey, you.

Hey.

You know, Cleo Lane is giving a concert at the Newing Auditorium.

Hey, no kidding.

No.

Who's Cleo Lane?

Well, she's one of the greatest jazz singers in the world. I saw her do Porgy

and Bess on Broadway. It gave me the chills.

Really, I saw Porgy and Beth. It was performed by the Leland Heights PTA.

Thelma Feinstein as Beth.

Gave me the hives.

Well, I'm sure Mr.

Feinstein enjoyed it. Oh, absolutely.

Well, he was Porgy.

Here, here, here, listen to this.

Embrace me, my sweet embrace.

giving a performance tonight and i've got two tickets embrace me do you want

go actually uh lauren's coming back tonight oh

well that's that's that's fine uh

listen marty we're gonna talk about this no no no that's okay um i'm just gonna

i'm gonna go have my legs waxed yeah look we we can't keep avoiding it

Let's just forget this whole thing, okay? I can't believe any of this.

How do you think I feel?

I don't know how you feel. I guess that's the problem, isn't it?

Look, it's not my fault that we've developed an attraction to each other.

We've developed an attraction to each other?

What? What? Because we spend a few days together? Big deal. And don't forget,

I've been paying for you all along, right?

You're a kept man.

Well, I never.

I mean, is that all I've been to you? Just a guy?

You know, good for a few laughs and a few nights of cheap tutoring?

Well, they weren't all that cheap.

Weren't all that cheap, huh?

All right, why don't I give you your money back, all right? Right? Let me

Seven lessons at $15 a shot. That's $105.

Thank you.

Mine is expensive.

What expenses?

How about that pizza I bought Wednesday night? And my gas money going to and

from your dorm. And who bought that damn toupee for Fluffy?

And this.

What is this?

Open it.

Alex, that's... It's beautiful.

Yeah, it was on sale.

I don't know what to say.

I have these incredible urge to kiss you.

Should I?

Well, I don't know. I mean, I've got a class soon, and it's already 6 .38.

My sweet, embraceable...

Watch the Frog.

Don't go away. There's more family ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And

tonight at 6, check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Will and Grace, and everybody loves Raymond.

Smile.

You're watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the Frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.