Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Okay,

these are all your birthday cards that arrived today, right?

Right. All the aunts, uncles, cousins, friends covered, right?

Right. Okay, I'm going to show you how to get through this pile of cards in

minutes. Ready?

You take your letter opener.

You take your card. Give it a clean slit along the top.

Like this. Give it one of these.

Quick snap of the wrist.

No money comes out.

In the trash.

Try the next one here.

Money comes out.

Keep the money. Take the card.

Throw it in the trash.

Either way, you don't have to read the card.

That's the beauty of it.

Hey,

what are you guys doing?

Looking for birthday money.

Well, that is terrible.

Now, where did you learn that?

I know, it's shocking, isn't it?

Oh, Andy, look. You know, this one's from your grandma.

Now, I bet you took a lot of special care trying to find a card for you with

nice birthday message.

Um, here.

Dear Andy, here's the cash. Love, Grandma.

Yeah, that's the kind of love you just can't buy.

Can you believe this? This is Andy's birthday wish list.

You know, Alex, this is reminiscent of your seventh birthday.

You were the only second grader I knew who took advantage of the bridal

registry.

It was a great birthday. I got two pocket calculators and a crystal gravy

Hi. Listen,

you are bad to me.

Nick's oldest friend in the world.

What, a prison furlough program?

His name is Scrapper.

He's very old. He's missing a few teeth. And he used to live with Nick's mom.

That would be Nick's dad?

No, it wouldn't be.

Nick Scrapper, come on in.

This is Scrapper. Isn't he great even looking? He looks like Nick.

Yeah, he does.

He's got his mother's nose, though.

Wow, a dog!

Hey, Scrappa, sit.

Sit.

Why can't you do that?

Whoa, hey, hey.

How are you? How are you? Please go away.

Keep it coming, Dr. Doolittle.

I'm sorry, I don't happen to relate well to quadrupeds. Oh, come on, Alex. I

know animals. This dog is just begging for a little love and affection. Aren't

you a little doggie?

Dad, sorry, he doesn't like to be called little doggie.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Sensitive.

How old is he?

Ah, well, let's see. I had him since I was six years old, so that would make

him, uh... Let me see, uh, carry the seven.

Twenty -two take away six would be, uh...

He'd be, uh, 22 minus 6.

16. He'd be 16. Right, right. So in dog years, that would make him, uh... Old,

Nick. He'd be old.

Yeah.

He used to live with my mom, but she moved. And they don't take pets in a new

building, so now he's mine again.

He likes you, Alex.

Yeah, yeah. It's mutual, Mal. I just wish someone would slip him a breath

No, I think Mal's right. You know, he gave you Dolly. He didn't give you Dolly

unless he likes you.

Scrapper, give Alex a kiss.

Oh, oh, great, great.

I just hope my pores weren't open.

Alex, how can you not like a doggie kiss?

What is there to like about having your face covered in kibble residue?

Oh, hey, hey, hey, you want to see him do some more tricks?

Somebody tell him to roll over.

Oh, me, me, me. Roll over, Scrapper. Roll over.

Just pin the teal on the donkey and bingo.

What else do you think would be fun for Andy's birthday party?

I don't know. Better ask your dad. He's in charge of the entertainment.

What do they have planned?

Oh, don't ask. He's gone completely overboard.

I'm sorry. You just won't do.

Because I've seen it all before. The confetti in the bucket, shtick, the

sweeping up the spotlight.

I want something special for my boy's birthday.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Maybe.

What's going on?

Dad's having a standoff with a clown.

I'll handle it.

Hey, Dad?

Is this bozo giving you a hard time?

All right. Listen, thanks a lot for coming. And by the way, clowns aren't

okay?

Oh, Zed, you got ten of them getting in and out of your car.

Hi.

Do you think Andy will suspect anything?

Yeah, I probably think it's one of Mallory's friends.

Hi.

Guys, you should have seen Scrapper playing Frisbee.

Keeps up and catches it every time. He's not as good at throwing, but he's still

better than Alan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but can he convert shillings into drachmas?

He can't do that, but he can. Are you

two available for birthday parties?

Here you go. Here's Dolly. Thank you.

God, I love this guy.

I almost forgot what great fun it was having them around.

Nick, what could you possibly have in common with an animal that does nothing

all day but eat, sleep, and chew shoes?

Then again, what don't you have in common?

Alex, animals are different than people.

Thank you for noticing.

Hey, anybody for another round of frisbee? Oh, yeah, come on, Alex, you

some pointers from Scrapper.

Yeah, I'll come with you. Hey, Scrapper!

Good boy.

That dog

hates me, at least.

He's not coming to Andy's party.

Stephen, you have gone totally off the deep end with his party business.

Nonsense, Elise. It's just going to be a small, tasteful get -together.

Now, look, the contortionist is coming at 2 o 'clock.

He, uh...

The human light bulb at 2 .15.

The human light bulb? Stephen, that's crazy.

She's only 60 watts late.

Mom, Dad.

Um... What?

Scrapper got hit by a car.

Was he okay? I don't know. I can't walk.

This has happened plenty of times. You know, Scrapper sees a car, he runs right

into it.

He's not too bright that way.

Yeah, but it was that cat that ran out in the street.

Cats are definitely his weakness. You know, he loves to run after them. I

think he wants to hurt them. It's just that he's never seen one close up.

I wish I could say the same.

Thank you for watching them.

They seem very fond of you. Yeah, they sure do. They sure do. You should think

about getting their claws sharpened, though.

Left some skin on my neck.

I think you're their mother.

It's impossible.

I've been out of town.

Oh, hey, hey, Dr.

Austin. How's he doing, huh? Pretty banged up this time?

Nick, why don't we go talk in here?

Come on, would you, man?

Oh, so what is it, huh? Doc, what'd he do, break his leg?

No, I'm afraid there are other, much more serious problems.

Just tell me.

Scrapper was obviously hit very hard. He's suffered some brain damage.

Hey, that's okay. I mean, he doesn't have to be that smart.

I'm afraid it's not a matter of that. He's breathing in only 20 % of his lung

capacity, and there's also some internal bleeding.

Well, what do you think?

I'm saying that you may have to consider euthanasia.

How could I consider? I don't even know what it means.

Euthanasia means having Scrapper put to sleep.

No way. I am not going to do that.

Isn't there something else you can do?

Well, I could operate to stop the bleeding.

So do that.

Nick, I have to tell you, Scrapper's a very, very old dog.

His chances of making it are slim.

If you'd like, you can have some time to think about it. You know, the last

thing I want to do is think about it. I'm sorry, Nick.

What other choice do I have, huh?

Go ahead.

Operate.

Do me a favor and put this in his cage.

Don't you make fun of him for having a dolly.

I'll do everything I can.

Okay.

Okay, thanks.

Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. The party is in two days.

We'll see you then. This is great. Watch the antenna.

Thanks.

Great, great.

unless you were going to keep this simple. Elise, please, please. You've

get into the spirit. A boy only turns seven once in his life.

Don't let it happen without a crustacean.

Do you guys know a good place I could hide Andy's birthday present? He won't

stop snooping. Right now, he is scanning my bedroom with a metal detector.

I'll try the whole closet. I'll try anything right now.

Hi, Ken.

That's it. I can't take it. It's a chemistry set.

Is this okay yet?

Nick and Alex and Mallory are still with the vet, honey, but I'm sure

everything's going to be okay.

I want to tell you something.

What is it, birthday boy?

I don't want to have a birthday party.

But, Andy, why not?

It just doesn't seem right what Scrapper's going through.

Honey, that's very sweet.

Hi. Hi, how'd it go?

Surgery's over, but the doctor said it's too soon to tell.

Jan, it was so sad seeing Scrapper sleeping alone there in his cage.

I mean, when Nick saw him, I can't believe he didn't cry.

Alex cried, though.

That was an allergic reaction, and you know it.

What are you doing?

What do you have there, Nick?

Just some presents for Scrapper. When he gets out, I'm going to spoil him

rotten. Check it out. I got a little squeaky ball here.

I love this.

And a little plastic fire hydrant on his own.

And a rawhide chew bone.

That's for me.

That's what I want for my birthday.

Presents for Scrapper.

Do you think he'd like a chemistry set?

I'm so glad to see how optimistic you are. Hey, he is going to pull through,

Mrs. Keaton. You know, I know Scrapper. He's a little trooper.

And when he gets out and he's back on his paws again, me and him are going to

look at the album I'm going to make from these photos here.

Look, there's us in our backyard.

And there's my mom with Scrapper.

And there's Scrapper chasing a stick.

Oh, there's my mom chasing a stick.

There's my mom and Scrapper both chasing a stick.

And here's one just at a stick.

God, those were good times.

Hello?

Oh, yes.

Hi, Dr. Austin.

Yeah, he is. Hold on.

Nick, it's the vet.

Uh, hello?

Yes?

Uh -huh.

Okay, I'll be there.

I... He said Scrapper's not doing so good.

Oh, no.

Honey.

Damn.

You know, if he hadn't come to stay with me, this never would have happened. He

wouldn't have gotten run over, and everything would just be fine. Nick,

your fault.

Where the hell is the doctor?

Nick, give him a minute. He's in with a parakeet that swallowed a swing.

You wouldn't believe what I just saw.

There's a parakeet out there shaped like a swing.

Alex.

Alex, what are you doing here?

Oh, listen, I know you guys.

Uh, well, I know you think I don't have much of a rapport with animals, but, um,

this is a special place in my heart for old Scrapper.

Hey, thanks, Alex.

No, I... No, no, no, hey, Alex, you can stay.

Yeah?

So, uh, what's the story, Doc? How's he doing, huh?

Nick, things didn't go as well as we'd hoped.

Um, I'm gonna have a seat.

Um... Isn't there anything more we can do?

Maybe he just needs a little rest, huh?

Nick, right now Scrapper's on heavy medication, so he's only semi

When he comes out of it, he'll be scared and in pain.

Now, we can keep him alive for a little while on machines, but that would be

more for you than Scrapper.

So you're saying there's no hope, huh?

Nick, this isn't an easy thing to say, but...

The best thing you can do for Scrapper right now is to put him to sleep.

I... I can't do that.

It's so final.

Well, he's in pain. You have to let them take the pain away.

Nick, it'll happen very quickly and peacefully.

It's a decision that requires courage, but really it comes out of love.

Scrapper's my pal.

I can't let him hurt like that.

Can I at least say goodbye to him?

Yes, of course.

We'll leave you alone, okay? I love you.

Thanks.

All right,

I'm okay. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Scrap, what are you doing, buddy?

I'll be outside.

Oh, Scrapper.

Oh, boy.

Something's going to happen to you that I can't do nothing about.

Where are you going?

There's going to be somebody really nice there to take care of you.

Hey, God.

It's me, Mickey.

Can you do me a favor and take a little scrap here and put him under your wing?

Give him a lot of love.

He's really good at frisbee.

I mean, if you're into that kind of thing.

And he's a very, very special little soul.

Oh, I love you, Scrapper.

A chemistry set. Thanks, Jen.

What a nice surprise.

Okay, okay, okay.

What's next?

About a little pin the tail on the donkey, huh?

It's really not much of a party feeling, honey.

Even the lobster's depressed.

Where's Nick?

Oh, he's on his way over.

Poor Nick.

He cries so hard on the way home, you know, like a little kid when you can't

catch your breath.

I mean, at first I couldn't hear him because Alex was crying so hard.

Can I help you?

Dad, can you get this guy out of here? I'm going to have nightmares.

Get going, buddy. I'm going to start boiling water in a minute.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Oh, excuse me just a moment.

buddy. It's for you.

So, how you doing, Nick? You okay?

Uh, no.

But, uh, yeah, I guess. You?

Yeah.

Hey, uh, you know, I'm real sorry I had to drag all you into this, huh? Honey,

don't be silly.

No, it's okay. Nick, you're like family.

Guy's dog just died.

You know,

I feel like part of me died with Scrapper. It's just in every memory I

childhood, Scrapper's part of him. You know, and it's just strange to think

he's gone.

Nick, we know that nothing will ever take Scrapper's place and that he'll

have a special place in your heart and in your memories.

We can't help feeling that Scrapper would want you to go on. You know, want

to start over.

Here, Nick, I want to give you this. It's the best birthday present I could

have.

Oh, hey there, little buddy.

You know, you give him a good home, Nick.

Oh, hey, thanks, you guys.

Thanks a lot. Hey, pal.

What do you say? You want to be pals with me?

So go away, there's more Family Ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And

tonight at 6, check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Will and Grace, and everybody loves Raymond.

Smile.

You're watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.