Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we did.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without her?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without her?

Sha -la -la -la.

I've beaten you 58 games in a row. What do you have to say about that?

All right.

You got some momentum.

Momentum? Alex, I blocked every shot you took.

Maybe that was my strategy.

You ever think of that?

Maybe I wanted you to win 58 games in a row.

That way you get overconfidence, start getting sloppy.

Then I make my move.

Let's face it, Ellie.

We could play 100 more games and I'll beat you every time.

And you know why?

Because I am a better player than you are. I'm quicker, I'm a better

and I'm tougher.

I'm telling.

Bye!

Hey, Jenny, we're shaking, huh?

Hey, Alec, I'm my little friend.

I'm fine. I'm fine, Nick. And I'm not your little friend.

Oh, hey, sorry, man.

Mallory!

Hey, Mallory!

Hi.

Hey, babe.

Where you been?

Ah, nowhere.

What's happening?

Ah, nothing, you know. What you been doing?

Duff, where are we going?

Around some place.

The McNeil -Lair report will be right back.

Alex, do you mind? This conversation does not involve you.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Well, I'd love to sit around and grunt with you, too.

I gotta get going.

Hey, come on. I'm starving. You ready to go?

Oh, Nick, I forgot to tell you. I can't go out tonight. I have to go out to

dinner with my parents at the lobster pot.

Why don't you come with us?

Oh, what are you, kidding?

You know, your folks don't want me along for dinner. They're still upset about

last time.

Oh, right.

I don't know what the big deal was. They got all upset about how I was dressed.

You know, I wore a tie.

But you didn't wear a shirt.

Didn't want to spill nothing on it.

Hey, come along anyway. I think my parents are really getting to like you.

yeah. So why can't they say my name without gritting their teeth?

Hello, Nick.

Good to see you.

They don't. They stop doing that.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Hi, Mel.

Look who's here.

Hello, Nick.

I invited Nick along for dinner. I hope that's okay.

when they brought around the lobster tank, Nick was supposed to just pick one

for his dinner, not set them all free.

Nick's an artist. He's sensitive.

He couldn't stand to see lobsters cooped up like criminals, so he let them go.

Hey, Mr.

Keaton, I'm sorry.

Like I said, you know, I just got carried away.

Anyway, I told you I'd pay you back.

I got 40 lobsters in here, Nick.

I don't need money. I need recipes.

Stephen, what are we going to do with all of these? Don't know.

Look, let's just take them upstairs and put them in the bathtub until we figure

out something to do.

That's good. They'll probably want to freshen up after the long ride home.

Mallory, I'm about to give up on your parents.

You know, everything I do around them turns out bad. I let the lobsters go,

get upset. They're so unpredictable.

Why does this kind of thing always have to happen?

I'm sorry.

No, forget it. Forget it.

I'm going to go change. I'll be down in a minute.

This guy tried to make a break for it.

I wrestled him to the ground.

Why don't you let him go, Alex? He looks so sad.

No, no, Nick, he's fine, really.

He wasn't trying to run away.

He just wanted to grab a quick smoke.

Hey, um, Alex, can I talk to you for a minute?

I got a little problem, and I think you can help.

Well, sure, Nick. I'm always here for you.

What is it?

And make it quick.

Look, like, I'm always getting in trouble around your parents.

I mean, it really upsets Mallory, and I don't want to put her through it

anymore. So you gotta help me.

I gotta be more acceptable to your parents, but I don't know how.

Well, what do you want me to do, Nick?

Well, um, show me how to fit in, you know? Show me how to be like you.

Well, Nick... It isn't that easy.

I mean, if it was, everybody would be doing it.

Hey, come on, Alex. You know, show me what's wrong with me and how can I fix

Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick.

I wouldn't know where to start.

Just pick a place.

All right, okay.

Let's start with the way you talk.

When you walk into a room and everybody says hello, what do you say?

Hey.

What is that?

Where's my hello?

Well, then just say hello.

Hello, Alex.

Hey, that's a start, okay? You got the words right anyway. Okay, listen. If you

want to fit in here at all, you got to learn to make normal conversation, okay?

No more monosyllabic grunts. Huh?

No. No, no more.

You got to know things. You got to read the newspaper. You got to get a job.

You have got to change, Nick.

I do, huh? That's right. That's right. If you want to fit in around here, Nick,

you've got to look like me.

You've got to act like me. You've got to talk like me. You've got to be another

me.

Okay. I'll do it.

I'll do it because I love Mallory.

Why do you do it?

Sweet boy.

Yes, you are. And a very good boy.

A good boy.

Boy, and you're a smart boy.

Yes, you are. Very, very smart, smart boy. Yes, you are. Mom, you're doing it

again. What's that?

You're creating another Alex.

You must be stopped.

Don't you remember our little talk?

Yeah, yeah, I do. I didn't think you would.

This is great.

Mom, Jen.

Guess who?

Nick?

Hello, Mrs. Keaton.

Jennifer. A lovely evening, wouldn't you say?

I'm a bit tardy. Mallory must be waiting for me.

Indeed she is.

Allow me to call her for you.

I would be obliged.

Oh, Mallory!

I say, Mallory, Nick is here.

Coming!

Okay, where are they?

Hey, Mallory!

Over here, it's me, Nick.

Whoa.

Nick? Yeah?

What happened to you?

What do you mean, what happened to me?

You look ridiculous. You look like Alex.

I didn't hear motorcycle.

Oh, I sold it. I took the bus here. I find public transportation in this

community to be clean and efficient.

Has your experience been similar?

Um, yeah.

Oh, and additionally, I got a job at Gleason Brothers Shoes.

Currently, I am in the stockroom, but I hope to be elevated to sales one day.

Can I talk to Nick alone?

That's okay. We were on our way upstairs. Anyway, make sure none of the

escaped. Yeah, we think they're digging a tunnel.

Nick, what's going on? Hey, Mom, Mallory, I know it seems weird, but it's

important to me to win your parents' respect.

Why? Well, if they don't respect me, it upsets you, you know, so I made a few

changes. But it's not really you.

Please, Mallory, I'm doing this because I love you.

Well, I guess that's a good reason.

Hey, let's celebrate.

Come on, I want to take you out to dinner, all right?

Oh, okay, let's go.

But you aren't going to go out dressed like that, are you?

I guess I am a little underdressed to go out with you now.

I'll go change.

All right.

How do you do? I'm Stephen Keaton.

Hey, Mr. Keaton, it's me, Nick.

Hey.

Nick!

It is you.

Hey, what'd I tell you?

I've been meaning to strike up this conversation with you for some time. You

know, scientists say that the Earth is going to self -destruct within two

billion years.

Now, what can we as citizens do?

Lobster again?

Come on, Jennifer, you'll love it.

This is the fourth time this week I'm starting to grow claws.

I'm doing something a little different tonight.

Lobster dogs.

Hi, honey. I'm home.

Oh, hi. How did your meeting go?

Well, the Wallaces approved my plans for the new addition to their house.

Oh, great.

Oh, by the way, Elise, I thought I'd invite Nick to dinner tonight.

Again? Can't we have one dinner this week without Nick?

Yeah, we could, but what's the point?

I don't know.

this new Nick makes me uncomfortable.

Well, I kind of like new Nick. He's got a job. He dresses nicely. He's up on

current events.

I agree with Dad. Come on, this new Nick is a dream.

He speaks in complete sentences.

He walks erect.

He doesn't drool.

He's too good for Mallory.

Hey, Nick, how's the shoe business going? Oh, fine.

Let's say I'm just taking it one step at a time.

I got some big news today.

I was promoted.

I am out of the stock room and into sales.

Am I dreaming?

Pinch me.

That's great. That's great, Nick. Congratulations. After only two weeks.

I forget, I got a little something for you.

Oh, Nick.

than to bring me these. It's very nice of you.

It's okay.

They're defective.

Just wear a couple pairs of socks with them.

Um, Nick, we better get going. We're going to be late for the art show.

Uh, Mallory, I think I would rather spend some time with your family. You

we don't have to go out every night.

We haven't been out any night in two weeks.

Mallory, I am a working man now. You know, it would be irresponsible for me

go. They have to be fresh for that shoe store in the morning. You understand,

don't you?

Okay, sure.

Therefore, rubber soles are far more superior than the traditional leather

bottoms. They're more durable.

They last longer.

And best of all, they don't wear out.

And don't let anybody else try to tell you different.

Don't let anybody else try to tell you different.

But, right now... Nick, what's going on? Let's go to a movie or something.

Mallory, it's getting a little late. I don't think your parents would approve.

Nick, it's 7 .15.

Andrew is still up.

You know, speaking of Andrew, has he started to wear baby shoes yet?

Mr. Keaton, let's talk baby shoes.

No, no, no.

You kids go out. You have a good time. We insist.

Yes, please. Go now.

We'll keep talking about shoes.

I swear.

That's okay, Mrs. Keaton. We'll stay here with you.

Oh, great.

Okay, well, I believe you were telling us about rubber soles.

Yes. Now, as I was saying... I don't want to stay...

Hey, I'm Nick.

Look, I'll show you. I'll do you one of my haze.

Just give it time. You'll get used to it, Mallory. I don't want to get used to

this, Nick.

Mallory. Why don't you just go home?

Okay.

You

don't

have to pretend you're asleep. Nick's gone.

All right, we weren't sleeping.

Yeah. We all admit it. We were all awake.

How can we sleep when you're so obviously asleep?

Come here. Oh, yes, Mr. Gleason.

I've told you a thousand times.

Push the elite petite, not the slinky sphinx.

I have 600 gross of elite petites back there, and you're pushing the slinky

sphinx? What's wrong with you, Moore?

I thought you looked better in the slinky sphinx.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason. I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason. I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason. You

to know who's sorry? Mr. Gleason is sorry.

Push the elite.

Petits, get busy more.

Yes, Mr. Gleason.

Hey, Mr.

Keaton, good to see you.

Hello, Nick.

Hey, guess what?

This is where I work.

I'm aware of that, Nick.

Look, I came down here... Young man, you were helping me. Oh, I...

But I can only handle one person at a time. Now, this man was in line outside

this door before we opened up this morning.

Okay, but I'm next.

Nick,

I came down here to talk to you.

Oh, so what kind of shoes did you have in mind, sir? I haven't had a chance to

look around.

You'll love the Elite Petite. No!

Mr. Moore, no.

The Elite Petite's a woman's shoe.

That's fine with me, just fine.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Sorry, Mr. Gleason. I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason. I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason. You

know who's sorry?

Uh, Mr. Gleason?

That's right.

Take this and clean this up and get back to work.

Yes, Mr. Gleason.

Nick, what are you doing?

I'm putting these boxes back on the shelf.

No, no. I mean, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm putting these boxes back on the shelf. No, no, no, no.

You misunderstood.

What is someone like you doing in a store like this?

I'm putting these boxes back on the shelf.

Nick, we're at a standstill.

Look, look, what I'm saying is I know you took this job just for my sake.

And I know that's why you changed your appearance and gave up your art.

Oh, no, not at all. I like shoes much more than art.

More?

Get this cleaned up and get back to work. Right away, Mr. Gleeson. Get busy

more, and I mean now.

Look at you, Nick.

You're miserable. Don't do this to yourself.

All right, so I'm miserable.

You know, I'd rather it be that I'm miserable than Mallory. I mean, she was

miserable when I didn't get along with you.

She's miserable now, Nick. She wants you back the way you were.

Oh, who do you like better, the old me or the new me?

Is there a third choice?

I don't think so.

Look, Nick, whatever our problems are, we can work them out.

Our relationship has to be based on mutual trust and

respect.

I love what you tried to do for me.

But it was wrong, Nick.

Don't change for me.

I'll get those stockings for you.

See what love can do?

This girl is demolished, and it's all because of Nick.

I would really appreciate if you would not mention his name.

I don't want to hear the name Nick anymore.

Sure, sure, Mel. I understand.

Ooh, this knick -knack is Nick.

I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.

Can you pass me the sports page? I want to see how the Knicks are doing.

Valerie!

Hey, Valerie!

Nick?

Nick?

Hey!

Oh,

no, no, no, Nick!

What did you do?

Hey, Alec.

Oh, Nick, we were doing so well.

The old Nick is back.

You should have seen this guy. He pulled me aside and told me what I was doing

was wrong. I mean, he was so passionate. It was beautiful.

Oh, that reminds me, Lisa. I've got some stockings for you.

Why?

I'll explain later.

Hey, uh, thanks, Mr. Keaton.

I mean, you showed me the error of my ways.

I mean, he knew I didn't need a job.

That's not exactly the moral here.

Well, I know, but, you know, I was just trying to make you think that I was good

enough for your daughter.

And it didn't work. I mean, I lost her and I gained Alex.

And that's no good.

Well, I put on a pot of coffee and I just baked a batch of lobster chip

I'm sorry if I hurt you, but all I know is I did it for you.

I don't want any other neck. I just want you.

Hey. Hey.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.