Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

With the light I started breathing on the night we hid.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Okay, Jennifer, you had the cheese omelet.

Mallory, yours is Eggs Benedict.

Thanks. And Stephen, yours is Soft Boiled.

Thank you.

Um, Karen, these all look the same. They're all scrambled.

Yeah, well, that's the only way I know how to make eggs.

I just thought it'd be more exciting if I called them by different names.

That was exciting.

Morning, morning. Mallory, get off the phone.

I'm not on the phone.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry, it's just reflex.

When you get off the phone... I can't stop doing that.

What's your obsession with the phone this morning? I'm waiting for an

phone call from Susie Farkas.

You see, yesterday I invited her to the big Alpha Phi Epsilon dance, and any

second now, she's going to call me with her answer.

So when you get off the phone, I can't stop doing that.

Alex, you're not in a fraternity. Why are you going to the dance?

Because they invited me, Jen, along with a few other select freshmen so they can

evaluate us and decide if they like us.

I don't see what you're so excited about, Alex. I heard the Alpha guys are

a bunch of rich, snobby kids. All they care about is status, success, and

That's exactly why I'm excited.

Alex, can I make you some breakfast?

Karen, I'm sorry. I was so caught up in myself this morning that I didn't even

notice how great you look today.

Thank you.

Did I mention how great you looked yesterday?

All day.

Good.

In case I don't see you tomorrow.

Alex, I hate to cut you off in mid -druel, but I've got to go to work. You

to lift to school? We're going to have to leave right now.

Oh, yeah, Dad, just another minute, okay? Susie said she'd call me by 8, and

it's almost 8 now.

Well, it makes you think Susie can tell time.

There she is. There she is.

Hello. Oh, hi, Susie.

No, no, no, no, it's 8 o 'clock now.

No, no, you see, the big hand is at the door.

Then I'll explain it to you on Saturday, okay?

You, uh, you can make it on Saturday.

Great, good.

Okay, no, uh, I'll see you then.

Okay, bye -bye.

All right, okay, when the guys at Alpha House see her as my date, I'm as good as

in. Is that how they judge you by how good your date look?

Actually, Dad, the way I see it, it's just one factor among many. You know,

they're also interested in how I dress and what kind of car I drive.

Oh, that's a different story.

Hi, how you doing?

Hi, I'm Petey Gordon.

Are you Don Carruthers and Craig Duval?

No, I'm not them.

I'm Alex Keaton. Hi, I'm Petey Gordon.

Hi. I'm supposed to come by and see Don Carruthers and Craig Duval because I'm

pledging a frat. That's what this letter said, to come by and see them today for

a very important meeting.

Yeah, I get the same letter.

You couldn't have.

Mine says, Dear Petey.

I'm really nervous about this.

I mean, they have to take me. My dad was in this frat, so I'm in for sure.

So why are you so nervous?

Well, I'm always nervous.

I mean, what if my dad wasn't really in his fraternity, but he lied to me?

That's a good point.

Hello, guys.

You must be Petey Gordon and Alex Keaton. You have to take me. You have to

me. My dad was in this frat, so you have to take me.

Petey, look.

While we interview Alex here, why don't you just wait over here in the chapter

room and watch the big TV?

Oh, that is a big TV.

I don't think I could watch the whole thing, but I'll give it a shot.

Sit down, Alex.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

I'm sure you're aware of the importance of this interview.

Oh, I sure am, Greg.

So how much do you know about Alpha Phi Epsilon?

Well, not much. I know that it was founded in 1911.

That its mascot is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

And its motto is image is everything.

He's very good.

Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, family roots, that sort of

Oh, well,

we Keatons go way, way back.

To the Mayflower?

No, actually before the Mayflower.

Before the Mayflower?

Yeah.

You see, our ancestors came over about a month before the Mayflower.

On the Aprilflower.

You see, they came over and checked it out and saw that everything was okay

and said, send over the Mayflower.

Alex, what does your father do for a living?

Well,

Well, I'm not at liberty to discuss my father's occupation.

Suffice to say that it's very impressive.

In fact, I'm thinking of it right now, and I'm very impressed.

Well, Alex, look, as you probably already know, there are only a few spots

this year's pledge class.

Well, I just want to be one of those spots.

Unfortunately, we've had a flood of legacies.

Yes, too many.

Well, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Of course not. Come in. Come in, Dean McCall.

Dean McCall, this is Alex Keaton, one of our new prospective pledges.

Alex, I'm sure you know the Dean of Men, who's also an alpha man. Oh, I had no

idea you were an alphite.

Yeah, an elfist.

An alfalfa.

Well, I'm very proud to be one.

How do you turn this thing on?

Well, I'm really looking forward to the big rush dance tomorrow night. I always

like to see if the new pledges are up to snuff.

Well, don't worry about Keaton here, sir. He's one of our most promising

prospects. Yes, I can see that.

Any word on what his date looks like? Oh, she's beautiful, sir. I mean, she's

really, uh, civilized.

I hope not too civilized. She's an animal, sir.

Girls,

are you sure you know how to cut hair?

Absolutely, Dad, now just relax.

Yeah, you look great with the mohawk.

Just kidding, Dad.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, Karen taught us how to do hairstyling, and Dad volunteered to be

victim. I mean customer, just kidding, Dad. Yeah, it is, dear.

Alex, do you want to be next?

No, thanks.

I already gave blood this week.

Anyway, I've got to pick out a suit for the big fraternity dance.

Just relax, Alex. The dance isn't until tomorrow night.

Hey, Mallory, this is important.

You know, the only thing standing between me and that fraternity is the

suit and the quality of my date.

Hello.

Hey, Susie, how's your diet coming?

She's down to 107 pounds.

When she gets to 100, sell.

What?

Your leg.

Ah, are you sure it's broken? Because a lot of times on those x -rays, it can

look broken, but be perfectly all right.

No, no, no, no, never mind.

Okay, bye.

Oh, no.

Susie Farkas broke her ankle ice skating.

Compound fracture.

This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

I hope she sends you a card.

Whoops, sorry.

Sorry.

Hold my...

I told you not to cut the top.

Hey, Alex.

What's wrong?

My date broke her ankle ice skating and had to cancel out on me for tomorrow

night. I told her to stay indoors until the dance.

Well, aren't there any other girls you could ask? I mean, a nice -looking boy

like you, you should be able to get a date.

Of course I could get a date. But I need more than a date.

I need somebody beautiful, sensuous, intelligent.

At least Susie was two out of three.

See, Alex, I'm sorry. I wish I could help.

You know, and I went and bragged to all the guys about her.

You know, the worst part is I bragged to Dean McCall.

And I'm never going to be able to look that man in the eye again.

Well, you just tell the truth, Alex.

I got a better idea.

Why don't you come with me?

You don't pretend to be my date.

Your date?

Yeah, yeah. It'll be a piece of cake. We'll go in, a couple of cha -chas, a

rumba, a bunny hop.

We're out of there.

Alex, I don't think I'd be much help getting into that fraternity. Karen, I

up with you, they'll make me president.

No, that's not a good idea, Alex. I really can't. Come on, we won't stay for

long. Alex, I don't want to go, all right?

It'll be a great dance, okay? It'll be a lot of fun. You know, a real college

crowd.

Hey, I understand.

No, look, if you can't make it, you can't make it.

No, thanks anyway, Grandma.

No dice?

Nah, Grandma claims she has a headache.

You can't believe this is happening to me. The dance starts in an hour.

Hi, everybody.

How's it going?

Skippy, are you ready for your haircut?

Absolutely. My hair can't wait.

You and the lovely Mallory are going to transform me into something wonderful.

Skippy, it's only a haircut. It's not a magic trick.

Skippy, why are you going to let them cut your hair?

Why not?

I heard what a great job they did on your dad.

It's a nice hat, Mr. Keaton.

They all want to...

Thanks, but I'm only wearing it because Mallory and Jennifer... Love to see you

in hats.

Yeah, you look great. Yeah.

Let's go, Skippy.

I can't wait.

You know, I wish your dad didn't love baseball so much so I could see his

haircut.

So, uh, any luck getting a date?

No, no, Dad, I am without a date on what might be the most important night of my

freshman year.

Grandma used the old headache excuse?

Did you try Aunt Molly?

It's her bowling night.

Look, Alex, I'm sorry you don't have a date.

I know it's disappointing, but try to make the best of it. Go and have a good

time anyway.

Thanks, Dad.

You know, Alex... If it makes you feel any better, there is not a guy in the

world who hasn't found himself without a date on a very important night.

Happen to you?

No, never.

Alex.

Alex, I just wanted to tell you before you go that I really wish I could go

you, but I can't.

And it's a very good reason, but it's a personal reason, which I don't want to

tell you. But I'd tell you if I could, and I'd go with you if I could, but I

can't. And that's the reason.

What's the reason?

The reason is that I can't tell you the reason.

Look, Karen, I understand.

I mean, you feel uncomfortable because you're older than I am.

But I'm just asking you to do this for me as a favor. I mean, without you, I

have no chance of getting into the fraternity.

It's very important to me.

Please. Alex, I can't.

All right.

Okay, this is fine.

I just don't see what the big deal is. I mean, it's one or two hours.

All right.

Never mind.

When do I get to move in?

Not so fast, Petey.

They have to take me. They have to.

I'm a legacy.

You know, Petey, every new pledge has to be able to fit in the dumbwaiter. Have

you tried that yet? Yes, I have. Perfect fit.

You have to take me.

Hey, Alex.

Hi, guys. Good to see you.

It's a nice -looking suit.

You're off to a good start.

Thanks.

Listen, I... So, where's this girl you were telling us about?

This beautiful day to yours. Well, uh, he's not, uh, not here right

now. Oh?

No, look, guys, you see, things didn't turn out quite the way I'd expected.

are you saying, Keaton?

Uh, well, see, it was a little, little problem that I didn't expect, and she,

uh, didn't know.

Sorry I'm late. My plane was delayed.

That happens.

That happens.

Those planes can only go so fast.

The important thing is you're here, Karen.

You're here.

Thank God you're here.

So, um, this is your date? Yes, I'm Karen Nicholson.

Yeah, this is Don Carruthers and Craig Duvall. I must say, Keaton, you were

rather modest the other day, considering.

Yeah, well, Craig, I hate to toot my own horn, but beep, beep.

Guys, will you excuse us for a minute? Yeah, pardon us just for a moment,

please.

Karen, this is working out great.

Alex, no, it's not.

I thought you said you couldn't come. Well, I thought it over. I knew how much

it meant to you. Oh, Karen, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, Alex.

It's okay.

You don't have to thank me.

Can we go now?

What? What are you talking about? Karen, you just got here.

Yeah, I know, but I feel really uncomfortable here.

Well, all right. Just a few more minutes, okay?

Okay.

There's someone that I want you to meet.

Okay. Oh, Alex, no. Excuse me. Excuse me, Dean. Hello, Alex. I'd like you to

meet my date, sir. This is Karen.

Good guess.

That's right.

Karen. Karen Nicholson. Karen Nicholson. Hello, Ian. Ian. Dean.

You've met.

Yes. Yes, we have. Well, it's a small world.

May I speak with you privately, Karen?

No, Ian. Let's just forget we saw each other tonight. Let's pretend this never

happened, okay?

Please? Alex.

Karen, we have some things to talk about.

No, Ian, we did have some things to talk about. But as I recall, the last words

you spoke to me three months ago were, I'll call you tomorrow.

It's a very tiny, tiny world.

Karen, can we talk about this somewhere else?

No, Ian, I'd rather not talk about it at all, all right?

Karen! What?

Karen, I know this may be hard to believe after all that's happened, but I

love you.

Karen!

You see, they've met.

Karen, what did I do that was so terrible? You lied to me. You were never

with me.

I never want to see you again.

Karen, I have a birthday.

coming up.

I'd like to spend it with you.

All I can tell you is it'll grow

back.

Promise?

Mr. Caton, thank you.

I could never go through this alone.

Well, I'm... I'm glad I could be here for you.

Hi,

Karen. What are you doing here?

Mr. Keaton, have you got a minute?

I'm sorry to bother you so late. No bother.

You could have dressed more casually.

Mr. Keaton, this is very difficult for me to say. I'm having trouble coming up

with the exact words.

I hope you'll forgive me if I kind of stammer and beat around the bush.

No problem.

Take your time.

I quit.

Quit?

Mr. Keaton, I know you've been wondering why a person like me applied for a

housekeeping job in the first place.

Well, it has crossed my mind.

You see, I'm from a rich family, and we always had servants to take care of us

and clean up.

I never learned how to do anything like that.

That's why I'm such a terrible cook.

So you became a housekeeper to learn to do those things?

No, no, there's more.

You see...

I never had to do anything for myself, and so in some ways I never really grew

up. After I got out of college, I had no interest in a career of any kind.

I was bored.

So you became a housekeeper.

No, there's still more.

You see, I felt like I needed to cling on to somebody or something, so I met

this man, an older man, recently separated from his wife, and we fell in

Are we up to the housekeeping part yet?

No.

Anyway, my parents didn't approve of him, but I didn't really mind because

man had asked me to marry him.

Except he didn't. And I found out I wasn't the only girl he was dating.

And then he went back to his wife.

So all of a sudden I found myself very alone and very scared.

I see.

So you became a housekeeper to earn a living?

No.

I lived off my trust fund for a year.

But then it ran out, so then... Then what?

Then I became your housekeeper.

But not just for the money, also for the companionship. See, I was hoping I'd

find a really nice family that I could become close to since I was never really

close to my own.

And I did.

Thank you.

Dad, can you excuse us for a minute?

No, Alex, it's all right. Your father knows everything.

Karen, I'm sorry.

I mean, I feel terrible.

I was so caught up in my own problems that I didn't pay any attention to your

feelings. You said you didn't want to go. I should have respected that.

Go? Go where?

You know, it's ironic. One of the main reasons I came to work here was to avoid

seeing him, and then tonight I had to see him.

Um, see who?

Dean McCall and the rest of those guys are jerks.

Dad, what would you have done in this situation?

Uh, what situation is that?

What's going on?

It's very complicated.

I was just explaining why I'm quitting.

You're quitting?

I knew that.

You have to quit, Karen?

Yeah, I know.

For the first time tonight, I really felt in control of my life. It's time

me to move on now.

Well, I'm really going to miss you, Karen.

Yeah, so am I.

We were going to cut your hair next.

You're leaving at just the right time.

I want to thank you for helping me out tonight.

I'm just sorry for what happened. Hey, hey, hey, forget about it.

I mean, I don't belong in that fraternity any more than you belong in

kitchen. You're right, but I'm here and I'm kind of hungry. Would you like me to

boil some waffles to go with the ice cream?

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.