Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we did.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Yo, Blackjack.

Again? You beat me 14 out of 15 hands.

Of course I'd be you, Jennifer. I'm playing with the Alex Keaton blackjack

system. It's the work of a genius.

Okay, I've watched enough. I think I got the hang of it. Now deal me in.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, place your bets.

One for the little lady, one for the little man, and one

for the house.

Valerie, hit me.

Again. Again.

Again.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. Mallory, you got 46 showing.

So, doesn't high man win?

For the last time, Mallory, the object in blackjack is to obtain a hand having

value greater than the dealer's hand, but without being over 21.

Hit me, Jen.

Yo -hoo, eight. I needed that. 21.

17. You win again, Allie. I'm telling you, Jennifer, my system is gonna help

and Dad break the bank in Atlantic City.

Forget it, Alex. Mom and Dad are not going to gamble.

Alex, the only reason we're even going on this trip is because Mom has to give

speech to a bunch of architects at some convention.

This trip is all business to her.

We'll walk in a dream, on the board, walking across the city. Life will be

peaches and cream, wow.

Haven't you guys gotten that out of your system yet? Mallory, we're in a good

mood. We're going to go to Atlantic City. It's the most exciting place on

East Coast.

It's so rich in history. The old hotels, the beaches, the boardwalk.

Gambling. Mom, don't forget gambling.

No gambling for us, Alex. I still have work to do in my speech.

That could take up most of my free time.

I wouldn't say no gambling, Elise. This is Atlantic City, Las Vegas of the

eastern seaboard. We want to give that old Keaton luck a try.

Have you ever gambled and won?

Never.

Isn't it like throwing money out the window? Yes, but that's less

Let's go!

Isn't this a great room, Elise?

You can really smell the fresh ocean air.

Does it make you feel the way it makes me feel?

I don't know. Do you feel like going over any notes?

I was hoping at this stage of our relationship that wouldn't be necessary.

I'm sorry, Stephen. I was thinking about my presentation. I'm a little nervous

about it. Maybe this will help you relax.

It might.

I told you we should have knocked first.

I wouldn't have stopped him anyway.

So, how do you two like your room?

Great. But why do they have mirrors on the ceiling?

The mirrors on the ceiling are for in case you break your legs and you want to

comb your hair.

Look, Mom.

Tom Jones is appearing in this very hotel.

Oh, maybe we can see his show.

Better yet, I might see him in the lobby or something.

Room service, please.

Jennifer, I thought we made it clear we have to economize this. No room service.

We don't need room service, Jan. It's so expensive. We can eat great and save a

small fortune with this coupon book the travel agency sent.

Look at this.

Breakfast for the five of us. All you can eat for $1 .50.

This says we have to eat breakfast between 3 .30 and 4 o 'clock in the

It'll work out fine. Look, we'll set the alarm for 3 .15.

We'll go downstairs and eat a huge breakfast.

And if we really wolf it down, you'll be back in your bed by 4 o 'clock.

Okay, guys and dolls.

I have condensed the entire Alex Keaton blackjack system into 98 simple steps.

Here you go, Mom.

Alex, I do not want to spend my weekend sitting in some dark, smoky room with

some desperate, driven gamblers just obsessed with the idea of making a few

miserable bucks by the luck of the draw.

Why not?

walk on the boardwalk, huh?

Down on the boardwalk.

Out of the sun. Down on the boardwalk.

We'll be having fun. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where are

you going? You forgot your cards. What cards?

The Alex Keaton blackjack system.

Alex, we're going for a walk down on the boardwalk.

Boardwalk.

Yeah, well, look, there are blackjack tables on the way.

Maybe we can play one or two hands, Elise.

Well, okay, but I want to get back soon if I can get my work done. Okay, Dad,

always remember, split aces and eights. Never split picture cards. Always double

down on 9s, 10s, and 11s, okay? You got that? Got it.

Mom, run that back to me. Alex!

All right, we'll get it in the elevator.

You got to double down.

Whoa.

Look at this, Dad.

Fortune won and lost.

Farts broken, lives ruined, free drinks.

This is what America is all about.

Thank you, Thomas Jefferson.

Whoa, Dad.

Mom, I'm hungry.

Oh, can I get some ice cream? Oh, in a few minutes, honey. Your dad and I are

going to play a couple hands of blackjack and then we'll go have a

hey, Mom, Mom, look, what are you doing? Every second you delay means interest

lost and the money we're going to win.

It came from a distance, though.

Want to give it a try?

We might as well get it over with. You guys stay behind the rope here and don't

get in any trouble.

I'm sorry, but only people over 21 admit.

Oh, I'll stay back here.

Don't ask me, Steven. I can only think about my speech.

Stick.

Didn't you read the cards that Alex gave you?

Since the deck is rich in pins, you've got to stick, figuring the dealer's

will bust him.

You heard her. Stick.

23, bust.

Oh, one.

Come on, let's catch in those chips. Oh, come on, Elise. Why don't you just play

one game?

Well, all right.

to come all the way to Atlantic City and not play one -handed blackjack.

Hey, Mom, how's it going? Remember, if the dealer has four, five, or six

showing, you want to stick on 12. If he's got a three, hit the 13.

Seven or above, hit the 17.

It's great to see a mother and son enjoying the common interest.

Okay, see, the dealer has a picture.

Hit.

Stick.

17 for the dealer.

Vegas, Vinnie says hello.

Excuse me, son. Didn't I tell you you weren't allowed in here? Who, me? No,

you've never seen me before.

I'm just here with my wife and my brother -in -law.

Nice try, kid.

See you later.

My pleasure, Elise.

The lady wins on all three.

Way to go, Mom. Hang in there. How you doing? Nice to see you.

You've won quite a bit of money, Elise. Why don't we just cash in now?

Stephen, everything is under control.

I saw this girl in the lobby.

string of luck. This is great. Okay, Mom. All right, listen.

You're on a roll. You're playing with the casino's money. Nothing can stop you

now. At this point, the Keaton system takes a quantum leap. We begin

all the bets. Hold it, hold it. You're not going back down there to play again,

are you?

You can't play up here, Dad.

Can't play up here, Steve.

What are you saying? I can quadruple my... No, wait.

Elise, may I interject here, please?

What's the matter, Stephen?

Why don't we just quit while we're ahead?

There are plenty of other things to do here.

Go see the old boardwalk, the beaches, saltwater taffy. It's a beautiful day.

Let's get out in the fresh air.

When you're back, down in the pit, Mom.

Don't let anything distract you.

All I see are the cards. All I hear is the dealer.

I'm glad I made such an impression on you.

You're supposed to give a presentation in three hours.

I am way ahead of you, Stephen. I'll change clothes now, take the papers down

the table with me, and I'll go to the conference. Come straight from there.

I think... Yes, yes. You ordered room service, sir. I don't think so.

I ordered a snack, honey. Come on in.

I did. We've been gone for over two hours.

Was that long?

Hit, stick, stick, hit, stick.

Nice to see you, Stephen.

The lady wins again.

Still winning, huh?

Oh, Stephen, I want to move here to Atlantic City.

The salt air, the chips, the kids can go to school right here in the casino.

They can learn the three R's, reading, writing, and roulette.

It's kind of loose. Oh, ah, $50.

Wait, $50 on one hand?

Uh, no, that's $50 on each of five hands.

Oh, I see, on each of... Five hands.

Dealer has blackjack.

At least you won $250.

Well, come on, Dad, we can't win every hand. That's why they call it a game of

chance. I know that, Alex.

What are you doing over here?

I kind of get swept in here by the crowd.

Let's just see if they can sweep you back over there, okay?

Mom?

Mom? Mom, what is it?

Mom, it's six o 'clock. Isn't it time for your conference?

What? That's right. Your conference is about to start. You know, the main

we came out here.

Mallory, walk to the Palisade Convention Room.

There'll be about 400 architects there. Tell them you're my daughter. Read them

this speech.

Mom, I don't know anything about architecture.

unless you try.

Let me know how it goes.

If you're halfway across the country, for you to speak to this convention,

be a big honor for you. A big honor for Mallory.

Okay, I'm going to stick with 20, 17, 17, 13, 13.

The lady holds.

The deal has 13, and 8 is 21.

I just lost another $250, Elise.

That was my 8. I would have had 21 with that 8. Hey, hey, Mom, Mom, Mom, don't

panic. Here's what you do.

Okay, what are you doing here?

I'm studying to be a pit boss, and I wanted to learn from the best.

No, huh?

I'm out of here.

Come on, Elise, make this the last hand. We still have enough money for a nice

dinner.

The lady's a loser.

I wasn't hungry anyway.

I understand, Steven.

What's up, Elise?

How's one doing?

Oh, don't be so negative, Jennifer.

The luck will change.

Worse than I thought.

Mom? Mom? What is it?

Um, this woman here liked your speech. She has a question about the relative

advantages of wind power over solar power.

Wind power's better. Use it, you'll love it.

Hit me.

An ace.

Stick with 20.

15. Six is 21.

Lady's a loser.

The lady's not a loser. She lost the hand.

That's up, please.

Alex, I need some more money.

I can't get even on $2 bet.

Look, Mom, why don't you take a break? You're losing your concentration.

I don't need a break, Alex. I need more money.

Mallory, Mallory.

What is it?

Give me all the money you've got on you.

Mom, I don't have any.

Elise, that is it. We are getting out of here right now.

Uh, yoo -hoo.

Yoo -hoo.

Remember me?

You like my speech on wind power and architecture?

Mom, listen, look.

There are still a few bugs in my system, so why don't you take a break, relax,

have something to eat. Will you quit bothering me, Alex? You're not even

supposed to be in here.

Henry, Henry, would you come over here, please?

Someone underage bothering the players.

Never mind.

Come on, Eddie, deal.

Elise, I'm taking the girls upstairs.

3 .30. I couldn't sleep.

Guess you couldn't either, huh?

I might have dozed for a minute.

What's going on?

Nothing. Dad and I couldn't sleep.

Guess you guys couldn't either, huh?

I thought you got here.

Hasn't Mom come back yet at all? Nope. I went down to the casino about two hours

ago. She was still playing.

You know, Dad, I kind of feel responsible for this.

If I hadn't pushed you and Mom so hard to gamble, none of this would have

happened. It's not really your fault, Alex.

Yeah, you're right.

Mom went nuts.

Elise.

I didn't expect you to all be up.

We couldn't sleep.

Just come up from the casino?

I left the casino about an hour ago.

The bottom fell out, Stephen.

Hi.

So, uh, I took a stroll along the boardwalk.

Under the boardwalk? You'll forgive me if I'm not in the mood for a sing -along

right now.

No, I forgive you.

I'm sorry, honey, but I saw this coming.

You got seduced by the thrill of getting rich quick, and you totally lost all

perspective. You fell right into their trap.

You went big for a while, but inevitably the odds catch up with you.

So how much did you lose?

Almost $2 ,000.

Hello.

Hello.

Mallory, is my insurance please to wake me up? You have my word.

Lisa, I don't get it. You said about... The bottom falling out.

It did fall out, Steven.

An hour ago, I was sitting at that table, and I just won my eighth...

had the chips.

I tried to think about what this weekend was supposed to mean.

The conference, for one thing. I had an opportunity to present an exciting and

innovative paper to my fellow architects, a paper I'd spent months

I ignored you and mistreated you and turned away from my

family so that I could win more money.

It's okay, honey. It's okay.

Mom, what you did was terrible.

Sorry, Stephen.

The only thing I lived for was my next blackjack hand.

Let's just call it temporary insanity. I'm glad it's all over.

Mom, you look awful.

Let's get some room service up here, and then we'll all feel a lot better.

Yeah, Jen, do you want to call or should I?

No, no, no room service.

Why not, Mom?

We're rich.

Yeah, no, see, you don't understand.

We are not rich.

We are not even well -to -do.

Come on, Mom, we're not high rollers like you are. To us, 2 ,000 bucks is

No, but you see, this money isn't ours anymore.

What do you mean?

Well, after I left the blackjack table, I put the money in the hotel safe and I

went for a stroll on the boardwalk.

And about a mile away, I found a midnight mission, and I went in and I

$2 ,000 to them.

All of it?

No, this is $1 ,800.

We owe the other $200.

Let me see if I hear you correctly, Lisa.

You won $1 ,800 playing blackjack, and we are in debt for

$200 to the midnight mission.

That's right.

We're poor.

We're poor.

Okay, okay, let's not panic here.

I don't think any pledge made at 3 .30 in the morning is legally binding in the

state of New Jersey.

It is binding, Alex, because I pledged it.

They don't owe you here, Mom. We could put a fake mustache on you and sneak you

across the state line.

You make a father proud, Alex.

Don't you see? I had to do this. I had to do something. Something to get rid of

that terrible feeling that I had. If I kept this money, I'd have never felt

about myself again.

This is tainted money!

There's no such thing as tainted money, Mom.

Alex, that's enough.

I hope you all understand.

We do, Elise.

If you felt that strongly about it, then giving away that money was absolutely

the right...

You gave it all away?

You did the right thing. You did the right thing.

Right, kids?

We're with you, Mom.

Yeah.

Is the mission still open? Because I could go over there and talk to the guy.

You did the right thing, Mom.

I love you all so much.

I'm still hungry.

You still have those coupons, Dad?

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.