Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we did.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without her?

What would we do?

baby, without us.

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

All

packed

up. Everything going according to plan here?

Yeah, pretty much under control.

I think it's a shame that you're going to be on Washington on Alex's birthday.

Well, at least I was with Alex on Washington's birthday.

You know, I'm not one to pat myself on the back, but I think it's a pretty good

idea having a pre -birthday party for Alex.

Too bad it couldn't be for someone else.

He's here!

Oh, okay, okay. Everybody, hi.

Come on, race me.

party for me.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I don't get it.

This went off without a hitch.

Your mom thought it'd be a good idea to have a little birthday party for you

now, since I won't be back from the PBS conference until Saturday night.

Here, Alex, we got you a cake.

Happy Bar Mitzvah Martin.

Oh, the bakery made a mistake.

It was the thought that counts.

This is really nice.

Thank you.

Saturday night, the girls and I are going to take you out for a very special

dinner, and we'll give you your gifts then. For now, you just get mine.

Happy Bar Mitzvah, Martin.

Whoa.

Date of the art in radios. A nine -band compact receiver with slide rule LED

tuning. Picks up any station in the world.

This is Radio Switzerland.

You leave.

Do you realize I am getting this information six hours before the rest of

free world?

Oh, thank you!

I figured that since I am virtually an adult now, I could call you a leaf.

Mom?

Mommy?

Get dinner started.

Alex, I asked you this morning to take the garbage out before you went to

school. Yeah, listen, Mom, uh, I've been thinking, you know...

I have been taking out the garbage for many years now, and I think I've gotten

all I can out of the experience.

I've been grooming the miners to take over for me.

So now is the time for the ceremonial handing down of the

trash.

Mallory?

Jennifer.

Yeah, okay.

I'll do it later, Mom. I gotta put this stuff away.

So, what'd you do today?

Ah, school.

Some other stuff.

What other stuff?

Yes, that.

How'd it feel, Dave, before your 18th birthday?

Fine. It was fine. Nothing special.

How's it chatting with you?

I'll get that. Mom, Mom, I'll get that. I'll get that.

Hello.

Hey, Ted, how you doing, pal?

Yeah, yeah, 18 tomorrow.

How does it feel?

Come on, Ted, it feels great.

I have had the most incredible day. I can't even begin to tell you about it.

Well, all right, why don't I just come over now?

Yeah, okay, I'll tell you all about it.

All right, see you later.

Uh, see you later, Mom. Oh, Alex, where are you going?

I'm going over to Ted's. But it's almost time for dinner.

Oh, come on, Mom, I'm excited.

What, it's the day before my 18th birthday.

I feel like talking to someone.

Well, before you go, I want to ask you about your birthday dinner. Now, I made

reservations at Fukudo's. Is that okay?

Mom, I can't make it.

Neil and Doug are going to take me out for my birthday.

The girls already planned this. They're really looking forward to it.

Well, come on, Mom. I mean, I can go out with you and the girls anytime.

Well, where are they going to take you?

It's going to be a big night, Mom.

We're going down to Wheeling, West Virginia.

Neil knows this bar down there, the Camelot Inn.

Whoa, we're gonna go there, then afterwards we're gonna stay at Neil's

apartment down in West Virginia.

Well, I don't know if I like this idea.

Well, why not?

Well, for one thing, Wheeling is 100 miles away.

What does that have to do with anything? You let Dad go to Washington.

That's 431 miles away.

Alex, I don't like the idea of you going to a bar. I mean, I don't think it's

appropriate for someone your age.

Mom, I'm going to be 18.

Look, the West Virginia State Legislature spent a lot of time and

deciding that 18 is the appropriate age for this sort of thing.

I don't think you should be second -guessing.

I don't care about the West Virginia State Legislature. I mean, Alex, I'm

mother, and I have veto power over them.

It's part of our system of checks and balances.

My answer is no.

Mom, you know as well as I do, if Dad were here, he'd let me go.

I'm here.

I have made my decision.

What your father would or wouldn't do is irrelevant.

I'll tell you what's irrelevant.

This whole discussion is irrelevant.

Look, 18 is the legal age of adulthood, which means I now have the right to live

my own life without having to clear it with you.

No, sir.

Not while you're living under this roof.

his house tomorrow night, and that is final.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? Well, uh, let me tell you something.

I am not taking that trash out.

Just great.

Happy birthday.

Yeah, yeah, some birthday.

Stuck in the house because of some arbitrary edict handed down by a

dictator who has no appreciation for the concept of adulthood.

Many happy returns.

Why is she doing this, Mallory?

I don't know all the facts, Alex, but she must have good reason.

I never heard you say that when you were grounded.

Well? Since it's you, I can be more objective.

Uh, girl, can I have a few minutes alone with Alex, please?

Sure, Mom.

Uh, were you able to get in touch with Neil?

No. No, he was out all day.

On top of everything else now, I have to face the guys in person and tell them I

can't go to the bar because my mommy won't let me.

Well, if you'd like, you can ask the boys if they would like to stay and

celebrate your birthday with you.

I mean, I made this cake, and I have ice cream.

Are there gonna be pony rides, too?

I'll let you handle this.

Hey!

Happy birthday, Keaton!

Well, welcome to the big leagues, guy.

Well, let's get a move on, Alex. The Camelot in beckons us.

Jousting, wenches. I called this girl I met last time I went down there.

Roxanne. She's meeting us and bringing a couple of friends.

I can't go.

What? I had a big fight with my mom, and she's making me stay home.

On your birthday?

Unbelievable.

Alex, come on.

Talk to her. Do something.

There's a beautiful girl in Wheeling with your name on her.

No, forget it, guys, forget it. She's not gonna change her mind.

Just, uh, just go ahead.

Have a good time.

I hate to go without you, but okay.

Kind of ironic, isn't it?

What? Well, I mean, you're not being able to go with us tonight.

I mean, after all, this was supposed to be your big night, your 18th birthday,

your coming of age.

Oh, well.

No, wait a minute. Wait a minute, guys. Not so fast.

I'm coming with you.

Hey, I'm 18.

I can do what I want.

Well, what about your mommy, Alex?

Let me deal with her.

Hey, unfair rules are made to be broken.

That's the American way.

Now you're talking.

Get out of here.

Is this a classy place or what? It's really elegant.

Those are our dates.

This is the greatest place I've ever been.

Hey, Roxanne.

I'm glad you remembered me when I called.

How could I forget?

Not every day I meet someone in your line of work.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

So how did your space shuttle flight go?

It was very enjoyable.

These are my friends, Buffy and Christy. Hello.

Please, sit down. Sit down.

Two more Excaliburs and a dragon's breath.

I'd like you girls to meet a couple of young Air Force cadets.

Under my charge.

This is Lieutenant Lipman. Ladies.

And this is Colonel Keaton.

Uh, how you doing?

This is a big night for Colonel Keaton, girls. Tomorrow morning at 0500 hours,

he flies his first mission into hostile enemy territory.

Really? Yeah.

Well, he's exaggerating.

A little.

Well, it's not my first mission. It's my first solo mission.

Yeah, and I'm going with them.

What country are you attacking?

Oh, uh... Canada.

You're not at war with Canada.

Wait, are we?

Buffy, what place is there for fear in a struggle whose ultimate goal is nothing

less than the survival of liberty?

I don't know.

Are you scared?

Let me tell you a little story about fear, Buffy.

About a year ago... I'm up in my F -14 doing a test flight.

I'm about 70 ,000 feet up. I had that puppy going Mach 2.

All of a sudden, the fan belt goes out of me.

And you know something? Any other pilot in that situation might have felt fear.

But not this guy. No, sir.

Uh, Alec?

That's Colonel Keaton. Um, Colonel Keaton, I mean.

What is it?

Your mother's here.

I want you to come home with me.

Excuse me, but the colonel happens to be my date.

Yeah, maybe some other time.

Tonight is a big night for him. Tomorrow morning he's been dating Canada.

Oh, I see.

Have a word with you, please, Colonel Keaton. Your orders have been radically

changed.

Um, Mrs. Keaton, would you please not tell my mom that you saw me here?

Oh, she probably came down to wish him luck on his mission tomorrow.

You have no right to defy me, Alex. I want you to leave with me right now.

No, Mom, this is crazy. Look, we can talk about this later, tomorrow morning.

You're invading Canada tomorrow morning.

Mom, I'm not leaving with you. No way.

Ladies, I gotta go.

out by the back door?

You know, this is ridiculous.

He didn't talk to me the whole way home, and now he won't even get out of the

car. It's gonna lower the resale value.

pact with myself never to speak to you again.

But I've given myself permission to suspend it.

Briefly. Because frankly, Mom, the curiosity is killing me.

How on earth can you possibly justify doing what you did to me tonight?

Go ahead. I'm listening.

Oh, I know.

I know. You're mad because I disobeyed you.

Well, let me tell you something, Mom.

I only disobeyed you because you were wrong.

Without just cause or provocation, you denied me permission to do something I

have every right in the world to do.

Oh, sure.

Sure, this is your house.

And as long as it's your house, I gotta live by your rules. Well, that used to

be true.

Not anymore, Mom.

I'm an adult now. I got 18 years under this belt.

life is in my own hands.

Have you anything else to say?

I thought not.

All right, Mom.

Okay. I think I've refuted all your arguments.

Until you are ready to apologize to me, I am done speaking with you.

Oh, I didn't realize you'd started speaking with me.

What is that supposed to mean?

The past two days, Alex, you have complained to me, grunted at me,

me, and presented me with ultimatums, but not once. Not once have you even

close to talking with me.

Semantics.

Okay, Mom.

All right, okay.

Okay, I haven't been very chatty lately.

I haven't been a million laughs.

That is not the issue here.

The issue here is my right to live my own life without having you try and

control it. You have every right to live your own life. I'm not trying to deny

you that.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Okay, then why did you drive 100 miles and humiliate me in front of half the

state of West Virginia?

You had a few hours to kill.

No, Alex, I did it because you defied me.

And even more important than that, I did it because I was hurt.

and angry and fed up.

About what?

I've tried starting conversations with you only to be politely dismissed.

I've asked you to help around the house and been ignored.

You canceled out dinner plans that I had made without a moment's thought to my

concern in the matter.

I do not enjoy being made to feel like an intrusion and an annoyance in my own

son's life.

Okay, look, Mom.

I'm sorry.

that I wasn't more sensitive.

Okay, I guess I should have been.

But I'm not used to thinking that way when it pertains to you.

I mean, I think of you as my mother, not as a person.

You know what I mean.

Surprise, Alex.

I am a real person. Flesh and blood. Real feelings.

Maybe in one sense I was wrong not to let you go out with your friends, but if

you want me to respect your rights as an adult, then you better start respecting

mine.

Okay, I didn't respect your rights, and you didn't respect mine.

So, uh, how do we figure out who's right and who's wrong here?

There is no absolute right or wrong.

It's my job as a parent to set boundaries, and it's your job to

change them.

When you were seven years old, we got in an argument because you wanted to walk

to school by yourself.

I remember.

I remember. And, uh, I was right.

And you let me go.

Yes. But I followed you.

And I hid behind trees and mailboxes to make sure you looked both ways and you

crossed on the green.

Did I?

Yes. In fact, when another kid tried to cross in the middle of the block, you

made a citizen's arrest.

Yeah, that was little Timmy Dugan. I let him off with a warning.

It's unbelievable to me, Alex, that 18 years ago tonight, I

had a baby boy.

Me, right?

Ever since that night, you've been trying so hard to grow up, and I've been

trying so hard not to let it happen.

Well, considering we have been at cross purposes, I think we're doing all right.

Mom, I'm sorry. I've been treating you so rotten lately.

Sorry, I ruined your dinner. Ah, don't worry about it.

I had to go to bed early anyway.

I'm attacking Canada in the morning.

Good luck.

Thank you.

And happy birthday.

Thank you.

I love you, honey. Ah,

Mom, don't start that stuff.

I love you too, Mom.

It's getting pretty late. You're coming up?

Yeah, in a second.

Something I got to do first.

I just want to take this garbage out.

Elise?

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.