Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we hid.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do?

baby without us and there ain't no nothing we

can't love each other through what would we do baby without

us

The coach wasn't happy with the way we were playing.

He made us all an extra lap.

That seems a little excessive, doesn't it? You have a chance to talk to him

about it?

We're not allowed to speak during practice.

That's ridiculous. This has gone too far now. Something ought to be done about

him.

All right, Keaton.

I told you to jog all the way home.

You walked the last half block.

Drop and give me 20.

When you walk in this house, you're not the coach anymore.

You're what you've always been, an annoying human being.

You know, I don't know why I put up with this.

Alex, if being a coach is so painful for you, why don't you just resign?

When Alex P. Keaton starts something, he finishes it. I am turning these raw

rookies into baseball machines.

Alex, they're just young girls.

Dad, they come in as young girls.

They leave as men.

Help me out, Alex.

Wasn't Skippy with you?

Yeah, he was right behind me.

Sorry I lagged behind, guys. This bag weighs a ton.

Yeah, I'll be fine, Mrs. Keaton.

I guess I didn't realize how strenuous it is being team equipment manager.

Mom, do you remember where I put that sweater that's probably in my room

Mallory! I get up, but I seem to have lost all sense in the lower part of my

body.

Great, now it's a perfect match for the upper part.

Alex, why don't you get Skippy something cold to drink? No, no, don't go to any

trouble. Maybe if Mallory sat next to me and soothed my weary brow.

I'll get you a glass of water, Skippy.

I'll help you carry it.

I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Arlene.

Come on in.

Sorry.

Well, that's okay.

Hi, Arlene.

Skippy, Mom says if you're not home in five minutes, she's feeding your dinner

to the guinea pig.

That mom...

What you doing, Jennifer?

Watching your baseball mitten?

It's called a mitt, Arlene.

I was wondering if you wanted to come over and help make dresses for my

Can't. How come?

Softball practice.

Again? You're always practicing.

Aren't you good yet?

You gonna be able to make it home okay, Skip? No, I don't think it's safe for me

to be moved right now.

Debbie, we gotta go. Mom's in whatever mood.

Well, why didn't you say so before, Arlene?

Uh, goodbye, Mallory.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

She's probably too choked up to speak.

Bye, Jennifer.

Bye, Arlene. Take care of yourself. Bye, Mr. Kiki.

Jennifer,

you were so rude to Arlene, and you were rude to Skippy.

Arlene's used to it, Mom.

If he enjoys it.

You're never nice to Arlene. You know, she's such a sweet little girl. She only

wants to be your friend. It wouldn't have hurt you to go to her house

It might have been fun.

We have nothing in common.

She doesn't know anything about sports.

She thinks a slam dunk is something you do with a donut.

Face of Jennifer is the curse of the handleman.

The only escape is running or hiding.

Of course, these things should be done in as nice a manner as possible.

I got it! I got it! I got it!

Hello?

Yes, he's here.

It's for you, Alex. Next time, answer your own phone calls, okay?

Hello?

What?

Hey, you scheduled a pitch.

The team needs you, Tammy.

Is it a question of more money?

Yeah, yeah, okay.

All right, goodbye.

Alex, what's wrong?

My best southpaw is moving.

She's not going to be here for the playoffs.

That's the fourth kid I've lost this week.

Alex, the girls think you're working them too hard.

Too hard?

Hey, I cut back on their steroids, didn't I?

seem to have fun.

Fun?

What does fun have to do with it? Alex, it's only a game.

Only a game?

Baseball is only a game.

You know, that's exactly how the Russians want us to think.

Alex, why don't you just get yourself another Southpaw? Well, what's a

A Southpaw is a left -hander.

So why don't they just call them left -handers?

Well, that way the Russians would know what we meant.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Susie. How you doing?

The flu.

Nancy and Becky, too?

Hey, I instructed you not to have that pajama party last week.

So you're not gonna play?

None of you.

Okay.

Feel better.

They're not going to play?

That leaves us one player short. How could they do this to us?

I'm sure they didn't get sick to inconvenience you.

You know, I'm not so sure.

They have had an attitude problem from the word go.

If we don't have ten players, we'll have to forfeit.

Jennifer, winning isn't everything.

We'll talk more about this later, huh?

I've got to get to work.

Can I get a look, Dad?

I'm wearing these new shoes. They're not good for walking.

Yeah, I always look for that in a shoe myself.

or a jacket? It's cold outside.

Well, I had a sweater, but the Obex dog took it from me.

I guess I was too scared to ask for it back.

Come on, I'll get you something of Jennifer's to wear.

Jennifer?

Don't say no until I finish this thought. No!

Jennifer, we have worked too hard this season to come up short.

If Arlene plays, we'll have enough players, we won't have to forfeit the

She hates sports. She's not going to play.

Yeah, well, she may hate sports, but, uh, she likes you, Jennifer.

You can talk her into it. But, Alex... Jennifer, it's for the good of the team.

Ready, Jennifer?

Of course she's ready. Aren't you, Jennifer?

You know, Arlene, you and I don't spend enough time together.

baseball? You make a lot of friends in the dugout.

How's that batter coming, Alex?

It's almost ready, Dad. Is the griddle hot yet? All set.

Okie dokie.

I tried something different this time. I think you might enjoy it.

A little too heavy on the buckwheat?

Well, don't throw it out.

There's a loose brick in the fireplace.

Doing this anyway, Dad. Cooking is women's work.

Alex, some of the best chefs in the world are men.

Like who?

Chef Boyardee.

Uncle Ben.

General Mills.

Where are they when you need them?

You clean up. Now go tell your mother we're going out for breakfast.

You just tinned it. It'll be okay.

How's practice, girls?

I think I'm getting better. Don't you, Jennifer?

Not really.

Well, I'm trying, Jennifer, but I'm just not a doc.

Alex, maybe you could help Arlene with her batting stamp.

Sure, what's the matter?

I keep tipping over.

I'll meet you out there.

I gotta clean up this mess that Dad made.

and I'll help you with your stance myself.

Can't we take a break first?

I'm really sleepy.

There will be time in it for breaks after the big game.

Wow, baseball.

Now don't forget, choke up on that bat, bend those knees, keep those feet apart,

and get the cap off your eyes.

Mrs. Schofield, please, be reasonable.

Look, this is the championship game, and we're going to forfeit without

Charlotte.

We can give her her medication between innings.

That's the beauty of it.

Look, I'm not saying that 101 is normal, but it's two degrees lower than anyone

else on the team.

What's the big deal? She usually runs a little hot anyway.

Hello?

Hi, Skip.

How's Arlene?

Oh, she came home this morning. The doctor only kept her in the hospital

overnight as a precaution.

She's got a black eye and one of her cheeks looks like she's storing nuts for

the winter.

But she's fine.

She's fine.

Oh, hey, Skippy. How's Arlene?

It was a long night, Mallory.

And not a pretty one.

None of us slept much.

I could still hear the echo of my footsteps in the long, empty hallway as

returned with yet another cup of black coffee.

to get me through the vigil.

Must have been very rough on you, Skippy.

Call me Erwin.

Erwin?

You know, she's not out of the woods yet.

If only I could go back to the hospital and tell Arlene that you agreed to be

mine.

It's been a dream of hers for so long.

Oh, hi, Skippy. Elise just told me that our... Marlene's home and everything's

okay. Glad to hear it.

You disgust me.

That old Handelman magic's starting to work.

I'm surprised you didn't think of this earlier.

Having your sister maim to boost your social life.

Me too.

Hey, Mallory.

How's Jennifer?

I hope she's all right.

Poor kid. She was so upset last night, she wouldn't even come down to dinner.

She must feel terrible.

Good morning.

Good morning, honey.

What a great day, huh?

You're in a much better mood than I expected.

Look, honey, you don't need to hide your feelings. We all feel terrible about

what happened.

It was an accident.

Accident? happened. Kids get hurt playing softball all the time.

Jennifer, Hanuman said Arlene might like some visitors today.

Oh, that's really nice. Say hi for me.

Jennifer, what is wrong with you?

Nothing's wrong with me.

It wasn't me who walked into a baseball.

Jennifer, I'll talk to you in a minute.

Can't I wait until later? I really want to see the end of this.

Jennifer, you're watching midget kickboxing.

Yeah, but it's the finals.

I think we should talk about what happened yesterday.

You know, this whole thing wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have asked her

to join the team.

Well, Jennifer, putting Arlene on the team was a very nice thing to do.

You don't understand.

When we were out in the back practicing, she told me all the pitches I was

throwing were too hard, but I kept on throwing them hard, even though I knew

couldn't handle it.

I see.

I didn't want to lose the big game because of her, so I had to try to turn

into Johnny Bench in two days.

That's why she got hurt.

Honey, you're only 11 years old.

I mean, you're not in the major leagues. Now, Arlene may not be exactly Johnny

Bench, but then you're not exactly who?

Dave Concepcion.

Dave Concepcion.

Who's Dave Concepcion?

She never really wanted to play softball, Mom.

She only did it because she wanted to be my friend.

Do you think maybe you'd feel better if you, uh...

Have you apologized to Arlene?

I can't do that, Dad.

She really likes me.

How could I look her in the eye and tell her what a rotten thing I did?

Look, Arlene, Mallory's on her way over. Couldn't you just try to look a little

less healthy?

Sorry. Next time I'll try to be more severely injured.

You feel like another story?

Not right now.

Oh, come on, just one.

Mom says it's supposed to be resting.

It'll take your mind off your troubles. Okay.

I get a little nauseous. You know, I'm afraid I'll upchuck.

You stay right where you are, sweetheart.

Don't you move a muscle.

Here, Arlene, this is for you from all of us. Thank you.

So, how's it look for today's game, coach?

Uh, not so good, Arlene.

Everybody's got the flu.

Kind of hoping for a miracle.

Don't you worry, though. You just relax. We'll get him next year.

Is Jennifer going to come over?

Well, Jennifer... I mean, I'm sure she... Don't be me. I completely forgot.

Arlene's not supposed to have more than three visitors at a time. That's the

doctor's orders.

One, two, three, four, five.

Oops.

We can't have that now, can we?

What do you say you and I find something else to do while your parents and Alex

console my poor, injured sister?

You want to see my fossil collection?

Not now, Skippy. I'd like to let them age another few thousand years.

It's a date.

Uh, you know, I think Skippy's right. Arlene shouldn't have too many visitors

once.

Right. Why don't we clear out and let Jennifer and Arlene talk?

See you tomorrow, honey. All right. Take care of yourself.

You know, Mallory, no girl has ever seen those fossils.

You'd be the first.

Thanks for coming over, Jennifer.

You're welcome, Arlene.

Cute.

Your parents bought it.

Jennifer, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday.

You're sorry?

Yeah. You were trying to teach me how to bat, and I let the ball hit me in the

face.

That was my fault, Arlene.

If I wasn't such a klutz, it never would have happened.

You're not a klutz.

Well, maybe just a little bit of a klutz.

Says I trip over the lines in her kitchen in the lollium.

But I kept thinking maybe if I could play sports, I might be a better friend

you.

I wasn't such a very good friend to you, Arlene.

I only put you on the team because they wouldn't let us play with only nine

girls. I know.

You knew?

I may be a klutz, but I'm not stupid.

I'm really sorry you got hurt.

That's okay.

This has been the most fun I've ever had.

Including the hospital.

It was exciting.

Didn't even cry once.

You're a lot tougher than I thought.

Thank you.

Does that mean you like me?

Yeah, I do.

Maybe you could play on the team next year.

No, I don't think so.

I'm just no good at sports.

That's okay.

We can still be friends.

You mean it?

Maybe five.

Maybe we could get together later in the week. Sounds good.

We can make those dresses for your turtles.

Kathy can't play.

That's it. It's official.

It's all over. Skip, we lose.

Life's a funny thing.

Alex, the girls from the team are here.

Oh, great, great. Now I got eight more little hearts to break.

Couldn't find another player, huh?

No, it's not fair, Dad.

We have worked all season, and for what?

The championship game is in half an hour, and we're gonna have to forfeit.

Is that the only purpose in playing this whole season, to get to the

championship? Is that all that counts?

Yeah.

What about the fresh air?

The exercise? The thrill of competition? What about the fun?

Alex, the team is waiting.

I don't know how to break it to them.

Well, just give it to them straight, Alex.

Yeah. It's probably the best way.

Have a seat.

Men.

I have something important to tell you.

Arlene Handelman hurt herself yesterday.

She hurts herself every day.

Yeah, well, the important thing is that she's all right.

But she doesn't feel up to playing, so we're not going to have enough players.

We're going to have to forfeit.

I knew we never should have let that nerdy Arlene on the team.

those heads up high we've had a great year we've uh

we've been in the fresh air we've uh we've exercised we've

enjoyed the thrill of competition this year may be over but but there's always

next year right

have to do this for me.

When I said we were friends, I meant it.

You don't owe me anything.

I'm not doing it just for you, Jennifer.

The team needs me, and I need the team.

That's my sister!

Whoa, whoa, girls.

Okay, let's go out there, let's play hard, play our best, but the most

thing is, let's have fun!

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.