Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years And I bet we'll be

together for a million more Oh, it's like I started breathing

on the night we did And I can't remember what I ever

did before What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby? Without us And there

ain't no nothing We can't love each other through What would we do, baby

Without us Sha la la la

Sweden. That in Sweden?

No, just a map.

The actual country is much larger.

That is a terrible map of Sweden.

Where are your saunas? Where are your Volvos?

Why didn't I do this in my room?

You're a Keaton, Jennifer.

What does it mean to be a Keaton?

You go the extra mile.

What else?

Perfection is my co -pilot.

That's right. Okay, we got a lot of work to do here.

This thing is totally unusable.

Okay, we're gonna need eight strips of number two balsa wood. We're gonna need

hundred yards of corrugated paper. We're gonna need four pounds of plaster of

Paris and a herring.

Okay. Get that all together, give me a shot, I'll have a look at it.

You're not going to help me?

No, you have to take it from here, Jennifer. I'm just the idea man.

It's here.

My letter's here.

I can't deal with it.

Valerie, opening mail is a skill we all have to learn.

The Columbus Express and the Ed Hansen Agency are pleased to announce that

you've been selected to be photographed in our annual mother -daughter modeling

event.

I won!

I won!

Oh, I'm going to be in the Sunday Supplement! Look, there's a chance for a

professional modeling contract, a $250 prize.

This could be my big break.

How did you win a mother -daughter modeling contest by yourself?

Ever hear of Mom?

I sent in that great picture that Dad took of us at the beach last summer.

Wait a minute, Mallory. I was in that picture.

I won!

I won the $1 ,000 modeling contest.

Whoa, is that like $250 each? Did we split that or what? Relax, Alex. I cut

out of the picture.

I drew a volleyball where your head was.

about this that's because she doesn't know it's a surprise I

didn't know you'd entered well we did and we won

isn't it great wait a minute are you saying

doesn't show her true feelings.

She just smiles as if she doesn't have a thought in the world.

Then, uh, you should make a great model.

Thanks.

Yo, Yennefer.

You get that stuff I told you to get?

Uh, yeah.

Because I didn't have that number two box of wood you asked for.

But the guy told me this stuff would work just as well. Well, this.

What is wrong with you, Jennifer? We can't use this.

That is the last time I send you to the lumberyard alone.

Don't deny her her childhood, Alex.

Oh, hey, hey, that's a good idea, Mallory. Maybe some of it will leak into

brain.

Mother, I've been reading these modeling instructions. I've got it all planned

out. I'll wear my white dress, and you can wear the black dress with the full

sleeves. Now, hold on, Mallory. I told you I didn't like it when you entered me

in the contest without my permission. I don't want to do this.

Why not?

It's not something she wants to do.

You know what's funny? Because it says here Mom's been working towards a

modeling career her whole life.

Alex, give me that. No, Mallory, I think it's important that Mom read her own

autobiography. Wait, what?

Autobiography?

After a hard day of shopping for sweaters with my gorgeous daughter

hurried... home to make sure my husband's happy in his favorite chair

robe, his slippers, and his pipe?

Mallory, that's ridiculous.

I don't smoke a pipe.

Get a load of Mallory's biography.

I've always liked the simpler things in life.

Children, rain, cashmere.

Jennifer!

Mallory, it is unbelievable that you would do this.

You're right, Mom.

I shouldn't have done it.

It's just that I really wanted to win, and you were so busy, I didn't think it

would hurt.

I'm really sorry, Mom. I was wrong.

Good. I'm glad you can see that.

I do.

So will you do it?

No!

Why not?

I don't know. I feel silly.

Are you saying I'm silly for wanting to do it?

All of you think I'm silly, don't you?

I do.

Oh, honey, don't.

Oh, boy.

She, uh, she seems upset.

I better go talk to her.

Sometimes only a brother knows what needs to be said.

Modeling.

I better go, too.

Sometimes only a sister knows what needs to be said.

Modeling.

I'll have to fake it.

Release.

Maybe you should think about giving in on this one.

Stephen, she entered me in a contest without asking me, and she wrote these

phony biographies? Okay, obviously Mallory's gotten carried away.

But at least she's taking some initiative, showing some enthusiasm.

I've always wanted her to care about something.

I always hoped it would be physics instead of fashion.

Well, they both start with a sound.

I'm not a model, honey.

Mom gets so carried away with their outfits and tossing their hair. It's

not me.

It's just one day.

It would mean so much to her.

I guess it couldn't hurt.

Beautiful, beautiful.

I love it, I love it. Who's the mother? Who's the daughter? I can't tell the

difference.

This is great, Mom.

Isn't this your idea of heaven?

Yeah, I always pictured a larger room.

Okay, Mom, Mallory, I'll be back in a couple hours to pick you up. Got to get

Dad from the dentist.

Or I could wait around.

Dad can hitch.

Keaton girls, am I right? That's us.

What'd I tell you? Ed Hanson, I recognize you from your pictures. Ed

What'd I tell you?

Here, my agency is co -sponsoring this event.

Well, you and your...

Thanks, sweetheart.

Well, come on. Hey, I think we're almost ready for you. Come on, follow me.

Isn't this great? Mom, I already have an agent.

Remember, no frowning, grimacing, pouting, and above all, don't smile.

causes more wrinkles than anything.

But, Mom, what if they want me to smile for the camera? A high -fashion model

never smiles. She holds her head steady and looks straight at the horizon.

You know, you have beautiful eyes.

Thank you.

Your nose and mouth are no slouches either.

Not that I've ever seen that mouth smile.

Was that a smile?

I think it was.

Hannah, what did I just tell you? No laughing, no smiling.

Oh, this must be your sister.

Your mother and daughter going on a trip to Paris.

Okay, take it, Philip. Okay, packing, packing, packing.

Okay, you're smiling as you're packing. You love packing. You love... traveling.

That's beautiful.

You love smiling.

Okay, keep it up. That's beautiful, Elise. Beautiful.

Honey, sweetie, darling, would you mind just taking one step behind your mom?

That's beautiful, honey. Beautiful, beautiful.

Okay, I'm exhausted.

Camera.

Okay, it's airport time.

Let's go. We're going to the airport.

Come on, line them up.

Okay, you're getting ready.

You're getting ready. You're getting on the plane.

Not so much turbulence, kid.

Keep it going. Keep it going. You're coming down for a landing. You're coming

in. You're almost down.

You are down.

Okay.

Beautiful. I have seen you before. I know I have.

Wasn't that you on the cover of Cosmopolitan?

No. This is my very first modeling experience.

You're not a professional model.

Come on.

No. My mom just brought me here for the contest.

You know, I'm, uh, I'm planning a little contact of my own.

Okay, ladies, ladies, we are in Paris now. We're in Paris, okay?

Bonsoir, bonjour, merci.

Okay, we're going to go for a little walk down the Champs -Élysées. Are you

ready? Start for walking.

Beautiful, walking, walking, walking.

Let me see a little Paris in those faces.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Yes, it's a little too much Paris.

You see the Eiffel Tower?

See it. Love it. Point to it. Show it to your kid.

You're not seeing it, kid.

It's a landmark. Love it.

Not that much, kid. It's not the Eiffel Tower.

Honey, sweetie, darling, would you mind just moving a little further to the

right? A little further.

That's good.

Further, further.

modeling job. Who is it, Mom? How much are they offering? Don't sign anything

yet.

Do you mind? I'm trying to study here.

Study? Shouldn't the book be on your head?

Alex, you're not helping me with my project.

I'm going to get an F, and I'll never get into college, and I'm going to wind

on the street selling thimbles.

Oh, thank you. I'll tell you, this doesn't sound like it's for me.

Goodbye.

Details, Mom. Give me details.

Look. It was for a magazine ad, and they wanted me to pose in a bubble bath.

Sounds like good exposure.

Does anyone expect me to get any studying done around here?

Alex, you left me stranded in Sweden.

I'm on my way.

Quiet night by the hearth.

I tried to call you for hours. Was the phone off the hook?

People have been calling here all day about modeling. I guess they saw that

thing in the paper. Hey, that must make the two of you feel great.

What, are you kidding, Dad? I wouldn't waste my time on that stuff.

I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Ed. Hi there, Valerie.

Mallory. Right.

Hey, pretty exciting having your picture in the paper, huh?

Oh, was it this week? Silly me, I already threw it away and shredded it.

well.

Ed, Stephen King. Come on in.

Stephen, you must be Aliza's husband.

Yes, I am.

Elise, Proper Penguin Frozen Gourmet Dinners is looking for a spokesperson

their TV commercial. Elise, they want you, and they're shooting it tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Oh, that's a short notice. Hey, no one turns down the penguin.

I'm not sure about this. Elise, they took one look at you and said, Elise

is the Proper Penguin lady.

That's how I fell for her.

What do you say, Elise?

$1 ,500 for one day's work.

Fifteen, huh?

This is ridiculous, right?

Right. Do you need a proper penguin man?

Penguins!

Ready to go!

Mallory! I thought you all went bowling.

Oh, no, I told Dad to go ahead without me. I've got a lot of studying to do.

Oh, sorry.

This is a day for your little commercial.

I forgot.

I get out of your way.

Okay, people, this is for real.

Places, everyone, places.

Roll them.

Proper Penguin, frozen food commercial. Take one.

And action.

I was held up at work. Traffic was awful. How am I supposed to cook an

impressive dinner for eight important friends in 20 minutes?

What about the proper penguin?

right in your freezer.

Escargot, turtle soup, succulent Peking duck with all the fixings, and for

dessert, a cat.

What is it?

Sorry, Mom, can I have the ice cream at Lucy's?

Right behind the turtles.

Sorry.

Here, Mallory.

Now, please don't interrupt.

I won't. I'm sorry.

Can I just get a spoon? No.

Places, everyone. Places.

Roll them.

Proper Penguin. Frozen food commercial. Take two.

And action.

I was held up at work. Traffic was awful.

How am I supposed to cook an impressive dinner for eight important friends in 20

minutes?

What about the proper penguin?

Oh, I forgot. Thank you, Sir Penguin.

Look at that. An entire gourmet meal right in your freezer.

escargot, turtle soup, succulent baking duck with all the fixings, and for

dessert, yes, why not, crepe suzette clambe.

And I'll top it off with proper penguin premium Peruvian coffee in this hearty

boil -in -the -bag cup.

Why fool with instant?

Just pop it all in the microwave.

Excuse me.

Sorry, um, I'm just trying to help.

Look, kid.

It's 114 degrees in this suit.

Maybe I'll take a walk.

Make it a long one.

Okay, places, everybody, places.

Once more, from the top.

Ready, and roll.

Proper Penguin Frozen Food Commercial, take four.

Okay, very quietly, once again.

impressive dinner for eight important friends in 20 minutes.

What about the proper penguin?

take 22.

Action! I was held down at work. Graphic was important.

How am I supposed to cook eight friends and a penguin?

I

cannot

believe you behaved like that.

Finish the commercial, Mom.

Sure, after 34 takes.

It's not my fault you kept flubbing your lines.

I don't think I would have flubbed them so much if you weren't deliberately

trying to throw me off.

What? And don't you think I was doing in there?

I just happened to be in the kitchen. I was minding my own business.

Oh, and in the middle of shooting, you just happened to yell, run for your

the house is on fire.

thing is bothering you please tell me what it is all right i'll tell you

bothering me i'm the one who wanted to be a model and you stole that away from

me now i'll never be one i didn't steal anything from you if you hadn't been

there they would have chosen me to be the proper penguin lady well maybe not

proper penguin lady but at least the proper penguin daughter i didn't want to

get into this to begin with you dragged me into it maybe so but once you were

there you certainly enjoyed it

It matters so much to you that I enjoyed it.

Because you forgot about me.

It was supposed to be my big shining moment.

And everyone was shoving me aside.

You didn't even care.

It's like I didn't exist.

Honey, I didn't realize I hurt you.

You were too busy with your makeup and your lines and your penguin friends.

You didn't have time for me.

I always have time for you.

I'm a mother first and a penguin lady second.

Don't tell your father.

Why did you do it, Mom?

You knew how important it was to me.

I don't know.

I guess I got carried away.

Well, the fuss or that attention was flattering.

I guess I just didn't stop to consider your feelings.

Everyone else has something they're good at.

I just wanted to be good at something, too.

Honey, you're good at lots of things.

They're not the things that anyone thinks are important.

Maybe that different things are important to you, but it shouldn't make

less valuable.

Why does everyone always make fun of the things that I like?

If that's what's happening, I'm so sorry.

We should be much more aware of your feelings.

Especially me.

I should apologize, too.

It's pretty childish of me to ruin your commercial.

You were good, too.

I would have been good, too, though.

I mean, I have everyone's lines memorized.

Even Sir Penguin's.

You did?

I was tied up at work.

Traffic was awful.

How am I supposed to cook an impressive meal for eight important friends in 20

minutes?

What about the proper penguin?

Well, thank you, Sir Penguin.

Well, hey, how'd the filming go?

Okay.

Just okay, and you're hugging like that?

Dad bowls a 200 game. You don't see me slobbering all over him?

No, but you did spike the bowling ball.

So, Mom, when's the next assignment?

Uh, I'm not good at any more modeling.

What? I thought you said it went okay.

Did they make you eat that penguin food?

Mom, you can't get a hold of yourself. We're talking about a lot of money here.

Some things are more important than money.

Name one.

Hello? Oh, hello, Ed.

Yes, well, thank you, but I'm really not interested in doing any more modeling,

but maybe my daughter is. She happens to be right here.

Now, hold it. Just be relaxed.

Calm down. Be yourself.

Bonjour, Edouard.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.