Original subtitles

Yes, I know Politobomb is already calling it Paintgate, but it's not

Watergate. The thing of it is, absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous

commodity in the context of professional journalism. You think it's bigger than

Watergate? Yes, that's a Hunter S. Thompson quote, but it applies here.

you... Yes, yes, I hear you. No, I agree.

It's huge.

I'm in Iowa. I'm not in Vegas.

I'm disappointed, but I understand.

Okay, bye.

Yes, I'm working on it right now.

Excuse me, sir. Can you hold on just one second?

Yes.

What's going on?

They're pulling me off the trail.

No, they can't do that.

Well, they just did.

Yeah,

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

Find me the next flight back to DC.

No, you have to fight this.

We have one job. Follow the candidate wherever he goes. I failed.

I'm not cut out for the road anyway.

You're better at this than any of us.

Well, not better than Sid, apparently.

Cruz hit, okay? She got lucky last night.

Hey, you belong here.

We'll see, I guess.

About last night.

Yeah, last night was fun.

You said that you liked me.

Is that true?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Great, because I've been thinking that when all this is over, that you and I...

Quinn, that can't happen.

Look, I had a few drinks last night, but I have a boyfriend and... No, no, no,

you don't have to say anymore.

Quinn, you know what? I got it. I got it.

Feels

like

a near -death experience.

Actually, I'm going to get that down.

It's not a near -death experience for Marissa.

She's dead.

And we just barely survived the plane crash.

Relax, Sully.

Carefully avoiding death.

So Marissa's the bird that flew into Sully's engine, and the rest of us are

Sully and his passengers.

No, it's like you and I are the passengers.

Quinn is Sully. Oh, my God, guys.

Marissa's gone, and all you think to do is talk about Sully?

He's right.

Sully was calm.

He was focused. He did his job. We should all learn something from Sully's

example. Maybe I should grow out my mustache.

Sorry.

Stop talking about Sully.

Damn birds know what they deserve.

All I know after last night, I can't hang like I used to.

No more wasting away what's left of my youth on fleeting desires of the flesh.

The new Noah starts today.

Gather around, heathens. Get ready to pay for your sins.

This is the Faith, Family, Freedom, and Fudge Pops Forum, the most important

gathering of Christian conservatives in all of Jasper County.

So be on your best behavior. And do not touch the evangelicals. Why?

Do they bite?

It's cute.

Come on.

Let's go.

Follow the leader. Yeah, this looks good. Come on.

Not here, man.

It's a holy place.

Jesus, it's cold for fudge pox, isn't it?

Congrats on your big pancake, asshole.

Wow. Calling a woman an asshole is a really gender -neutral thing to do,

I had no idea you were so woke.

You knew exactly what you were doing last night.

Correct. Did you think I wasn't going to do my job well?

No, I just didn't think that you would screw us all over.

I'm... sorry. Did I cheat? Did I lie? Did I ever say I wasn't going to the

fundraiser? You manipulated the situation. Okay, you know what, Quinn?

because we ride on the same bus does not mean we're on the same team.

Gov, that's Lambert DeVries. He's got more influence on the Iowa Christian

than the Lord himself.

I hear he dips his hand in the collection tray from time to time.

Judge not that you be not judged.

I don't know how that works.

Then Jail, Heber's wife, took a tent peg and took a hammer in his hand and went

softly to him and drove the peg into his temple. And he went down to the ground

where he was fast asleep and weary.

So he died.

Dude, the Bible's like Game of Thrones, but even better. I still need your

second.

Mr. DeVry, this is TJ, the reporter I was telling you about. You're going to

a brief interview with him about Governor Dobson's evangelical outreach

the event. Hello, son.

Vernier tells me that your questions will be softballs only.

She did.

It's very important to keep things light. Don't want to rock the boat. I

you'll understand.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing us to gather here on this blessed day.

And God loves America, and God surely loves Iowa.

I'd like to begin with our Republican frontrunner, Jack Stone, whose schedule

did not allow him to be here today.

But Mr. Stone has recorded a video greeting instead.

Nice of him to make the effort.

The following is a message from Jack Stone.

Jack Stone couldn't make it today, but he wants you to know Indiana means the

world to him.

Indiana is known for its great traditions of basketball, car racing,

things Indiana is known for.

And Jack really wishes he could have made it, but he couldn't make it. But he

hopes you'll make it to the big vote that's coming up.

This has been a message from Jack Stone.

When do I speak?

Directly after H. Charles Stenger.

Do not tell me that I'm losing to Stenger. No, you're doubling him up,

to Reuters.

Four percent to two.

There's a four percent margin of error on that poll.

Which means you could be at eight.

No, you're not at eight.

You going to get that?

No.

Next up, I'd like to introduce Mr.

H. Charles Deng.

Hello. This is the story of how one of our forefathers, Mr. Thomas Jefferson,

the great architect of Monticello and the Declaration of Independence, built

the pyramids with the help of Joseph.

The church is out there, yeah!

It's really happening right now?

At launch pad.

Launch pads for alien spacecraft.

We're for sure beating him. And they land on the Great Pyramids. It's all in

book, friends.

Probably. Once you're ready, go to my website.

Hey,

what's the name of the station in Reno that broadcasts this drivel? Did you

forget how to use Google?

What? I'm trying to concentrate.

What's the name of the station there? Dude, no, figure it out. Are you serious

right now?

You're the one who said we should focus on doing our job. Do yours. Go on.

The hell did that mean?

You know what?

It's all good.

Got you, player. Dude, nice shot.

It's in the book.

It's an e -book.

Read it, friends.

Thank you.

Noah?

Hi. Hey, Jenna.

How's life on the campaign trail Francis wrote?

I like life in a monastery, but with less sex.

Which is why it's so great to see you.

I can't.

I'm going celibate.

Sorry. That's like Pitbull going acoustic.

I buy that album.

Good luck with keeping it in your pants.

Newport, Rhode Island when I was in short pants.

Mother Dobson taught me that fertile soil...

Let's

cut to the chase on something that I've been wanting to get off my chest for

some time now.

I agree with 90 % of you on 90 % of the issues too

often.

I've kowtowed to what is politically convenient.

And that's why I'm here now in front of you stating the Republican Party

is on the wrong side of history when it comes to gay marriage.

Governor, Governor, what motivated you to speak out on such a hot -button

Was this a bit of a Hail Mary? I'm done being cautious.

From now on, I'm just going to be me. If that's not good enough to win, so be

it. Governor Dobbs. No, we're done. We're done.

Well, I think we can safely stick a fork in John Dobbs.

Oh, excuse me.

Nice turnout today, huh?

Well, yes, we're very pleased with the level of engagement we've had.

So let's go back to what you were saying about John Dobson.

Isn't it a bit premature to write him off?

Son, I've been in Iowa politics since Lady Gaga was playing pianos on Ludlow

Street. Oh, that's a deep cut.

I just wonder if this may play better for Dobson in New Hampshire. There is no

New Hampshire unless you finish in the top three in Iowa.

Yeah, see, the GOP's electorate's a lot more secular in that area, and he's a

New England guy.

The day John Dobson becomes the Republican nominee for President of the

States is the day a gaggle of geese comes flying directly out of my behind.

Got it.

Thank you for your time, sir.

Who the fuck is Noah?

There.

Oh. My.

God.

Okay. Good. Yeah. Well, at least he's finally fucking showering.

Noah!

Putz.

Dobson's actually getting some pretty good buzz out of today.

I thought you said you got booed off stage.

So it's better than good.

Might be a little bit better with some real conversation.

Oh, sorry.

On the road, we're always on our phone, even at dinner.

But you're not on the road anymore.

You're back here with me.

It feels really good to be back in D .C. I'm going to support you no matter

what.

It's one big journey.

You're supposed to make mistakes. You're supposed to learn.

Life's like a big highway, okay?

Okay, Rascal Flatts.

What?

Oh, never mind.

Stupid joke.

Is that Senator Crittenden at the bar?

I'm doing some public health project stuff for his office right now.

You know the senator?

We met a long time ago.

Do you want me to intro you?

Yeah. Fair warning, he's a little bit... You'll

see.

You know how people, how they do their necks? Like they, you know, they put

in here.

I'm thinking maybe that I should have that done. What do you think?

No?

Excuse me, Senator Crittenden?

Yeah. Colin Stratford?

How you doing? We met last year at your fundraiser in Savannah.

Right.

It's good to see you. I'm going to ask who this young lady is. Hi, Senator.

Marcia Aquino with Spectrum News. I saw you up at the, you used to come up and

report. On the Hill. That's right. Now I'm working on the Dobson campaign. You

guys, would you like to join me? Would you like to sit?

Yeah. Would you love that? Would you mind sitting on that side?

See, that way she can sit on this side.

Yeah. All right.

Could you put that down? I feel the pages burning my skin.

The Old Testament keeps talking about an eye for an eye, but the New Testament's

all about forgiveness. Okay. How is this faith journey going, Noah 2 .0?

Thank you.

Hey, should we take Quinn and tell him that we're down here?

Honestly, I'd rather read that Bible cover to cover than see that boy.

I feel like it was a good moment for Dobson, you know?

That maybe there's a chance... Stop. False hope is a powerful but harmful

Oh, okay.

Well, my story got linked by the Haltman file.

Iowa evangelical leader to Dobson grew you.

It would be weird if my last drink on the campaign trail was water.

Hey!

Is this celery for anybody?

This was the last food my grandfather ate before he died.

I'd love to talk to you about the new USAID bill.

There's a section in there about malaria nets, and it can honestly save millions

of people.

I'm really about to speed on the malaria thing, you know, right now.

By God, when I get there, you and I will speed.

Sounds good.

And you, my lady, I feel like I'm getting hypnotized with those eyes.

Don't look at me.

No, I do have a serious question without looking at your eyes. Why has anybody

said anything, I mean anybody in the press, about this problem that Perez

Sorry, his problem?

When he collects hairs.

Appreciate that, sir. Thank you.

Yeah, I'm actually sending that to you right now. I'm going to send over that

footage and then I'm going to go get some sleep.

You too.

Yes, thank you so much.

Perez collects hair.

No, not hair, ma 'am. Hairs.

That is so weird. How does he do it? He'll snatch them, you know,

surreptitiously and stick them in his pocket. And then he makes these little

animals out of them.

News like this about Perez could change the whole primary race.

We are trying to have a conversation over here.

I mean, that's fairly clear, isn't it?

Excuse me.

I mean, I've seen him do it in the cloakroom there in the Senate.

I have to make a phone call. Sure you do. Thanks very much.

Follow the mayors.

I didn't know you had that in you today.

I'm impressed.

I was just thinking about what you said.

About us not being on the same team.

Yeah, well, you know, we can help each other out sometimes, but... Gotta draw

the line somewhere.

I know it sounds crazy.

No, hairs.

Plural.

Look, I'll even pay my own way.

Thank you, sir.

No, I promise I'll get it.

You're going to be impressed.

Well? Okay, so they got my replacement, but he can't get out to Iowa for another

day, which gives me time to confirm a second source.

A second story. So, like, what do you think Perez's campaign is going to

that he makes little dolls out of people's hair? Maybe I'll confront

if he'll admit it. That sounds a little bit absurd.

Colin, this is my career. I have to try.

Good.

You didn't cough.

I just lost a bet with myself.

Hey, maybe I'm cooler than you think I am.

Perfect.

I was named after Bob Dylan's, huh?

That's your parents.

No, no, no. They let me choose my name when I was four.

It's pretty fucking cool.

Don't tell anyone this. When I first got here,

I was a little intimidated by you guys.

Ew. No, you're like a real reporter.

Yeah, I know, but guys are like, I don't know, tight group. It's hard being a

new girl.

I mean, it can't be that hard when you look like you.

I'm surprised you and Noah haven't hooked up yet.

Noah.

Oh, my God.

I got over guys like Noah in eighth grade.

He's so not my type.

So who's your type?

I don't know, Quinn.

Who's my type?

I once was found, but now I'm lost.

Amen.